I think I've gotten to a point where I'll need to accept what I initially set out to do - to maintain my current weight.
It went well last week, especially earlier on. I even got to 299.4lbs. So, I finally got myself out of the three hundreds… and then it just stuck. Then grew a little, to 300.0lbs. But I understand why.
I eat too many carbohydrates, though I really don't have any choice, because that's all that's accessible to me. And I really don't have the mental stability to be successful in weight loss.
I counted every calorie that went into my mouth, down to the sauces I used. But when you aren't eating the right calories, there's nothing one can do. I'm reliant upon my mother for food, and with the nature of our relationship (and my mental health), I can't share this with her, and it wouldn't make a difference anyway.
My sister is back from uni, and the scales I'm using are hers. I don't want to share it with her, either, so I guess her being back will limit the prevalence of which I weigh myself. In turn, I'll have to give up the battle I will never win, and simply check up on my weight every now and then for maintenance.
I'll still pop on here, as it's become a habit, but there's really no point in doing this anymore. I'm so tired, so drained. I'm tired of crying, I'm sick of the anxiety everytime I finish a meal, or even drink a glass of water.
I suppose I should get ready for college now.
Have a nice Monday, guys! x