Need motivation desparately

I'm fairly new and have been following the message board. It seems that this is a great place to get support not that I have ever posted on a chat before.

I have approx 3 stones to lose but have now been trying for at least the last 10 years and while I manage to shift a few lbs they always find their way back. Feeling so fed up and down and although I know eating less and moving more is the answer never seem to be able to stick it out.

What is wrong with me? I sound so pathetic. I long so much to be in a smaller dress size and feel better about myself.

Please share with me your tips on how you stick to eating healthily long term or send me a virtual kick up the arse!

Thanks for reading

23 Replies

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  • Good luck in finding it very hard . A friend said to me that before you go to eat anything that you know is bad for you. Just take a few minutes out and think about it because the only thing that is going to change once you put the food in your mouth is your weight. Your problems will still be the same , you will just feel me disheartened with yourself . So stay strong and have a great day.

  • Thank you for your reply. I will try this next time I'm tempted by something I shouldn't. I'm also a perfectionist and if I do eat something or have more wine than I should on a night out with friends I then think I've failed and should give up. I'm starting to see by reading more posts on here that life is allowed and by sticking to plan straight after an indulgence will minimise any damage!

    Good luck

  • At the end of the day I think I only started to change when it became more important to me than eating nice food. suddenly food and chocolate didn't seem to feel worth it when I saw the effects in the mirror. for me personally I was aiming to be slimmer by my friends wedding (in August this year) as I was a bridesmaid. I lost a bit, but not enough to make me look nice in the photos. I realised I didn't try hard enough or take it seriously enough so now I'm a bridesmaid again in April next year and this is what motivates me to keep going.

    I also tell absolutely everybody that I'm trying to lose weight and then they ask how it's going, I feel constantly accountable for how well I'm doing :) this helps keep me on track too.

    Not long ago I finally fit into this pair of jeans I bought like four years ago, and that was such an achievement that it spurred me on.

    So little goals probably do wonders for keeping you motivated as once you've reached one you can look forward to completing the next one.

    At some point it's about looking at your life style and deciding if changing is definitely what you want, more than all the chocolate, wine and burgers in the world, and starting to do something about it and changing your every day habits for a lifetime :) looking at it as a lifetime change in healthy habits conditions you to realise it's not a diet so you can't deviate too much from it because it just becomes the way you eat :)

  • Thankyou for your reply. I think when you have 3 plus stone to lose it is quite overwhelming. I will try your idea of little goals the first to be able to see 13 on the scales and not 14!

    I know what you mean about photos. There are hardly any of me unless I am behind someone! That is a little difficult when you are a bridesmaid though.

    Good luck with your healthy eating plan. I watched the tonight programme on diabetes this week and this has made me realise that only I can take care of my body by watching what I put into it. I wouldn't be surprised if I am pre diabetic so that and the lovely comments on here should make me motivated to get back on track.

  • I was over 17 stone 2lbs in June last year :) and im 14'12 now so I know it can be so overwhelming to have quite a bit to lose :) I think that makes it even more important to set small goals for yourself :)

    Health worries are always a good kick up the bum to get sorted! :) I look forward to seeing how well you get on!

  • Wow well done on your loss that is amazing. Did you stick to any particular plan? I am a weight watcher but recently been looking at eating clean like body coach and Jamie Oliver superfoods. If I spent as much time doing something rather than researching I might get actually get somewhere. Well done again 😊

  • I did slimming world starting from June 2015 and I lost most of my weight with that until part way through this year when I found it just wasn't moving! and now I'm doing the NHS plan, I'm just starting week three and it's going well so far as it's really helping with portion control :) i eat a variety of foods and still have treats etc each day as long as they don't push me over syns/now calories as I could never stick to anything that cut out certain foods completely :) i think Jamie Oliver and the body coach books have good recipes/tips/principles that you can incorporate into your healthy lifestyle but I don't think I could live just off the recipes in those books as sometimes you need a bit of healthy indulgence in meals otherwise I'd get so bored and end up with a takeaway! :)

  • I was always scared of sw due to being alloiwed to eat as much you wanted but know quite a few successful slimmers who had great results. I agree that body coach and similar are too rigid and I that is why I have come back to this site and back to basics. I have downloaded 12 week plan already and hoping to give it my best shot.

    Thanks for all your support and wisdom this site is great.

  • Hi and welcome

    I recorded the programme off to watch it later today

    I was over the moon last week (end of first week on the NHS 12 week plan) as I lost 5lb and I actually saw your first goal (which was also my first goal) - the scales didn't say 14 stone 3lb it was down in the 13 stone mark :)

    My next goal is to loose 1lb this week anymore will be a bonus but I am just aiming for the 1lb as I can't see I will loose 5lbs again I think that was due to changing a lot of what I was previously doing and now eating correctly

    Good luck on your journey and as they say on here 'Onwards and downwards' which I think is a great phrase to use :)

  • Fantastic first week of weight loss. Well done I would be so chuffed with that 😊

  • I think the first week was due to the complete change and also changing my coffee with water instead - I used to drink coffee through out the day with sugar in it, now i have coffee first thing and water for the rest of the day at work

    I very much doubt I will manage that amount of weight loss in one week again, I will be happy with a 1lb loss a week :)

  • Hi and welcome Dora :)

    Take a look at the Pinned Posts section, to the right of your screen (bottom, if you're using a mobile) and have a look at the Welcome Newbies thread.

    Look at the Topics section beneath that, for posts that could answer any questions you may have. Consider joining any, or all, of our challenges, as they're fun and motivating.

    Join us for the Monday Group weigh-in. If you follow Lowcal and myself you'll be notified when we post the threads. The latest weigh-in thread can always be found in the Events section, to the right of the home page (bottom if you're using a mobile).

    Be active on the forum, as that's where we exchange ideas and get our daily dose of motivation and inspiration.

    Wishing you all the best with your weight loss journey :)

  • Hi there. This is not an easy thing to do. It is hard to break a lifetime's training. We know that to lose weight to need to eat less energy than you use each day. It's being able to do that which is hard. It's also different for everyone.

    You need to identify your strong reason for wanting this to work. This is the reason you will find strength in when you feel ready to throw in the towel. Is it being there for your family for the years to come? Is it to be healthy enough for that once in a lifetime event/activity. Do you want to walk the Inca trail one day? Once you know why you want to change it will still be very hard but you will have this to focus on when you need to.

    I wish you every success; every long journey is made of little steps that are mostly in the same direction.

  • Thank you. As I am getting older I feel I need to look after my health so I guess that's what I need to think about before going down the wrong road again.

    Thanks again

  • There is nothing wrong with you! There is something wrong with some of your eating habits and perhaps exercise habits (or lack of ditto). So this is about making changes - first and foremost to what you eat - but also how you think about yourself. You don't need a kick, you need a hug :-)

    Did you read the Welcome Newbies post under the pinned posts section? It will help you get started. And then don't forget to join us for our weekly weigh in session Monday.

  • Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling much more positive than I did this morning especially having received lots of support on here. You are right I do need a hug as I often say negative horrid things to myself which in turn does not help my motivation or mood. I have read the welcome newbies post and yes, I will join the weekly weigh in session as this could help to keep me accountable. Does it run on another day or only Monday? Do you find my fitness pal app good to track calories or did you use the NHS calorie tracker? Sorry for all the questions.

  • The weigh-in is on Monday, but if you prefer to do the actually weighing on a different weekday, then you can just report in on the next Monday. I know some prefer to weigh on Fridays before the weekend.

    I use MyFitnessPal and it is very easy to use,

  • Dora415,

    It is hard to stick to it, once you start eating more healthily, I know. I've been doing this seriously now for 5 weeks with results I am happy with. I think the key is to be consistent in keeping to the healthy eating habits you start, or else what is the point of starting them ? I know I want to go off the rails completely when I see certain things I used to have freely , such as chocolate products, cakes, biscuits, particularly when out shopping in supermarkets at Halloween - having them freely meant I have put weight on so I now keep off them completely or as completely as I possibly can. I had a small piece of chocolate cake at a children's party earlier in the week and didn't even like it anymore - tasted dry, and well, tasteless, compared to the fruit I have become accustomed to substituting it with at home for the last 5 weeks. That was a shock to me !!! But a nice shock to have.

    I think you must take the plunge, have a small achievable goal and stick to it. It does not matter if you go wrong sometimes, but stick to the healthy eating way of life consistently. I am sure you will see a small result which will give you the confidence to go for another small result the next week, and then the next, so your confidence builds up and up. You will get where you want to be in the end.

  • Thank you so much for taking time to respond. I am feeling much more positive about things than I did this morning. It is reassuring to hear that it is not just me that finds changing to healthier life style hard. If I focus on small goals as you say I hope to keep focussed. My downfall is not chocolate which seems to be everywhere when you go shopping! But wine!! I have just been looking up how many calories there are which is shocking 😱 I know I need to cut down but if I don't have any at all I may not stick with it, however I also know I rarely stop at one glass!!

  • Ah, well, if you could perhaps limit your consumption of the wine a bit or make a spritzer or something, or have it in a smaller glass. Treat it more as a treat.

  • Embrace the truth that weight loss is hard, but don't let the difficulty of the process deter you. If you want to lose weight, you can. But it will be uncomfortable. Celebrate small accomplishments to stay focused along the way. For example, if the scale isn't giving you the weight loss results that you want, then celebrate the fact that you ate a well-balanced diet during the day and remind yourself about the health benefits you gain from eating well.

  • Consistency seems to be the deal breaker for me. I do well and lose a few pounds then go out and have a social life and it all seems to have gone back on over night. I must try to stop weighing myself every morning as I believe weight can fluctuate for variety of reasons. After a night out it is so disappointing to see all that effort gained back. Yet another of my bad habits? I do hope I can change and recognise that it will be uncomfortable sometimes as it is for others.

  • Perhaps visit your local charity shop and buy a gorgeous target item of clothing a size smaller than you are now. Do a selfie wearing it now and then try it on every two weeks. You will feel amazing when it fits. Take another selfie and you have a before and after photo. Xx

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