Hi Everyone,

Need to calm down, not let others actions/words annoy me. I have found small things are getting at me and it is all adding up. My daughter (32) when I mentioned today's meal shin beef slow cooked with veg and chicken breasst for her in the oven (she does not like beef) I then got 'I want this veg, cooked this way and roast spuds don't forget the stuffing. Walked off.

Husband in the kitchen moaning I never sit down while watching me prepare the veg.

Neither offered to help. Then I got are we having pudding, I went oh yes will make your two tea's then go to the gym come home finish cooking my tea at the same time making your pudding. Sarcastically but got oh thanks.

Mother's day Son is coming Saturday because his partner and himself are taking Mother In Law for a meal Sunday. Asked daughter what she is making me for tea got mince mash (I can't eat mash bloats me) no other choice. So cooking again.

All this is now affecting my healthy eating cause I have started to snack in frustration, just eaten a cupcake. Wasting all the hard work done during the week. I can't change their attitudes have tried for awhile so need to change how it is affecting me.

Going to take my frustration out at the gym, do some running and weights me think. Trainer tonight for 30mins push myself harder. Work the cals haha.

Hope your days are good.



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22 Replies

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  • So sorry you're having a bad day Gottodothis . Maybe you should go on strike. :) Enjoy the gym and after go and treat yourself XX

  • Sorry your having a bad day, Maybe instead of waiting for them to offer to help you should ask them to do jobs to help you, and if they want it cooked a certain way then they need to do that themselves. Can you not suggest a meal you can eat and offer to help cook if your daughter is not confident to cook your choice.

    Try walking away and doing something else, even beating a cushion, go out occasionally and leave them to fend for themselves, I did this to my son when he started I don't like/want that, he now cooks for himself most days and it's definitely helped, sometimes they just need retraining, good luck xx

  • Very rare in this house to make a meal we all like. Think at the moment it is just getting at me more than normal.

  • Sometimes it does feel like your the only one that does anything๐Ÿ˜ข hopefully it's just a bad day, but do find time to do what you want to do,

    I think sometimes we forget our children are adults and are quite capable of fending for themselves

    Sending hugs xx

  • ๐Ÿ‘‹ hi Gottodothis I think you should not be having a bad day. Not fair in this so called modern world with everyone equal . I praise my Wife or Daughter for any meal ๐Ÿฅ˜ I get. I also love to take my turn in the kitchen. Team & Family. Working together. Set up a Rota for meals and see the response. George 56 Good ๐Ÿ˜Š luck at the Gym. ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ๐ŸฅŠ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ…๐Ÿ†

  • Aww I totally relate to your post! My family is the same. I have to make different things too!

  • Oh I feel for you Gottodothis ! My hubby definitely respond better to being asked directly (in words of one syllable) โ˜บ It's a classic "men are from Mars, women are from venus" situation, men do not offer to help because it's like saying "you are incapable", wheras women (who are from venus) naturally offer to help and cannot understand when men don't!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚ lol

    And don't get me started on picky eating (martian) daughter . . . I make what I make and if she wants different she buys and cooks it herself. . . She is 23 and constantly reminds me she is an adult!! ๐Ÿ˜

    I'm also in a similar position with Son and DIL, they see so much more of her family, but I try to see the positives, he is happy and healthy, and I take what I can get. โ˜บ

    I hope you feel better for letting off steam. โ˜บ

  • Cool reply Anna. So correct.

  • Oh my goodness. Your daughter is 32...I would honestly suggest she cooks her own if she wants something different. My 17 year old will if she doesn't want what I'm cooking. She'll have very odd combinations but I let her get on with it, she'll have to fend for herself at some point!

  • hope the day turn sweeter for you with something enjoyable happening take care xx

  • Can relate to this, but unfortunately we create these monsters, and then they get on our wick at some point when we're sick of feeling like a slave!!! If they don't like what you're making, or how you make it, then they can buy and make something else for themselves. You might end up saving on the shopping bill...xx

  • Sorry to read about your unsupportive offspring . If it was me l would be making a meal that suits my needs and if they don't want to appreciate the effort that went in to prepare it and cooked it then they can make they own and they will soon get fed up doing it , sounds to me that they are selfish.

  • Hi wendy

    Let them sort themselves out .Look after yourself ,take care .

  • Wow!...I'm gobsmacked! other half sent me back to bed for a rest around 5pm. I have just heard him thrashing about in the kitchen fixing himself something to eat. He had his left leg amputated (from the hip) back in 2013, is on opiate pain killers 24/7 and gets around on two crutches as our doors are too narrow for a wheelchair and still manages to feed himself while I am resting.

    Your daughter will be heading for a massive culture shock if she ever has to fend for herself.

  • I do hope your day has improved and that the gym helped. May I suggest that as your daughter is allowed to place her 'order' of what she would like, you should place your 'order' for Mother's Day and not accept what she is happy to cook, after all it is 'your' day. Even my eldest Son who has Down's Syndrome was expected to help in the kitchen by peeling potatoes and carrots and believe me it would have been quicker to do it myself. If your daughter lives with you I really do think she should be expected to cook some days and give you a break. She will have to do it when she finally gets a place of her own, then she'll understand just how much of your time goes into preparing food.

    Maybe you should suggest to your son that they take you out on Saturday!!!

    You sound to me as though you are a wonderful Mum and Wife and your family just expect it, because you have always done it.๐Ÿ’

  • You have a determined nature you need to try some mindfulness its not all about meditation its a lot about how you deal with things. I am no expert I have just done a course on future learn about it it is helping me change my mindset. I have a lot more to learn but what I have learned so far has helped me feel better

  • So sorry you're having a bad time.

    I am 33 and a picky eater along with various dietary restrictions/intolerances. I would never have dared treat my mum that way. I bought and cooked my own food from about the age of 18 as my mum often made something for her and my brother that I couldn't eat. 8 years of doing that before I moved out. Best training there is.

    She'll get a shock if she ever leaves. I'd tell her to make her food how she wants it if what you're making isn't good enough! As you obviously don't sound happy.

    I don't know how you keep quiet! You're an amazing mum and wife to do what you do and put up with that on top.

    I hope your day improved. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  • I'm wondering why you feel you need to do everything for these adults.. sometimes they very cleverly lock into our need to nurture and unfortunately abuse the privilege.. So many overweight people are lovely nurturing folk who love to care for others but neglect themselves in some way.. your diet and life are equally important.. I would simply write a rota on the kitchen wall.. accepting you may need to make your own meal later to meet the diet you want to follow. But I reckon most of us have been there with bringing up children/teenagers.

  • I believe your daughter is just doing it because you put up with it and do it for her. She does need to learn how to do it for herself because what would she do if she EVER does live on her own. Maybe you should do it by saying to her something like " I think it's about time I start to teach you with some cooking skills because at your age you should be learning in case you meet someone soon and move in with them. It wouldn't look too good for you if you can't even cook for the two of you would it, at least they won't get rid of you just because of this."

    This is the sort of thing my mum did to me which she has now admitted to me was just so that I knew how to cook things if she didn't want to cook for all of us, or wanted to go out etc so I could cook for myself more often and I had no excuse not to. Good luck though. It is about time things got a little better for you, you don't need all this pressure bless you.

  • Maybe u SHOULD go on strike. They're old enough and capable enough of making their own. It's your way or the highway in my opinion. Your daughter is 32 she can feed herself is she has a problem.

    Ask yourself why you're doing this, is it so you can spend everyday being sabotaged by people who are meant to support you?

    I understand it can be hard and frustrating but honestly, it is FINE to be selfish during your journey. In fact in my opinion it is really the only way. Tell them what YOU are having and if they don't want that. Shrug it off. Stick up for yourself. I don't care how people are related to you: they don't get to treat you like a slave. Would you let a stranger do it?

    You're trying your hardest - don't let other people get you down and put yourself first, everyday.

  • Hello,

    My daughter can cook and depending on her shift depends Mon-Fri if I cook for her most times I don't. It is the weekends it is a pain. Or if she txts me to put something in the oven etc.

    I have often kicked off about not getting any help the only thing that came out of it was a day of arguments, tension and me doing it anyway. So to cut the stress I just moan loud enough for them to hear, huff and puff. I have gone on strike they cooked for themselves and I ended up making myself something so may has welll have cooked for everyone.

    Just need to either make afew more noises, moans, get them to help or suck it up and just get on with it to cut my stress levels.

    Like losing and keeping off the weight is not bad enough don't need stress on top.

    Thanks for all the comments very grateful


  • write up a rota for weekends and stick it up in the kitchen. As I said, your a good wife and Mum. We all have these times in our families when we feel taken for granted. Find some way for you to have some calm time and not always at their beck and call, even if its just a nice long soak in the bath with a good book. Good luck with the weight loss journey.:)

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