Dilemma any advice

Hello,

I have a dilemma and need some advice please.  My friend was a strong person very confident. Last year she had a major panic attack which affected her in so many ways.  She used to go to the gym by herself but since her attack need someone to go with. This is where I come in.

My gym costs £17.99, close to home and I like it attend 6 days a week.  Just equipment.

Hers is £39.99, take 20 min drive there and then 20mins back.  Never been so no idea if I  would like it.  She attends school terms maybe once a week. Swimming pool etc. 

To attend her gym means struggle to afford and no personal trainer.  Mine can afford and have a personal trainer once a month. 

I would probably end up on my own most of the time.  

Do I change gym's knowing this would benefit my friend by getting fit and do something she enjoys. Struggle to pay.

                             Or

Stay at mine and hope that she gets the confidence to go back herself.

Thanks

Wendy

14 Replies

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  • Could she not go to your gym?  It sounds like it might be a better deal for her!

  • You do your gym for you. As stated above, she could always go to yours, surely?

  • Hi, sounds like ur a great friend and she's lucky to have u. If ur seriously looking at paying more, taking more time to get there for no more gain she's very lucky and should gain confidence from your support. Get her to trial ur gym😀 she'll save money,get a trainer and a friends help! Win win!

  • I wish she would but due to her panic attacks she only goes to places used to.  To be honest I don't want to change, my husband would be ok and even suggested going for a afew hours, my thinking why try something you can't afford or know it would cause a struggle financially.  Like test driving a rolls royce when you can only afford a KA. 

  • Could you not try small steps first and go for a walk together, this may not only help her to gain some confidence but also get some fresh air and exercise.

  • I am sorry to hear that your friend is struggling.  I know its hard and you want to help your friend but it will be at a considerable cost in money and time to yourself.  I realise that your gym is strange to your friend but she would be going with you so she should feel some reassurance with you by your side.  Maybe it would be good for her to just try it but with your support. That would be better than going back to her old one on her own I would have thought. Plus it will save her money too.  Sound like you are a good friend though. Maybe work on other ways of helping her confidence which doesn't involve you changing your gym and costing so much more money. Good luck.

  • Have you told your friend what you've told us? Surely she will understand your situation. And if she's a REAL friend she wouldn't want to put you in a difficult position. Maybe have a chat with her - if she still insists on her way, maybe she needs more help than you can give her. 

  • No, don't change gyms!  You need to look after yourself first and being responsible for someone else's fitness/weight loss is a big burden.

  • Stay at yours, you dont want to do anything that might be detrimental, ask her if she wants to come along with you x

  • Hi, I suffer from social anxiety disorder, and agoraphobia and although a friend can mean well, you may become what's known as a safety behaviour ( something that she will need to function because of her fear) which can become a huge burden, I have  been there and I became a burden ( now in therapy) I would suggest she gets help from her GP for the anxiety.

  • Thanks everyone you have all helped me decide sticking to where I am.  I love my friend alot but can be there for her without putting myself in debt.  

  • She might be able to take you as "a guest" for one or two visits - you could do that just on the odd occasion but tell her you are happy at your local Gym where you know everyone.  Check the noticeboard at her gym - there maybe other people who want to share transport, or need a squash partner etc and you could find her another companion that way?  Good luck!

  • Hi Wendy

    I read your mess & feel for yourself & friend. Is there a way you could meet 1/2 way? The Gym I go to offer special prices for different groups & those on Benefits. It might be worth checking to see if that's applicable where your friend goes. Also some areas operate a Buddy system which might be helpful. Don't give up on the Gym/Swimming. It will help in the long run. Good luck & let me know how you get on.

  • Hi I'm quite knowledgeable on panic attacks having suffered myself, cognitive therapy suited me, by telling me that it Was totally normal & the fight or flight adrenaline kicking in, once I'd got the facts my panic attacks became so normal I just ignore them now, help your friend with knowledge, I'm sure she'll be back to to her confident self

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