so today was my starting day and it was actually easier then i thought not to hide away food. last night someone made a fantastic point and there advice really really helped me recognise and put things into perspective, it was something along the lines of my i didn't have an emotional attachment with food but a problem with my emotions. so today i worked on that and spoke to the people i love and trust about my anxiety and fears. im afraid of not been able to have children im afraid of flying, diabetes, crowed spaces, having to have another operation, loosing important documents, been mugged, slipping in the mud, if i have kids will they hate me? will they grow to be obese? the list goes on! all of these things and more have led me into a downward spiral and a negative relationship with food but been able to speak about these things is the biggest step forward so thanks to my family and peoples loving advice and today was just day one! next week ill be starting the NHS 12 weeks weight loss plan so we will see how it goes. im feeling super confident.