I start work at 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday so for someone like me that wakes up at 4 or 5 in the morning and starts the day at that time its almost like having a half day off!
I have become so addicted to being up and active and trying to reach my 10,000+ steps that sitting down and watching a whole movie or reading a book feels lazy. Seriously - it's ridiculous, I'm up and down like a yoyo. Such a difference to even just a month ago lol
But this morning I decided it would be my rest day from exercise and I had Beautiful Creatures lined up and ready to go on the DVR. It all felt very decadent eating my porridge with a steaming cup of tea while I watched a movie at 7 a.m.
By 7:30 I was getting distracted and decided stuff it - I want to exercise! So I put on my trainers and walked out the door. I just had to exercise - I wanted he endorphin rush.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined my problem would be sitting still instead of the usual problem of battling to get moving!
All that "natural high" malarkey those greenies and hippies go on about? Well what do you know - it actually exists! But most of you guys knew that already
A few minutes into my walk I was reflecting on how much things had changed for me as I decided to go the hilly route, how Bert would never have let me pick a walk over a movie, how 2 months ago I was in despair and depression at my weight, thinking i had used up all my chances to lose it, how I saw a future full of loneliness and sadness and wondered how I would ever get through it.
And here I was striding up a hill, loving the burn and feeling almost high with happiness as I reeled off in my head all the things I was grateful for:
- actually wanting to exercise
- that my heart, which has had some damage, seemed to be coping beautifully with all the exercise
- that I had found cycling and seemed to be enjoying it - amazing for me who was such a non sport guy
- that I had found this fantastic forum full of supportive people all working towards a common goal
- that I was actually considering spending Christmas with my immediate family who I had avoided because I basically hated myself for so many years
- that I was actually sorting out my car registration and insurance before the due date instead of after like usual because I had money saved instead of blowing it on crap food or cigarettes
- that I was taking my car for service and after wondering how I could get to and from work realised that with my new cycling habit I could make it to work and back on my bike from there - cool huh?
I've often read that we should be grateful at least once a day to bring joy to our lives and it really does work.
In fact it worked so well that pounding up some hill or other tears started rolling down my face. I was thinking "WTF is going on - where is this coming from???"
It all felt VERY un-Nike "Just do it" kind of thing but I just couldn't control it. It was bizarre.
Pure tears of joy, that I had gone from someone who had given up on life at 53 to someone who was now fighting tooth and nail to reclaim life, to love their body and mind, someone who had gone from depression and sadness only 6 months ago to someone who now was embracing the moment and loving it.
Fortunately I was sweating my butt off so if anyone walked by they wouldn't see there were tears mixed in with all that sweat
And every time I thought of something else good another tear would appear until I got to the point of thinking "This is getting ridiculous - If you get much happier you'll choke!"
It was amazing. And clearly after yesterdays post about where does the emotion go that we have been eating with food, it seems I found some !
And I did my best time BY FAR on this walk.
I usually do around 9m 40s per km but on this one I came in at 8m 34s per km average with one of those km's coming in at 8m 11s - completely blew away my PB.
Seems that some gratitude in your tank can turbocharge your day
Have a great day you lovely Brits - see you on the flip side!