New Member - Lack of motivation. HELP!

Hi, I'm a new member and i'm in some serious need for motivation. Sorry this may be a long post but i feel like i need to explain everything so you can see where i'm coming from.

So. . I'm 28 I've always been big even seeing some pics of me when i was younger I've been overweight.

When i was 18/19 I caught a common cold, but for me it was just a cold; it was the beginning of a very long period of heart problems. Long story short, I've had minor heart attacks and 3 operations. Obviously they told me i needed to loose weight, and believe me I've tried. I've been on the weight watcher diet so many times i could run it myself, I've tried slimming world, I've tried tablets. But when it comes down to it i really think i'm just lazy or making excuses.

The most i lost was back in April this year i lost nearly 2 stone, but as per usual its all come back. It's so hard to explain to people where i'm coming from because yes my life is at stake with my heart problems and i am borderline for becoming diabetic but why doesn't this scare me enough? When i got told that i was borderline about a month ago, again i joined a gym, but yet here i am doing nothing. It's like i would rather sit and cry about it, i get upset and eat instead of going to the gym. I cant snap out of it either. I know it sounds like i cant be bothered and that i am lazy, and i don't want to make excuses but i work full time and im at uni full time. When i do have some spare time im so worn out with work i just want to relax.

I've been to the gym twice since i signed up, i do need to go i know i do but i hate that look i get from people when i walk in. They look at me as if to say "what are you doing here" so again i come home and just eat, i get down about the looks i get from people. Although i am trying swimming lately I've not been in a pool since i was 13, again this was due to the same kinds of issues. But i much prefer swimming to the gym; but there is a downside. I'm currently a size 24/26 and i feel like i can only go swimming when somebody is with me, i dread to think what i would be like if i ever went alone.

I don't know what is wrong with me, i don't know why these sorts of things like becoming diabetic scares me enough to loose weight. I go down the other route and eat when i think about it.

I've signed up to volunteer in south africa next june and i have a pic of it as my motivation, but again i put myself down and think what's the point im never going to get there, im never going to loose this weight, im going to be the fatty. . . . I cant snap out of this circle. Im sick of feeling like crap, im sick of crying and being depressed about it.

Please can somebody tell me something i don't know, or any tips they have for me for motivation. And i understand you may want to judge me and tell me that i am totally lazy, but if that is going to be your reply, don't bother. I get enough of that from the people around me.

16 Replies

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  • Hi MissC

    Sorry to hear about your health problems. Have you been able to talk to your doctor about your depressed feelings? Would some antidepressants be any help to you? Would you have acces to CBT, through your doctor?

    The kind of food you eat can affect how you feel, and whether or not you put on weight, it's not just about the calories. Foods like sugar and white bread spike your insulin levels and can cause you to put on weight. They are also addictive for many people. Junk food can affect cortisol levels and how you cope with stress.

    Perhaps have a read of Dr Robert Lustig's book "Fat Chance" which explains how food affects our bodies. He recommends a low carb way of eating if you are pre-diabetic.

    This is one link, which I hope may be helpful.

    authoritynutrition.com/low-...

    It's great that you have signed up to be a volunteer in SA. You obviously care about other people. Now it's time that you cared about yourself. Good luck.

  • Thanks hun,

    I have been on antidepressants before but I came off them about a year ago and I've been fine since. Just I was watching biggest loser today and it hit me.

    I will have a look at that book :)

    I need to see doctor anyway because the past couple of days I've been drinking 2ltrs of water a day and I feel like I'm on a desert my mouth is so dry, so I think I'm no longer a pre diabetic :(

    Thanks for replying though hun xx

  • Hello, for reading your post I saw a lot of things I relate to. I could easily run a weight watchers class or slimming world one! The first thing I would say is completely forget about the gym. If it's something you don't like you won't keep to it. Losing weight is 90% diet and 10% exercise. With your diet start with one or two changes eg aim to have a healthy breakfast for a week or cut down your alcohol. Anything is a step in the right direction and wont be time consuming. Lastly don't be so hard on yourself, you have the ability to do this!

  • Thanks hun, I don't drink any alcohol at all I stopped that when everything happened with my heart. I quit smoking 2 yrs ago, I've cut out the pop I only drink water now. I do admit there is times I don't have breakfast at all so I am trying to make myself eat it everyday. I think with me if I don't see faults like instantly I suddenly put my defences up and say right I'm packing in its not working.

    But I'm going to see doctor this week so I will speak to him about it . Xx

  • Hello, for reading your post I saw a lot of things I relate to. I could easily run a weight watchers class or slimming world one! The first thing I would say is completely forget about the gym. If it's something you don't like you won't keep to it. Losing weight is 90% diet and 10% exercise. With your diet start with one or two changes eg aim to have a healthy breakfast for a week or cut down your alcohol. Anything is a step in the right direction and wont be time consuming. Lastly don't be so hard on yourself, you have the ability to do this!

  • Hello, for reading your post I saw a lot of things I relate to. I could easily run a weight watchers class or slimming world one! The first thing I would say is completely forget about the gym. If it's something you don't like you won't keep to it. Losing weight is 90% diet and 10% exercise. With your diet start with one or two changes eg aim to have a healthy breakfast for a week or cut down your alcohol. Anything is a step in the right direction and wont be time consuming. Lastly don't be so hard on yourself, you have the ability to do this!

  • Hi,

    I can tell you what worked for me, don't know how much of this you already know but here's how I did it. I started off the same size as you, it was realising that the size 24 was too tight and buying a size 26 would destroy me. I have PCOS so losing weight is hard, not impossible, but very slow. I woke up one day and knew I wasn't happy and things had to change. Having previously done WW I knew it was not for me. After reading people's stories on here I realised that I didn't need to diet, I needed a lifestyle change, and that's exactly what I did.

    I made small changes to what I ate. I find this is more sustainable than throwing myself into a diet that would make me restrict/cut out my favourite foods which I would then start craving, end up bingeing on then giving up the diet. I still have takeaways and sweets, just not every day. Having things in moderation has stopped me from bingeing. I've stopped buying sweets to have at home, now if I want them I make sure to walk for at least long enough to burn the calories I gain from eating it.

    As for exercise, I did a gym induction once and got so self-conscious from not being able to work the machines on my own and from all my jiggly bits that I never went back. I now walk, it's gentle exercise that's easy to increase in intensity to burn more calories. I have various aerobic dvds to do at home where noone can see me being terribly uncoordinated. So far I have lost 36lbs, in about 6 months. It's not quick weightloss but it is coming off and not going back on.

    My advice would be

    -go and buy a proper pair of walking boots, trainers don't support your feet in the same way and the heavier person needs proper support. Can you incorporate walking to work or uni? I now walk home from work, it's 4 miles and takes 1hr 15mins, I get home 20 minutes later than I do if I get the bus. Could you do something similar? If one day you don't have the energy fro a long walk, just go for a short one, a short walk is better than no walk. And it did take a while before I could walk 4 miles.

    -consider aquafit? I know it's not swimming but it is in the pool so might get your confidence up so you feel able to swim alone. Also, in my experience, it's made up of older heavier women so I didn't feel as self-conscious as I usually do in a bather.

    - change your mindset. This is easier said then done but once I accepted that slower weightloss and smaller goals was more likely to last it became so much easier. It's not easier, I hit the plateau and stayed the same weight for 3 weeks which was awful at the time but I stuck with it and i'm back to losing.

    -identify your triggers. If thinking about becoming diabetic sets you off on a binge don't think about it. Well, don't not be aware of it but don't focus on it. If you lose weight you reduce your chances of becoming diabetic so when you feel yourself starting to think about it go for a walk. You're doing something to fight the problem and distracting yourself from a bad habit at the same time, just don't take any money out with you so you can't buy food.

    -log everything you eat, this is an eye opener, I like MyFitnessPal. It takes abit of getting used to but couldn't get by without it now.

    -join Lowcal's weekly weigh in. The thread starts with 'Please join me for a Monday Weigh-in (current date)', it's a really supportive group of people that welcomes any new people. I also find being accountable to people helps me get through the harder times.

    Motivation is hard, I've really struggled with it myself this week for various reasons. On a particularly bad day I look at the tracker on MFP and see the weight i've lost and that helps me get back on track. Sometimes i'll try a different exercise. I've really enjoyed just dance, it's more fun then exercise. I love the boxing on the wii sport. It's one step at a time, making a lifestyle change is hard with lots of challenges along the way but you have found a really supportive group which have helped me through the worst of it.

    Wishing you all the best. Hope to hear from you at Lowcal's weigh in tomorrow.

    Kate

  • Thanks hun,

    Im a carer so i need to drive for my job because the calls i have are sometimes 15 miles apart. I used to work in a call centre so at least im on my feet now :)

    Ive got a book and cd's from paul mckenna "i can make you thin" its all about chewing your food 20x drinking water etc . .

    Im back at uni this week so im hoping to make a big effort and go to swimming classes etc when i have spare time while at uni.

    But thanks hun :)

    If you don't mind id like to stay in touch we can keep each other updated / motivated, that's if you want to :)

    My email is miss_cky@hotmail.com

    xx

  • HI,

    Sorry for late reply, I would be happy to stay in touch, my email is katedaniels1985@gmail.com. Email me anytime or send a message on here :) It's always nice to get an update from someone, I find it inspires me to do better :)

    My job went the other way, I used to have a fairly active job then got promoted to an office job, which I love, but I now ache in places I never knew I had from sitting down all day. I have to go for a walk during my breaks or I wouldn't move for 8 hours :/

    Kate

    xx

  • I really don't like going to the gym either! but this website is great you can exercise at home i feel so much more comfortable and the workouts actually make you sweat its called instructor live try to work out 4-5 times a week I go to uni aswell but I've made a timetable of when I'm going to exercise if I'm going to start late ill exercise that morning weekends and let people know you're on a diet so that they can encourage you and it'll also make you feel more obliged to stick to your diet.

    We all struggle to lose weight but think of the end result how good you'll feel about yourself and all the medical complications won't be there anymore.Have faith and you will be able to do it just keep trying don't give up!

    Hope this helps

  • Thanks hun, yea i am going to make a diary about what times i can fit exercise in with uni and work. . But i don't mean for this to sound like im making excuses but i don't have any support at all from family at all they just shrug it off and friends. . well i think they are sick of hearing me saying im on a diet and seeing no weight being lost.

    But i will do it :) Xx

  • Kate danielsadvice is good! Well done for stopping smoking and alcohol! Another thing to try is focusing on what is good to eat- loads of veg- instead of what not to eat. Try getting your veg intake really high. You'll automatically eat less carbohydrate foods like potato, rice, etc. Good luck! Don't beat yourself up.

    If it was about laziness and lack of self control you wouldn't be working and studying. I know loads of lazy, indulgent skinny people!

  • I had these reactions:

    * First, to the "forget the gym" comment, nooooo! I agree it that weight is 90% diet, 10% exercise, but we are more than our weight. At the gym, in addition to the obv. physical stuff, I get self-esteem, more oxygen in my bloodstream, better rest when I sleep, better-and-more-reliable moods.

    * And the other: You wondered why it doesn't scare you enough. Studies show that heart-bypass patients — who've just had their chests ripped open because they're so imperiled! — often don't follow post-op prescriptions. So even if our condition (my top weight was 365 pounds (that's 30 stone, right?)) is also life-threatening, we're hardly alone in not being driven to change by fear.

    My experience (maintaining 155-pound loss 23 years) included two factors worth mentioning here.

    1) I began (on advice; I wasn't smart enough to figure it out on my own) with small changes. Could I give up one food, and feel good about it? (As in, and I mean this: On my birthday, I celebrate by not having cake. I don't need the cake to make me feel birthday-special.) Could I commit to one small change, and then keep to it? To see that change was possible, for me, in my life, and to feel what it felt like, was what paved the way for other changes.

    2) Get support. Join a group at a hospital, or a 12 Step group, or enlist a couple of trusted friends. We — humans, I mean, not just overweight people — are meant to be in community, helping each other while accepting the help of others. This is proven, obvious human nature. Make your commitment known to your peers (however you've chosen them), and then report back on how you did. If you succeeded, great. If you didn't, ask for more support. As I tell my 5-year-old, asking for help is a sign of strength.

    ~Michael, Massachusetts, US

  • Thanks huni :) im saving this :) its nice to know that im not alone :) xxx

  • Hi,

    I know exactly how you feel and have experienced health problems which you'd think would motivate me....but hasn't! I'm starting fresh today and hopefully with the support of this forum it will help.

    Have you spoken to your doctor about how they can help? Maybe refer you to a dietician!?

    Maybe make small goals for yourself so you can reach your goal of going to South Africa!

    If you want some support along the way we can support each other :-)

  • Maybe just going for walks (wear normal clothes rather than tracksuit etc then people don't realise you're exercising so no chance of taking the mick) and / or buy a WiiFit and exercise in a fun way in the comfort of your own home.

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