Point of No Return

Ok... So years of yo-yo dieting, dietician, Orlistat, food therapy, counselling, cbt.... I'm still stuck at this place where it feels like no matter what I do, I just can't lose weight. I have depression, anxiety, ocd and panic disorder (all diagnosed) and went back to gp last week. Begging for him to help me.... to be told 'all the time you are on the combination of tablets you are on, you will struggle to lose weight. It doesn't matter what you eat or how much you ex excuse, these tablets affect the brains capacity to stop hunger'. I came home and cried. I feel a failure! Failure for having MH issues, failure as a parent for letting my kids have the FAT MUM, failure as a daughter, wife... All round FAILURE!!! I have been referred back to psych team to see if I can try a different combo of tablets but am really struggling to understand it all. My OCD is not your cleaning/tidying thing (although I do get this) but more health anxiety. I become obsessed by sugar and salt levels, 5/7/9 a day, drinking water and use food as a distraction. Other than always having an apple to hand.... Any suggestions? 😢

18 Replies

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  • Be kind to yourself bonny_bex; accept the things you can't change, and enjoy the things you can.

    I attended a Health At Every Size (HAES) course that looked at kindful eating. Look at why you eat; on a scale of 1-10 for hunger, eat when you are at about a 7.

    If you eat too much veg you may feel overfull, too little you may become constipated (or beriberi in the extreme).

    If you eat too little fat and protein you may feel hungry between meals. Too much lean protein can lead to sickness and diarrhoea.

    Too little carbs may result in headaches and feeling weak, too much results in belly fat.

    Peas, beans (from dry), lentils and chickpeas - legumes - provide some of each.

    All the best!

  • In a way I feel like I have to accept that I'm always going to be overweight. And not just a little bit either! Accepting MH issues is like residing myself to the fact that I'm always going to be stick in the place I am now. I worry that in ten twenty thirty years time, I will look back on my life and think I wasted all those years. They say the hardest prison to escape is the one you have built yourself... 😕

  • You might consider this healthunlocked.com/glutenfr...

  • My twopeneth, I think you're focusing far far too much on one negative, ok so you've accepted you're overweight and are trying to do something about it, I suggest going for a walk if your day allows this and build slowly. But is a positive thing you're trying to change! Being overweight just means you're overweight at this point it doesn't mean you're a failure as s Mum, wife or daughter. You're a Mum and I expect a caring and considerate one, in my book that's not a failure! You're a wife, you've got a relationship many would be envious of who are single, you're a daughter who I'm sure makes your parents proud because of everything else you are other than overweight. Focus on the positives, learn to love yourself for everything else you are. You aren't a failure!! Just work at what you want to change slowly and congratulate yourself on progress x 🙂

  • Great words Chris - we could all benefit from your advice :)

    How are you getting on with your journey?

  • It's a long and winding road! Lol. Started off like a greyhound on weight loss terms, 1st stone in a month, then it's kind of levelled out and lost 4lb second month, I've not had the same drive as month 1 but I'm determined I won't allow myself to creep back into a state of complete apathy as to what I eat. The loss will continue but it's gonna take time. Thanks for asking, hope you are well x

  • A similar thing has happened with me Chris. 4 stone in the first 6 months and I should just manage 1 stone in the last 6 months. Still heading in the right direction and that is what counts.

    I am sure we'll both get there eventually :)

  • Absolutely agree with Chris1672 😊, bonnybex why does being overweight make us feel so rubbish about ourselves??!! You are ABSOLUTLEY not a failure, you have complex health issues, which need tackling.

    However, small simple things might just make you feel better. Could you maybe concentrate on healthy nutritious meals for all the family, and just short walks round the block in the sunshine? Look out for a video called "23 1/2 hours" which demonstrates how a simple short walk every day can help so many health problems. If you can get some counselling that could also help, but not easy in these "days of austerity" 😞

    Good luck 😊 I'm sure others will also offer help and support

    Anna

  • Hi Bonny_Bex,

    You've already had some really helpful replies, and I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Hopefully you'll get an appointment with someone from the psych team soon, and maybe think about a few questions you'd like to ask them, to make the most of that session - I'm sure they'll be able to discuss the medication issues and also listen supportively to your concerns about the weight side of things. Hopefully they will be able to find a combination of tablets that works better.

    I know you joined the forum a while ago, so I won't send you the Welcome Newbie thread - but it is in the Pinned Posts section, incase you've not yet seen it - there are some really inspiring posts within it, as well as suggestions of things people have found helpful on their own weight loss journeys, and you may find something there that is helpful.

    I really hope your weekend goes ok. There are also some supportive communties for the anxiety side of things - I saw at least 3 support groups listed, when I put in 'Anxiety' within the community browser. Maybe you might also get some support in those communities, but I hope you'll also continue to post here, and it's great that you posted today - hope the responses you receive help you feel more supported and that you're not alone on your weight loss journey.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thank you everyone for your replies. I have also looked at anxiety forums. And have had a quick look at the HAES page. I like to make lists so am going to use the sunshine to inspire a list of things I would like to achieve and choose one at a time. Every small step!!

  • I am a big fan of lists 😊 Just ticking things off when you have done it is such a good feeling! Go for it 😊

  • Hi Bex

    Check this link out to see whats in your area. Talking therapy is essential for those of us that like to blame ourselves for everything. Sometimes we just need to get it all out there and it can often be things that you have bottled up for years and never talked about. Maybe because you feel that being fat and a failure no one would want to listen, well we are not failures, we need to talk, honestly and as emotionally as we need, get it all out. The self referral service if in your area means you can avoid further awful conversations with your GP. Good luck, you can do this, little steps :)

    nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an...

  • Hi Bex

    I do hope you're feeling a bit better this morning :-)

    What a helpful GP - NOT!

    He may be right in what he said Bex, but did you need to hear that when you went for HELP.

    I have only just joined this forum and it was on recommendation from my GP! I did exactly the same thing as you and went and asked for help, he prescribed medication to aid weight loss and as I said, this forum. He also said to set aside some thinking time and go through things I could change and Stick to (That's the problem with me, I go guns blazing at a diet, drop 'some' weight but not reach a goal and then I just can't stick to the diet and the weight comes tumbling back on). Grrrrr! Then because I am so ticked off at myself I overeat and gain more weight than I originally was. Oh and don't get me started on the scales, when I am 'dieting' I am on the bl**dy things all day long.

    Anyways that's all negative stuff and I'm done with that crapola, I have had my thinking time and this is what I have come up with, I really hope some of it may help you.

    1. I joined this forum and others.

    2. The scales are in the BIN! - not because I am denying how much I weigh, but because I am not having a chunk of metal and numbers determine how I feel about myself. If they don't show a loss I'm gutted and can't stop thinking about what am I doing wrong. The body is a complex thing as we have heard and size can change but weight can stay the same.

    3. I joined a gym with a pool ( £40 a month, not cheap but if you break it down to £10 a week and think of how much we spend on 'treats' and cafe lattes). I love swimming but hate everything about a gym, but who knows I may change my mind in a few weeks and have a mosey in.

    4. I bought myself some new fancy plates and dishes (only for me), a tad smaller than the old ones and very bistro looking. My plate may not be as full but it looks real fancy! ;-)

    5. I am cooking from scratch! Not just because you can control the calories, but all the additives that are in processed food cannot be good for us. And when you look at some (even ones you think cant be that bad) the amount of sugar and fat is jaw dropping. Plus it's a lot more money savey and you can double up and freeze for the following week. It keeps you active, up and down the kitchen rather than bunging something from fridge/freezer to oven.

    6. Food swaps - Brown bread instead of white, Laughing cow spread for sandwiches instead of butter, frylite instead of oil, Black coffee instead of white (which is more doable if you add an extra sweetener) , fruit water instead of diet drink (the diet drinks hold no calories but chopped oranges/lemons dropped into a bottle of water and left over night are not full of additive's and tastes nice too. There are lots more changes that I have come up with but you can see my drift... The list will be personal to you.

    7. I am not aiming for a weight goal, I am aiming to be healthier and if the changes I have made (which I know are realistic for me to maintain) drop dress sizes then that's a bonus. I am done with this yoyo palaver.

    So I really, really hope some of this help's hun, take care.

    Patsy

  • Bonnie-Bex you have my sympathies as it is apparent from your post that you are in a very dark place and I am more than aware (living with a partner with similar problems) that it is not going to be an easy journey for you. However my thoughts

    1. While your GP is probably right in saying that on the medication you are on this is not going to be easy this does not mean that it is not possible.

    2. Use your OCD to help. Make lists, pros and cons of losing weight. Lists of suitable meals and shop accordingly. Lists of what you have eaten and of how you were feeling at the time

    3. Stop beating yourself up, you are not a failure, you are ill. If you had a physical ailment you would not consider it your fault and mental health issues are no different.

    4. Start to love yourself, make yet another list of all your good points and start to concentrate on them and not on the negatives

    5. Keep communicating, on here, with family and friends and try to remain positive Glass half full not half empty

    This is going to be a slow journey but Rome wasn't built in a day. You can and will do this

  • So much helpful advice already I just wanted to add I feel your pain.

    My anxiety partnered up depression and I struggled with everything. I would not take medication, I had a deal with GP... let me try other stuff first.

    I never expected speaking to someone to help. What on earth could someone else say to help me? Turns out a lot.

    Firstly I was kinder to myself. Then little my little, step by step I followed her recommendations. My journey continues but I am approaching my weight loss in the same way.

    There are too many things to mention and of course each step will be personal to the individual but a couple of great value were:

    thinking about small things that used to make me happy / positive that I no longer do... one of which was listen to music. Small step but a positive one.

    The other of biggest note was meditation. I use a well known app by a former monk Andy Puddicombe. (Apols if I spelt the name wrong ) This made such a difference.

    Neither of these (and there were lots of others) were related to my weight but they helped put me in a more positive state to help me approach the other steps I needed to make, they also helped me accept myself a little more. Also my problems it turns out are strongly linked to perfectionism. So it was no wonder when I started a massive 'all change diet' that one step in the wrong direction had such a massive impact on my feelings and the success of that diet.

    It took me a year from starting the sessions (on nhs so no cost) to being ready to do something about weight. I am approaching that in same way as I approached my anxiety and depression. Tiny, baby steps, steps about health rather than the scales.

    Good luck BB. X

  • Hello Bonny Bex. I hope you are feeling a little better today. You are bravely facing the world as it is and seeking the help you need to improve things. That is so NOT being a failure. I have just read all the lovely posts here and I expect they give you a warm feeling of love and support. The practical suggestions are so good. But the good wishes rushing to you from all these friends will support you along all those 'small steps'. I hope that you soon get the professional help you seek..xx

  • It has been lovely seeing so much support from everyone. Am feeling bit more positive today and just going to face one thing at a time. I think that until I have properly dealt with my anxiety, my weight is an issue that needs to be put to the back burner but stay ignited so I am still mindful. Health wise, I'm not a diabetic nor have high blood pressure, thyroid has been checked and cholesterol levels slightly raised but not to a point of needing medication. So I can at least put that side of things to one side. I'm making walking a bit further each morning with my dog, my goal for the week and will keep all your kind words close.

    Thank you everyone 😊-feeling optimistic

  • Hi Bonny, what a lovely set of responses. It has helped me to read them. And that's really what I wanted to say. Next time you're feeling crap and like you're the only one who feels fat, just remember most of us have been there or still are. That's why we're here! In a world of TV and magazines with everyone primped and taken from their best angles, and then anything they don't want to show being painted out, we can feel like we're freaks. But actually it's those people who are the odd ones out and the rest of us who are normal. I am really impressed that even, given your health issues, you are still in there fighting to be better. I am sure all that energy and determination will stand you well in planning your weight losses. And after all, it's only packaging, and the packaging doesn't change how lovely you are inside. My handy hint, apart from buying the right foods and not buying the ones that won't help you, is to put one of the commercial channels with TV adverts on the telly, then every set of adverts up and do 5 mins worth of activity. Even if that is all you can manage, you can still have a clean bathroom sink, or a set of put away laundry etc in that time. I also find that at some point I forget to go back to my seat and just carry on with what I've started doing. It seems to put me into a "can do" attitude rather than an "I can't" one. Thanks for giving me a boost with all these lovely posts. Your good deed for the day: tick!

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