First time sharing

Hello, I'm new.

I am a 34 year old female of 5'2" unfortunately weighing in at 17st 1lb.

I have tried all the usual diets although never joined in on groups, forums, etc. hence "first time sharing". I am very secretive about my eating and don't like talking about my weight with friends.

I miss out on a lot in life due to my weight, I am a water baby and love swimming in the sea in the summer but would really love to try out paddle boarding and finding a year round hobby but feel too embarrassed, also I probably won't find a wet suit that would fit me. Also, for years I have wanted to try horse riding, I used too as a young child but now worry that I will be too heavy for the horse or that I will be embarrassed in front of the group by them putting me on a massive horse to hold my weight. Another thing, every year my brother says lets go to Alton Towers and every time I say I'm scared of the rides. I'm not at all, I would love to go but again, fear being too big. Anyway, as you can see I want to do fun things but hold myself back.

I am currently bed ridden due to an anal fistula operation I had last Wednesday which was caused by an abscess but essentially it was all caused by my unhealthy lifestyle.

Following this most uncomfortable operation I now feel like I have had the health scare to wake me up. My body is clearly fed up with the way I have been treating it and has let me know this by giving me a a very painful kick up the ass, literally!

So that's a little bit about me. I am hoping that by being open and honest with you all and joining in on group talks I will find the motivation and support needed to change.

I look forward to meeting you :)

48 Replies

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  • Hi and Welcome

    If you look to right at pinned some good stuff to help you on your way. You will love this place everyone is so friendly here and always willing to help.

  • Thank you Richarde. Wow you've lost 5 stone, you are obviously doing something right. I am spending my time getting to know the website, finding my way around and discovering useful tips :)

  • Yep been hard as hell started out at a huge weight 28st in may but slowly getting it down

  • That's incredible. Congratulations for doing so well!

  • Hi Rosa just want to say today you have made the best decision you could by joining this forum πŸ‘

    Just like you I started at exactly the same weight 17.1 in May (19th) this year I am 5'2" and a half and that half counts I tell my husband lol.

    Firstly I am a lot older than you 56, but the age you are I wish I had something like this then as I wouldn't have wasted so many years.

    My goal too is to go swimming it's my preferred form of exercise and I love it but haven't been for over 20 years. I know some people go whatever their weightbut as I lack confidence I will go when I feel ok to hopefully soon.

    Alton Towers for goodness sake go because I know I did and I was your weight. I admit I am not a Rita, white knuckle ride person but the runaway train, water splash etc I had no problem putting on the straps.

    We all reach a rock bottom and the only way is up, believe me if I can do this so can you, whilst you are recovering you can loose weight and exercise later even if like me it's just upping your steps and walking more.

    Find out your calorie range using the BMI calculator, count everything you eat, download week 1 of the 12 week plan, drink plenty of water and tell everyone around you what you are doing. I have a fit bit to keep track of calories, steps etc.

    Look at the pinned posts section to the right of the screen and join in any challenges you wish. Weigh in is every Monday a link is put on then so it's easy to do it.

    Good Luck you can do this, everything is doable and with determination and help you can do this we will help just shout out for advice etc.

    Why not make a mini goal and join in with the winter solstice challenge in the pinned posts section there is 8 weeks left so you could put yourself down to lose day 10lbs by then so by 22nd Dec you could be 16.5 worth trying?

    Best wishes BevπŸ‘πŸ˜Š

  • Hello Bev,

    Thank you for your kind and supportive words. It is so lovely to hear from someone my height! I spend my life surrounded by people taller than me :)

    Well done for losing 3stone! I am following you now, you will be my inspiration!

    Great advice on Alton Towers, I am really glad to hear that it was ok for you. I cannot go this side of xmas because of my op but I think I might make it a goal to work towards in the new year. I also decided to put Β£1 in a jar for every 1lb I lose so that will pay for the trip :)

    I have spent the morning looking around the website. I've submitted my weight and set my overall goal to be within the healthy BMI range. I have also started my food journal and believe me I am drinking gallons of water following this op. I NEVER want to go through this harrowing experience again.

    I will check out the winter solstice challenge now.

    Thank you again for your encouragement :)

  • Brilliant I do hope you find so much encouragement from this site I know I do.

    You sound like your heads in the right mind set so together as a forum we can all do this.

    I used to say dieting is like having your own personal war in your head, it's such a battle and I tried it so many times, this time it's a lifestyle change and I now know what a lot of rubbish I used to eat, believe me I could still walk into Mc Donald's for a meal or eat that whole box of chocolates but the difference now is I know what's in them and realise that most of it is not even any good for me.

    One other thing I have been doing is watching any weight loss programs on TV especially Obese a year to save my life amazing and some good tips too. There was a programme on last week about diabetes which gave good advice.

    I started the 2 x jars at the start of my journey a suggestion by another forum member I started with 63 Β£1 coins as that's all that would fit (41/2 stone) each 1lb I transferred over into another jar now I am 2/3 rds the way through. If I can do the 41/2 stone first I will see how I go from there.

    Hope you find it a good motivator too. Glad you've joined us look forward to seeing how well you progress. Hope you get better soon best wishes Bev

  • What a brilliant idea, putting £££'s away as you lose weight, I'm going to do that now too!!! Xx

  • Hiya, you have been brutally honest in your post and that is half the battle. You have had some excellent answers already which I agree with. We are all playing the long game here, no quick fixes. We are becoming mindful about our health and general wellbeing which is going to really suit you.

    I know you find discussing what you eat hard but I really recommend keeping a food diary for a few days. This is only for your eyes, so you can see where you can start to make healthier choices.

    Well done for finding us and posting. Recover quickly and good luck. X

  • Hi Slimpickings,

    Thank you for your supportive message. I feel relieved at having such lovely responses after opening up to you all and putting myself in a bit of a vulnerable position.

    I have tried the quick fixes and learned that they do not work, now I have to give in to the fact that this is going to be a long journey but I have made my first step.

    I don't mind keeping a food diary, it's the naughty foods I don't like admitting too but I am vowing to myself that I will be honest on here, otherwise it just won't work.

    Thanks again :)

  • It doesn't matter what has gone before because this is day one of the new you. Xx

  • Hi! :) And welcome.

    Being honest is the first and hardest step sometimes - especially if you've kept it secret all this time. It's important to let the people who love you and surround you know that you've taken a step to make a change - or they won't give you the correct support to change your habits! You've clearly got an urge yearning inside you to get out and be healthy and do physical activities!

    Our bodies are very good at telling us when enough is enough! :) And it's extra motivation to make a change.

    Once you start your journey and start hitting milestones, you've got loads of things to look forward to already! Theme parks, horse riding, water sports :) and just generally a better happiness and well being! I'm a firm believer that you should never avoid anything because you're ashamed of your body/weight! But it's okay to want to be healthy enough to do things before you try them :)

    I'm very excited for you :) Being open and honest is the best way - no more hiding your eating habits or avoiding talk of your weight and you'll get lots of support from everyone!

  • Hello Kinbun and thank you for welcoming me to the community.

    I understand what you saying about talking to people and will try but I find it so very embarrassing. I am open with my boyfriend and my mum and they are both supportive but all my friends are thin and do not understand my struggle. I once tried opening up to a friend about my weight and she made a horrible comment that my weight was "the elephant in the room" meaning it was obvious but no-one wanted to confront it to my face. She could've chosen more sympathetic words or perhaps I'm just to sensitive.

    I feel I have a lot to learn about overcoming shame and embarrassment.

    Thank you for the support :)

  • You can open up about your weight here whenever and you will NOT be judged. Xx

  • I'd really consider if that person was ACTUALLY a friend, or someone you could do without! Your friend's comment has made me super angry and was very indelicately put. Especially as your weight is not something ANYONE in your friendship circle should be confronting you about. the ONLY appropriate response would be along the lines of "well if you want to change it I'll be there to help". What a toad.

    You don't have to go around blurting it out to everyone (this is what I do, I can't help myself!) but it's good to be able to talk about it to those close to you and NEVER feel ashamed about trying to do something to get healthier :) And it's someone for you to share your success with as you go along! But I understand if your friends aren't the best people for you to do this with.

    If you ever feel embarrassed about your weight, or your journey, remember that you are TRYING and you WILL get there - and you deserve to feel amazingly proud of yourself every step of the way!! :)

  • Thank you Kinbun. I felt very hurt by my friends comment and wasn't sure if I was being over sensitive but you have made me feel supported.

  • A "friend" who talks about your weight as "the elephant in the room" is not a tactful one.

  • I agree with everyone else, well done you for being so honest about everything. I am your height and after years of denial that "it's not possible" am aiming to get in the mid range of my BMI. I haven't been that trim since I was in my 20's (i'm now in my 50's). I've been helped by the people on this forum, they have excellent tips to share, but for some reason, I've gone from couch potato to someone who can't wait (and has to) go out for a 10,000 step walk.

    Although I do not have any health scares, I'm very interested in the work Dr Michael Mosley does (he's the nice Dr from the telly). You might want to read his book (everso cheap on Amazon) call "The 8 week blood sugar diet". It sounds drastic, but many people (in conjunction with a visit to their GP) have found it a life saver. I'm using the principals at the moment and I have to say, my weight is falling off and I feel so, so, so much better.

    You're young, you have fun - do whatever works for you and enjoy yourself. Set yourself a goal, start on the step and calorie counting and it'll work for you. Best wishes.

  • Hello Ottomummy,

    Another shorty, hurrah!

    I am really looking forward to getting back on my feet. I live by the seaside so am keen to get a pedometer and get walking!

    I will check out the book you have recommended, it sounds interesting :)

  • I also started my weight loss after a health scare with alcohol-induced gastroenteritis, with a stomach scarred from ulcers, and a potential exploratory op for endometriosis hanging over me, also in my mid 30s. I was a lower weight than you (12st4, at 5'3.5") but it goes to show these things aren't necessarily down to weight as plenty of people manage to lead healthy lives at higher weights, it's the unhealthy eating (and drinking) that actually does the damage. (Plus, as you've rightly identified, self-confidence plays a massive part too).

    You've had great advice above, I just want to say welcome too. I also recommend setting intermediate goals, maybe 5% then 10% etc. Maybe aiming to fit in certain clothes or achieving exercise goals (when you are more mobile again). You can claim different badges for all the intermediate goals you reach along your journey. Wishing you a successful journey and most of all a speedy recovery from your recent op. Take care :)

  • Hello Ruth,

    Crikey that sounds really scary, I hope you are on the route to recovery now and won't have to go through that again.

    I have just set my first smaller goal by joining the winter solstice challenge, my goal is to lose 5% of my body weight (12lbs) over the remaining 8 weeks. I'm really looking forward to it at the moment and hope this feeling stays with me :)

    Thank you for your well wishes.

  • I'm fine now, thanks for asking! I just have to avoid dairy and not go overboard with wheat, and keep my alcohol consumption in check... This is after endoscopy, lots of omeprazole and a long period of really restricting my diet (no wheat and no dairy for a year! ... on doctor's orders :| ) So for me weight loss was mostly about reeducating myself about healthy eating, listening to my body etc. Good luck with your first 5%, it'll make a real difference! :) You'll be horseriding and surfing before you know it :)

  • I'm glad to hear you are doing so well. That must have been incredibly hard having no wheat or dairy for a year but I suppose the idea of the pain you would be in if you didn't stick to it must have been a real motivator. That is what's motivating me at the moment :)

  • It was also partly the embarrassment - I was told I had the stomach of a 50 year old alcoholic! and I'm not 50 - or an alcoholic! not sure how any people believe that last bit though! I think the docs maybe scare you to try to make you change things though :) I get on okay without dairy now. But yes excluding both dairy and wheat was very hard - not recommended !

  • Embarrassment - yes, that too can be a good motivator or sometimes in the past it has gone the other way for me and made me comfort eat and not want to go out when I've been embarrassed :( Onwards and upwards though! I'm not hiding away from my bad health this time!

  • Hello Recovering-Rosa, and welcome to you. You've been really brave so far in joining and I think you definitely need to cut yourself a bit of slack! As so many have already said, you are in the right place. Lots of like minded and friendly support here with loads of resources and information to hand to help you in your weight loss journey.

    As previously mentioned, take things slowly, and set yourself smaller goals. I personally am trying to stop thinking about the overall goal as it becomes too much of an obsession on my part. I have joined the winter solstice challenge, and have set myself a goal of losing 13.5 lbs before the end of it (eight weeks left). I have around 11 to go, and will make damn sure I try my hardest to get there! After that, I'll set another goal, and work towards that.

    Confidence is something that has to be worked towards also. I recently started the couch to 5k and for me, the idea of putting on my running gear and leaving the house for that purpose was terrifying. Three weeks in and whilst I am still slightly apprehensive, I have really been enjoying it and working on my mindset of doing it for me, regardless of others opinions. The thing I found strangest of all though, was how I had no fear about trying to improve my fitness and actually physically running, but all my fear centred around other people and my own body image!

    For now I think it's important that you focus on getting yourself better after your recent operation. Do some background reading, maybe start thinking about your goals you want to set (remember start off small), research some meals you want want to start making and think about how you could implement some small changes into your lifestyle.

    Good luck, you can do this.

    Emily x

  • Hello Emily,

    Thank you for welcoming me. Yes, I certainly feel like I have come to the right place with all the wonderful supportive and encouraging messages I have received today!

    Thank you for the advice about trying not to think about the overall goal. I have taken it on board and joined the winter solstice challenge too! So my first smaller goal is to lose 5% of my body weight (12lbs) in the remaining 8 weeks of the challenge. So you have lost 2 and half lbs already, congratulations. I will follow your progress :)

    That's great that you are overcoming your fears and taking part in the couch to 5k challenge. I totally agree with you, I'm not scared of the activity itself its the fear of what the onlookers are thinking. I hate being in my swimming costume in front of others, I just get in the sea and under the water asap. I used to wear big board shorts but they would drag around me whilst I was swimming and my boyfriend pointed out that I am drawing more attention to myself by wearing all that clobber than if I wasn't. I always worry what others think and it really holds me back but I think my confidence will grow with the weight loss and I will have a more positive state of mind with all the healthy eating and therefore all the extra vitamins and minerals that I don't usually ingest eating junk.

    I have started researching meals, at the moment I need high fibre and lots of water to keep me regular otherwise I will be in a lot of pain. Tonight I am going to make a spinach, broccoli and kale frittata, heavy on the veg, light on the egg and a small sprinkling of strong cheddar for flavour :)

    Thank you for your support and good luck with all your challenges :)

  • Excellent! I find a challenge really gets me engaged and focused. I know I want to get to the end result, and I know it's definitely within reach so really really trying! 12lbs certainly sounds like a great first goal. Since joining about three or four weeks ago I've managed to lose nearly 7lbs, so with the winter solstice challenge I'm hoping I'll have achieved at least a stone before Christmas!

    Ah, I'm very similar with swimming. Always cover up with a pair of shorts, but frustrates me when they seem to get in the way! I got myself a gym membership a couple of months ago (specifically with a crèche, so no using the babies as excuses!) and took up swimming. I used to go years ago, and then stopped. I think it's a great exercise, you're getting a workout and burning the fat but it's not as taxing on the body as running. Even more of a workout if you are swimming in the sea! Our nearest beach is about an hour away, and the cold water is enough to put me off!

    I saw a picture of your dinner last night and it looked lovely! Might have a go myself. I must admit, I am not a lover of cooking. I find it to be another household chore, but it's just another one of those things that needs to be addressed, and I'm working on it.

    I hope your motivation continues. Trust in your will power, and you can succeed!

    Xx

  • Hi Recovering-Rosa welcome to the forum. I'm new here too (week 3 of the 12 week plan) but have already received so much good support from the lovely people on the forum. I want to get back on a horse, as does moreless, so let's plan to get into those jodphurs together!

  • That's a great idea! I've just joined the winter solstice challenge for my first goal and I have set myself a personal goal to lose enough weight so that I feel confident about going to Alton Towers which is something I have put off for many years because I thought I would be turned away from rides for being to heavy, I have set this for Febuary :) Lots to look forward too!

  • So sorry to hear you have had an operation sounds very uncomfortable for you

    You have joined a great group on here everyone is so supportive and kind

    Let's hope all your wishes come true there is no reason why they can't

    Keep posting wishing you all the very best

    Get well soon and then you can start your journey xx

  • Thank you Cat, I am very excited about sharing this journey with all of you :)

  • It's lovely to have you on the forum and you must post a photo of Alton Towers in Feb you will definitely do it and your horse riding A lovely future ahead xx

  • Hello Recovering-Rosa ! :-)

    Poor you to have had that operation, it doesn't sound like too much fun, but it's brilliant that you are empowering yourself and taking control.

    I feel we have some things in common, I was 17st 12 when I started on here back in August, and I am 5ft 6inches. I can also identify a bit with what you say about weight holding you back a bit from doing the fun things you would like to. I love swimming, and must admit I go ahead with this regardless, as at 52 years old I have become past caring what people think of my looks, but I used to be terribly self conscious and it's taken me quite a few decades to relax in that area!

    I really hope you find the forum useful, it has helped me to lose a stone so far!

    I look forward to seeing you around, wishing you well!

    Ruby8 x:-)

  • Hello Ruby8,

    Lovely to hear from you. I do go swimming regardless but try to do it when not too many people are around. I know it is a waste of time worrying what others think but I have always been a worrier (I take after my mother). I am hoping that this journey will help me overcome this because it effects so many areas of my life: relationships, social and even work. I love being confident and cheery at work but often stumble into self consciousness because I worry that if I am too loud and fun someone will think I'm tough enough to take criticism and comment on my weight. It's silly I know but I'm learning :)

  • Welcome Recovering-Rosa !

    I'm so sorry about your op, that doesn't sound nice at all.

    But, your road to recovery will be a really positive one because you have joined all the lovely folk here. I encourage you to join all the challenges you can as they are great motivators, read other people's successes and failings because each sorry has a wealth of information to absorb and use in your journey.

    Ditch the negative 'friends' from your life, it's time to be selfish and totally dedicate your time and focus on you.

    I'm nicking your Β£1 for a lb idea by the way πŸ˜‰

    I think I can put Β£5 away already πŸŽ‰

    Good luck gorgeous, look forward to seeing you about xx

  • Ahh what a lovely welcome. Thank you :)

    I am feeling so positive about this community. Having never done anything like this before I am overwhelmed with the support and beautiful messages I have received today. You guys will definitely keep me going!

  • Hello Recovering-Rosa from another 5' 2" buddy. I am so pleased that you have opened up and shared all this with us. Although I am the same height as you I am more than twice your age and will say to you now is the time for you to tackle your weight, you are young and have so many years to enjoy. Find the right diet for you, you will doubtless get numerous different suggestions on the best way to do it, take it slowly, don't look for fast fixes, they never work long term and keep posting.

    Good luck with your new life,

  • Dear Annde,

    Thank you for your message. I feel like I'm at a turning point in my life which has been prompted by my unfortunate operation. At 34 I am still young enough to make a big difference to my future but I am also old enough now that if I don't make a change I think things will only go downhill from here. My body has given me a harsh reality check and I really need to step up to the challenge.

    I am going to take it one step at a time. Yesterday was a very good day, lets see what today brings :)

  • Good morning Recovering-Rosa 😊 What an amazing honest and open post! Very well done on taking that first, most important step towards a new healthier you πŸ˜ŠπŸŽ‰πŸ‘πŸŽˆπŸ˜Š you have had an very tough time, health wise, and I want to send you very best wishes in your weight loss journey 😊 This forum is full of incredible inspiring people who will support you all the way 😊

  • Ahh thank you for your lovely words Anna 😊 I am meeting so many people on here and they are all wonderful. What a loving and supportive community this is ❀️

  • Like many others, it was a health problem that prompted me to lose weight, the option of doing nothing and getting heavier and less able was more frightening than the prospect of tackling my obesity πŸ˜•

    Good luck and very best wishes 😊😊😊

  • Hi Rosa,

    Poor you, having an op to recover from as well as weight worries.

    As you;ve had a big wake-up call, perhaps you can use your convalescence to start out on a new track diet-wise? I'm presuming it's not quite as easy to get to and from the kitchen at the moment, so can you rely on other people to bring you healthy meals while you relax in bed? Order in the latest copies of Slimming World and Weightwatchers magazines to get an idea of nice meals that someone else can cook for you.

    Certainly you should find that even just cutting out snacks and eating sensible meals and sensible portion size will get the weight coming off even without having to count calories, and you can get stricter as your weight goes down.

    You could easily shift a stone or more before Christmas just by doing that, which has to be worth going for. And by your next summer holiday, you could be down at horse riding weight, no problem. Certainly, you need never see 17 stone 1lb on the scales ever again.

    Best of luck.

  • Thanks MEBXYZ,

    I have been doing lots of research whilst laying in bed. I really like the BBC good food website, lots of healthy recipes on there. Last night I made a Moroccan tagine with cous cous (again a small portion). It's nice having this time off work because I actually have time to plan meals and cook. I cannot walk very far but I'm ok pottering around my little flat. I can basically either lie down or stand up at the mo :/

    Have a lovely day :)

  • Hi Rosa and welcome aboard. I am glad you have joined us as I am sure that this forum will help you on your journey as it is helping so many others. There are so many inspirational people here, and so many stories that confirm that it can be done, have a look at for example LessToLose's profile - her pictures say it all.

    See you around :-)

  • Hi Rosa, thank you so much for sharing your story. Sorry to be replying so long after your post but I haven't quite got the hang of this site and just came across your wonderfully brave post. You are an inspiration, sharing your story so openly is a brilliant first step. Go girl! I look forward to hearing about your progress, I know you can do it! You love doing physical things which is a huge step towards getting your bod into the shape you want. I know your confidence cell increase as you go along. Would love to be able to cheer you on at Alton Towers when you have a go! Every good wish!😘

  • Hello APF62,

    Thank you for you lovely email, such kind and supportive words. This forum is giving me such a boost and keeping me motivated. You're all great! :)

  • Well done for coming here and opening up. You'll find so much support on here it's incredible. I am 31 and currently 20st 6lbs so alot to shift. I have an operation in the near future (awaiting date) so that has given me an extra kick in the right direction. I feel you where Alton Towers is concerned. I once had a guy stand on my chest to get a ride to do up. It's a goal of mine to go back and easily do all the rides. I know your weight is not the way you want it right now but please try to live as much as you can. I know that sounds a bit crazy but if you stop doing things you love you end up depressed and that starts the cycle off again. Love your body. It's amazing and it's the only one you have. Learn how to care and nourish it correctly and it will start to look as you would like it to. You deserve a healthy life. Good luck x x x x

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