I need motivation. Biggest I've ever been.

[Hayleyedwards94]

I'm currently at my highest weight that I've ever been which is 175.5lb and I'm only 5'4 so I am classed as overweight boarderline obese. I am constantly trying to lose weight and whenever I start to diet or change my eating everything goes well and I lose a stone or two but then it all comes creeping back on and I begin to overeat and binge again and pile it back on I've always been chubby and my parents have always called me fat and told me I need to lose weight even when I was at my lowest since being 18 which was 142lb which is considered an ideal weight but yet they still called me fat and made me feel inadequate. Part of me thinks constantly being belittled and insulted makes me gain more weight because I turn to food for comfort I've suffered with anxiety and depression for 6/7 years now and so I find it so hard to get motivated and avoid those sugary drinks and meals full of carbs. I can get through it if I'm busy but when I'm bored and alone I can't help but eat and eat but my body only make my anxiety 10x worse because I'm constantly worried people are thinking she's fat and I'm sick of the embarrassment of telling people I'm going to lose weight then they see me a month later still fat or even fatter. What can I do to keep myself motivated and fight the hunger feelings because I know it won't completely stop me from suffering with anxiety and depression but I know it will definitely improve it and I'll be more confident because right now I have 0 confidence and I would definitely say I hate myself. I've not had sex for 7 months because I cannot bring myself to allow people to see me naked or touch my fat and I have not had a relationship... ever because I lack confidence. Please help. I have attached a photo, please be brutially honest because I am done with feeling sorry for myself when I'm told I'm fat because the truth is yes I am fat and I need to perhaps have a reality check.

[Richarde19691]

Ok honest time your overweight yes but wouldn't go as far as what you think you are, you need to look inside yourselve and find the roots of your comfort eating once you dig them out it will stop. Also food is not a comfort trust me on that i've been were you are and dealing with it right now, and i weigh double what you do once you find your zone you will never look at food the same way. i also suffered with Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety went outside this may first time in 6yrs and exercise helps me deal with Anxiety. But main thing is from what im reading is you NEED TO BLOODY LOVE YOURSELVE FIRST AND FOREMOST stop with all the negative thoughts about yourselve

[shogg]

well i would,nt say your fat we are all diffrent sizes and fat comes in all forms we all say we are fat because we spend time looking at under weight pplwe all carry our fat in diff ways and diff placesand some of us like myself carry it everywhere lol it will be hard but we are all here for you and lots of ppl on here will set you right and help you out

i dont diet anymore more its to hard to stick to so i just eat really and helthy meals now and i never seem to think about food now and thats half the problem

good look

[MrNiceGuy]

Hello Hayley,

I find the manner in which your family treat you to be deplorable, whilst also agreeing that their actions and behaviour are no doubt the root cause of your comfort eating.

By finding your way on to the forum, however, you’ll receive nothing other than help and encouragement from its friendly members, allowing weight loss goals to be achieved, ultimately improving your level of self-esteem in the process.

To some degree, the hurt and suffering that you’ve endured over the years stops here, since you can finally engage with like-minded individuals, some of whom will have experienced your exact circumstances, thus, understanding how and why you may currently feel the way you do.

Most importantly, though, the help and advice you receive (and I’m sure you’ll have some to offer, too), will hopefully allow you to appreciate that you can indeed control and influence the changes that you so desperately seek, while also understanding that you’re not losing weight to satisfy anyone else but yourself, to increase YOUR overall sense of happiness and body confidence.

To lift your spirits a little further, despite possessing some excess, you’re not nearly as fat as you’d believe. However, when it comes to our bodies we’re always our own worst critic, so I totally understand your current feeling.

When beginning to lose weight, you need to appreciate that the excess wasn’t gained overnight so it’s not going to be lost overnight either. Upon acceptance of the above, you can begin to view the challenge somewhat differently and actually begin to enjoy it, since you’ll have removed some of the unnecessary pressure and self-doubt.

To begin losing weight, you’ll need to ascertain both basal metabolic rate (BMR) and total daily energy expenditure (TDEE), since they’re largely accurate in determining calorific requirements based upon current measurements and level of activity.

Additionally, by knowing your numbers, you can always retain an element of control (research the Miflin St.Jeor method of calculating BMR).

To ascertain TDEE, multiply BMR by one of the following:

Sedentary = 1.2, lightly active = 1.375, moderately active = 1.55, heavily active = 1.75, Athlete = 2.

Having obtained both BMR and TDEE, you’ll need to introduce a daily calorie deficit from TDEE (preferably 500Kcal), whilst ensuring that the deficit introduced doesn’t push calorie consumption lower than BMR. Repeatedly consuming fewer calories than BMR leads to a reduction in metabolism and inability to lose weight.

The BMI calculator included within the NHS 12 Plan (certainly worth a look) does the same, providing a recommended minimum and maximum intake based upon current measurements.

In addition to reducing calorie intake, an increase in the level of activity also improves the amount of weight lost each week, as calories are burned from existing levels of body fat to fuel exercise, leading to an overall improvement in body composition (increasing self-confidence).

Again, the amount of calories burned during and after exercise is something that you also control, by virtue of its frequency and intensity; the more vigorous and intense the level of activity, the greater the uptake of glucose and fat as result (to provide energy).

If it’s been a while since you exercised, however, simply concentrate upon increasing the duration of the activity, to improve the efficiency of your cardiovascular system and the muscles’ ability to process oxygen during exercise (increased fitness), before seeking to increase the intensity. You’ll still utilise glucose and fat, just not as extensively.

Once you’re able to sustain cardiovascular exercise at a steady rate for 30 minutes, you can begin to consider increasing its intensity. However, frequency is what allows that stage to be reached.

In addition to increasing your fitness, exercise will undoubtedly help to ease your depression and anxiety, since it encourages the release of mood enhancing endorphins, thus, improving levels of self-esteem.

As for nutrition, what you eat largely influences your level of weight loss success. Again, by researching the 12 week plan, you’ll gain idea of the kind of foods you ought to consume and those you should avoid.

Most importantly, though, seeking to reduce the consumption of refined carbohydrate (in favour of complex varieties) is the greatest thing you can do improve your rate of success, since insulin sensitivity begins to improve, meaning that less is required to ‘unlock the door’. Regular exercise also encourages a similar improvement in the hours afterwards.

Protein should constitute 35% of your daily intake to ensure growth, repair and maintenance, with sources such as lean meat, eggs, fish, nuts and whey powder becoming features of your diet.

Carbohydrate should constitute 40% of daily intake, to provide energy and replenish depleted glycogen in exercised muscles, with oats, beans, lentils and quinoa featuring alongside non-starchy vegetables, such as carrots, broccoli and zucchini. You can still eat potatoes (both white and sweet) and pasta, just be mindful of portion sizes.

Lastly, fat should constitute 25% of daily intake, with nuts, fish, avocado and healthy oils (such as coconut and olive) making up the numbers.

Moving on to levels of weekly weight loss. You shouldn’t expect to achieve the same that may be witnessed on the likes of the Biggest Loser, for example.

Firstly, the contestants you may have seen are morbidly obese, with some weighing in at 2-3 times your current body weight. As such, since they possess far greater levels of body fat (remember what I’d said about stored calories), their level of loss will be greater.

Secondly, the contestants work out for hours each day under the constant supervision of Bob, Jillian and a host of other medical professionals. In real-world terms, this is an unrealistic representation, further demonstrated when the contestants return home, since some gain weight when left to their own devices.

Furthermore, although all contestants may initially be placed upon a severely low intake of 1500Kcal (well below their BMR), what you don’t see or hear so much about is how their individual intakes are adjusted above 1500Kcal (again under supervision of dieticians), to ensure that metabolism continues to fire as weight is lost.

As such, given your current weight, by introducing a daily calorie deficit from TDEE and increasing levels of activity, you could expect to lose 2-3lbs per week. It may not seem like a lot, but you’ll have expended 7500-10,000Kcal to achieve that aim.

Over the course of a month, for example, a continued loss of 2-3lbs each week will begin to amount to something rather sizeable.

However, bear in mind that as weight is lost, the body will require fewer calories to satisfy BMR in particular, so you should re-assess requirements with every 7lbs lost, thus, reducing the risk of plateau.

I appreciate that I may have provided you with a lot of information to digest, but take your time to read through it all (feel free to ask questions), so that you have a greater idea of how to achieve the changes that you wish to make.

[Aqualad]

Hello Heyley,

you are feeling a lot of strong emotions concerning your weight and problems with depression and anxiety. I would first like to say you are not alone in suffering anxiety and depression I too have suffered with both since childhood and I experienced a major breakdown last year that almost cost me my life. If you feel you cannot cope with the feelings please seek help from a GP who really can help. I was referred to a counselling service that has really helped me cope with my depression and anxiety I am not "cured" but I understand and except myself much better now.

You said people should look at your photo and be brutally honest, so I can honestly say the only person whose opinion about your appearance that matters is your own. If you can find it inside of yourself to except yourself for who you are then that will be a major breakthrough. I am not perfect, you are not perfect but then nobody in the world is perfect (even the people who believe themselves to be perfect are just as flawed as the rest of us).

If you can find it within yourself to except yourself for who you are right now and not who you want to be in the future you will find the NHS eating plan simple to follow by comparison.

I am 6 ft 1ins tall and had a BMI of 29.9 just on the edge of obese at 16 stone 1 pound back in march of this year I have lost just over 3 stone and am now a healthy BMI but my goal is to reach 12 stone to put my BMI at 22. I am not any more happy as a person for this achievement but I am happy I have done it and I plan to stick with the plan for life.

I would suggest that you please try to stop apologising for your appearance and weight because honestly you are fine just as you are and if you find a good partner then they will except you for who you are if you weigh 100lb or 500lb.

Also please try to be aware of "false friends" things that seem to comfort us but in the long term damage us such as drugs, alcohol, gambling or binge eating. I always see a big slice of cake as a potential false friend who will turn on you in an instant.

I have learned that as cheesy as is sounds happiness comes from within, being thin wont make you happy, being rich won't make you happy but YOU and only you have the power to allow yourself to be happy, only answer to yourself, except who you are, you are beautiful just the way you are, do this and you will reach your weight loss goal because only you can do it. There are always lots of people ready to tell others bad things about how they look those people should not have the power to make you unhappy - do not give them the power keep it for yourself and allow yourself to be happy.

If you have a bad day and eat too much forgive yourself and move on and start again tomorrow.

Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself you do not need to be a certain weight or look a certain way to be happy and seek help for the depression you do not have to suffer you have the power to make all the positive changes in your life yourself.

If you would like further support then post on the message board, together we can all except ourselves and reach our goals.

Good Luck XX

[slimpickings 2 stone]

Good morning lovely. I am first of all sending you a ((hug)).

Please don't think of yourself in this negative light again. You have already had some really sensible advice already but I will just add my bit too.

You didn't say how old you were but I am going to guess that the 94 in your profile name is your date of birth. I am older than you and tbh would be extremely happy when my figure looks like yours.

However, the thought of posting an image of my body online and asking for comments doesn't appeal to me. I probably am showing my age as I grew up pre internet. You mustn't open yourself up to criticism like that online (this forum is definately the exception to the rule). There is a generation now who put their heart and soul into the last photo that they posted and I find that a bit scary.

What I am trying to say to you is, your opinion of yourself is the important one and you have to love yourself first and foremost. I know that I am echoing the sentiments already given to you.

Good luck and keep in touch. Xx