Desperately hope this works 😒

Hey everyone,

I decided to join today after having a meltdown and sobbing over the fact I don't fit into my clothes anymore and I hate the thought of going out in public....all over my husband asking if we could walk the dogs (pathetic I know πŸ˜”).

When I met my husband just over 2 years ago I was a size 14 and weighed 13 stone, which I was happy with. I was so full of life, super confident and happy. Now I'm 15 stone 2, have ZERO self confidence and don't even recognise who I've become πŸ˜”.

Because I hate the way I look so much and I'm so miserable all the time, it's affecting my marriage as my husband says I'm not the same person he first met (personality wise).

The trouble is, I comfort eat because I feel so down, which in turn makes me gain weight, which in turn makes me more miserable etc etc! It's this vicious circle I can't seem to get out of. I know what I have to do (eat well and exercise) but I just can't seem to stay on track πŸ˜•.

Sorry for the long message, I just needed to get it all out!

I'd love to meet a diet buddy who's looking to lose around 4stone and we can help each other out and through the hard times.

Sarah x


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49 Replies

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  • Hi Sez11pink

    Welcome to the weight loss forum.

    I understand how you feel as most of us here have been there at some stage, with the support of this forum you can do this.

    Take a look at the Welcome Newbie post in the Pinned post section at the right hand side or at the bottom if your on a mobile. Have a look at the nhs 12 week plan, many members have had success following this plan. Use the BMI checker to work out your daily calorie allowance.

    Below the Pinned posts are the Topics where members share a range of weight related subjects.

    Take your measurements at the start together with a photo so you can see the changes on the days the scales don't move.

    We have daily weigh ins so why not come along and join us. You can find the weigh ins on the Home page in the Events section on the right. Just click on the post in Events and record your start weight and any loss/gain or maintain for the week.

    To get the most of the forum be active, share tips, recipes and experiences. Read some of the posts they are very motivating.

    Have a good first week.


  • You don't need to look any further for buddies. Loads of members on this forum will be there for you to encourage, sympathise and cheer every little victory. You can do it.πŸ€—

  • Thank you! I'm going to try my best 😊

  • Comfort eating has been a way of life for me. I still struggle. I would suggest, just try to get through tomorrow with a pre-set plan of what you're going to eat. Even if it's not a 'perfect' food day, try not to eat anything else. You'll feel great if you can do one day, then you can do another. I take my 'diet' one day at a time. I also have 4 stone to go. It's slowly shifting, I'm having to realise it won't fall off like it did in my 20s. Fed up with yoyo-ing so determined to get there this time :)

    Sarah x

  • Hi Sarah,

    Thanks for the advise. Day by day would probably be good for me too so I shall give that a go starting from tomorrow 😊 X

  • Hi Sarah and welcome.

    Even though you're feeling low at the moment, things will get better. You may be lacking in self esteem at the moment but by posting here you've already started the process of taking control of your life.

    Have a good look at everything that Rose has mentioned. Don't worry that there's a lot to take in and don't expect a magic wand where it all happens overnight. Take a look at what you need to do and maybe work out what you can realistically achieve as a first steps. Work on those aspects and then move on from there.

    If you feel up to it, try and get involved here, even if it's just reading the posts.

    Good luck!

  • Hi Tiggerr. Thank you for the advise 😊. I'm reading as much as I can to help me get my head around everything 😊

  • That's great Sarah. The more information we have then the better decisions we can make.

    I wouldn't stress too much about trying to understand everything. If you can grasp the basics of how many calories you should limit yourself to and how to count your calories then you've got the outline of the picture. The rest is colouring in :) I simplify but that's the gist of it.

  • Hi and welcome,

    You have come to the right place for help and support. It's easier to make smaller changes, to start with like sugar swaps. My fitness pal is a great app for keeping track of your calories, weight loss etc, keep a food and exercise diary if you want to know/check how your doing,

    I personally found the whole idea of diet and exercise stopped me from achieving so I am healthy eating and having fun walking, swimming and cycling. It's totally up to you what works for you, we will support you with whatever you decide.

    You have the perfect excuse to go walking through it sounds like you have dogs that would love you to take them out.

    Please remember size is just a number, you are a wonderful person who can achieve anything, good luck

    Kat xx

  • Hi Kat,

    Thank you for replying and the advice. I do have my fitness pal but I'm terrible at putting my food in. I start off well but get annoyed with it after 2 weeks πŸ˜•.

    I also have a fit bit that I love and aim for 7,000 steps a day. I'm also trying to do couch to 5k on my treadmill, although Ive repeated day 1 3 times now as I am that unfit 😳.


  • It doesn't matter how long it takes, it's great that your still doing it, (I've never got into running), have a look at the challenges on the pinned posts you might find 1 you fancy a go at, no one expects miracles so don't feel pressured, the advice on here is from people in the same boat, we will do what we can to help motivate you, keep active on the forum it really does help xx

  • It's great you started couch to 5k and there's no shame in easing in at the beginning. You could even start by doing 20 second runs instead of 1 minute runs and slowly work your way up. The principle is about gradual increases. Also just keep it really slow - don't set the treadmill too high.

    Wishing you best of luck. I also felt so frustrated and cross with myself at the beginning. But couch to 5k, the NHS 12 week weight loss plan, and posting on here and on myfitnesspal all changed things around. Enjoy the journey. You'll feel better sooner than you think :)

  • Whoever invented comfort eating has a lot to answer for! I've been doing it for months now and had gone from 10 and a half stone to 14st 5lbs and have been feeling exactly the same as you about going out, doing stuff, hating myself etc etc.

    Then last week I had blood tests and my cholesterol was really high - that gave me quite a wake-up call so I joined here earlier this week and started eating healthily (don't ever want to 'diet' again!!) from that day. I can honestly say I already feel so much better - I've lost a couple of pounds but in myself I feel quite confident that it's going to work :-) One of the main reasons is because of the two or three folk who have already made me feel so very welcome here, and that I actually matter - not something I have felt for a long long time.

    I have 3 stone to lose (would like to say 4 but I'm not sure that I can do that so am going for 3 for now!) and I know that there are lots of people on here who will help me get there :-) I also want to support others too and if I can help at all, that's brilliant :-)

    Good luck - although if you stick on here you won't really need it!!

  • Hello and thank you for taking time to reply 😊

    Comfort food is the enemy 😑.

    Everyone seems lovely already and it's nice to know I have people I can talk to that will encourage me as I don't have that at home.

    Well done on losing the few lbs! Every little helps 😊

  • My husband has given up on me and my endless diets - it's my birthday today and he gave me several cards but two of them were very funny ones about dieting - made me glad that I'm doing what I'm doing coz I don't want those kind of cards again!!! He doesn't know that I have joined this forum - I want to do this quietly and surely, so I'm looking elsewhere for support and encouragement :-)

    Hope you're looking forward to starting tomorrow - you WILL do this!!!!!

  • Happy birthday !

  • Is this for a weight loss birthday? Hehe

  • Lol!! It genuinely was my birthday! Managed to stay good thank goodness! Phew!!

  • Happy birthday! Hope you have a lovely day.

  • Thank you! Yes I did - it was wonderful weather too!!

  • Happy Birthday!

  • Thank you!!

  • Hello,

    Thank you for the reply. Yeah my husband is the same and he doesn't help no matter how much I ask him to. He always wants to get take out and chocolate and says I should just eat it and not stress. But it's easy for him to say when he doesn't ever put any weight on πŸ™„.

    I hope your journey is successfully and you kick fats butt haha. Xx

  • Don't despair .We all feel the pressure to be perfect ! Huh! no such thing . Give yourself a hug and welcome to the forum .Take one day at a time until you get to the end of the week and see how things feel then ,use all the tools on here to help they are great and if you have a wobble day post on forum for some support ,we all need it and there is loads from others ,I have not been using forum for a while and lost my way a bit .It does make a difference .

    Wishing you well


  • Hi K,

    Thank you for the reply.

    I'm having a look at all the forums as we speak and will definitely do one day at a time to start 😊

  • Hello Sez and welcome, wishing you a good start to this program. You can do this!

  • Hi Elke,

    Thank you! You too 😊

  • Welcome Sez11pink. Firstly I just want to say well done for making the biggest step on your weight loss journey and that is recognising things need to change and doing something about it. It takes a lot of guts to write your post. We are all here to help you. I suggest one step at a time and then build on that. Start by saying twice a week I will aim to do 7,000 steps then when you're ready increase it to 3 days a week. Don't set yourself too big a challenge from the beginning. It's the same with MyFitnessPal aim to log your food twice a week only to start with. Then build on another day when you're ready too. Habits take time to form just like it takes time to break old habits. Good luck, You will get there.

  • Hi Suki,

    Thank you for the advise and kind words. I will definitely take on board trying to log food twice a week and build up as I know it helps 😊 X

  • Hi, everyone gave you such good advice. I want to send you a big hug. I also want to encourage you to set just one or two goals for this week. Make them attainable. I deleted all my other great πŸ˜‰ Ideas because I really think one day at a time will help you as it helped me. Good luck.

  • Thank you Ribaka 😘

    I've started the day well so I'm feeling positive 😊! I'm also aiming to drink more water as I'm terrible and live off tea and coffee all day and never drink it 😳. Will start with one pint glass of water a day and build from there x

  • I find it easy to drink a glass if I open my eyes in the morning. My dedication is the best in the morning. After my walk I drink a liter. Then I feel that if I forget during the day I made a good start. It's also good to drink a glass when temptation hit. So late afternoons I climb back on the water wagon. Even if you slip up today it will only be small in comparison to your mindset which is in the right place.

  • You're roughly the same weight as me so need to lose about the same. Do you do any of the challenges on fitbit? I find that can motivate me to get an extra few steps in. I am a newbie on here too so we can work together.

  • Hi Julie.

    Thank you for the reply. You know, I haven't tried the challenges before so will definitely give that a go. I get added to a group of friends but they all do between 13,000 and 21,000 steps a day and I always come in last place, which is a bit deflating. I work at a fest all day and it's hard to get the steps in sometimes πŸ˜•.

    Working together would be fab! I'll follow you and keep in touch 😊 Xx

  • I just want to say hello and welcome Sez11pink and thank you to all the lovely people who gave you such a warm welcome 😊

    Have a good read Sarah and please ask if you have any questions 😊

    Best wishes

  • Hi Anna,

    Thank you for your message. Everyone has been so lovely and I really feel like I have support for the first time 😍 X

  • You will get your wish Sez11pink, on the forum you will have dozens of diet buddies, or rather lifestyle change buddies. Totally different, and much more positive mindset. Diet (because we always use the word incorrectly), is all about doing without. Lifestyle change is about doing positive things. There is only you who can make the changes but everyone on here will support as much as they can.

    Join some of the challenges, look at the pinned posts for recipes, decide what you will change this minute. It is for you to decide if you change everything at once or make gradual changes. Definitely cut out the evil that is sugar and eating processed foods. Become a master at reading labels so that you know what is going into your body.

    Newly weds often put on weight because they are so content with their new life. You have been very clever and realised early on that your extra weight is a problem and that you can do something about it.

    Enjoy your lifestyle change journey and make it a positive adventure with food not a negative one where you concentrate on denying yourself things.

    I wish you well.

  • Hi Ceals,

    Thank you for your positive words 😊.

    I'm definitely looking at it as a lifestyle change rather than a diet from now on as denying myself certain things has always made me binge in the end πŸ˜•

    I'm already looking forward to this journey with all the lovely positive people to help me stay on track x

  • It is such an exciting adventure finding out what you can eat, you probably won't be able to manage the things you would rather not have. And if you must have something make it a conscious decision and change something else.

    Good luck

  • I feel for you. You have come to the right place to get the support you need. For me the happiness challenge has helped because a lot of the problems with weight loss are to do with how you deal with it in the mind. Start believing in yourself good luck

  • Thank you sugie,

    One of the main reasons to lose the weight is to be happier in myself so I'll have a look at that 😊 X

  • Welcome, Sez, you are in the right place here. Everyone is really friendly and supportive, and that makes it easier to get back on the wagon when things are not going so well. Best of luck, do join one of the weigh-in groups, I think it helps addressing any slip-ups quicker.

  • Thank you DRS54,

    I have joined the Monday weigh in and am looking forward to the week ahead and seeing what I can achieve xx

  • Hi Sez11pink. I joined today and tried to join the Monday weigh but can't find it!! Could you direct me please? P.S. a small tip re. drinking water (I don't do it enough either) Set the alarm on your phone for every half hour during the day and have a glass. It really works!

  • Hi lovely,

    Sorry to only just get back to you now. That's a good idea with the water, I'll try that today 😊

    I think the weigh in is only open for the set day but you can chose to weight in any day of the week. The posts are usually located at the bottom of the page when I'm using my mobile. Not sure about the layout on a computer though πŸ˜•.

    Good luck with your journey 😊 Xz

  • Thankyou xx

  • Hi Sarah,

    How are you getting on? I just read your post and thought I'd respond as I too am letting my weight affect my marriage, but haven't really done anything to change it. Instead I've been passing the blame on to my husband and 'telling' him he can't find me attractive because I'm vile. He's recently given me a much deserved telling off! As he explained, that's how I look at myself, and not how he looks at me, so I need to fix it and he'll be there to support me all the way. But I have to stop putting him down in the process...

    It is so hard to lose weight. But I have to do it for myself, and be encouraged by the fact it will improve my marriage and my children's lives 😊 x.

  • Hi beth,

    Thanks for the message.

    I'm Exactly the same with my husband. I dont want him near me and telling him 'how could he possibly find me attractive when I look like this!' He says the same as yours but I don't believe him, especially when his Instagram is littered with very beautiful slim women that he follows 😌.

    Yes do this for you also ☺ and everything else will fall into place.

    Good luck xx

  • My husband always tells me not to compare myself to the women in magazines and on tv, as they don't even look like that! He's so right, but I still try to tell him he wishes i looked like that!!!!

    It doesn't even make sense! Well I suppose it does, and he's right in saying its just me feeling as though i 'should' look like that, certainly not him...

    Good luck to you too xx

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