Taking a big leap!

I have had body images and issues with my weight as far back as I can remember even when I was a tiny size 8! I have been suffering badly with Binge Eating Disorder for the last 3 years and have gained a large amount of weight quickly in the last yr or so. I have not been diagnosed but have been into the docs a number of times (when I finally built up the courage) but unfortunately didn't receive much help, it got worse.

I no longer feel like me in my skin and do not recognise myself, I don't socialise because I am embarrassed and something needs to be done. It's stopping me from living my life it's my 30th in Oct and I really want to go on a night out!!!! I am 5.2 and I think now around 14.7 stone.

I am so scared writing this but I need to do it to make it real and to make the commitment. I don't want to start a diet as such but to change the way I think, and develop a heathly relationship and habits with food.

Day 1 tomorrow!

10 Replies

  • Well done for your post, Facing up to an eating disorder and sharing is possible the hardest step, hears to healthy diet, I wish you well good luck!

  • You really should be proud of yourself for having the courage to write this.

    I know how hard it can be to admit these things not only to yourself but to others, because when you say it out loud or put it on the net - its real...and you have to deal with it.

    I know you don't to go on a diet as such but you should at least start doing a few things.

    Start a food diary and write down EVERYTHING you eat. Our brains are quite good at making us forget those little bits and pieces all through the day that add up to a lot.

    If you are happy to start counting calories then you could try Myfitnesspal which is an app for your phone that will search and find calories on food scan barcodes, import recipes and more - its amazing and its free!

    It will also work out how many calories a day you should eat to lose a pound or whatever you tell it you want to lose per week. Having that number staring at you each day will often help you make better food choices.

    Stay close to the forum - there is lots of support here and great group of people.

    You can do this. You really can.

  • Hey Rachel

    Well done for posting, you shouldn't feel scared, I've found this forum to be friendly and everyone here is going through a weightloss journey and I am sure you will be able to find some inspiring posts to keep you motivated.

    I think self image is also a big issue for everyone, it's difficult to feel attractive when clothes doesn't fit well or even at all and you are bombarded with images of what beauty should be. I myself have spent most of my life covered because Of stretchmarks..so I don't wear shorts, short dresses, strapless dresses, short sleeve tops etc and it was only after many holidays later where I sat on a beach fully dressed that my mum said to get over it because no notices it but me.

    It's still hard and I literally have nightmares of someone telling me 'hey it's roasting in here, why don't you take off that cardigan'

    As for binge eating, perhaps you can talking what triggers it and what you feel before you doing it. Perhaps it's not an eating disorder but just due to insecurities and not loving yourself? Try signing up for the 'NHS your weight matters group' it's free and maybe they can offer some guidance. If it helps I physically cannot go to a buffet and have a small portion and usually on holiday I eat until I feel sick. It's a work in progress just know you are not alone and that loving yourself/wanting to take care of yourself is the first step.

    Cause honestly I have heard of some awful disorders/disabilities out there that if given a choice I would actually choose to be obese.

    Anyway sorry for the novel and good luck :-)

  • Well done for writing this post and sharing. Take it slow and steady, everybody is here for support and encouragement.

    I've only just joined but I'm feeling very positive and focused right now, but I know in the coming weeks it will get difficult at times but that's where this forum comes in! Don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance, we're all here for the same reason.

    Good luck xx

  • You can do this! Admitting the problem is the first, but sometimes hardest step.

    Sign up for the Nhs 12 week plan. Upload myfitnesspal.

    Take a day at a time.

    Come hre often for support encouragement and inspiration.

  • Hi Rachel - you've been really courageous and taken a big step! Be Proud! Any eating disorder is serious and I'd urge you to get back to your GP and ask for a referral to IAPT iapt.nhs.uk. GPs are lovely hardworking people who have only a few minutes to 'solve' a patients problems. If they can write a prescription they will, if they are not sure they can miss something. A friend of mine got a referral to IAPT and its been really great for him!

    So many of the problems we encounter don't exist in the real rational world but are massive in the way they feature in our minds. But take this from someone who learned the hard way. What you experience are just thoughts, and feelings. They are not real, they are not even you. You are much much more!

    You've done the first step - you posted here and just read the replies to your post here. There are a load of people here with time and compassion for you and the changes you want to make. So, stay on the forum. Keep posting. Especially if it gets tough!

    You'll feel better commenting on other peoples posts too.

    There are plenty of things you can do to get more of what you want in life. Change comes from making tiny changes on a daily basis.

    There are plenty of practical suggestions on your thread here and if I was going to add one it would be to enjoy being proud of making the changes and focus all the time on what you are gaining!

    Keep in touch!


  • Hi Andrew, not sure if your link is correct, it took me to an IT support website!

  • Hi Rachel. First step is done! Second step is to keep posting. Everyday. You will get some wonderful people contributing and supporting. Not only that, there are some fabulous links given freely by people who really care that you succeed. An Australian chap called Dave has some great links in his posts......and he's funny too. He posts just about every day so easy to find. I'm huge, my largest even counting when I was pregnant. So time to get on and do something about it. Last thought. You can make MASSIVE meals on just 1400 calls so you don't have to feel hungry, deprived or empty....good luck

  • Hi Rachel, it's a huge first step to start looking at these issues and well done for taking it. You've already had good suggestions from people here and this is a very supportive forum. Another resource you could try is b-eat.co.uk this is a UK eating disorders charity, there is helpful information on binge eating disorder and some direct support if you don't live near one of their group sessions they can give some online support. Worth checking out, and good luck x

  • Hello Rachel & welcome .. as others have said you have taken the hardest steps, admitting you want to change & posting here. Your 30th is a good incentive to start but this is a long term lifestyle change that hopefully once you begin will realise makes you feel so much better.

    Maybe go back to your GP & be specific about what help you would like .. they often only 'hear' a certain amount in a 5 minute appointment.

    Have a look at the NHS 12 week plan & My Fitness Pal they are great places to start & this forum is fantastic for support.

    Good luck & keep posting :)

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