Doing everything wrong, but I don't have the means to do anything right…

I think I've gotten to a point where I'll need to accept what I initially set out to do - to maintain my current weight.

It went well last week, especially earlier on. I even got to 299.4lbs. So, I finally got myself out of the three hundreds​… and then it just stuck. Then grew a little, to 300.0lbs. But I understand why.

I eat too many carbohydrates, though I really don't have any choice, because that's all that's accessible to me. And I really don't have the mental stability to be successful in weight loss.

I counted every calorie that went into my mouth, down to the sauces I used. But when you aren't eating the right calories, there's nothing one can do. I'm reliant upon my mother for food, and with the nature of our relationship (and my mental health), I can't share this with her, and it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

My sister is back from uni, and the scales I'm using are hers. I don't want to share it with her, either, so I guess her being back will limit the prevalence of which I weigh myself. In turn, I'll have to give up the battle I will never win, and simply check up on my weight every now and then for maintenance.

I'll still pop on here, as it's become a habit, but there's really no point in doing this anymore. I'm so tired, so drained. I'm tired of crying, I'm sick of the anxiety everytime I finish a meal, or even drink a glass of water.

I suppose I should get ready for college now.

Have a nice Monday, guys! x

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12 Replies

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  • Hello DiDiZia

    Please try not to despair, and we will support you in what ever decision you come to. 😊

    Sometimes a period of planned stability is a positive step, but I am guessing for you it isn't? Sorry to intrude, but may I ask why you feel unable to speak to your family? Your Mum loves you, and I feel sure would wish to help you?

    Secondly, reducing calories, of whatever they consist of, should result in weight loss, so could you try just making a small reduction in your portion size? Together with a couple of 10 minute walks a day this should see a result on the scales as well as boost your mental health. Changes don't have to be big to make a big difference.

    I glad you are not leaving us, as we are all cheering you on 😊

    Best wishes

    Anna

  • Perhaps I spoke in haste. The scales this morning said 298.8/21st 4¾. It's still very slow, though. I feel like I'm overeating, even though im eating within what's recommended.

    I suppose I'll have to carry on. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

  • Hi Didizia you are not alone in your suffering. But you're too young to be giving up. You are strong you know what your body needs, so please do not feel ashamed to tell your family that you are going to lose weight. If any of your family members need to lose weight get them to join you. Celebrate every pound loss every inch shed together. Don't isolate yourself from them you may be surprised at what you may find once you've opened up. You be the one to start the ball rolling. Be strong honey. Xxx

  • Thank you for this comment! I may share it more with her when she starts noticing the weight loss, but I know she'll try to belittle me if I share anything about it with her at this point.

    I don't feel very close to either of them. Close as in we know and live together, but not close, as in we don't share anything personal.

    Maybe I'll drop some hints!

  • DIDIZIA; Belittlement is a form of defensive. Let them know that it is, and that you are all striving for happiness, so you may as well do it together. How do I Know? I was like you in mine, but my siblings were heartless and still are no matter how I try to help it has always turned back to hurt me so now I am in my forties I choose to be without them. (I love them, but my mental health takes first place now). Your still young and you have to look at it this way they cannot read your mind. So with that if you're belittled open up straight away and say what it feels like and how they make you feel. Don't hate them they just don't know. Unfortunately the ones we take for grated are the ones closest to us. They love you too.

    Love and hugs xxxx

  • Hi DiDiZia , I remember your last post, sounds to me like you are in a truly difficult situation. I can see how hard it must be to make the changes you would like if you don't feel you have control over the kinds of food you are eating. Do you not see a way to change that at all?

    I wonder is it possible to make small changes? For example to ask your mum to buy a little fresh fruit and veg because you would like to eat them? Then oh yum they are amazing, could she keep buying them? Or is there any way you could buy something on the way to/ from college and say how much you enjoyed it? (If it were me I would be saying I had "gone off" some carby item, don't buy it for me any more. Perhaps you are more honest/ nicer than me!)

    I remember you saying your mum's opinion was you are "not that big" - would she respond better to notions about your health rather than how you look? Could you tell her that you need to lose weight for medical reasons? If you reckon she wouldn't accept that, could you visit your GP practice nurse and come back to your mum with a recommendation and maybe some info about the health problems associated with obesity? [And if she and/or your sister are also obese, she may be subconsciously invested in you being the same way, so it will need a big push.]

    It sounds to me you have a lot to contend with, and I don't say that to make you give up but to encourage you to get all the help you can. If you are seeing anyone to get help for your mental health problems, could you add the food thing into the mix?

    I am not a health professional, but it seems to me we are all vulnerable to mental health problems when we lack control in our lives. Some things make human beings unhappy and this is one of them. Even if you can't shop for yourself, it's still perfectly reasonable to want some control over what you are eating. (That doesn't mean you need to do your own shopping, but it does mean that the person shopping needs to listen to what you want.) I think if you could get that you might start to feel better about yourself in all sorts of ways.

    Sorry to write such a long post but I am really keen to see you put yourself on the road to success.

  • DiDiZia, don't give up on yourself. Believe me, you are capable to overcome your circumstances by just tweaking your thoughts a little bit. Start by positively affirming yourself every morning and evening before you sleep. Be confident on your ability to do it. Next, since you depend on your mother for meals you could possibly start by reducing your portion sizes, one meal at a time. You shall slowly note the weight change and this will strengthen your willpower to forge ahead. To start with, have a glass or two of water before your meals to help you reduce on your portions. Finally, consider how you could incorporate more physical activity into your daily schedule. For example, could you wake up 15mins earlier daily for your positive affirmation and workout for just 10mins. Your workout could just be a basic walk. Or during school hours, try and incorporate short walking sessions here and there and you will definitely love the effect it shall have on you physically, mentally and emotionally. As time goes by, increase your time and distance. In addition, you could take short walks after your meals to boost your metabolism.

    We are here to encourage and cheer each other on this journey to attaining good health. All the best!

  • Some great replies there DiDiZia Take time to understand what they're all saying as there are plenty of good points.

    If it helps, try writing down the various different points that have been made and then give each one some thought as to how you might be able to work them.

    You can do this and to quote some naff film somewhere, it's not how hard you get knocked down, it's how hard you get knocked down but keep getting up. Keep working at it. It won't all happen at once but each time you find a problem, define that problem, design a solution and then work on implementing it.

    Keep going.

  • Hi DiDiZia

    Well done for posting, please don't give up..

    Just a thought, could you ask your doctor for a dietician referral then you could tell mum that a health professional says that you should eat " these things" or " those things" and show her any booklet or info that the dietician gives you.

    💐💐 For you

  • Hi DiDiZia,

    don't give up; never, ever give up because you're so worth all the effort and maintenance is a wonderful thing to achieve. You have so many friends on this forum and whatever you decide to do we're all here for you. There are so many good suggestions and I can only say that if you really can't talk to your mother about this, perhaps there is a drop in service at your college; there often is these days or maybe your doctor/nurse might help but talking does help share the burden and you might just find a way through this with a bit of support and encouragement. x

  • Please don't give up. I'll not repeat the good advice in other replies but just ask that you read it and adopt at least some of it. You will always have someone to talk to here on the forum.

  • Don't give up, don't let the b****s grind you down, and find some points of all the good points, that have been made, you may be able to follow. When I was young, fancy diets were much less popular and most people just "ate half". My very best wishes and good luck with your efforts.

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