Starting off

So I had a huge chat with my husband today - it's quite hard because he's extremely underweight and needs to gain at least 2 stone, but I need to lose 3 stone - it's so hard to work out food and exercise. It's also hard because he doesn't find it easy to understand the awful relationship I have with food - I've struggled all my life with low self confidence.

Any tips for how to explain to him? Or any tips about supporting him to gain weight whilst I lose weight?

Ta loves

9 Replies

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  • Hi. I explained to my husband that if my weight loss did not happen I might have such serious health issues that would mean he had to physically care for me.

    I told him what I could not eat and what I could and how much I coukd have. I then said he could eat anything extra he wanted to make the difference up.

    Initially he was a bit deliberately painful but now he has seen actual weight loss happen, I think he has decided that he helped it happen and he tries to help a bit more.

    We have agreed no cakes etc in the house, so I don't mind if we are out having a coffe and he has a cake then.

    Does any of this help? It was not easy having the initial conversations.

  • It does help, thank you!

    It's hard because I've always been sensitive about my weight, but I'm trying to learn that he can help!

  • I am very sensitive about it and he had no idea of what made people loose weight.we have had some major misunderstandings on the way including the day he ate a huge chocolate bar in front of me. However he now thinks my weight loss is partly down to him ( he can think that I could not possibly comment). It is my next mini target to weigh less than him.

  • Hi ElRow,

    I think it's good that you were able to sit down today and discuss things with your husband. Hopefully you felt you made some progress in terms of communicating some of the things you wanted to say to him.

    I realise I'm saying the obvious here, but you each have different goals in terms of your weight - i.e. you want to lose 3 stone, and he needs to gain some weight. Essentially, I think you could both benefit from the NHS 12 week plan - because the NHS BMI calculator recommends the amount of calories to consume, and basically your husband would need to eat more calories to gain weight, and you would need to eat within the recommended range for you to lose it.

    But essentially the NHS plan is about healthy eating, and therefore when making healthy meals for yourself and your husband, you could eat the same types of foods, and basically your husband would be having larger portions, and you would be having smaller portions. The important thing is to ensure you are gaining the nutrients that you both need, and having balanced healthy meals. That would be my recommendation, and I think that is consonant with the principles of the NHS plan.

    Exercise is good for fitness, regardless of size - so you can both enjoy it.

    Wishing you both success with your goals.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thank you! I didn't realise that he could benefit from the 12 week plan as well, but that makes so much sense!!

  • Hi again ElRow,

    You might also consider reading this link regarding your husband's weight:

    nhs.uk/chq/pages/2302.aspx?...

    I hope that link works.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Easy, he eats what you don't.

    I have same problem hubby is constantly moaning he hasn't been fed! He wont eat the same as me, but I have spent 46 years trying to sort him out and now he is buying mixed packs of tescos finest in case we cant eat the same plus garlic bread doughnuts tiramisu treacle puddings etc.

    However I am determined to win this battle and so I sit down each morning and tell him what I am going to eat and then he has to decide if he wants the same or if he will eat one of his meals, he cant cook anything more than steak and chips. He is ultra fit and cycles runs and is masochistic at the gym and never seems to run out of energy,

    I dont know, except that its not fair !! I think that you have to look after yourself first as if you are overweight and unhealthy you cant do things for yourself or anyone else. I had got to stage where I couldn't get upstairs without a stick and now I can,

    so keep persevering and good luck.

  • Hi ElRow1324. A very interesting post.

    A persons weight alone is no indication as to whether an individual is healthy or not. I've been underweight for a number of years as a young man. I weighed just 9st 7lbs and was just under 6ft tall. I went to the doc's and he said there was little he could do. In an attempt to gain weight, I ate three large meals a day, plus at least 4 jam doughnuts as a mid morning snack. I used to also have two large Wimpy Burgers and chips as an afternoon snack. I used to take Complan and enjoyed a couple of pints in the evening, often then going for a Chinese or Indian take away. This carried on for four or five years.

    I did not put on an ounce.

    Then one day I decided to give up smoking and go swimming. Within a couple of months my weight began to climb and my physique began to look very lean.

    Move forward 30 years and I'm distinctly overweight “OBESE” at over 16st 5lbs or more. Why did this happen? I had slowed down an awful lot, I started smoking again. I look a lot healthier now I'm below 13st 7lb, but rather strangely, when I was at my lower weight, my BMI was just about within the healthy range.

    So I've been over and underweight and I can see both sides of the coin and understand the dissatisfaction with ones appearance in both circumstances.

    Over the years I have learnt one thing, and that is, we often get a figure/physique that reflects our lifestyle and a persons weight is not always simply about calories in and calories out. How we see ourselves and how others see us is also no real judge of fitness or health. Take a look at the top marathon runners or cyclists, they look as though they could do with a good meal (to to some at least), but are they healthy?

    Forums such as this, lend plenty of support and are highly valued. It must be remembered though, that we don't know the personal circumstances of others on the site. I don't believe the 12 week NHS plan is a good starting point if there are any underlying medical issues and would advise that a person who has difficulty gaining/losing weight, go straight to the GP. There are so many questions that need to be asked, that would not be appropriate for an open forum. You have given so little information. I don't even know your age group, if you are smokers etc. and it's right and proper that you should not divulge information you're not comfortable with.

    I would highly recommend that you both have a thorough medical. It may be that either you, your husband or the two of you are within the healthy BMI range. Sometimes it's about perceptions rather than proper measurements of fitness that need to be addressed.

    I appoligise for the long answer

  • Tewson

    What a sensible reply. It echo's my own personal experience and views. I wanted to lose weight due to heart and breathing problems. By cutting down my food intake and exercising more I certainly felt better than before despite my BMI still being above accepted limits.

    I do believe that the BMI is an indication of where you could be or what to aim for but as long as you can lead an active lifestyle if you prefer too then that is all that matters.

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