Getting desperate now

Hi all. I'm in desperate need of some help & motivation. I've been trying to lose weight now on & off for years. I've always been relatively big but the older I've got (now 31) I seem to have settled more into family life doing not much about it. I record calories on myfitnesspal but for the last 3 weeks have slacked considerably barely doing any exercise & not recording lots of food as a lot of it is rubbish & too many calories.

I've weighed myself this morning & another 2lb has gone on so I'm now up to 200 1/4 lb. This is not right.

Regarding exercise, I do this at home alone as I can't afford a gym or exercise classes so have a Wii fit & zumba game. However over the last 3 weeks, partly because I've had a cold/chest infection I've done nothing.

I'm just completely lacking motivation & willpower (there is some motivation there as I know I need to lose weight generally & to help trying to have baby number 2, we have a 4-year-old at the moment).

I just don't know what to do or where to go now. I'm determined to get rid of all rubbish food & drink to stop temptation but just don't know how to deal with all this.

I cried myself to sleep last night about various things so my emotions are all over the place at the moment.

Any help would very much be appreciated xx

10 Replies

  • Awww Leeds - I feel terrible when I see posts like this when people are so upset about their weight - and I know exactly how you feel. First of all, try and put everything behind you that's happened - today is a new day in your weight loss regime !!

    Spend a bit of time today planning some good meals to have for breakfast, lunch and a few dinners. Enter some amounts into myfitnesspal and get a good menu for today/tomorrow that will keep you within whatever calorie goal you are aiming for. Personally I try to keep things fairly simple - same breakfast and lunch and a small variety of dinners. I've learnt my lesson and no longer go out and fill my basket with 'diet' food on the first day, which then languishes at the back of the fridge for weeks. But everyone does things differently so find what works for you.

    Stick to that plan for the next couple of days - don't look any further forward than that - just try to keep within your calories for a couple of days. That's great you can do some exercise at home - have you considered looking on youtube for some other workouts as well, to keep things fresh ? If possible, I would recommend getting out and walking a bit each day as well - I find that really helps lift a low mood, and if you can gradually increase the distance, that will make you feel good as well.

    After a couple of days like this - hopefully you'll feel a bit better in yourself and ready to tackle another couple of days - those days will add into weeks and hopefully you'll get some motivation back :-)

    Post loads here as well - I think that works as well as anything :-)

  • I feel your pain - I am 52 and have been on a "diet" for the last 30 years..... I have come to the conclusion that dieting makes you fat. When I look back at my first diet - I was a healthy weight and did not need to reduce my calories at all. Over the years I have yo-yo dieted which has taken my weight (January 2011) to 16st 4lb - my heaviest - I lost 3 stone within 6 months but put 2 stone back on by 2015. I came to the conclusion 4 weeks ago that I was not going to diet anymore. I saw the you tube documentary by Michael Mosley called, Eat Fast and Live Longer. It suits me perfectly. I have lost 9lb in two weeks and actually feel better. I love the health benefits that fasting brings. I would say sit down for an hour watch the documentary and decide if its for you. I wish you luck - my aim is to protect my health not diet - life is way too short and being a food/drink hostage has turned me into a food bore, can you imagine my friends hearing about my latest diet - for the last 30 years for me to be as fat as ever after all this time. Shall we support each other?

  • Hello to all in this thread, Rommelandremus, I'm 50, put a stone on when I got married in my early twenties, then after 3 babies had gained another 2 stone and like you over the years I've lost and regained that 2 stone so many times, never getting rid of the initial one. Leeds230, I know what a horrible feeling it is to have eaten junk food and then feel angry and upset with yourself. I'm definitely a stress eater and though I've never been able to eat large portions I would constantly graze on small volume but high calorie food like chocolate, little cakes and sweets, and also too many starchy carbs as comfort food (toast, mashed potatoes etc, which are ok in small quantities but I would eat them for every meal) . Everything changed earlier this year when a chronic irritating problem with my salivary glands became an acute very painful problem. I was getting horrible mouth and throat infections and was advised to cut out sugar as far as I could to reduce the very welcoming breeding ground for bacteria that I was creating in my mouth. I went cold turkey on the junk food, and it was really hard at first but then the cravings wore off and now I truly don't want the sweet rubbish I used to eat ( though I do still have a bit of a sweet tooth for fruit). Changing my focus from hating the excess weight but doing nothing about it to trying to nourish and look after my body better was a real revelation to me and it made me look more closely at why I was eating rubbish and relying a lot on very high carb foods. Although I still want to lose weight (currently have got rid of the first stone but still have two to go) it's my second priority to being properly nourished. I've reduced the starchy carbs to small portions of less processed low GI ones, and moderately increased natural fat intake. I'm giving you a bit of a rambling life story here but what I'm getting at is if you can change your focus to wanting to nourish your body with all the things it needs and not hurt it with the bad stuff, it will hopefully put you in a better frame of mind to start to tackle the weight. The Nhs 12 week plan works in my opinion because it gives you a structure to follow and introduces changes step by step instead of all at once which makes it easier to incorporate healthy changes into your life as a permanent fixture. I find that with my change of focus, if I have a "bad" week like I did last week, although I didn't calorie count or lose any weight I still ate healthy nourishing food, so I'm not weighed down by guilt or frustration with myself, just ready to get going again. I also agree with Lucca to get out and walk, even if you're not feeling very well even a gentle walk has benefits beyond any weight loss potential. All good luck to you ☀️

  • Hi, I sympathise. I have been dieting since I was roughly 14 years old. Motivation needs to be there but you need to want to do it and to believe. If it helps I truly believe that eating healthy and keeping positive helped me conceive my second child. Now just to get rid of the baby weight lol. You can do this and we are all here to support you. Good luck x

  • Bless you hun you are in a bit of a deep well at the minute. You have come to the right place, this forum is a bigger well of support with plenty of ropes and ladders to help you climb emotionally out of yours. If your myfitnesspal isn't working for you at the minute have you tried a simple chalkboard/whiteboard that you can fix in the kitchen and jot down as you get, then simply rub out each day and start again. They can even be bought from the pound shops. Exercise can be as cheap or expensive as you want it to be, and having the wii is really good. A couple of resistance bands are cheap to buy and good too. Walking outdoors is the ultimate in feel good exercise, great for Mum and son time too, and if you have a dog - win /win all round. Check online if there are any 'free gym parks' near you, again fab for both yourself and son.

    You have got yourself bogged down pretty deeply psychologically and everything feels like too big a mountain to climb. Take it one little bit at a time. Try some meditation and breathing exercises to calm you if possible. Assess your strong and weak points, are you a grazer? do you have a sweet tooth? things like this. You will then have a starting point. I have no off switch for crisps, so I have stopped buying them. Small steps will lead to bug things, honestly.

    Lots of posters have answered this post so well, showing the support is amazing. I hope thus week is more positive for you hunny, and that you feel you can change things for the better. Chin up chick. We all fall down - often, getting back up as hard and bruising as it is sometimes, is key. 😊

  • Hi leeds230, I think it is wonderful that at a really low and stressful moment you did two very positive things : you weighed yourself so you know just where you stand and you posted here where there are lots of people who know how bad this feels and that it is possible to get better and somewhere I that site is the words that can hop you feel better.

    I know what desperate feels like and what has turned things round for me a year ago was -after a lot of false starts -was finding ways to integrate healthy eating and exercise into my life which has helped me recognise the things I have in my life that I love and that bad food was not one of them. It was months before I could face calorie counting but I felt better as soon as I started exercising - I got started with the NHS 5 mins stretches on the livewell site and then the strength and flexibility program - and then when I cut out most processed foods.

    So i agree with Luca, take it one day at a time, keep it simple and find ways to feel good: your motivation will come back. I also think that as you should do as you write and you should get rid of the rubbish food and drink in the house . 💐

  • Thank you all for your posts, I really appreciate it. What doesn't help is an anniversary is coming up on Friday, 2 years since my beloved Bamps (grandad) passed away. Although I feel I've got over the grieving stage a little more for some reason last night I cried myself to sleep remembering his last moments & everything just came flooding back. There are so many things I feel down about, my weight is just another issue to contend with.

    I will look into things you've all suggested & hope that things will start to improve soon. I feel at a complete end sometimes & just fail to see how things can improve 😢

  • I always feel life is like balancing lots of plates at the same time, family, work, home, health, etc etc - it only takes one of these plates to wobble to cause us unmanageable stress which can lead to comfort eating, this leads then to a downward spiral of further self loathing and despair which makes us comfort eat again .......... jumping off this roundabout is not easy. I have just bought a black lab puppy and I am so careful about his diet, eating at regular times with a measured amount of food, making sure he has his walks and I know this will keep him healthy and happy. I don't give him extra treats thinking to myself "he is not a dustbin" to tip all leftovers and treats into. LIGHTBULB MOMENT - I am not a dustbin either, you are what you eat. I have found keeping off sugar means I do not crave high carb foods anymore - if I wobble and have one chocolate minstral you can say goodbye to the bag - so I don't buy them - if I don't by these trigger foods I cant eat them .......... take one day at a time and be kind to yourself

  • Hi Leeds230, keep posting on here, see us as your sounding board, keep asking us anything you want to know. So many of us have been in that desperate position where we realise we have to really act and turn our lifestyles around to lose weight. I really recommend trying to see it in a holistic way - make sure your environment makes you feel calm, make sure temptations are out of sight, and try to plan your meals in advance - try to ease your path as much as you can.

    There's some really good advice in the posts here, lots to come back to and re-read to make you feel you have that support, and that others are going through the same feelings too. I particular liked what Fran said about learning to nourish and look after your body. Your relationship with food will change - just keep trying to take control :)

    Good luck putting things in place that will help you make changes gradually and sustainably, and hope you can pick your mood up again soon :)

  • I've downloaded the NHS 12-week plan and am looking into buying possibly a chalkboard so I can note down plans for food each day. My mini exercise bike requires a new battery so though I can use it the counter currently isn't working to count reps & calories etc which is pretty annoying.

    I have a few other options though so will try & do things before going out tonight xx

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