Feeling guilty, fed up and a failure

I've tried slimming world loads of times now and I still can't get my head around the plan. I find I just seem to be eating things without me realising.

I can't help myself I've always loved food but back in my late teens I was alot mor active and fitter within myself. Since meeting my husband and having 2 children (which I never lost the weight I'd gained in pregancy) I've gained 5st 6lbs which is alot.

I've noticed now even walking up and down the stairs I get shortness of breath which upsets me alot. The more I try to loose weight the more I gain. As I will have a full on binge.

I know I need help and I'm crying out for it in my mind but I just find it hard to stay motivated. I feel like I need a live in training to litually sees my every move.


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  • Hi. So many of us have been in your position many times. I am 44 and am onlyjust losing weight I put on 20 years ago. You can lose weight though if your mind wants it as much as you say. You will need to make permanent lifestyle changes and monitor yourself - if you cheat yourself only you will know so make it matter to you. Good luck, keep posting!

  • How do you curb eating sweets, chocolate etc. I swear my body craves it especially when I'm stressed which is 24/7 cause I have 2 young boys who constantly argue

  • I must admit I am not a sweet tooth girl, I am more crisps, sandwiches, chips. I have had to say a complete no to carbs like that. Apart from when I am on holiday every 8 weeks, I don't touch the stuff that makes me fat. I know many people calorie count but I don't . I find it easy to not touch stuff rather than have a bit as they makes me want more.

  • I think that the more you rely on sweets etc as a way out of stress the more of a problem you are likely to create for yourself. Only you can decide which route to take. Your body will crave sweets as that is your usual response to stress.

    Can you do it once and be pleased with yourself, maybe then you can do it again.

  • Hi, have you tried sugar free options? Still get the hit without the calories ;-)

  • Sorry, also.....have you tried using an app on your phone like myfitnesspal? It gives you a break down of carbs, sugar, protein ect and there is a free version so it costs nothing. It's a great way of really keeping tabs on what you are consuming because you can actually see it. Stick in there hun :-)

  • Well yes and the aspartame,which isn't good

  • Hi Thornewill3008

    Welcome to the weight loss forum.

    There is a lot of support and encouragement here to help you on your weight loss journey.

    Take a look at the Welcome Newbie post in the Pinned post section at the right hand side or at the bottom if your on a mobile. Have a look at the nhs 12 week plan, many members have had success following this plan. Use the BMI checker to work out your daily calorie allowance.

    Have a look at the Daily Diary which you can find on the Home page in Events. It is where all the members are sharing their daily plans on what they are eating and any exercise they are doing. This thread will give you some ideas on how to start.

    Below the Pinned posts are the Topics where members share a range of weight related subjects.

    Take your measurements at the start together with a photo so you can see the changes on the days the scales don't move.

    We have daily weigh ins so why not come along and join us today. You can find the weigh ins on the Home page in the Events section on the right. Just click on the post in Events and record your start weight and any loss/gain or maintain for the week.

    To get the most of the forum be active, share tips, recipes and experiences. Read some of the posts they are very motivating.

    Have a good first week.


  • I've done the bmi like it says in tte newbie post but it doesn't say what calorie intake should be? Just says how much they suggest I loose?

  • Did you put in all the information like age, height, weight and how active you are? Try it again as it should give you a range of calories to work within.

  • Yes I did all that it just gave me how much they recommend I loss :-/

  • Found it now lol completely missed itis there an app I can track calories,

  • Glad you found it.

  • Hi Thornewill3008 you may find this post helpful, but there are a few apps to try...


  • @Thornewill3008: I wanted to write some short comment, but I ended up writing an assay. Sorry. Regardless, I hope you will find it helpful.

    I would also suggest checking website:


    as it gives you quite nice break down regarding kcal (and protein / fat / carb) intake regarding your activity level. You can see your maintenance allowance, so you know it is your top level which you should not cross (ever) and loose weight kcal allowance which is just 500kcal lower. What I like about this page is that I know that every time I am below my maintenance kcal level I am loosing something, maybe slowly and invisibly, but I am, and this reduce stress caused by being e.g. 100kcal above my loose weight kcal allowance.

    As somebody suggested try using MyFitnessPal (free and easy to use, incl. bar-code reading) or similar app that shows you kcal, fat, carbs, and protein in each food you are consuming. Thanks to that I was able to eat only 1 cookie, as I saw how many kcal it was and that the sweet taste that lasted so short wasn't worth it. I guess without it I would eat at least 2-3, if not many more.

    Regarding sweet cravings - I am struggling with them as well. What I found helpful is: (1) drink plenty of water regularly, so you don't feel thirsty, (2) eat regularly so you don't feel hungry, (3) keep yourself busy, (4) plan your meals and check kcal (I just started it and it is time-consuming, but very helpful).

    In case of SOS: (1) write here in forum as soon as I know this is problem, if I wait too long the help is too late - here are really great people that support a lot, (2) eat fruit(s), (3) eat nuts, (4) have a chewing gum, (5) brush your teeth, (6) go for a walk with water bottle and sip from time to time, (7) write a list why I want it and why I don't want it (kind of why I shouldn't but in more positive way, e.g. I will be 1 step closer to my goal; I will feel better, stronger, and more in control; I will eat 150-300kcal less that day which is approx. 25-40min of my jog-walk training; etc.). If nothing helps and the craving is still there after 1-1.5h I let myself for 1 (ONE, ONLY ONE) oat biscuit. I know there are people that can go cold turkey, but if I forbid something myself, I want it even more. If I loose the battle, the same day or the next I will do some extra exercises (longer walk or additional yoga), try to eat less, so my weekly calorie intake will be in range. As you will hear it a lot - it is marathon not a sprint, so don't worry and keep going. Just get back on track as soon as possible. No regrets, no guilt, just positive attitude and determination ;)

    All the best.

  • Oh and I'd recommend going back to TDEE after 2-3 weeks and re-checking. E.g. I will go back and check my "new" calorie allowance, as I changed my activity level from 'light exercises' (which I was doing in the beginning, not to feel overwhelmed) to 'moderate exercise' (which I am doing now, as I tend to do 3-4x a week some exercises).

  • Hi and welcome Thornewill3008

    As a former yo-yo dieter I can understand where you are coming from, I lost weight, gained weight, lost weight gained even more weight

    But with some good advice on this forum I'm no longer on a diet, I'm healthy eating and counting calories, the nhs bmi calculator gives a very generous calorie allowance, I haven't banned any food and I have treats all within my allowance.

    Making small changes is easier as they are more sustainable, set yourself mini goals (7lb loss, I went swimming, I walked to town, I stayed within my allowance all week) and non-food reward yourself for each goal you achieve (a book, nail polish, magazine, bubble bath)

    Find an exercise you enjoy doing, your more likely to stick at it if you're having fun

    Keep active on the forum it really does help, join a challenge, weigh in, the daily diary is fantastic for advice, help, support and great ideas, ask questions, chat or just read the posts

    Most importantly enjoy your journey and have some fun

    Good luck

    Kat xx

  • Welcome to the forum. Why not think about what you can do rather than what you can't do? Can you decide not to have something be it sugar, diet drinks, processed foods, bread, all these things will make a difference.

    Unfortunately there is no magic just lots of support. Come on the forum regularly and join in the conversations you will find so many brilliant suggestions.

    Take care and good luck.

  • I agree with thinking what you CAN do and/or eat ;)

    E.g. I'm investigating delicious salad and smoothies recipes. I am trying NHS C25K (couch to 5k running) programme - currently starting 3rd week. You can think what you would like to do, any activity is good. I read many people are doing gardening as their green gym. You can try swimming and/or aqua aerobic in the beginning, as it is very gentle for joints (knee especially).

    In the first 2 weeks I was learning to drink my smoothie at work. To make it easy for me during the first week I was doing with easy, quick, basic, and tasty (for me) mix: 1 banana, 1/4 avocado, handful of fresh spinach, water, I was adding to it different flavours of nut butters (peanut butter, almond butter, just to check what I like), cinnamon (as I read it helps to stabilize blood sugar level - not sure if it's true, but I like cinnamon) and SMALL pinch Cayenne pepper (to boost my metabolism). Few times I tried adding chia seeds, flaxseeds, juice instead of water or juice-water (half-half). The second week I started to add fruits (one at a time): orange, pear, plums. This week I will change spinach to kale, and see if I'd like it.

  • Brilliant experimenting, well done.

  • I am slowly learning. Not experiments wen well :P e.g. once I put way too much of cayenne pepper...

    Now I'm drinking smoothie with espresso - not what I was expecting, so next time I'll do more dense (less coffee&milk, more bananas and maybe add some more ingredients) - bit this tastes like a bad coffee :P

    Experimenting is fun :) I just find it challenging to make it all on budget.

  • Welcome Thornewill3008 you have already been given some great advice. I know how you feel, just before Christmas last year I felt the same despair as you. Sick of gaining weight, loosing some but gaining much more. I hated every photo taken of me and it really got me down. But when I joined this forum something just clicked. Greatly helped by the wonderful support I was getting. The more I got involved in the forum the more my weight was dropping. Like you I love sweet things. To beat the cravings I buy low calorie versions of the things I like. Most supermarkets sell weight watchers or equivalent low calorie cakes or chocolate. I started with having one a day not depriving myself made me feel like I was still getting a treat but loosing weight at the same time. I wish I had EllaMidlands discipline lol. I hardly have one a week now. I appreciate having children might make it difficult but have you tried getting involved in any of the challenges on this forum? If your mind is in the right place the rest will follow. Good luck keep us posted on how you progress. We are all here to help. It certainly helped me massively.

  • I've litually joined this form tonight so it's all new to me, not really sure where I need be look for the info to know exactly what I'm doing lol.

    Great idea will look out for weightwatcher snacks.

    I stopped slimming world due to not loosing and the expense of it really.

    Thank you for your advice.

  • I know how you feel. I found this forum a bit overwhelming in the beginning. So many topics, so many challenges, daily dairy (DD), weigh-ins, and so many more. Try slowly. One step at a time.

    You can start with very small, but constant changes to your life. Here we do not do DIETS, we EAT HEALTHY ;) So you can start small, e.g. 1 change / habit per week (or per few, e.g. 3 days). Ideas where to start. You know what many people say? I wish I've done my pre-photo :P So you can do pre-photo, measurements (weight, cm), you can do some basic fit test. Put it somewhere (I like to kind of forget I did it). And start changing ;) Few ideas of first steps:

    - drink water instead of juices / squashes / any sugary beverages (or at least do half-half)

    - drink 1 more glass of water than you usually do

    - put less sugar into your coffee / tea (e.g. 1.5 tsp, instead of 2) - decrease amount every week or every few weeks

    - try to eat more veggies (e.g. switch your lunch or one of snacks for salad)

    - eat at least 1 fruit a day

    - eat breakfast everyday (preferably the healthy one - after few weeks / months of investigation I found my perfect weekday breakfast: porridge oats + 1 tbsp of flaxseed, pour boiling water in, just to cover, add frozen fruits (I use forest fruits or mixed strawberry+blueberry), microwave 1min30sec - 2min (depending how many / how big frozen fruits are), add few spoonfuls of yoghurt (I used to do Greek yoghurt), mix, and enjoy ;)

    - go for a walk everyday (at least 15min preferably 30 min) - you can also park a little further from your work

    - try to fit some short / simple exercises during the day (e.g. 10 squads every time you go to the loo :P), use stairs instead of the lift, stretch every now and then if you have office job (computer / sitting) - use small water bottles and keep them a little further from your desk, so you have an excuse to move a little and stretch your legs, do some ankle / knee exercises while sitting at work, e.g. just some small circles ;) be creative

    - play with your children - in an active way, like hopscotch or jump rope - I am sure you know many more games / activities than I am ;) Try to play at least 20-30 min with them every day. Go for a walk / or jog with your kids (yes, kids love to jog! but they cannot do long runs, so pick very short distance). Quick research gave me those webpages:

    -- parenting.com/gallery/18-fu...

    -- todaysparent.com/toddler/20...

    -- wired.com/2009/08/simpleout...

    Good luck

  • I'd also suggest deep into this forum slowly and discover new things. I am still discovering ;) This will be my proper 3rd week on the forum. The first time I went too deep too fast, felt overwhelmed and stopped. Now, I am doing it slowly. I personally started with Daily Diary - as it helps me plan, stick to it (a little more), and keep myself accountable. Then I joined Friday Weigh-Ins. In the meantime, I write few posts, couple of times I asked for help with my cravings. I think next step for me will be joining some challenge. But for now, I'm focusing on better meal planning - meaning counting and putting to MyFitnessPal calories BEFORE, not after eating (of course if I eat something that wasn't in my plan I add it to the app), if I skipped something I'd just delete it, or move it. Still learning ;)

  • Hi Thornewill3008 welcome to the forum. Take your time to read through the reply from YellowRose55 I joined in Jaunaury this year and every so often go to those posts to read them again as it takes time for things to "click into place".

    Wishing you success with your goals.. Set yourself mini goals that you can reach and be proud of your achievements and before too long you will be further along than you thought!!

    Cheering you on πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

  • I too went to Slimming World loads of times. It worked for a while and I enjoyed the recipes and still get the magazine. Although I was good at the free meals, they got a bit monotonous and I always seemed to eat more syns than I should.

    Now I use an app to add up calories instead and work to the NHS calorie amount which seems to give me more to eat than SW did. I still lose the same amount of weight but don't feel as hungry and I can eat more variety of meals and snacks.

  • I have also done sw and gave up because I'm not a very 'group' person, and I didn't like being told to eat muller light and sw sausages....I joined the gym and now go 4 or 5 times a week. My weight hasn't changed though for a few weeks, the trainers said to let my body get used to all the exercise first or it wouldn't cope well. So six weeks later I'm now ready to start again. It does sound that, like me, you are a bit addicted to sugar...I've realised this since I gave up alcohol on Jan 1st, but have ended up substituting all the sugar in wine with sugary foods. That's the thing to tackle in my opinion. Maybe try swapping one sweet treat at a time though or it will be harder. I use my fitness pal as a calorie monitor, I just need to get back into it. Good luck x

  • Hi ,

    This forum is great , support is amazing ,tips and ideas are endless.And best of all it's Free .

    Good luck .


  • Hi Thornewill3008. You've gone past two of the hardest hurdles which is 1) to acknowledge you need to loose weight and 2) to reach out for help. This forum and web site is the place to be. It's full of super people, stories and everything possible to get you motivated and to help you along your journey.

    Best wishes on your journey.

  • 2 weeks on, how are you doing?

    I hope your making progress towards your goals...

    Cheering you on πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

  • Ok I think been using calorie count so which I use religiously. I've been weighing myield every morning as my dad suggested it. As I'm the type of person if the number has gone down ever so slightly it's like motivation.

    Initially I did gain but I have come down a bit since its been warm in the UK not had much of an appetite.

    The last 4 to 5 days I've maintained and bbq tonight got a feeling I may have a slight gain tomorrow but I am hoping to start my c25k just need to sort out days and times I can go with having 2 young children.

  • Thanks for replying, good to hear from you and read of your progress.

    Did you get your calorie range from:-


    If you are working with the range this suggests and are sticking to it you will see results, especially as you have increased your exercise levels.

    When I first started on the calorie counting stage of my journey I was working with 1200 calories as suggested on my app myfitnesspal, but was very quickly told on the forum that this isn't enough and to use the NHS BMI calculator to get my personal range... Since working with this I have been losing weight each week that I have stuck with it. Apparently if we are not eating enough, our bodies store up what we give it and we don't lose any weight. I hope this helps, let me know how you get on...

    Cheering you on πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

  • Yes I did it gave me a guide between 1607 - 2066, my fitness pal has auto generated my calorie intake for 1770 which is in between the NHS some days I go over a bit but I know I'm ok up to 2066 to still get a loss.

    I did say I was expecting a gain this morning which I did yet but was a lot or carbs last night at bbq so I know that's why I've had a gain plus cakes which i couldnt resit lol.

  • Life is for enjoying and making good choices is a lifetime pursuit.

    Glad your making progress.

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