Re-assess the motivation

I feel as though there has to be a constant reminder of self loathing to continue with working to your goals. Personally, every time I feel comfortable with how I look I stop eating right and exercising because I don't see the point.

It sounds unhealthy to keep up 'self-hatred' and the term sounds a little extreme but I am sure this is the one way to make sure I keep this up for a long, long time (like forever).

I'm not the type of person to ever be satisfied with where I am but I won't let the dissatisfaction ruin everything - just use it for further motivation! This is really what I think lets a lot of people down, you reach one sub goal and feel like it's enough and then forget about your actual dream goal.

I suppose it is just important to to keep setting new, bigger goals so that we don't fall off our path. After all, in my opinion the hardest part in reaching my goals is the maintenance and making it long term - not giving up because I am satisfied.

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17 Replies

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  • That is so true!

  • I believe a self-hating minset is exactly what makes us fall off our paths in the long run because being hard on yourself all the time is demoralising and makes your subconscious seek breaks and comfort in other ways. One is thus more likely to give into temptation which leads to further self-loathing which spreads to other parts of your life. You cannot live a happy, loving life on the outside if you a governed by hatred on the inside.

    I guess you can see from my happiness challenge that I believe the complete oposite to be true, that it is internal peace and positivity that will bring about long term, lasting weightloss because in the end loosing weight is about the food we eat, which needs to be separate from emotions to let us make long term changes.

    Being kind to yourself will teach your brain that you deserve health and therefore your food patterns will change.

    I do understand that no single approach works for everyone but given the choice I am trying happiness to change my life because I makes so many areas better not just my diet.

    All the best to you :)

  • I agree with healthytanja. After a lifetime of not feeling 'good enough' because I was always too fat, it is only now, in my early 50's, that I see how damaging it has been to my self confidence.

    Now, I totally and completely accept and love myself, I don't judge myself harshly, and I love and appreciate my body every single day for what it it continues to do for me.

    Like you tanja, I chose happiness, and this has enabled me to make healthy choices which are leading to weight loss and a change in me.

    Good look aliii, I hope you find peace with your approach, but hate the fat not yourself.

  • I know why the happiness and kind to yourself approach is quite obviously the best way to approach every aspect of your life. However, when you have had a lifetime of intense negative self image, related to bullying and a sense of being a freak or at the very least abnormal, I can completely relate to the self loathing attitude you describe aliii. It is unhealthy and in my experience extremely difficult to let go of. Despite many and varied therapies and counselling sessions, it is still my very strong default state. I still struggle on with trying to be kinder to myself, but find 'happiness regimes' uncomfortable and very unnatural and false to me. So I sympathise with you Alliii. Everyone assures me that eventually you can change your attitude but now, at 56, I think i am realising it's more a case of learning how to cope with such negative feelings, and trying to accept myself, and not giving up hope of succeeding. I am currently adopting something of a detached view of my efforts, removing it from myself. So far it's working, but I don't kid myself that I may need to deal with the 'why bother' syndrome later on. Keep focused, alii!

  • This is exactly how I feel and sounds very similar to my own experiences. It is important to remember that happiness can not simply be a 'choice' for certain people like you and I.

    The thought of being fat etc. isn't the main one on my mind daily and I always feel so energetic from clean eating and exercise but in the end, negativity will always be the most effective motivator for me (unfortunately?).

    It's good to hear you relate and I hope you are doing well :)

  • Hello Sprout15, I agree positive thinking is a very productive way of reaching our goals and am glad you are doing well with it! I am not in this mindset 24/7 it is just a harsh reminder when things get tough :)

  • I'm here to support you, not to tell you how to live your life honestly. We all need to tell ourselves off at times! Good luck yourself x

  • Totally agree that's how I feel now thanks to Tanja 😀

  • Whoops my reply was meant for Sprout x

  • Hi HealthyTanja! I know my approach appears quite negative and like I am judging myself too harshly but it isn't a constant sort of attitude. It is more just when things are hard or I am thinking of giving up, this is the one single mindset which will definitely keep me going.

    After all, we all started because we weren't happy with ourselves in one way or another! My eating choices and activity don't depend on this motivation, just the long time aspect (for me) really means I can't accept the progress until I have reached my goal, maintained it and changed my habits!

    Thank you for your post, I will definitely keep your advice in mind :)

  • aliii I have read your post several times now, the first time I was quite saddened to read that you felt you had to keep 'self loathing' to keep going. Now after several reads I feel that you are very in tune with yourself and have a great understanding of yourself which I feel is a really important strength. I'm sure you can use that strength to remain satisfied and find a way to maintain, maybe with small goals, not new bigger ones, that could be daunting and not achievable. Well done on reaching your goals and getting to the point where you have to maintain. Good luck, you can do it, you got this far.😃

  • I am glad you understand! I would agree I am rather in tune and feel it is important for us all to know what is best for ourselves. It's very easy to read something online and think it will work for you but even if it worked for the majority this might not be true.

    I am very very thoughtful and take care on my mindset and would say I am overall happy with my journey so far :) Thanks for you post!

  • Embarrassment, awkwardness, low self esteem, yes to all of those over a long and very hefty life, but, self loathing, never. That is a sentiment far too strong and unpleasant to saddle yourself with. Find enjoyment in exercise and movement, get pleasure from the fact that your body responds to a little stimulation. I used to go to ' Curves ' locally until it closed down and quite enjoyed it, now as I am lucky to live in a rural spot I walk locally but not often enough. Today in a temp of minus 2 C I have just been out in the sunshine with a camera, the frost on the ferns and seed heads is beautiful. I stopped many times, ( a sketch book is a good excuse too ), and now feel slightly more virtuous. Don't exercise because you have to but because you want to and with eating too, try new recipes, there are lots of good ones around. Your thinking sounds good and firm, just readjust it a bit.

  • Hi Sonja, I do embrace the exercise and early mornings just as you do without any negativity or forcing. I woke up early this morning and cycled to a 'core strength' class in my gym and felt great throughout.

    In fact, there is little amounts of 'forcing' in my life, I love exercise and healthy eating as it makes me happy. My post was simply a bit of a reminder to myself that I shouldn't get too comfortable in every aspect because you can always push yourself to be better.

  • That's alright then shouldn't like to think of you mouldering away which is more or less what I've been doing today. I walked yesterday but it really is perishing outside, pretty though. Good luck !!

  • There is definitely something challenging about Sunday's :( hope you are feeling more energised tomorrow!

  • Sounds like your having a lovely day, I'm at my daughter's knee deep in DIY with her, my Hubble and son-in-law....oh joy😩

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