Hi everyone, I have had weight trouble all of my 53 years of life so far. I have lost weight three times in my life so far and I don't just mean a few pounds. The first time I lost 8 1/2 stone when I was 18 (weighed 18.5 stone) and joined weight watchers, however a cautionary note here as I became so obsessed to be the one in class who had lost the most each week that I did it in 8 months and became anorexic !! Weight watchers didn't know this and I was put forward for weight watcher of the year and came in 3rd..lol

The second time I lost five stone was when I met my husband, who's mother said that I was a big girl (20 stone) and I was petrified of losing him...I went the same way as before and not eating...then I lost my mum..and piled on the pounds..

I am a comfort eater, a boredom eater, if fact if I am honest I just love most foods..

Having captured my husbands heart..and settled into a routine.. the pounds have crept on..My husband is active and can eat almost anything he likes without weight gain..ggrrrrr...|eight years ago I weighed 28 stone and was sooo unhappy..!!! I was suffering from depression, arthritis and other complaints that I once again suddenly decided to do something about it and over 2 1/2 years came down to 14 stone on my own diet eating sensibly cutting out fat and excercising mainly swimming..

My husband was delighted by the new me but I remained depressed as I now had loads of horrible lose skin everywhere, despite the swimming, I was embarrassed to swim, couldn't wear clothes to show off my figure so...yes a few pounds on became a few stones..until as some of you will know you usually end up heavier than when you started..Many of you will think that I am stupid and that this could not happen to you..but think of how you yourself diet losing a few pounds..do you give up?? do you put it back on plus a couple of extra pounds..

Well anyway, yes I admit that I am BLOODY STUPID and I went back up to 26 stone..and my poor old body decided that it had had enough of this. I gave myself a hernia..then it became a trapped hernia and I had to have an emergency operation to have it repaired and I came out of surgery with 56 staples across my stomach..my recuperation was long and complicated and I became almost totally inactive..

Then I lost my father..in fact it was me who found my father and I was most disturbed by the fact and the fact that I had to sort out his affairs, revisiting the scene every time I went to his house. I eventually had councelling for bereavement (which helped), but the calories piled on...

THIS IS THE PUNCHLINE...and I am hoping for some sensible support if possible..if not and people want to slate me let this serve as a cautionary tale to others. I am still suffering from depression, chronic arthritis in both of my knees, lower back, wrists, and virtually every joint that has been abused by my own stupid weight. I now have gallstones, a fatty liver, borderline diabetes, high blood pressure and another HUGE HERNIA in my stomach which according to my consultant who saw me this weekend TOLD ME THAT IF IT BECOMES TRAPPED LIKE THE LAST ONE DID I WOULD NOT SURVIVE THE NECESSARY SURGERY TO CORRECT IT.......soooooooo

Today is the first day of my diet..again..I cannot tell you of my weight because my scales do not weigh me but I am sure that I weigh about 30 stone now...last time I was weighed I was about 29 stone and that was some time ago...

I am so ashamed by my size, I am so depressed, I DON'T WANT TO DIE.....

12 Replies

  • Well done for joining the forum it is a really positive step forward. For almost everybody on here it is all about those little steps forwards. It is really hard but people here are wonderfully supportive. There is a newbie section on the pinned posts which gives lots of useful information to new members including a Monday group way in. I wish enormous luck on this journey and hope we can all help you with little tips.

  • Brave lady for actually writing it down for others to read. I'm also a newby & so far I've had loads of positive comments I think that this community will be SO SO GOOD for the both of us.


  • hi and welcome. i echo the reply you have had.already. everyone here is supportive and lots useful help. please keep posting and all best wishes to you, you're never alone here.

  • Hi there, firstly welcome to our lovely forum - you've made a wise choice by signing up with some great new friends who will support, motivate and at times pick you up when you feel you can't do it on your own. Secondly, please stop running yourself down - you sound like a lovely lady who has had to deal with a lot of loss in your life, but you have lost weight in the past, and you can do it again - the trick is to do it in a sustainful way that you can embrace as a lifestyle change rather than a quick fix solution. You also have the support of your husband, so get him on board to support and encourage you. Thirdly (& most important, but please don't be offended) please, please think about changing your login name - you have never been, nor ever will be 10 tonnes (1,500 stones) - positive thinking is the way forward!! Good luck & you can do this x

  • Well said, couldn't have said it any better! ;) :)

  • Hi whatever your real name is (I'm not going to call you what your username is, sorry)!

    Well done for signing up here; this forum and the people on here have helped so many people and in turn have been helped too. :) We're all going through our own journeys and we all have our own fears. there are people on here who have lost an amazing amount of weight and more importantly they have kept it off too! This is very good news for you (and me) as this shows us that losing a significant amount of weight CAN BE ACHIEVED! It can also be sustained. That's why I love the NHS 12 week plan, it's common sense, realistic, down to earth and sensible! No fads, no tricks just honest to Earth darn good advice! I'm at the end of week 9 and have lost over 2 stone so far and you know what? I haven't starved myself and I haven't climbed mountains and ran marathons. It was all possible but I took it one day at a time, then a week at a time and now a month at a time...over time it has become easier as I think I have started some healthy habits for life (hopefully). This can happen to you too, you just have to believe in yourself. We here will help all we can but you have to be the one to believe in yourself!

    Good luck and hopefully see you around!

    Sazkia x ♥

  • Oh my! What a time you have had 😢 Losing our parents is just heartbreaking 😢 You have my deepest sympathy ❤️

    You are not 'stupid', have nothing to be 'ashamed' of, you have done what many many people have done, been on the dieting see-saw 😕

    Very well done for being so honest and brave 😊 Today is the first day of the rest of your life 😊

    STOP trying to 'diet'. Most dieticians and weight loss experts agree that eating too few calories is unsustainable long term.

    Check out the newbies post and find your target calories by searching for your BMR. This will probably be more than you expect. PLAN your meals, you will be experienced at this thanks to WW (a very good 'diet' just too low in calories in my opinion)

    And come on here and talk to us, we are a friendly lot, with absolutely no judgement 😊

    Very best wishes ❤️

  • Hello, I had to reply to you - what an awful lot you've had to deal with and what a very difficult time you've had. I'm so pleased you're going to give it another go - you CAN do it. Everyone on here will support you. No one will slate you. We all know how hard it is, but you have proved before that you can do it, so I know you can. We'll be with you all the way, and when it gets too tough, re read these replies and have faith. We all stumble, but you can pick yourself up and carry on. You're worth it. You sound like a strong person to have coped with so much. Lean on us, we'll support you. Take special care, and take it slowly......

    Jweanie xx

  • Hi and welcome to the forum. Firstly you are not stupid many, many of us on here have lost weight, put in back on and yo yo dieted for years but that's in the past it is now that matters.

    You have had a lot of sorrow in your life like so many of us on here but again that's in the past, it's now time to move forward with your life with the help of family, friends and of course all of us on the forum.

    Depression is a vicious circle which is easy to fall back into but you have made the best step forward today joining everyone here who want to get fitter, healthier and slimmer. I think everyone has given you good advice and pointed you in the right direction. I don't know if you have spoken to your GP about your plans for weight loss maybe it would be a good idea to have them on board to keep an eye out for you.

    I started on my journey May 19th after personal/family issues and weight gain at 17.1stone last week I was 14.9 so still a long way to go but my arthritis in my hip has been 100% better since changing my foods and loosing weight it doesn't take many weeks to notice a difference.

    It's what you do today that matters, look after yourself start your new lifestyle journey and look forward to a better future, you are in control of yourself make the decisions good ones, give yourself small goals each week, we are not in competition with anyone and slow and steady weight loss is best. I currently loose between 1-1.5lbs a week but that's ok as I see it as a long term investment.

    Good Luck keep posting and being active on the forum.

    Best wishes Bev👍😊⭐️

  • P S

    Like everyone else says please change the negative name because for you 'a new day dawns'

  • How brave to post your story, you have come to the right place for support and encouragement. I have tried on many occasions to lose weight and by the time I started the NHS 12 week plan I had almost 5 stone to lose -this had crept up from 3 to 4 to 5 over the last few years. I've completed 4 weeks and have lost each week and last week joined the winter solstice challenge for extra motivation, the posts on here are great and, personally, I think more helpful than a slimming club.

    Good luck with your new start and wishing you every success.

  • Hi and welcome Brave Lassie :)

    I have nothing to add to what's already been beautifully said, except my support :)

    I was a yoyo dieter for 58years, until finally coming to my senses when I had 9 stone to lose to get back to healthy BMI. I've been here just over a year now and only have 2.5st left to go. I couldn't have done it without the support of this community and I'm sure you'll find it just as supportive :)

    I shall be posting the weigh-in thread tomorrow and I would love it if you joined us :) If you click "follow" on mine and Lowcal's profiles, you'll get a notification when we post.

    Wishing you all the very best, as you strike out on your final journey to health and happiness :)