After comments received off a previous post it's made me want to talk about some difficulties I've had recently
I feel it's best to fully get this off my chest by typing so it's okay, dont feel obliged to reply but please read it and if you feel you're struggling with this too then don't go unnoticed and seek help
So before Christmas I was 11 stone 4 and i had unrealistic expectations that I would maintain that weight while at home (almost impossible where my mum's concerned). So throughout the 3 weeks I was home I put on 4 pounds and I'd never felt so ashamed in my life. All id received were compliments from family but all my mum kept saying to me when I got back was how thin I was, I knew I wasn't thin, I was slim, at 5'7", medium frame and of a bigger muscular stature, I knew I was just slim. But I feel as though since coming back to uni, I started viewing myself differently, when I looked in the mirror I saw a fat person and soon every minute of my day was filled with thoughts of food.
I'd go through days of pure binge eating- eating over 6000 calories in one go and then days of starvation, living off a banana and black coffees because i was scared to eat a real meal incase i couldnt stop.
I wanted to lose weight but all this was doing was making me put it on and I couldn't find a way out, I hated to see myself and it made me cry. Although my friends told me I was still slim and in proportion for my height and frame, I couldn't see it and didn't understand how my eyes would be deceiving me.
One day I broke down in front of my best friend and admitted it all, she was so supportive and encouraged me to seek help. Because i wasnt purely binge eating or only starving myself and losing weight I didn't think there was a real problem there but when I went to see a doctor they helped me realise otherwise
Since seeing a counsellor, which I will continue to do, I'm trying to remind myself anytime i think negatively that it's all in my head.
It's so hard to divert my mind from food, it's always there but I think this forum is also helping too, I feel more sensible about food and know when to stop but also to not feel guilty for eating it. I sometimes think about making myself sick after I eat a meal and don't feel I fully deserve it but I have to remind myself that I do because if I don't then I won't be fueling my body or have enough energy for the day.
I'm currently reading a book I was given by my counsellor called body image problems and that's very useful with helping you understand the root of the problem and how to help yourself in between therapy sessions.
Food is something that has been troubling me for the past 3 months but slowly I'm getting control, I know it's not a quick fix but I feel a little more in control each day and hopefully if there's anyone on here feeling the same as me, it'll encourage you to seek help
Thank you (sorry it's so long)
Written by
Kat96
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Thank you for sharing your post with us today - I am sorry to hear you went through those difficulties, and it was great that you were able to talk to your best friend about how you were feeling, and that she encouraged you to seek help via your GP. That is so important and sensible, and it is great to hear that you've got a supportive and helpful counsellor now, and that you've also been reading a helpful book about body image problems.
I just want to say that I'm so glad that you're feeling more in control of things over the past 3 months, and that your counselling is helping - and I'm really glad that you're finding being part of this forum to be beneficial. I think your suggestions to anyone who might be struggling with issues regarding food and body image to seek professional help is really sensible, and the fact you did that and found a counsellor who is helping you, is brilliant.
I am sure your post will help other people who might be in a similar situation.
Please do keep posting, as it's great to hear how you're getting on, and you've done some great posts.
Enjoy the rest of your day and the week - nearly the weekend!
I'm proud that I didn't ignore it as I know I'd only exacerbate the problem as I wasn't fully accepting it, sometimes I know and sometimes I don't so it's trying to stay on track
I'm glad you agree I should encourage others to seek help but didn't want to upset or make anyone feel uncomfortable in the process, even if they don't want to respond to the post if they realise they may have the same or a similar problem, if they end up seeking help then I'll feel as though I'm helping others through my own experience
I will definitely continue posting as the sheer posting and support I am receiving is really helping me
Just wanted to say what an eloquently written description of the eating / image problems that can arise in young people. I am glad you are able to see more clearly now and hope that as you grow in confidence, you will find other things such as dance or sport to fill your mind, and keep you distracted from what can be a self-destructive pattern. Here's wishing you a healthy future!
I hop that too, thank you so much and I wish you the same
Body image can be a big factor in how we see food Kat96 !
I myself am an emotional eater and some days are a real struggle so I really feel for for the difficulties you have suffered. Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep getting the help to regain a positive body image!
That is one of the things I like about this forum.. We all have reasons why we are overweight along with eating too much or the wrong type of food but mostly people are not judgemental but just helpful and supportive.
Very well put Kat and you can be pretty much sure that you are not alone. The pressure put upon us, especially women, about the right body image etc is unbelievable these days and coupled with the relentless marketing of sugar laden empty foods and fad diets etc only make things worse.
It sounds like you have got some great support with your friend, GP and the counsellor too, maybe talk to your mum as well about what her comments, as well meaning as she probably were, meant to you. I think every mum worries about their children when they are away from home Show her you can look after yourself and actually cook for yourself too I know when my daughter left home for the first time to go to Uni I was always asking her if she was eating OK, sending her emails about foods she could cook on a budget etc I must have driven her mad! But it is what parents do - they worry about their kids!!
It must feel good for you to get it off of your chest Kat, you are amongst friends here, as the other replies have shown. Have a great rest of the week John
Thank you I completely agree, I don't understand why there isn't more money put into helping people understand that they are beautiful and educating them on the importance of body image and not needing to fit a particular look that is unrealistic as many photos if not all in magazines etc are docked.
Yes I'm receiving lots of support from friends etc, especially here each day since posting
The responses I've received have made me feel better and hopefully this will help others when they read it
What a beautiful and brave post Kat 😊 You should feel very proud of yourself. And I am glad you are finding the forum useful, it is really helping me 😊
But I agree with John, as parents we do muck things up some times, Please talk to your mum, I'm sure she would never want to cause you such anguish 😞
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