In the dangers of losing everything

Well it's desperate times for me, I'm in a extremely awful loop, my weight is making me depressed, when I'm depressed I turn to food, and therefore I put on even more weight, so on and so on. I'm pushing my family even further away from me, snapping at them for no reason, I'm isolated, lonely and sad. There are lots of thoughts running in my head, can't stop thinking about the ultimate get out clause, on one hand I want to do it, but on the other hand I think about my family and how selfish I am by doing it. I knew it would beat me in the end. Locked in a world of a constant battle of shit and food avoiding mirrors, clothes not fitting any more, not wanting to cuddle my wife and children.

Anyway............

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  • Wayne mate I hear you loud and clear.

    Its a shitty awful spiralling feeling when you just can't seem to control what you put in your mouth, when you secret eat, when you look at yourself in the mirror and hate what you see,. when you groan and berate yourself and hate on yourself as you pull on a t-shirt that looks ready to explode or a shirt where the buttons are so stretched you are worried they will fly off and poke out someone's eye when you sit down.

    Where you spend your whole day picking on yourself for being weak and fat and tired and useless. Where you get so embarrassed by yourself that you hide away from people, you make excuses for not socialising, where you just wish everyone would eff off and leave you alone.

    Where death and just ending feels like such a peaceful easy solution and some days you wonder why you haven't just done it and then you think about how devastated your family would feel, how much your wife would blame herself, how much your kids would wonder why they couldn't help you.

    I attempted suicide when I was 17 and I know that suicide is not something that is selfish when you are there and in it and feel like your world is collapsing in on top of you and you can hardly breathe or think - it just feels like the only solution so please don't add to your guilt by thinking of yourself as selfish.

    You are massively depressed and sad and tired and lonely. You feel like no one else around you can understand where you are at and how you feel.

    And you are right. Unless they are where you have been they can not understand the ache in your heart or the knot in your guts as you enter a room or have to be social with people.

    And being a bloke its even harder to admit how we feel because people often just think we cope with being overweight, that it's not something that bothers us at all - which usually utter crap.

    But a lot of people here DO get it. And if you can commit to just reading our stories and asking for help when you need it, and letting us know whats happening with you, it can help.

    Sometimes it's just easier to go one day at a a time and just promise yourself that for today, you will not eat junk.

    Forget tomorrow or the next day just promise yourself that today, no junk will enter your body.

    And maybe tomorrow it will but thats tomorrow and today is now.

    Be present and commit just for today.

    The other thing I would do if I were you is go and see your GP. I am not sure if you are on antidepressants but you should definitely speak to your Dr about how you are feeling.

    It took me almost 30 years of depression and anxiety to finally get on them and after 2 months I feel SO much better in myself.

    I hope this helps a little and that you decide to stick around the forum so we can annoy you some more :)

    Cheers

  • I'd like to add something from myself as well. I found this article extremely helpful healthysite.co.uk/index.php... .It points plenty of very important things we should we aware of while shopping and much more.

  • Thank you so much for putting my life in a paragraph, to have some one out there who can pinpoint what is going on is extremely important to me... Thanks Dave

  • I really do understand how crippling this thing can be so I am relieved that my words might have helped some how. This is a great group ( as you can see) so I hope you feel the motivation to at least hang around.

  • Please try to calm down. We are all with you my friend. Your wife and children love you and care what happens to you. I know exactly how you feel because I have been there myself, Try to occupy your mind with happy thoughts. Look at pictures of your loved ones. Send your wife a Valentine's card, and maybe a wee present. Wrap yourself up with a ribbon, read some poetry, sing some songs, watch a romantic film, chat with a friend like me, please don't do anything silly. Phone the samaritans as a last resort. Promise me. I believe in you. I believe you will come out the other side because you care! Chat again later. I will watch out for you reply. ps. Royal Games.com is a good way to relax. My username on royalgames is fattybums.

  • I endorse everything Dave said. I couldn't say it better myself, just wanted to add that you are not alone. Many here battle with depression and the vicious cycle of comfort eating. Many are now winning their battles.

    See your Dr. Tell him how low you feel. Take it a day at a time. You can win little battles and things can get better.

    Read the inspiration available here.

  • Wagner, I think today is a turning point for you. You have reached rock bottom so the only way is up. I would start by telling your wife how you feel. She must be very worried about you and will want to understand why you feel the way you do.

    Then, I would read the 12 week plan and give week one a try. mondays are always a good day for new starts. i would treat yourself to a good family cookbook - I like the hairy biker/dieters ones - and choose some delicious recipes to try. They have calorie per portions but are hearty proper food not just a piece of limp lettuce!

    We all take our mental health for granted until we don't have it. I felt low and went to see the gp who was sympathetic and helpful. I now take anti-depressants and I go for regular counselling (every 3 months now). I feel more like myself, I am easier to live with. I feel really well and happy and I appreciate life for the little moments. The weight is not the cause of the problem, it's a symptom of unhappiness, poor self esteem and low confidence. Eating more solves nothing.

    Post on here when you can and I am sure you will get support.

    Take care x

  • Today is a new day.Reach out to your family and friends,open up to your doctor and get the help you need to break this awful,vicious circle.We have all been where you are to varying degrees and we can support each other.Keep in touch with the forum and gain strength from those who have been in the same boat.

    Just make little pledges to yourself each day to get you through.

    I wish you good health:mental and physical.

  • Hi Wayner, please make an appointment to see your doc asap! Depression is a terrible thing and needs to be addressed straight away! How you are feeling is a very vicious circle, and one you may not be able to break yourself! You need the help of everyone around you, tell your wife how you feel, don't shut her out and be kind to yourself! We're all in the same boat here and quite a few suffer with depression, I myself did years ago! You have too much to live for! Keep posting on this forum, everybody's great, they all care because we know how you feel! Take care x

  • As the others have all said just take one day at a time and don't look at the bigger picture, you will get there, this is a new day and the start of better times.

  • So glad you have sought help, as the others have said, take one day atime........remember food is fuel, yet to distract from food.

    I suffer from bi polar, mildly, it consumes me at times, when I' m well I grab life as there is no dress rehearsal

  • It's a really brave thing to do, to open up and tell people how you feel. You've taken the first step. Talk to your family, your doctor and any other sympathetic ear. You are not alone and people are GOOD- they want to help. I wish you well. As others have said, take one day at a time. God bless x

  • I think today is your turning point. This is it, rock bottom. The only way is up. One day at a time, have a really good chat with your wife and start making very small changes. Today, aim to put three things in your mouth that is GOOD for your body. Wrap up warm and do some thing good for your soul. Take a small walk with the kids to the park, or chuck in your ipod down load some up beat tunes and take yourself out for a small walk.

    It's not easy, and please if your thoughts are tuning more to suicidal thoughts I urge you to go to your walk in centre and tell them today.

    There is help you need to reach out and grab it. Opening up on here is fantastic x

  • I understand your pain, it feels like a constant all round battle - I do the same thing. It really isn't easy I know it may sound daft have you talked to your doctor, it has been suggested to me to try anti deppressants , I struggle with that idea because I don't want to feel anymore of a failure than I do already but if it helps and stops the cycle it might be worth doing I don't know you but what I do know is you have a family and a wife who love you and are there to support you - talk to them give her a cuddle - you and she deserve it . Stop the negative thoughts you turn them into positive ones . Here's to your future .

  • Taking antidepressants is NOT a sign of failure - it's a sign of success that you pushed yourself out of the dwam (great Scottish word which brilliantly describes what we depressives fall into!) and asked for help. I was on them for a couple of years about 15 years ago and they saved my life. I wouldn't be here today had I not been frogmarched to the doctor by my husband when I finally fell off my emotional cliff. Proper clinical depression is a sign that the chemicals in your brain and body have gone squiffy. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, it means you are ill. You'd accept chemotherapy if you had cancer, wouldn't you?

  • Sorry - went off on one then - oops! Just saying drugs can help, and we shouldn't be afraid of them.

  • Thank you - you are right I need to take some positive control of my life. I'm glad you did and are here to give sound advise x

  • I still have the odd lapse from time to time, but I haven't needed the antidepressants again. I wouldn't hesitate to go back on them if I needed to though.

    I don't know how they worked - it wasn't like taking 'happy pills' and I didn't feel at all 'dulled down' or compromised in any way, but they just gave me the strength to embark on taking control of my misery and hopelessness rather than the other way round.

  • If you make one change if you do one thing please please read a cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy) book called overcoming binge eating - I know exactly how you feel and the constant thought battle that goes on and this book explains everything and helps you to recovery!!!!

  • Wayne, congratulations, today you have reached out for help and that is a mighty big step. All great replies to you already so I will only repeat that you should make an appointment to see your doctors and get referred for a consultation. Also speak to your family and tell them everything so that they can understand what you are going through. If this is a reactive depression then you can start to take small steps each day to put things right. Take care, you are amongst friends on here. John :-)

  • Please find a good friend and spill the beans. or phone the Samaritans. They are not only there for people standing on a bridge, they are also there for people like you, who feel desperate enough to even contemplate it. Someone who listens to you without judging or suggesting stuff can bring such relief.

  • Wayne, if you want to hear an empathetic voice then please phone the Samaritans. They are there for you 24/7. I was a Samaritan for 5 years. They are non judgemental really will help you. Give them a shot, they are just a phone call away.

  • Wayne, sending you a big hug and wishing you good luck with your journey - one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it :)

  • firstly - forget about everyone else but yourself - be selfish - we came into tis world alone..........secondly if you are unhappy decide what is making you unhappy and make plans to change that as if you are happy you will exume happiness which has a knock on effect

  • hey, be kind to yourself, ask for help from loved ones, they care

  • What a great lot of support you have been given above. It shows that a lot of us have been where you are now, Wayner, and we are here to tell the tale. So this does not have to be the end. You can choose a happier story. Depression is an illness and nowadays you don't have to "pull yourself together" on your own. Go to the the doctor as soon as you can. This is an emergency. There are tablets out there which can help. I know I am on them again. I used them as support to put my life in order and then came off them. I am now on them again at a stronger dose and I accept that I need them to feel like myself and to cope with life. Just as I need other tablets to help with other health conditions. You wouldn't hesitate to take something for a headache, would you? This is just the same. Medication works. And when you are feeling better, you will be able to sort out other aspects of your life, like your weight. If your clothes don't fit now, get measured and have some new ones. Even a couple of shirts/t shirts and a couple of pairs of trousers would make you feel comfortable again. Consider getting some braces if your belts aren't doing the job of keeping those trousers up properly any more. There are some great suppliers out there and you can buy on line. They all seem to be having sales and special offers all the time. You might not need more clothes, as this might be the last time you will be this size. Please come back to this website and tell us how you are doing. We all care about you and your future. And make that doctor's appointment.

    Best wishes

    Venus

  • You've made a big step joining this forum. You can see from the amount of responses, there is always someone here to chat to - even if it's nothing weight related and just someone to listen to your thoughts.

    It's time to look after yourself. I'm sure your family love you dearly and the support from them and this forum help you make that change you want.

    All the best

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