Feeling down and in need of a little help 😢

Hi not had a good last few days, which has led me to thinking of the reasons of my weight.

As a child I was always the chubby one (and often told so - have an older sister who was and still is taller, thinner, blonder.....you name it, tidier, cleverer....the list goes on)

More recently my husband left me for a 23year old....he is 50!!! (I'm 48) she is petit - bordering on tiny. His parting words to me was lose weight or no one will look at you 🙁

Three years on I am with a lovely man but he is very slim and eats anything he wants. He will also occasionally skip meals. (If I go without a meal I feel really dizzy) this leads me to overeat while he is out just in case he doesn't want to eat when home. I feel really fat if I have a meal when he isn't eating, even if I have salad.

He also has chocolate every evening so we have a cupboard full of it.

My mom also keeps telling me to lose weight or he will leave me.

I'm 12 st 11lb and only 5'2" tall.

Sorry for the huge complain, I know I should just stick to the right foods and I would feel so much happier but don't seem to have the will power. I've just eaten 4 biscuits while writing this!

Any ideas that will kick start me into beginning the rest of my life and help me get to a slimmer healthier me.

13 Replies

  • Hi firstly Matilda48 I too was the child who was always supposedly uglier and fatter than my sister ( in my mum's eyes) if we were shopping and I saw a nice outfit mum would say " it's nice but it would look better on someone slimmer" ( like my sister) I realise now looking back on my past how I always thought I had a problem but in actual fact the problem was mum's . I lost my sister 4 years ago and miss her as we were good friends, my mum has altzhiemers now so cannot even remember me. I know it is hard to forget the past and hurt others have done but you have to or you stay there. As for your husband I would certainly say his parting words to you were indeed untrue as you say yourself you have met a lovely new man who obviously loves you, cherish that, as he loves you now as you are. My husband eats loads of rubbish too this week I have lost 2lb but so has he and he's eaten everything fattening. If your husband doesn't want to eat when he gets home, you eat a healthy meal there is no need to feel guilty about it he may even decide that looks good I will have some after all. Don't supplement eating while he is out just in case he doesn't want anything when home stick to your regime because you deserve it. As for your mother, sorry but her telling you he will leave you if you don't lose weight is awful he is with you now, he loves you now, if you lose weight is not to keep him it is for you to feel fitter, healthier and happier. I am already heavier than you even though I have lost a stone already, I am doing this for me no one else. You sound like I used to be, have had the confidence knocked out of you, forget other small minded people's words usually said in jealousy or because they are under confident themselves and like to control others. Your ex hubby may indeed find himself redundant if his new girlfriend should find a younger man in a few years time. Enjoy your time with your new man, talk to him on eating issues how he feels about you eating without him etc, you sound like a beautiful person just needing a little confidence and you will gain more as you lose weight, stick on here for motivation and advice that is what we are here for, all in the same boat, ignore others cruel words even pop some derogatory word back at them and slowly feel yourself empowered. Sorry about the essay but I feel you need to see what you have, embrace it and ignore other people's views, tell them if they don't have anything constructive to say then keep their opinions to themselves. I do now and it feels great! You can do this Matilda48 we are in it together, you go girl!!! Keep us posted on your progress. Bev👍😊

  • Ask your lovely man to name 3 things he loves about you. If you let negative people drag you down you lose all the motivating joy in life and forget what a special person you really are.

  • Oh hugs. If you have a lovely man then this is a GOOD THING. Mostly people don't leave someone because of their weight. I say that in the hundreds of people I've known I cannot think of a single example. Honestly. And I know people of all shapes and sizes.

    You sound as though you have self-esteem issues (ha ha don't we all?) I'm finding it's helping me to think of this as a healthier lifestyle not a diet as such. You deserve a healthier lifestyle to make you happy and healthy. We all have that bad little voice inside of us that makes us think we are unlovable, but in truth no one loves anyone for being perfect. Perfect would be utterly vile and unlovable.

  • flipping work got in the way ;-)

    What I would suggest is you try 3 small achievable steps this week.

    Mine are:

    no booze on a school night

    hit my 5 a day (that's veg not wine!)

    walk at least my 10000 steps a day (didn't quite hit that one day last week).

  • Hi Matilda,

    I'm sorry to hear of your heartbreaks, very difficult emotionally. Glad to hear uve found someone who loves and supports you too.

    It appears as if self-esteem is the underlying theme and may be connected to your weight also. I've found cbt very good for self esteem issues. I think you might need to start there.

    Best of luck

  • Hi Matilda,

    I'm 26 not 48, but my story is almost the same, I've always been fat. I am italian and the avarage size among teenagers is 6/8, so, although I was size 12/14, I've been always considered fat. When I was a child, other kids often mocked me because of my weight calling me with very unpleaant names which I am not writing down here.

    I also have a sister who is younger than me and always been size 6. She eates whatever she wants but never been more than 53 kg. If I fancied a boy, they were appearently interested in me, not because of me but because of my sister.

    I began this diet to change this situation. I'm another person now, with another body, more confident and stronger. I'm also a PhD student in chemistry, I got my degree with honour, I live in another country, I speak two languages and I no longer care about those kids who mocked me. They still live in the same place, they don't work, spend their time by drinking and smoking weed, and any time I go back there, they look at me with envy because I made out something positive from my live and they failed completely.

    You still have time to change and you also have good reasons, turn your disappointment and frustration into motivation and you'll be successful in two months time!

  • Totally agree with you teresina08 lets make it a mantra ' turn frustration into motivation' and very well done you on your PhD and new life style. Those cruel people certainly will have something to think about now.⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

  • You are not the only one who has had to re-invent themselves in mid-life. My husband left me after 18 years of what I thought was a happy marriage - a huge shock! I lost a stone without trying that summer, and eventually met a new man who lives with me now....and keeps a cupboard full of chocolate!! (That one rang a bell with me). My partner rarely gains weight either, although he has lost a stone since I have been losing weight - I had better start feeding him puddings again! By the way, my ex left me for a woman who was older and fatter and quite short.....I think she reminded him of his mother! It is not all about thinness....Good luck with the positive thinking and learn to love yourself despite what anyone else says!

  • Glad you are now with someone who you deserve, you made me laugh with the reminding him of his mother sentence at least you must have looked young. A man who likes chocolate I would stand no chance my husband isn't bothered about chocolate just eats cakes biscuits etc.

  • Thank you all so much for your replies and support. I have been amazed at the replies and quite tearful. I have had a bad day food wise but am feeling so much stronger with all your support. Tomorrow is a new day, I will try to start the journey to a new me, and also try to do this for myself not anyone else. I do need to learn to like myself (I really don't at the moment and do believe I can't be happy until I am smaller)

    I also lost quite a bit of weight when my marriage broke down after 23 years, just like you dartmoordumpling. I have gone from 15.4 to 12.11 (but don't really feel any different)

    I am pledging to eat three sensible meals....cereal for breakfast, salad or crispbreads for lunch. And something calorie counted for evening. I also pledge to eat fruit for snack (and no more than 2 biscuits a day) and also to take the dogs out every day.

    Once again I truly thank you for your lovely messages and support. 🙂

  • Nothing else to add to the great advice and insightful responses you have received apart from to wish you all the best in your weight loss journey. Your plan sounds great and I look forward to reading all about your success next week!

  • A piece of advice watch those- cereals sometimes they are a bit more calorie laden then is obvious, and also watch the portion size because sometimes the calorie count is for what I would say is a child size I could easily eat twice that much 😳good luck

  • Thanks for that regarding the cereals, I do have rather a bowl full!!! Might try a poached egg on wholemeal toast. That might be more filling as well 😋

    I'm feeling more positive today so today will be my new day one 🙂

    Good luck everyone else x

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