Being overweight has affected me physically and emotionally. Do I blame myself or the loss of my parent?

I am 121kg and I need to loose 56.1 kg to be healthier. I was a good size 8 when I was 11, but then my father passed away. Therefore I was eating and eating and eating, to comfort myself. Eating was my only escape from all my worries and my emotions. I've always been bullied since high school due to my weight, been called names which meant that I believed what the bullies said about me. Now I am 19, and I am heavier than ever, I can't walk without running-out of breath. I need as many helps from you guys, and advice because today I am ready to start a new journey that hopefully one day I will look back and say I did it.

Thank you for taking time to read my note :)

14 Replies

  • Dear Maggy75,

    Welcome to this weight loss community. I'm sorry to hear about the emotional challenges you've had to face already in your life - and it must have been very hard to cope with things. Eating can definitely be a comfort sometimes, but when it gets out of our control, then it can be really challenging to change things. But there's a lot of hope out there, and a lot of support too - especially in this community, where people are striving to lose weight via a healthy eating plan and exercise. I really hope that you'll find some support here. There are lots of friendly folks out there.

    Have you looked at the NHS website weight loss pages yet? There's a 12 week structured plan there - here's the link if you haven't seen it yet. I'd definitely recommend it. Lots of useful advice and information:

    There are people who post their weigh-ins on here, and it can be inspiring to get involved with one of those, or do your own if you prefer. I do a regular Monday weigh-in, which you would be very welcome to join in on, if you want to.

    Wishing you lots of success in your weight-loss journey - hopefully you'll be on a path to feeling healthier and lighter as time goes on. Good luck. :-)

    Lowcal :-)

  • Thank you so my I really appreciate your time and help :) I will check out the 12 week plan now! :)

  • Hi maggy, welcome to the forum, there are lots of very supportive people here to help, you are not in this alone.

    I'm so very sorry about the loss of your father and that you had such a hard time at school. It is tough to overcome these struggles and some of us seek comfort in food, which in the end, makes us more miserable, I understand this feeling.

    As lowcal said, the NHS plan is a great way to start, there are lots of great resources to get you started into healthy eating and building up your exercise.

    I would also recommend downloading a calorie counting app such as my fitness pal or fat secret to keep track of your calories. It really helps me stay within my allowance and it's easy to use with barcodes scanner and manual enter options. (plus it's free)! 😆

    I use this forum for motivation and support and wouldn't be without these lovely people to help me. There's always someone on here to answer questions or tell about your successes.

    You don't say how much weight you need to lose but I'd recommend breaking down into smaller goals, make your first something like losing 7lb (half a stone) and then you will be motivated even more each time you reach a goal.

    I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing how you get on 🌸

  • Thank you! Yeah I should really set small goals as I go along. I was just panicking as I looked at my BMI and that's when life hit me and I felt like I needed to do something, but I understand is not just my weight that needs working is also my emotions and how I deal with them. And I am just looking at the NHS Plan and it looks brilliant. Thank you :)

  • You're welcome☺ I know! I had the same moment, looking at the pointer well into the obese section was so upsetting. But, it gave me the kick up the bum that I needed to make a change. And seeing results, along with the support on here has helped me stick with it. It's not a race, it's easy to be tempted to go for quick fixes but they never work long term (trust me I've tried) healthy changes and steady weight loss is the way forward! I know you can do this and I'm rooting for you, you're so young and have already been through so much, you deserve to be happy amd healthy and enjoy your life!!

    As for how you are feeling emotionally, have you considered going to your doctor? They can refer you to services that can help you, it may be useful to talk to someone? 🌸

  • I've Tried everything to loose weight but when I feel low I just end up eating to deal with my problems and that's what I need to work on too. I will check out the HSK now, thank you very much :)

  • A lot of it is habit and with the healthy eating plan and our support you'll learn to break it. Keep in touch and read the posts as they remind you that you aren't alone. Let us know how you are getting on and any tips you think of. It all helps to focus on the "New you". :)

  • Welcome, I hope you find what you need in this community. Start by dowloading an app on your phone to keep track of calories (Fat Secret, My Fitness Pal...), it's a great aid! Good luck!

  • Thank you, I have y fitness pal and it is great!

  • Hi Maggy and welcome to this forum. I think we can all empathise with you when it comes to realising you've come to the crossroads and you know you just have to do something about your weight. I agree with what the others have said, it's about lifestyle and healthy eating not a quick fix diet and the NHS 12 week plan is working for me, I'm on week 3 currently.

    It's never easy when you lose a parent, my wonderful Dad died just over a year ago and although he had been poorly for a while when he died I felt as though the bottom had fallen out of my world I was so unprepared for it. I'm a lot older than you Maggy and to have to face those feelings at your young age is an enormous thing and not something you should try and deal with alone. My grief caused me to become ill, my blood pressure soared causing me to collapse and be rushed to hospital, when I finally told my doctor how I was feeling about the loss of my Dad, he put me in touch with a counsellor and slowly I was able to talk through my grief and start to feel better about myself and situation. Maybe this would work for you too? Start by a visit to your GP to explain how you are feeling.

    You have taken the important first step Maggy, people on this forum are so caring, they share your highs and lows and offer help, advice and support. I wish you well and hope this is the begging of a new lifestyle for you. Good Luck.

  • Thank you so much, You made me feel like I am not alone in this. I have seen my doctor and it is a process now, hopefully in the next few months ill look back and say I did it and mainly because of all the caring that I get here and the support too :)

  • Blame is never helpful. It's no one's fault and everyone's fault at the same time. If you didn't have the disposition to comfort eat, if your mum had been able to stop you doing it, if your dad hadn't died, if you had learnt to deal with bullies, it might not have happened. But it did, and blaming yourself, your mum, your dad or the school or other kids won'tchange any of it.

    Try to focus on changing bad habits, follow a sustainable diet that you can not only keep up for a year or more but that educates you about food. Low carb or 5:2 or Atkins are not great for long term and don't re educate you. They arefine for people who need to get a few kilos off after a holiday but you need to re learn what is normal.

    Never think about a diet as something you come off and then go back to normal eating after. Your normal is not what you will need to maintain weighing half what you do now.

    The good bits are you are young and will lose weight at a regular amount if you stick to a restricted calorie diet. The first real diet you do will always be the most effective and you could easily be at or near target in 18 months time. Dont try to lose it too quickly there is no point in punishing yourself by starving, you didnt gain this weight in weeks so you cant expect it all to be gone in weeks either. As you start to lose you will gain energy but to start with try to walk a bit more than you do now and try to walk a bit faster. You can then build this up to more and more if you want to. If you are in the uk your gp can give you 12 weeks free gym membership with personal trainer and sometimes swimming is included too.

    You may find that the nhs diet doesn't give you enough calories to start with, I found the tesco health and wellbeing app very good. It's got a calorie counter but has mental wellbeing on there too. It gives you a realistic core allowance and you can put exercise in too. With any app that includes exercise be careful that you don't allow it twice (ie put in active lifestyle then input walking to the shops as well).

    Good luck and remember the only thing you can control in life sometimes is what you put in your mouth.

  • Maggie75 I am sorry you have had such a struggle but am also concerned that you talk of being a size 8 when you were 11. This was way before you reached maturity and you really can't expect to maintain, or even achieve the weight you were when you were a child.

    Find out your BMI, then look at what is a healthy weight for you and aim for that. This site will help you with all the advice you need to be fit, healthy and a good sensible weight.

  • Hi there. Be kind to yourself and compassionate. It's a slow journey and I struggle too--but the key for me is to find other ways to comfort and soothe myself.

You may also like...