Lots to lose!!

Hi, I am new on here, I have been overweight since i had my first daughter back in 1992, i have since had 2 more girls in 1994 and the last one in 2010 and have slowly and surely piled more and more weight on as the years have gone by, i am now classed as morbidly obese...mine is partly due to medical issues that the doctor has investigated for me after nagging, but i have reached a stage now where i can hardly walk without pain in my knee's and legs, to the extent they are now keeping me awake at night or waking me from my sleep on the rare chance i actually do get to sleep as i tend to have a very restless sleep most nights, i am big chested also and this prevents me sleeping on my back due to getting suffocated, i have a lovely husband whom i have been with for 20 years + and married for 9 of those, we have our 10th wedding anniversary coming up in june 2017 and we are renewing our vows so that our little girl can be a part of something special, and i would love nothing more than to wear a lovely dress for this day instead of looking like a blown up puffa fish in a meringue dress like the last time.I have tried umpteen diets and failed miserably, my health is getting worse, i can't play with my little girl as i would like to and i see other mum's doing, i feel very upset and unhappy about my size and i can never feel good wearing anything i own, i don't drive due to health issues so this leaves me with less choice to go anywhere or do anything with my kids, i have started going swimming and it's the only time i get respite from the continual pains in my legs and ankles now, i would just like a little support to help me in the right direction, i was considering attending a local slimmers group but a neighbour that has made our lives a misery a while back for over 5 years attends there and i don't particularly want them knowing my business or weight details, i would be a laughing stock as she is surrounded by 'yummy mummies'...i just feel i need to lose this weight now asap for some reason, now feels like the right time and something has just clicked with me, i don't overeat, i do try to walk when my leg allows, and i do eat plenty of fruit and veg, i rarely eat chocolate or crisps, pop, sweets etc, i love salads, a lot of my weight piled on over 10 years during the time i was on contraceptive injections, and i have been told i also have a under active thyroid and slow metabolism? so it appears all these mixed have added to the weight gain along with the fact that i sometimes don't eat regularly as i am too busy with my little one or working etc, and because i miss meals my body stores the fat as it never knows when it will get the next meal...does this make sense to anyone as i am still trying to figure it out, i thought by eating less and doing more you would lose the weight? I have no other family for support now and my dad is now under dialysis 3 times a week as well as having stomach cancer-grade 1- and is diabetic, his health is failing too along with his vision, and he lives nearly 1000 miles away. I have no other support locally to help spur me on and encourage me on bad days and i don't really know many people around our area, if anyone is willing to give me some advice and support i will promise to try my best at losing this weight before my children have no mother and to help me get that little closer to getting into a nice dress for my wedding vows next year... thanks for taking the time to read this...sorry it was so long

23 Replies

  • Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. My advise to you is this; you deserve a healthy life. You deserve the time you need to make positive changes and look after yourself. I know what it feels like to be the bottom of your own list. Change comes from within. Embrace yourself and forgive yourself. No self hate or negatively towards your body. It may be obese but it's the only body you'll ever have. Love it! You are beautiful. Diet wise the nhs website has the 12 week plan. A calorie counting app is handy also (myfitnesspal). You'll find the support you need here. Everyone is with you. One step at a time. You will get to that beautiful dress you want x x good luck

  • Thank you....you have no idea how much that reply has encouraged me, it's the first time anyone has ever bothered to listen to me about my weight and actually gave me some encouragement, hubby says i am beautiful to him but he does worry my weight will become an issue later on and i could end up in a wheelchair etc, he does everything he can to help me and encourage me but i sometimes just think 'why me' as all my brothers and sisters are taller than me and although they are taller, some are overweight by a lot but manage somehow to look better than me..in my opinion i guess..they seem to carry it off better. Thank you anyway for taking the time to reply to me, it means a lot and just that has already given me hope that i will have the support here i will need if i am having a bad day/week etc..Thank you.xx

  • No problem. I've got a way to go on my journey but I'm of the mind that at least 50% of this road we wanna walk down needs us to address our issues or demonds regarding our body and how we see ourselfs. We deserve all these things other ppl take for granted. It starts with you knowing that x

  • I totally agree, i have had issues about the way i look for years and years, always saying it never bothers me and i am happy the way i am, clearly i am not or i wouldn't of just woke one day thinking i have to change things and quick, something must of helped me think that way but i don't know what!! The other thing is that my Nan passed away in 2012 and i couldn't make the funeral as i couldn't travel in case i developed a blood clot in my leg as i have had them before, because of my weight, and i don't drive either because of the same reasons and i feel so very guilty not being able to attend her funeral as she brought me up, my mother left us with her when we were 8 and never bothered much only some odd holidays to see us miles away from our home, then she returned with 4 other kids when i had left school and just had my own room for the first time, just started a new job and her kids wrecked my bedroom as they had to share it with me, i couldn't hold my job down as my mother took a job caring at night so the kids and everything to do with them got dumped on me, i had had enough and left home, my nan tried her best but it was my uncle who allowed her back there to ruin things for us again, and i miss my Nan so so much, i want to be able to go visit her grave 400 miles away but i can't until i have lost some weight and have the confidence to travel, and fit, in a plane seat.I know everyone has their own life history and issues, i just thought by telling people some of mine it may help understand where i am coming from, i no longer have contact with my mother and she refuses to give me any details about my father so i know if there is anything medical that can be passed down that might be contributing also to my weight issue, it just goes on lol, thank you again anyway and sorry for chewing your ears off.xx

  • Getting your past out of your system isn't chewing my ears off. You need to make peace with the past to be able to move forward. We've all of us had our dark days, some darker than others. If we keep looking back we can never truly move forward. We need to know that there's only one person who is responsible for our happiness and health - ourselves. Own it x x you can change it x

  • Hi Donna,

    I too have 3 kids and never lost the baby weight! I have about 6 stone to lose.

    i have an underactive thyroid and will be tested for autoimmune problems soon.

    I get pains in my legs and feet but once I start walking they go and its only when I rest they hurt!

    It's great you've found the motivation to get going and I wish you well.


  • Hi,

    I don't know what it was that made me realise i had to do something and now, i just woke one day and thought enough was enough and that was it, i have to do this not just for my kids and hubby, but mainly for myself, it has taken me years to think this way without just thinking up excuses as to why i don't need to lose weight, maybe i have a guardian angel or something and it was their way of telling me something needed to be done about it, i just really don't know, but what i do know is, is that i want a life back.......as i said to the other lady above, thank you for the message, it has really helped me and you have no idea how much....the doctor thinks i have worn the cartilage in my knee out which is why it is so painful and i am on medication now for inflamed hamstrings and to prevent clots as i have had them before just after giving birth to my second daughter, and i suffer from severe fluid retention too, seems never ending, hopefully if i can lose some weight bit by bit, it will help with all that!! Thank you again.


  • Hello

    You sound really determined. Believe in yourself.

    Hopefully the pain in your legs will ease as you lose weight. Can they do anything about the cartilage?

    Why does the GP say you have fluid retention?


  • I was told i can have a knee replacement as my knee grinds when i walk and gets hot but they are not willing to do it at the age i am as then it would have to be replaced again in 30 years, making me 73, and as i have a history of bad reactions to anaesthetic, they said i may not make it out the next time as it took them nearly 2 hours to bring me around after the last operation i had on my bowel, it is possible they could take some from elsewhere and redo my knee but they would have to look into it and see if it is worth the risk of the anaesthetic. regarding my legs, i was told i suffer from phlebitis? a type of severe water retention that accumulates in the legs that can sometimes have a weird pins and needles feeling, almost similar to when there is too much salt in your system, it gives an itching sensation in the legs, making you feel as if you want to scratch it and rip the skin off, it's awful, my feet tend to swell a lot also and the skin feels really tight across the top of my foot when that happens, i am on tablets for it now so hopefully that will help too.xx

  • Hopefully losing weight should ease your problems.

    Ive bought myself a Fitbit. I find it a good incentive to try to get 10,000 steps a day. Also, I can log my food and see how many calories I eat, etc.

    I wish you luck and keep us informed of your progress.


  • I am sending you a huge hug. You are in the right place for love and support. I am genuinely crying. I wish you all the luck in the world for you to achieve your desire. We are always here for you on this forum. Xx

  • Hi,

    Thank you, i never actually thought other people would be that bothered to even answer the message, it has made me feel much happier knowing i can just come on here now and ask for advise and guidance or if i have had a really bad day/time etc, I have spent many a day crying, wishing i could have a nice figure and be healthy, i have spent years trying to convince myself it is fine to be big and i am just a bubbly outgoing bigger person, but i think it was just to cover how i really felt to be honest, i was never really happy about my size and really envied girls that had nice figures, it's not for want of trying, i really don't over eat at all, i just seem to put weight on really easily and take ages to lose just a few pounds, it just feels so unfair sometimes, i am very grateful to you all for replying, to know people are there to talk to and support me when i need it the most now has made such a difference to me, i feel like i can at least try to do something about it all now for my families sake and for people like you now, that have offered me such valuable support, you will never know how much your reply has helped me in taking things forward now and giving me some hope that i can do this if i tried, really, none of you have any idea how this has all helped me, thank you so much, i will keep everyone updated, it's going to be a long hard road, but with your help, and all the lovely other people on here, i am sure i can see it through, and if things get hard sometimes, i know i can just have a moan about it on here and know that i won't be judged....thank you so much again..xx

  • I had to reply and tell you that you're not alone- you don't need to go to b slimming club if it will make you feel uncomfortable. I went to a nhs organised weight management 12 week course- you attend each week and it's all very confidential - you see a nurse for 10 minutes each week and they help you - very much like this forum. Ask your Dr for details and you may be able to join one near you. It's the same 12 week plan as this except you get personal help and encouragement for the first 12 weeks which helped me a lot. I also had a great deal to lose- I'm already feeling a lot better with a healthier lifestyle- and I think if I can do it then so can you- you are worth it. You can do it and as soon as you start you will begin to feel better. I wish you all the luck in the world, stay in touch on here and everyone will help you- we're all in the same position and no one is ever made to feel embarrassed. If you want help and support this is the place. Everyone is with you and is here for you in a non judgemental, supportive way. Wishing you well....

  • Thank you.it all means a lot to me...i promise to keep in touch ok.xx

  • Always here ((hugs)) xx

  • Dry your eyes honey - you've just taken the first, very brave steps to taking back control of your life - be proud of yourself x

  • Hi I have read all your touching words and the lovely advice given by other forum members.

    You have reached the end of your tether that's how we all end up contacting the forum and it is the best think I have done and the best thing you will do too.

    Everyone here doesn't judge, nag or condemned anyone we encourage, advise and help each other something we all need from time to time.

    I am on week 14 of the plan ( started week 1&2 again as I have a lot to loose too) I am hoping by Monday weigh in to have hit my 2st lost goal. It is amazing how working with the 12 week plan, counting calories, upping exercise just walking more helps us feel fitter, happier and indeed a few pounds lighter.

    Many of us have pasts that have sad stories/ events that haven't helped our weight because we have emotionally eaten but your past is gone, like a new day dawning here you come a lovely, bright person with a smashing husband and 3 lovely daughters that isn't bad for start is it?

    Join us all in our lifestyle adventure to a healthier, fitter and slimmer existence because if I can do it anyone can, My hip (arthritis) is aching less, I can get into some clothes I couldn't before and I am finding will power from where I don't know but the 12 week plan is working for me and it can for you too.

    You have 4 amazing reasons to loose weight

    1. To get into that wedding dress you want so much

    2. To get on that plane to visit your nans grave

    3. To be a role model and show your daughters what their mum can achieve

    4. To give yourself the best gift you can a better quality of life and you deserve it because you are loved by your family you just need to realise it's ok to love yourself a little too

    Download week 1 and fill it in, maybe get a fitness tracker to help record calories exercise etc

    Check your BMI using the calculator for how many calories you should be having and go to the lesser amount. Give yourself little goals to reach each week and treat yourself to a non food treat if you reach them ( bubble bath, new make up etc)

    Good Luck on your journey let us know how you get on and shout if you need help.

    Best wishes Bev💜💜💜

  • I'm wishing you well, and the right medication, we all deserve to feel / look nice and be free of pain ( believe me I worked in care, and handled someone wrongly, as in the wrong technique) , I had very nasty hip pain for a while, changing jobs sorted it.

    You just need the support and help to start losing, for all your children's future, your husband and you too.

    You are not alone here, lots of support, use it

  • You can do it!!!

    Do the 12 week plan. Eat regularly within your calorie allowance. Be a role model for your children by loving yourself and bring yourself back to health and happiness.

    Big hug! X

  • Hi, I just wanted to say I'm also here for you. I also had my first of three children back in 1992 and have never lost the baby weight!!! Plus gained each and every year since!!

    My husband left me for a 'girl' 23,years younger than me 3 years ago after telling me to loose weight as no man would ever look at me the way I was - I continued to emotionally eat and now have a lot to loose.

    I have since met a wonderful man and have lost two stone, but seem to have stumbled to a halt so I am on here for the fantastic help and support. You can do this, it might be a long journey but each little lose will help you with your health.

    Oh also wanted to say you are a yummy mummy - it's not what you weigh it's how wonderful you are inside as a person. So ignore that neighbour, forget the slimming clubs, stick on here and also the gps nurse if you would like a more personal contact.

    One last thing. We will both loose lots by next year and I'll be at your wedding renwal to see you in that beautiful wedding dress that you will be able to fit into. Take care and just message anytime x

  • Bless you what an amazing lady you are. I admire you immensely just for the sheer amount you cope with in your life. If you feel it is time to make the changes for you, your health and your family then your mindset to achieve it is there. I have been on medication for an under active thyroid for 15 years and have found it difficult to lose weight over the years but like you felt it was the right time. I am following this programme week by week and learning new things every week. Main thing is to find meals you enjoy that keep within the calorie ranges and be consistent. The support you get on here is amazing too. So just take one week at a time - be flexible and build on each week. After 2 weeks I had lost 5lb and 3 inches off my waist. So it can be done. Everyone here will be right behind you - you will get that beautiful dress. Good luck x

  • Hi Donnasdream16, you have found the right place for help - The 12 week plan is great, and really easy to follow. I am only in my 3rd week and the help on here is amazing, everyone is so supportive and will give you plenty of help and advice. Good luck on your journey. xxx

  • Well done Donnasdream16 for coming on here and sharing your hurts and ambitions. All of us in here feel your sadness and feel honoured that you have shared this with us.

    I wish you all the luck with your journey you know you are ready for it and you know you can do it. As has been said before on here, it's taken a long time for us to get this way so it will inevitably take a while to get back again but you will do it.

    You sound a lovely a positive person I'm sure your husband and children are very proud of you. Xx

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