Lack of motivation, or more like I don't give a s**t?

Morning all, there has got to be something wrong with me, there has to be. Every time I get it in my head that I'm going to lose weight, and I have my "diet head on" I'm motivated and ready, I do well for a few hours, then I just can't keep up to it. I blame lack of motivation, but the more I think of it, is it the fact that I just don't care? I'm so confused, because i do care, my god, my friends love going clothes shopping, I avoid it at all costs! I haven't been on a night out in years. I can't remember the last time I was out. I'm 24 and stay in every night and every weekend, all because I'm ashamed and embarrassed . So I do care, I just, I don't know, I confused haha. I don't know why this keeps happening. I mean, even for my wedding, I tried to lose weight, i ended up gaining it, not a lot, about 4 pounds, but still, if my wedding can't motivate me, nothing will. Myself and my husband are wanting to start trying for a baby, but it know with my weight It will be difficult, and I want to lose weight first, because obviously when pregnant, you gain weight, and I don't want to put more weight on top of this, and i dont want to embarrass my child by being the fat mum at the school gates when picking them up from school, I'm trying to use that as my motivation, but even that isn't spurring me on. I just don't know what to do. I'm at a real loss here. I'm starting to think this Is a vicious circle of depression or something. Ie. I don't have any clothes, I don't have any friends, I don't go out (all because of my weight) and that depresses me, so I eat? I don't know guys, I just don't know 😭😭😭😭

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  • Hi! Firstly I am a lot older than you and spent the years between 29 and 55 which I am now, being around 14-15 stone during which I had 2 further children only gaining a stone with each one. The past few years I have lost my sister to breast cancer, my husband was diagnosed with MS at Christmas and my mum has advanced Alzheimer's which I gave my job up for 3 years ago to help care for her, she now needs better care so I am a stay at home mum working for my husband. like you I don't have many friends and don't go out much, I know how you feel about yourself as I used to think until very recently that I wasn't worth a lot and always put others first, I sunk into depression which I think you may be feeling too. Have you paid a visit to your GP who is best to advise you on this? Don't over think things, you will have children putting your weight aside. I too was in a vicious circle I think you are, the turning point for me came only a couple of weeks ago when after another stressful time at mum and dad's an argument broke out over the best care for mum and my dad told me " The trouble with you is Bev it's always about you!" Well this was like a huge smack in the face as all my life I have cared for others never putting myself first suddenly I realised if this is how you are treated for giving your all it is about time I DID put myself first. You have contacted this site the same as I did just 12 days ago, WELL DONE! it will help, we are ALL here to talk to whatever the time of day. But please see your GP for advise, keep on this site cause you can loose weight, I don't have support from home, but what the hell I don't need it, it's only ME can do this and with the help of the lovely people on this site I CAN loose weight and SO CAN YOU! GP first though PLEASE!!!!!

  • Aww thankyou! this is so inspiring

  • Look on brendon.com re making changes stick and why it's so hard to change. Hope it helps.

  • thankyou :) I will have a look

  • A great reply from itsbab which I can only add my bit in saying that by posting on the forum you have made a good decision. The members here are fantastic and will help you and answer any questions or concerns you have and many have been through what you are going through. It is clear from your post that you do give a s***

    If you do the same things every day then you will get the same results at the end and so maybe your husband can join with you in changing your lifestyle/routine. It seems a long journey but if you take small steps at a time, setting mini targets along the way and seeing positive results then it will encourage you to keep going, rather than setting targets that are not achievable in a relatively short space of time, for example; "I want to lose 5 stones by the time I get married in 2 months time !"

    I am sure others will give you tips on keeping motivated and how non food rewards can help along the way.

    Good luck, and join us on the weekly weigh in! John

  • Thankyou so much for this. I will absolutely join you on the weekly weigh in ... how do I join this?

  • Just look out for the thread on the top right hand side of the page, click on and put your weight as one of the replies. I will paste a link in for you.

  • :) thankyou

  • Hi TakeAction91,

    You are on a bit of a seesaw, aren't you?

    I think the main problem is that you don't believe diets work for you. So at the first sign of the nibbles or something not on your diet to eat, off you go. Again proving that diets aren't for you.

    I would be really interested to know what preparation you have done, and do to support the healthy eating you. What is your typical "good" intake? Have you worked out your number of kcals per day to lose weight? You just need to be 500 - 600 kcals below the recommended amount for an inactive person of your weight and height. I have a hunch that you may cut back too hard, eating unappetising "diet" foods and so set yourself up to fail through being hungry.

    I find I have to have my meals very regularly when I am cutting back. Most of us can manage to eat healthily for breakfast and lunch but the evenings get away from us. This can be managed with clever planning. I know that you can do planning because you just got married and that always takes planning and lots of decision making.

    You need some favourite meals that would fit in with a healthy eating plan. Maybe say to yourself that you aren't on a diet but you are going to make some healthy changes and develop a group of meals that you like and which are good for you. Perhaps switch all drinks and sugar containing foods to low sugar or sweetener using versions. You could take your milk down a level for the fat content. So if you have full fat, switch to semi-skimmed. If you are on semi, switch to skimmed. If you are already on skimmed, congratulate yourself on already taking one step in the right direction. Switch your proteins to lower fat versions. So, for example, if it is chicken take the skin off before you cook it. Now the additions. Go to the market or supermarket and make sure you have 2 fruits and 3 vegetable portions for every day. Make sure you eat them. You can, of course, eat more, if you can manage it. Remember you don't have to make all the fruit and veg fresh, frozen, pickled and canned versions are just as good, just don't have any of the juice/syrup, throw that away. Next step would be to switch your bread, pasta, rice breakfast cereals etc to wholegrain versions. Then you could start thinking about your oil and fat intakes.

    Sometimes telling yourself you can't have something is the sign to our minds that we really really want it. I cheat with this one. I tell myself I can have it, but I make it difficult. So no crisps since before Christmas, because I told myself I can have them any time I slice the potato thinly and bake them with a little oil. I'm too lazy to do that! So I don't have them, but I can have them any time I like! This is the 6th month of no crisps! An absolute record for me.

    To change my favourite Full English Breakfast to healthy eating: I use 2 bacon medallions (no fat); 1 Weight Watchers or 2 Heck Chicken Italia sausages (very low kcal for sausages); a big pile of tomato slices, which I prefer raw, but they could be grilled; mushrooms, chopped and dry fried with a touch of soy sauce; and 2 medium poached eggs on top of a toasted slice of low kcal bread like Nimble/Weight Watchers. That does not feel like dieting. But it is eating healthily. Keeps me full through to a late lunch. So it's a good one if I am not sure when I will get the chance to eat.

    We do want to support you. But all your problems are a bit vague. Could you be very specific about what is the problem. Have you planned a healthy meal but then someone else is coming in later with your favourite take away? Most of us don't have masses of will power. We have just learned to be very sneaky and con ourselves into planning and eating 80% good foods with just a little of the naughty ones, just enough to stop us from feeling deprived. You don't have to give up any food when eating healthily, but you may have to really think about what size portion you can have.

    You always seem to concentrate on the reasons why you can't manage to eat healthily. How about talking to yourself about what would help you to do it. For me this would sound like "I'll have porridge for breakfast because then I can have some of my favourite raspberries topped with that luxurious 0% fat Greek yoghurt." "If I have ham with salad for lunch, I'll have enough kcals left for fish in batter and oven chips, my favourite dinner."

    I do feel for how hard you are finding this process. But you seem to have sorted out the beginning of the days, just need to take that success into the later hours.

    Best wishes and happy planning and eating,

    Venus

  • Amazing! thank you so so much. I really appreciate your time on this! it means a lot. thank you for all your advice :) :) :)

  • Great that I can help. People did it for me, or I wouldn't know what to say, or think! Let us know about today's successes, even if it is just one tiny success. It can always become two tomorrow.

    Mine was only putting a lb on at the scales today. I was prepared for much worse, especially because Mr Flytrap had put on 4.5lbs this morning. I really thought we had been eating the same on our weekend away. And have learned over the years, that the men in the family can eat twice as much as I can usually. But looks like I've won, this week. We are away again this weekend, but have talked through where we went wrong and have planned to do better! I must get out and walk more this time.

  • Weekends away are the worst haha congrats on only putting on 1lb though. How did you get on the nest weekend?

  • Way, way better, thank you for asking, TakeAction91. I did overeat for 3 days, but then I managed to make it up the next 3, so in the end I stayed within my weekly target kcal and so lost another half lb. Still not as good as losing all of the lb put on the week before. But another step in the right direction. We were both pleased with how we did, especially as we had 2 unexpectedly stressful days on 2 of the 3 good days. It does show the beauty of thinking through our challenges in advance and coming up with a better plan.

  • Well done :)

  • Have you though about speaking to your gp? Perhaps a referal to a health coach would help you ? In some areas they have different titles, health motivation champion/ health trainer / being well coach

  • Hi, Thanks for your response, i have tried this before. thi sreally did help me ... to start with, but in the end, i found it to be a bit of a rehearsed meeting, the woman didnt seem to want to help. But, i am organised now. i have picked my self up, and starting again tomorrow at day 1 :) all my pack up and tea is prepared :) IM READY!

  • How did your Monday go, TakeAction91? Fingers crossed all day for you and want to know if my finger crossing worked!!!

  • Hahaha It did :) ive had a great start to the morning, and a great afternoon. getting a little hungry now, going to grab an apple, in hopes that when I get home, I can sustain my hunger whilst I cook up something health and delicious!

    xx

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