There is a wonderful cool breeze to the day and taking the dog for his morning constitutional has certainly helped restore my mood and thoughts to a sunnier outlook. We set off at 6 am as I couldn't sleep last night. I am, unfortunately, one of those people that runs things through their mind over and over , it stems from a mentally abusive father and having to justify everything you did or believed. It is a very difficult thing to break and I have battled my whole life to always be on top of it. PLEASE DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME, it is what it is ( was what it was). I know my demons and am learning not to use food as a crutch. Before I started this journey six weeks ago, the dog would have been sat next to me on the sofa getting bits of the junk I was eating instead of rooting through undergrowth and speeding along tracks having the time of his life. We stayed out for 2 hours today and I didn't stop walking to look around me for well over an hour. Alfie seemed to sense my despondence as he kept running back to nuzzle and lick my hand before scenting something in the air that needed investigating. I think he was relieved when I finally picked up a small branch and threw it for him, all was well in his world again.
Back home I fed the dog then fed myself. I had a lovely big plate of sauteed mushrooms and an egg. Also a side dish of raspberries and watermelon. I like fruit and tend to have it at breakfast, rarely any other time of the day. I go by the 'rainbow' and try and include as many different types of fruit and veg in my day, but fruit makes up 2 portions maximum and the other portions are veg, usually 6-7 portions. Leisurely breakfasts are sporadic due to working long nightshifts and I do look forward to those 1 or 2 mornings when I can luxuriate in the feast of all my senses, not just taste.
I keep a journal, always have, and writing on here is like keeping a journal. It is cathartic for me. I try to look at what is positive in my life rather than what isn't, but being human, I sometimes fail. I have been through many horrific things and bear scars both mentally and pyhsically, but I try and compartmentalise them in the past. You can't change what has gone before, but you can change how you let it affect your present and future.
Gosh, heavy stuff!!! People, if it's sunny where you are on this wonderful planet of ours, take a minute to breathe in the air. If it's raining, put a brolly up, and smell how fresh a downpour makes our enviroment. Whatever the weather I wish you all a happy, healthy day. xx