Getting tired of trying. Why is it all so hard?

At the beginning of last year i had to face facts. I was overweight and unfit. So i decided to try and make some positive changes to my life and turn myself around. I also thought that it might help my depression....

Fast forward 17 months and whilst i have lost a little weight (15kg), i'm absolutely hating it and keeping lapsing into bad habits. I've tried a few types of exercise: gym, swimming, exercise bike at home and frankly it doesn't seem make any difference. I end up in the same routine every time. I go somewhere: it's uncomfortable, I don't feel I can speak to anyone, i come away aching and more depressed than when i started. But i figured that as long as i could keep up the healthy eating, it would be ok....

Unfortunately i just don't seem to be able to keep this up either. To me healthy food is expensive, extremely time consuming to prepare and to be frank, really quite bland. The fact that i work late shifts in a hospital doesn't help, but i'm just getting so frustrated. Why is it so hard? Why don't i have the self-discipline to force myself into these positive habits? Why don't i enjoy exercise when everyone talks about "how great they feel after a session?" Why do i continually fall back into eating the same old cr*p?

Any advice would be most appreciated. I know of a lot of the health benefits of exercise/a good diet, unfortunately i don't seem to be able to follow through.

Cheers.

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11 Replies

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  • Hello Phil and welcome,

    I think you've come to just the right place to suit your needs. You've shown a lot of stamina to keep battling over 17 months despite set backs. To keep fighting when it doesn't seem worthwhile is such a strong attribute. Here you won't be alone and you'll get loads of support from a very friendly, knowledgeable and helpful group of people.

    I can't be sure but by saying 15kg is "a little weight" that you have a fair bit more to lose but don't lose sight of what you've achieved. That's a great loss and you should be proud of it.

    Lots of good news to tell you...

    Whilst exercise can play a part in weight loss, it's not a deal breaker and by controlling your calorie intake you can still lose weight. There are people here that physically can't exercise and are losing weight. Additionally, exercise doesn't have to be in a gym, it could be mooching around in a garden, going for a walk or even just climbing your stairs occasionally.

    As for 'calorie intake', I've been eating pretty much whatever food type I've wanted and done reasonably well on it. I've done this by reducing the portion sizes.

    I don't suppose anyone wants to eat bland food and here you'll find a broad range of ideas for different foods and recipes, made with day to day ingredients that shouldn't be expensive.

    An administrator will reply and supply you with potential ways of moving forward and also how best you might be able to use this forum.

    Good luck!

  • Perfect reply Tiggerr 😊

  • You're not alone here, Phil. And you're going to get the most amazing support and encouragement and lots of yummy tips and food ideas. This forum is such a great place to come. Keep dropping by, it's 24/7 and so interesting, and everyday I can find someone or something to make me smile, like you being 15kg less than a year ago.. Yeah! That sounds like a real success. Hope to see you here soon. 🌸

  • Hello phill81 and welcome to the Weight Loss Forum 😊

    You've had a lovely welcome already but here are a few suggestions on how to get the most out of the forum. Please note if you are using the new HU App many of these features are not available so I suggest you use the full website version.

    The first place to look is at the Pinned posts section to the right of your screen (bottom if you're using a mobile), read the Welcome Newbie thread first and move through to the challenges, where we hope you'll find at least one that will appeal to you ☺

    Move down to the Topics, to find a variety of threads, collated into specific topics for ease of access and we ask that you also 'file' your own threads, so that others won't miss your important news ☺

    Have a look at the NHS 12 week plan, as many people have had success with it. Also use the BMI checker to find your target calories, it's important to eat enough. This was a major turning point for me, realising I could eat anything I wanted as long as the calories are accounted for ☺

    Don't forget to take your starting measurements and a 'before' picture, as they can be very motivating on days that the scales refuse to co-operate ☺

    The forum also have group weigh-ins every day, as well as a new Daily Diary, if you wish to take part. The posts can always be found in the Events section on the 'home' page ☺

    You'll notice a grey box next to people's names, these are achievement badges, and as a new member you have a 'Newbie' badge. We've found that to get the best out of this community, we need to be active on the forum, as it's where we exchange information, get motivation and inspiration and make friends. We hope that you'll join us here, regularly, too. If you have any questions please just ask ☺

    Best wishes

    Anna

  • I think more of Meditation - Mindufullness routines will help.

    You can try this.. gaiam.com/blogs/discover/ze...

    You can also try Calm app or headspace app.

    Maybe you are trying things at physical level only. Maybe you can discover your mind and soul and find solutions there.

    Keep trying. Pat yourself for every step. You will soon discover what is eluding you. :)

  • Hello phill81 - just to add a word to what other members have said so well - 15kg weight loss is a real achievement, I am in awe!

    I absolutely know what you mean about exercise, I just don't seem to get that endorphin rush everyone talks about, exercise classes are torture in one way or another (if it's not the feeling I'm about to collapse, it's the over-loud music, grrr). I don't want to run, as all my friends who run are gazelle-like (hmm), I don't want to do it on my own, and I don't think my joints are up to it anyway.

    I always fall back on working any exercise into my daily routine. I walk or cycle to the places I am going anyway; if I have to drive (which is rare) I don't try and park on the doorstep but will happily walk from a car park. A slightly longer walk/ cycle takes me through the park, which is very pretty. I do a bit of gardening (which includes some quite heavy work). A bit of heavyish housework (turning the mattress, that counts!). I never take the lift at work, always the stairs.

    I would be doing these things anyway, but they are still exercise.

    On the eating front, I'm in week 3 of the NHS 12-week plan, calorie-counting is the only way to go for me. I love healthy food anyway (it's just I was eating a lot of cakes etc on top!) - I can still have whatever I want provided I plan for it within my daily calorie allowance. Pop over to the daily diary and see what people are eating. Think of the healthy things you do enjoy. If you can't be faffed making a meal from scratch all the time, check out some of the supermarkets' "healthy living" type brand microwave meals - they are all calorie-counted. Tesco do quite a few.

    I'm cheering you on!

  • Hi Phill81, yes it can be a struggle, but the benefits are worth it, I had the same vicious circle but once you are on track and people pay you compliments it gives you a confidence boost to carry on. I go gym, don't particularly like it but once I've done it I feel great, make small changes to start off with, go for a walk and build up from there. Once you start feeling good about yourself you will want to carry on and I still have off days where I eat rubbish like on this Bank holiday weekend but I'm back on track since yesterday so it can be done with some determination and discipline. If its affecting your health it will be best thing for you, I suffer from arthritis and loosing weight has done wonders to easing it and I look and feel great. I wish you well and use this forum to get inspiration. :)

  • Hi phill81, there is very little to add to what has already been said. I too struggle to loose weight . I kept a very detailed food diary (fitness pal on the web, its free which is always good) and found that my Achilles heal was alcohol, not a lot but enough to have an effect... and toast.

    I think that you are probably tired when you finish your late shift and not keen on cooking. You could try spending a day making freezer meals and put the cal count on the label, or invest in a onepot cooker, these are slow/steamer/pressure cooker all in one, they even cook beans without needing to soak them making chilli a doddle, you can also set a delay cook on them so you could come home to a hot meal. Thakes a bit of time to get the hang of them and they dont come with a recipient book.

    The hours you work are anti-social so it will always be hard to socialise.

    The reason people are encouraged to excersise is to improve muscle mass,circulation, stuff like that rather than weight loss.

    Everyone says you must find something you like doing or you will not stick to it. This is something you will be doing for life . A suggestion, take someone's (well behaved) dog for a regular walk, people talk to people with dogs, Tai chi., set yourself a mini challenge of walking around the block in a set time, try to beat this , when easy, extend the block, no block? Walk the perimeter of the hospital. Try to think out of the box.

    You could ask what other people do who dont like going to the gym I am sure that there are some unusual suggestions out there.

    Is there a community garden you could help at? Animal shelter?

    Keep asking, we are all rooting for you and 15KG is brilliant. Set small goals and celebrate each kg or even each 0.5kg.

    X

  • Hi Phil, I haven't read the other replies but from reading your post it sounds like your mind is telling you exercise is a chore. What about trying else, like for example gardening - if you grow your own fruit and veg healthy eating isn't so expensive you also get great satisfaction from eating what you have grown and tend to look for new recipes. If you are like me you just grab for the tried and tested when tired. I think you are being too hard on your self when you say only lost 15kg, that is a great achievement no matter how much you have to lose. Also if you have been putting on weight over the years you have managed to turn that around to weight loss. Be kinder to yourself, sometimes putting one foot in front of the other isn't easy and you have already achieved so much. Good luck on the rest of your journey, there will be ups and downs but you can do it :)

  • Hi Phil 15kg is great well done. Most of what I was going to say has been said already. It is hard to finish work tired and not fall by the wayside. I live alone and batch cook so that days when I might be tempted to phone for a take away or eat something less healthy I just go to my freezer and take out a nice healthy meal that I have prepared in advance.

    Exercise is hard too, I have only just decided this morning that I really must be proactive and start exercising. I am not looking forward to it but know that with time it will get easier. I'm sure you feel better now than you did before you lost your 15kg, you can do it.

  • Hi Phil - in answer to your point that healthy food is bland I recommend the Hairy Dieters recipes. They are all delicious and you don't feel you are missing out at all. Calories are counted for you so long as you stick to the portion size!

    Have you had any help with your low mood? NHS Talking therapy (available in every part of England) might help and you should be able to self refer online. Hope you find something that works for you.

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