Happy to be back

Good morning folks, how I have missed my daily dose of inspiration from this forum over the last week or so. Without going into the nitty gritty I have had a week long dose of hospital living to contend with, weighing myself this morning on my own scales I have put on half a stone. I felt sick to the stomach and felt like weeping, a total failure. My last week has seen me weeping quite a lot though, having too much time to just think and find things wanting ( I don't like being idle, never have, and enforced idleness is a bad place for me to be). My plans have been scuppered in a big way and the big adventure planned for next year is in tatters... the riding holiday to Montana cancelled as I am now unable to fly for the foreseeable. My heart is heavy as I know I have just shattered my sons dream too, as the holiday would be the last time he would ever be able to ride horses due to surgery required to keep him mobile. It is a dark and desolate place I have been in and am trying to shake off still.

I slept in my own bed last night which has helped a little, and I am taking myself in hand, deep breath and starting over. I am back at 210lb, a figure I did not want to see again. It is what it is though and I just have to get on with it. I can wallow and start failing again or I can stand tall and start winning again. The choice put this simply is a no brainer. My gain was unavoidable, not my scuppering myself, and as such has to be accepted, boxed up and shelved. Time to move on.

So here goes. Day 1. 210lb. 5000 steps aim ( yes, half what is the minimum recommended) And to get through a full shift at work tonight.( yes, back in work for the whoke weekend, but next week is my annual leave).

Enjoy your weekend everyone. 😊


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15 Replies

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  • Hi ShellieL :-) I was just thinking the other day you'd been quiet on the forum for a while.

    I'm so sorry to hear of your difficult couple of weeks. I can't add any words of wisdom to help, but just to say I hope you are doing as well as you can be. You sound as though you are being positive about the weight gain being unavoidable - sometimes you just have to focus on different things and the weight loss journey must be put to one side. Take it easy - get yourself back in order first, and then start thinking about everything else. Take care - you have all our support :-)

  • Thankyou lucca. I am focusing on going forward, the past cannot be changed and dwelling only effects the here and now/future. Trying to be positive too. 😊

  • ShellieL welcome back. I am so sorry to hear of the "enforced idleness" and the loss of dreams and ambitions for you and your son.

    Your post may indicate you have a lot to put up with a present but the underlining message you convey, is that of inner strength and fortitude. I have every faith in your ability to resume reducing your weight and finding the happiness you deserve.

    Best wishes to you and your son :)

  • Bless you hun, thankyou for such kind words. It has certainly been a testing and worrying time recently, but I have survived far worse and come through smiling. I am determined to carry this on, being positive in the face of adversity. The lovely responses on here from the likes of yourself are a big step to that positiveness. 😊

  • Hi ShellieL

    It sounds as though you have a lot of difficult things to cope with at the moment so it is hardly surprising that weight loss has not been top of your agenda. You sound really determined to get back on the wagon and start the scales moving in a downwards direction. You always offer so much support to the forum, maybe it's time for you to allow the forum to support and motivate you. Wishing you the best of luck with your new start on this journey and also your return to a healthier and much brighter place.

  • Thankyou mrsg3, the wonderful responses on here to my post are already giving me such a boost of support. I need to take things easy for a while, build up exercise slowly again. I can, however, jump straight into planning my food intake again myself. Our NHS is an amazing institution and I am so grateful for it, the food is far from healthy though and quite carb heavy. It isn't a complaint, they have a limited amount of funds to feed so many and fitting in many factors such as religious or lifestyle belief( vegan) etc.... They have an impossible job. I am glad to be home and in charge again, now it's just a matter of getting it right. 😬

  • Hi ShellieL,

    Really sorry to hear you've been through such a lot recently, and glad to hear you are back in your own bed again, as of last night, and felt more comfortable as a result of that. I really hope you cope ok with tonight's shift back at work. It's good that you've got next week's Annual leave, so hope you get through the weekend shifts ok in the meantime.

    I know you and your son were really looking forward to the Montana trip next year, and it's understandable that you are feeling very disappointed. But hopefully your son will be understanding of the fact you can't go and he is probably more concerned for your well-being than you may realise.

    Great that you're back in the forum, and hope you cope ok with the weekend and that you have a good week next week on your Annual leave.

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thankyou for your lovely response lowcal. My son is very understanding and is grateful that I am ok. He is obviously as disappointed as I am, but as he says ' life is a bugger sometimes,but as long as we have our loved ones and our health, then we have what is truly important'. He is far older than his 24 years in wisdom sometimes!

    So it is forward, not backwards I am going. Who knows, the future may hold something much more wonderful. 😊

  • Hi Shellie, it makes me feel sad to think of you feeling helpless and unbusy, as your natural state is so active and self-sustaining. I'm glad to hear you're feeling able to go back to work now, but I hope that if you feel too whacked out you'll make sure to take breaks or go home if need be. I'm sure, like Lowcal says about your son, that everyone who knows you will be concerned about you and wanting to make sure you get fully recovered asap, so don't hesitate to ask favours and support from everyone around you.

    Don't worry about the half stone gained by the way, after such a weird week, that could have been caused by anything, may be easier to reverse than you realise. Also, don't underestimate the power of a few days back in your routine, getting back in control again, a few refreshing strolls, you'll not only start reversing the weight gain, but you'll begin to feel like your normal self again too.

    Sorry you won't be able to fly to Montana. Is it possible to do something else instead, maybe travelling by train somewhere in Europe, I don't know what the equivalent would be, but maybe the essence of the experience that you've planned can be reproduced some other way. I hope you're covered by travel insurance so you can afford to rebook something else instead. Hopefully you'll have ideas to solve this quandary as you start to get everything back together again. Sending lots of get well vibes xx

  • Thankyou Ruth. Holiday insurance was a must when I booked and paid for the holiday. I am in the process of filling in the forms and have a medical report to explain why it is now not possible to fly. I am hoping the process won't be too arduous. Any other mode of transport would be fine, so I am going to look at France, etc... Having another PE has been very scary and the risk of flying anywhere now is too high, so no more long haul for the foreseeable 😟. I have a few bricks in my wall to knock through one at a time, then I will be just fine. Life is for living, and living well. We owe it to ourselves to do the best we can for the body that supports us every second of every day, maybe a bit deep but true. 😊

  • Yep that sounds good, one brick a a time. Try not to think too hard about the bigger picture, just the small things you can deal with as you go along. Good luck with the travel insurance forms. And in the day-to-day, remember to look after you :)

  • Just wanted to say I feel your pain x

  • Bless you hun, it's so uplifting to feel supported and cared for. The best boost that can be had. 😊

  • Hi Shellie,

    Sorry to hear it's been such an awful week, hopefully you are on the mend and feeling a bit better.

    Try not to focus on the gain it's been unavoidable, you are right it's boxed and binned!! Turn the page and start again, slow and steady wins the race honey and we are all here to support you{{{{hug}}}}

    Once you've got work out they way I hope you are able to have some 'me time' next week and do something really nice for yourselfπŸ’

    Take care


  • Hi flossie, thankyou for your lovely support. Last nights shift has left me shattered, but it was a really good shift. I am going to Llangollen on Tuesday for 3 days with my dear ex-mom-in-law for a spa break, so hopefully the batteries will be well recharged. No alcohol allowed for me for quite some time, but that is fine - it'll help with the weight issue, always a plus somewhere, lol.

    Hope you have a fabby week ahead. 😊

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