Struggling with it all

Struggling with it all

The picture is of my wee boy Alfie who many of you have read about in my posts. This tiny little man is helping me through a very tough time indeed. Thankyou everyone for all your wellwishes on my last post some weeks ago.

I have only just weighed myself and found ( as expected) I have piled the weight on over the last 3 weeks., a lot of weight. I have not sat to eat a proper meal since 2 days before my Mom passed away, with so much to organise and trying to work inbetween I have eaten total junk - loads of pastry and bread, no fruit or veg to speak of and wine, way too much wine. Sadly I now weigh 231lb. Today I opened a letter my Mom wrote to me and didn't get chance to post, reading it was difficult but very strengthening. It has given me the push I need to start again and to remember that this life is wonderful and should be lived in as positive a way as possible. So I have weighed and refuse to be brought down by the gain. I have 'set out my stall' so to speak and planned my menus for the next couple of weeks, allowing for 'treats'. I am staying teetotal though, I feel I have used alcohol as a bit of a 'blotter' for these last few weeks as well as food.

So it's back to the starting block for me, but that's ok, I am fine with this. There is more reason than ever for me to want and need to be fit and healthy. Onwards and downwards.

Again, thankyou so much to all forum buddies who cared enough to post such supportive messages. Merry Christmas to you all, wishing you all health, wealth and happiness. Here's to a wonderful 2016 xx

22 Replies

  • ShellieL, what a truly touching post and something that many of us can relate to. It's good to see that you have found some resolve and strength.

    I feel for you at this difficult time and hope that you will, given time, find peace, happiness and health.


  • Thankyou hunny, I know It will take a long time to get back to 'normal', and being Christmas is especially difficult, but I will be ok. x

  • Animals are the best friends. My two cats elvis and Iggy have helped me through depression. In fact Iggy the ginger one just looked at Alfie on my iPad and helped me write this. Big hugs xxxx

    Just want to add that it will be lovely to have you back with us.

  • Bless you Aqua-marine, animals are amazing emotion levellers. Alfie has helped me through some very low points in my life and he is helping me through the toughest time ever. I take care of him and he takes care of me - simple. xx

  • Alfie has a lovely face.

  • Hi ShellieL lot's of hugs honey and sorry to hear your mum passed away it's such a difficult and emotional time in anyone's life to lose their mum or a loved one and your post is very touching to me. It's good to hear you are back and going to take control again and stay strong for yourself. That shows great strength and courage to pick yourself back up and go forward with making things right again in your life honey. Your mum will be proud of you for finding the strength to continue on and she will be watching over you every step of the way.

    Lot's of love and support to you x

  • Thanks Trafford. Right now my Mum would be shaking her right index finger at me and telling me in no uncertain terms what a silly beggar I have been for putting back on the weight I have taken great pains to lose. Then she would have hugged me and said 'right, onwards my girl, no excuses'. So onwards it is - no excuses. xx

  • Hi Shellie, so sorry to hear about your mum. A horrible time for you but I am glad your mum's letter has given you strength.

    Grief is a funny old thing and you really have to let it run it's course. I lost my dad 2 years ago but there are still times (especially some songs, he was a musician) when the wind is knocked out of me.

    I wish my dad could see the progress I have made and it makes me sad I didn't do this when he was still alive but I am doing now and that is what counts!

    The most important thing is that you take care of yourself physically and emotionally, but if you feel able to re-start your journey then go for it.

    I'm so glad you have Alfie to look after you, pets are great as they are always there for you.

    I hope you can enjoy Christmas and I wish you all the best for 2016 when we will all hopefully be slimmer and healthier! x

  • Thankyou sueper, your words are absolutely right. My Mum was a big lady and this got her down emotionally towards the end of her life. Though I weigh many stone less than she did, I know that some of the discomforts and problems she faced will undoubtedly touch me as I get older if I don't lose my excess baggage once and for all. To be about 130lb again would be a wonderful thing for me and a an honourable tribute to my Mum. xx

  • Hi Shellie, so good to hear from you,

    I know life is so difficult at the moment but Alfie will love you unconditionally and be there when no one can be {{{{hugs}}}}.

    I am so pleased you feel ready to continue with your journey and we are here for you 100% no matter how hard it gets xx

    When we are stressed/distressed it is easy to use food/alcohol to soothe us, so I really applaud your choice to go tee total, and I'm sure your 'stall' will be full of all things nice😃

    I hope the coming few festive days pass peacefully for you, I know we had shared our Xmas days a few weeks ago and I hope you are still having your family day.

    Lots of love, and 2016 will be a year we will live,love laugh and loose !!


  • Thankyou flossie. Mum taught me many things about life, but the most important thing was to live life well - love it and rejoice in the here and now. Each day should be enjoyed, because today soon becomes yesterday and you can't rewrite history. So 2016 is going to be an amazing year, however difficult. I have a wedding in May to look forward to, a christening of my newest niece born 10 days ago, and in summer a final farewell in Llandudno on top of the Great Orme ( Mums favourite place in the whole world) to the special lady who left a legacy of 12 children, 22 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren - each and everyone of us will be there, a huge feat considering we are spread across the globe as far as the Middle East!! xx

  • Alfie is gorgeous. I'd so like to get a dog to keep me company at the moment, but I know it would be fair to have a dog stuck in the house all day when I do eventually get well and get back to work. For the moment I make the most of my visits to my sisters and I spend a lot of time with their Westie. She's gorgeous and so funny. :-D

    Good luck with the weight loss.

  • Thankyou hunny, your kind words are much appreciated. x

  • Shellie it's been a horrible time for you but so glad you are now able to make positive changes again. I'm sure your mom would be so proud of you. Be kind to yourself. Lots of love xx

  • Thankyou hunny. x

  • Hi Shellie :-) Nice to see you back, but {hugs} for the difficult circumstances :-( Alfie looks like he's ready to look after anyone - what a cutie !! Good for you to be making a start on getting back to normal - hopefully you will find strength from your determination and memories that you have of your mum. Good luck :-)

  • Thans lucca, your kind words are very much appreciated. x

  • Hi Shellie, sending hugs too. Sounds like you're being kind to yourself but aware you need to look ahead to a return to normal. It sounds like you're finding being back at work so soon a real challenge, maybe accept that days off need to be spent resting and collecting your thoughts for now. I hope you'll get some more time off over christmas, and in meantime look after yourself (and Alfie) :)

  • Thanyou Ruth, I am all over the place at the minute and seem to have my head crammed with so much 'stuff'. Work actually gives me a breather from the emotional turmoil whirring constantly round. At home Alfie is my constant, always by my side and ready with a furry cuddle. Xx

  • It's so hard to find the right words Shellie, because none can convey the way I'm feeling for you. I'm amazed at how well you seem to be coping, but I suspect that thin veneer of strength only just covers the quaking jelly of grief and loss.

    My mum passed 2 1/2 years ago and I still struggle to deal with the hole that's been left in her wake. Some days I can remember her with a smile and other days those memories are more than a body can stand.

    I know that you'll experience similar emotions, but you'll always have Alfie for comfort and the thought of achieving 130lbs in her honour.

    How wonderful that her entire family will be with her as she's released to her final resting place, what a tribute to a lovely lady and a very fitting farewell.

    I hope that returning to join us here will give you the strength and determination to reach your goals.

    Wishing you all the best for now and the new year.

    Onwards and downwards :)

  • You are so right in everything you have said moreless. I am on annual leave until Wednesday ( since last Wednesday) and have found this last few days very difficult indeed. I have cleaned until the house begged for mercy and walked Alfie until he too pleaded ' no more' with his eyes ( we have had lots of rain and he hates getting wet). So I have baked for the whole weekend, cakes, cookies, brownies, pies...... BUT I haven't eaten a single one!!! I have gift boxed them all and given them to my neighbours and friends. My hands and mind need to stay busy so as not to wallow in my grief and end up eating. 😕

  • Good for you Shellie, baby steps will get you there and busy hands will help :)

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