Cat33

Unkind remarks

I wonder if any of you have ever had an unkind remark about your weight ?

In 2011 I had to have 2 operations on my feet as the arthritis had affected both my big toes and they wouldn't bend (I'm a walking disaster me 😊) The first op was in January the second in Aug with 3 months recovery for both My weight ballooned to almost 16stone I hated it and was very self conscious of it One evening after I was all mended from my ops a young neighbour invited us over for a meal with another couple The conversation got round to pets and I said we had thought of getting a dog This lady said without any hesitation "Oh that will be great you can lose weight when you walk it "😑That remark went through me like a knife I was devastated as I'd never talked about my weight to her But it was the kick up the backside I needed after being upset I was angry at her rudeness and thought I'll show her !! I went to Aldis got myself a pair of their walking boots and every morning I did a walk for 30mins

It took a while but I got down to 14 stone loads of people complimented me and I felt great I've gone back to 14 and a half now and determined to lose more

I wrote her comment in my food diary and how it made me feel So if this has ever happened to you do the same re read it and remember how it made you feel it's a great motivation to lose it 😊

27 Replies

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  • Hi Cat33, It amazes me how people think they have a right to comment on your weight and think it doesn't hurt when they make remarks. Good on you for losing the weight. I had or should I say have hurtful remarks about my weight, I am very over weight. I am from a big family and last year we lost one of my brothers suddenly to cancer (told he had it on the Friday he died on the Monday), the family all meant up like you do at these times and one of my other brothers came up to me and said your next because your overweight! Since then he makes this comment every time we meet. He doesn't seem to understand how hurtful it is even when I tell him! I too like you gained more weight over the last 3 years because I couldn't walk due to arthritis in both knees. I have now had both knees replaced in the last 12 months. People need to realise we hurt the same as everyone else and the weight is not a shield against hurtful words. Have a good week Cat33.

  • Oh my goodness what an awful thing to say to you you must have been devastated and to say that after such a dreadful happened to your brother I'm so sorry he still makes those comments to you,you must dread seeing him I'm amazed he doesn't stop after you have told him how you feel

    When you can't exercise its so easy for the weight to pile on isn't it

    I'm glad you have lovely new knees and can get walking

    I can't say ignore your brothers remarks as I know I couldn't Do you react to his comments ? People tell me don't react as its what they want you to do and if you don't they stop

    On the other hand maybe it's his way of getting you to lose weight as you are his sister he loves you and doesn't want to lose you too He just hasn't gone the right way about it

    All the best thanks for replying 😊

  • Hi Cat33, I try not to react to his comments but they do hurt. So I remove myself from the situation where I don't go to his house any more or answer his calls. I know what I have to do for myself and no one else and I'm here doing it in my own time for my own reasons. I've lost 7lbs in 3 weeks so it's definitely working for me.

    Hope you have a good week.

  • Good for you not going to his house or answering his calls you don't need the upset life is too short You have tried to let him see how much it upsets you Lets hope in time he shows remorse

    That's an amazing amount to lose and so glad you are putting yourself first I wish you loads of luck you are doing brilliantly just think if you do the same in another 3 weeks thats a stone Wow πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • Wishing you luck too on your weight loss journey. I'm working hard at it so hopefully the first stone will be gone soon.

  • Thanks will you keep me posted I'd love to know how you do I've only lost 2lbs so far but it's a start By the way I always buy yellow roses on my Dads birthday and the anniversary of the day he passed away as they were his favourite flower πŸ˜€

    Keep going it's a great achievement to lose a stone

  • I will watch out for you here and let you know how I get on. What week are you on, I'm in the middle of week 4. Well done with losing the 2lb. Roses are my favourite flower I have some lovely yellow climbing roses in my garden and a very special pink rose brush in memory of my mom.

  • Oh yes please let me know I'm not on the nhs plan I can't find how to get on it I've been doing it for 2 weeks myself how do I get on to it ?

    Roses are lovely aren't they enjoy them 🌹

  • Just found the plan and signed up yippee πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • Hi some people open their mouth before engaging their brain don't they? and don't realise how hurtful they can be.

    When I was pregnant last (21 years ago) the midwife called me her 14st older mum . ( I was 34, and my 3rd baby) I imagine times have moved on now as women are having their first babies in their 30/40s. Also just after I had had my daughter we were on holiday and 2 teenage lads walking behind our family started singing the Laurel and Hardy theme tune ( I was still 14st and short where as my husband is tall and slim) that really hurt me but I just ignored it. Hasten to add I still put on more weight but for the past 8 weeks am on my way down.

    I have made a list of pro's and con's of loosing weight I just read this if I feel wobbly hasten to add the con's are virtually non existent.

    Good luck on your journey and keep reading that comment to spur you on you will show her the new you soon.πŸ‘

  • Hi I know it's amazing people think it's ok to make remarks I was 35 when I had my 3rd baby [30yrs ago now help πŸ˜€πŸ˜€] A girl in the bed opposite said Blimey you are nearly as old as my dad !! Yes think it's different now as its more the norm to have babies in your 30s

    What a horrible thing to happen with those teenage boys silly things

    My husband is tall and slim too it's not fair is it !!

    That's a brilliant idea about pros and cons of loosing weight I shall get myself a coffee- no biscuits- and sit and write that now thanks for that would never have thought of doing it

    Yes I will show her,she now makes remarks about my age a lot not much I can do about that but yes I'll show her I can be nice and slim πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

    All the best

  • What is wrong with that woman? she must be so under confident herself she needs to make others feel the same. I am sorry but I would eventually find something she is self conscious about and pass a comment myself. You can only suffer other people's rudeness so much everyone has a breaking point.

    Chin up you have lot's of friends on here age, gender, weight who cares we are all individual with our own special qualities.

    πŸ’πŸ˜Š Do a bit of detective work find out her Achilles heel.

  • She is super confident she thinks she is very "cool" if you know what I mean Another neighbour took her daughters some sweets as a little thank you for a favour she just looked at her and said "As if I'm going to put that junk down my kids throats" That's what she is like

    I really should just think "sad lady" shouldn't I and not let it get to me I wish I had had the confidence to have said Oh you can come with me to walk the dog and lose weight too !! I'm a wimp I just get very upset 😒

    Yes I will think of all the nice friends on here we are far better than her πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • 'some people blow out your candle to make theirs apoear brighter' 😊

    You are absolutely right, these are cruel and hurtful remarks πŸ˜• But its very difficult, I have two friends who are very unhappy with their weight, both have health problems, and are full of compliments for me and "I don't know how you do it" . . , I would so much love to help them . . , what can I do? I have explained the eating plan I follow (when asked I hasten to add!) but I know from past experience the decision has to come from inside us, we need to make that mental decision, enough is enough! It is a moral dilemma . . . πŸ˜•

  • Well they could move near me and meet my neighbour ha ha πŸ˜€ I love the comment about the candle never heard that before She bought me some flowers last week as Im poorly so it's hard as she can be nice and her husband is a really nice person and I don't want to fall out with neighbours as still have to live here

    It's a real dilemma with your friends isn't it Its so hard when you want to help but they won't take that step I have a friend who is the same she readily admits her house is untidy she goes to bed a lot to shut it out and is overweight She keeps moaning to me every time we email but unless like you say she makes that decision herself there's not much we can do other be the nice friends to them is there

    Have a good day πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • If think you will find on the outside she appears confident but in my experience these are the type of people who can dish out comments but cannot take them.

    I would keep her well and truly at arms length just say hello when I have to and certainly not do any favours for her, keep them for your nice neighbours who appreciate you. Maybe she will eventually notice how people don't want to be around her unless she is totally hard skinned.

    Keep posting your progress, hope you are having a good day😊. Bev

  • Thank you Bev yes that sounds the best idea We have some lovely neighbours too and they are worth making time for πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • My own mother used to be nasty to me about my weight - I was only a couple of stone over where I should have been, but when I had my kids that's when it really piled on. I don't know why cos I didn't eat any differently when I was pregnant, if anything I probably ate less as I had horrendous morning sickness, but with each of my pregnancies I gained about 3 stone!

    After my third child I waited about two months to recover, then I took control. I visited my mum and she saw how fat I was around 14 stone. I had so much satisfaction going to visit her 4 months later and was down to 10 1/2 stone and a size 10/12. Never been that thin since I was 16 lol. I'm now back up to just under 11 stone as had another baby in October 2015, with the aim of getting to about 9 1/2 stone by October time (I hope!).

    The irony of it is, she used to be horrible to me, but she was fatter than I was claiming she couldn't lose weight cos of the water retention- yeah right, more like lazyitis and stuff your faceitis lol

    Sadly she died in April from cancer. What I'm trying to get at, is often the people who are the most jealous and insecure about themselves as the ones who are spiteful to others 😑

    Good luck with your weight loss πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘

  • Thank you for your reply Wow that is amazing that you lost all that weight and you are still a nice size I wish you lots of luck with your weight loss October is a good goal

    Yes I'm sure you are so right about they are jealous and insecure Nice happy contented people don't make spiteful remarks do they

    I'm sorry your mum was nasty about your weight I can't imagine saying things like that to my children My middle son went through a terrible time when he had bulimia it can do a lot of harm to comment on someone's weight

    Love the "stuff your faceitis"that made me smile

    Good luck πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

  • Thank you so much. And good luck to you too.

    I've just started the 12 week plan although I've been a member since March and wasn't really taking it seriously. I'm on my second week. Only lost 0.5lb last week as my period started on weigh in day, can you believe the timing?!!

    I'm hoping this week for at least a lb hopefully more.

    Are you new to the site?

  • I signed up for the plan last year and like you I didn't take it seriously but I didn't know about this forum then I've just signed up again and will really follow it

    I have a health check on Aug 1st and I know the first thing will be my weight so must try to get a bit more off before then

    I can't blame periods anymore as I'm past them now Much as I hate getting older that is one nice thing about it 😊

    I hope you lose your 1lb don't you think anything just gives you that little lift and makes you want to keep going ?

    Yes I'm new to the site only started posting this week and I'm so heartened by the response and the lovely people I have got to chat to it's really given me so much motivation so much better than struggling alone

    Night night have a good day tomorrow 😍

  • Yes every bit is helpful. I know some members have lost 1lb per week on the 12 week plan and at the end that's a 12lb deficit. That's a LOT of weight. I'm aiming to lose 20lb by October. It means I need to shift just under 2lb a week to get there. It's going to be hard work, but I'm going to try!

    Hopefully speak to you again soon! Good night 😊

  • Hi Cat33 sorry your neighbour made you feel upset by her insensitive comment. But I bet secretly your glad she did as your here now striving to be a lighter youπŸ˜€

    My own weight loss journey started off with a picture of bigger me on hols in Cornwall in Feb and then a comment made from a lady at the school gate who I only know in passing.

    She asked me when I due as I couldn't have long to go!!!!

    I was devastated and so was she when I explained I wasn't 8months pregnant but had a food and water baby instead 😠😝

    When I got home I put in my search engine "how to loose weight" and the nhs12wk plan was one of the first on the list. I had a read through and it clicked and ive not looked back.

    I've been on the plan for 20wks and have lost nearly 2stone and 5 inches off my tummy. No baby in there nowπŸ˜‰

    The same lady recently said hi after many months of dodging me and told me how well I looked. I said "thankyou" to her and walked away with my head held high πŸ˜†

    I can understand why she said it but it still hurts but gave me that kick up the bum I needed πŸ‘

    Claire x

    P.s. Did you ever get your puppy ??

  • Hi Claire yes actually she did me a big favour although it was horrible at the time I wouldn't let her know though ha ha πŸ˜€

    Oh that's awful about that lady it's a real no no isn't it if you aren't sure someone is pregnant just keep quiet You've lost so much you must be thrilled to bits That's my goal 2 stone I've only 26lbs to go !!! 😫

    What a nice little pearly moment to see her and say ""hi" knowing you look so great

    No we didn't get the puppy but our son got the most adorable rescue cocker spaniel as he and his girlfriend are both in the police and with their shifts we look after him loads He's here now So we have the best of both worlds we have him part time get all the fun without the commitment of owning him Plus our pussycat is happy she is queen bee and he's only a guest now and then 🐈

    I now feel totally different about my rude neighbour as I have had lots of nice replies I got to chat to lovely people today on here and she isn't worth getting upset over ☺️

    Sheila xx

  • Your right Sheila these ladies aren't worth it 😝

    Lucky you having a part time doggy, all the fun with none of the fuss πŸ• glad your pussy cat isn't too fussed about your occasional guest. πŸ˜†

    Good luck with your 26lbs .... you can do it !!!!! πŸ‘πŸ˜‰

    Claire x

  • Some people are odd like that, some I suppose they think it won't hurt and maybe even think they are being helpful? (perhaps like your friend) and some maybe do.

    I've been called all sorts of things in the past. Old (when I was much younger!) overweight, etc.,

    In those days (I weighed 10 kgs less) I think I was quite happy with my body as men called me curvy! Women didn't seem too happy with my weight tho' !

    We can't please all the people all of the time. I'm reading a book and one chapter focuses on 'spite' in a good way. Meaning this guy was called fat as a kid and today he is a personal trainer fitness mogul! He said being called fat spurred him on. The sweetest revenge is success. But like you told me, love yourself and go easy, the goal is there and the success is there it might take longer or shorter to do it.

    You are so lucky to have a dog. I CRAVE one! unfortunately I rent and have been told no. I would go out much more if I had one :) Plus I could do with the furry cuddles.

  • Hi thanks for your reply I'm sorry to hear you have been called things how horrible From what I can see of your photo you look a very beautiful lady

    How great for that guy to have triumphed and done so well He certainly showed the name callers

    I'm so sorry you suffered with depression it's just the most awful feeling I do so understand I've suffered too I'm ok now thankfully

    We never did get a dog we couldn't decide if we really wanted the commitment but happily our son got a beautiful rescue cocker spaniel who we look after loads and so we get all the fun I love the furry cuddles with him he's snoozing at my feet as I write to you

    Some people think they can just open their mouths and say what they want and don't think how it hurts I wish I was more thick skinned or could think of something quickly in response

    I'm too old to change now but I have lovely people in my life that make up for any horrid ones

    I hope your day is going ok and you will continue along your journey and be happy Take care 😊

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