Depressed :( (obese)

Although i''ve not been told but I know im obese. Last year my highest weight before i lost 2 stones, was 14 stones. I decided to lose weight then which then I lost 2 stones in 5 months. After losing the 2 stones, i went back to my comfort eating, stopped going gym, made excuses and now im 14 stones 5 pounds. So i weigh more that I ever weighed. I feel so depressed. Anyone been in my situation but managed to get motivated and lost their weight? Please give me real advice and not just give me diet websites and plans. Thank you.


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37 Replies

  • I'm in the same situation. I've just joined here and read through the NHS website but finding it difficult to get motivated.

    I'm going to set myself short goals - sugar free days, gym 3 times in one week, even days under 1400 calories then build up from there.

    Good luck

  • Tackle your thinking or you're fecked before you start!

    One shock tactic is to stand in front of a full length mirror in your undies and ask yourself is this who you want to be. It can wake you up to action and out of the self pity mode that is holding you back.

  • Hey. You need to try break the cycle and change the way you eat. Forever. Diets work for some lucky few people. They lose the weight and get down to the size they want and they stay there being able to eat whatever they want. But for most of us we have to keep at the eating well and exercising to keep the weight off. Don't be depressed and beat yourself up about it. I don't mean this to sound cruel.. But beating yourself up about it wont get you to the size you want to be. There are very few things in this harsh life we can control. But what you choose to eat is one we can. You've proved to yourself that you can do it before. That's amazing what you achieved. So many people cant find that discipline but you did it. Be proud of that and do it again. Its all trial and error. X

  • first find out in yourself how bad do i want this .....because if you are determined and you want it so badly you will endure the pain drag yourself tothe finish line...

  • My weight has yoyo’d for years and I have been on every diet known to man! They worked but I stopped most of them because they were boring or too restrictive or too expensive or I just couldn’t be bothered with them any more.

    It was February 2013 and there I was – 66 years old, 5’ 1”, weighing 14½ stones, size 20/22 with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, on the verge of diabetes with very painful osteoarthritis in both hips and my lower spine. I wore mostly black loose clothes, avoided cameras and hated what I saw in the mirror …I was fat and miserable.

    I read all the ‘diet’ articles and watched TV programmes about weight loss and did nothing about it until I heard about a ‘new diet’ that seemed to be taking off. I found there had been a TV programme about this ‘Fast Diet or ‘5:2’ - It was called ‘ Eat, Fast and Live Longer’ so I watched it…

    The idea that not only might I lose weight but that my health might improve interested me so I bought the book 'The Fast Diet' by Dr Michael Mosley, and read it from cover to cover.

    It is now July 2014 – I am nearly 68, I am still 5’1” but I weigh 10 stones, am size 12 (the size and weight I was in my 20s) with normal blood pressure and cholesterol, no incipient diabetes and no pain from arthritis. I have graduated on the C25K and have signed up to RUN the Race for Life in 2015. I have some great new clothes and I am fitter, healthier and look better than I have done for years.

    It was just so easy…I ate normally (but being careful of portion sizes) on 5 days and limited my calories to 500 per day on the other 2. I could switch those days around to fit in with my life; I was never hungry – it’s not about starving yourself because you can eat the next day; your body will NOT go into the mythical ‘starvation mode’. I found that my appetite has decreased so I don’t stuff myself on the 5 ‘eating days’. I now ‘fast’ on one day a week to maintain my weight but I know that I can do this indefinitely because I’m not ‘denying’ myself or ‘missing out’ on anything. I have found that over the months my brain has 'retrained' itself to this way of eating so it has just become part of my life.

    I’ve found I actually save money on food because I’m much more mindful of what I’m buying. I don’t have to make separate meals for myself every mealtime –I might make something with lower calories or just have a much smaller portion on a fast day. So I can eat whatever I want – there are NO ‘forbidden’ or ‘special’ foods; I don’t have to spend money on classes. What's not good about that?

    It really is worth taking an hour to watch the programme.


  • Hi Renka,

    Thanks for your post. I liked and appreciated what you wrote - the one thing I dont understand is what you mean by saying you weigh a "stone" - I am from Canada and I have absolutely no idea of what you mean by that can you please tell me? In Canada we weigh ourselves by pounds.

    I quit smoking almost two years ago and I had always always weighed 140 POUNDS - now I weigh 180 pounds and I am so depressed. I really need to lose the extra 40 pounds and go back to the 140 pounds I weighed before I quit. I am very happy I quit but not happy at all with gaining 40 pounds.

    Is the book you stated a good one - if so I will get it - I need to do something.

    Take care


  • Hi blondola

    one stone = 14lbs so 10 stones = 140lbs. I weighed 203lbs in Feb 2013.

    The book is a follow on from the programme link (you may not be able to see that outside the UK) - the book is called 'The Fast Diet' by Dr Michael Mosley and explains the concept of '5:2' and intermittent fasting and how to go about it. It's available from Amazon in most countries and this way of eating is being followed world wide now. I know people from your side of the Atlantic and also from Europe, Australia and New Zealand who swear by it. (and weigh in kg just to mix it up even more!!!)

    There is also a web site with a forum which is helpful.

    Well done on quitting smoking!!

    Anything else you want to know, just message me


  • Losing weight is a lot like quitting smoking and sometimes more difficult as you can't actually 'give up' eating but like quitting smoking it's about training your brain that you don't NEED to continue the way you've been doing.

    Good luck


  • Hi Renka,

    Thanks for your letter. Ironically - I just tried to find the book and I looked at one of our biggest bookstores - Indigo - apparently the book will be here in December which of course I am not interested in waiting for 6 months for!!! I wanted to read it right now!! Oh well - what can I do.

    I do really appreciate the comments on this site and reading about people doing things like quitting smoking (I did) and weight gain etc. It is really great to talk to you and by all means you can ask me anything.

    Take care Renka - by the way I like that name!!

    My real name is Jenny :))


  • Hi blondola/Jenny have a look here


  • It could never work for me, I'd get too hungry , if it worked for you well done!

  • You probably wouldn't - lots of people think that then go on to successfully lose weight but everyone has to find their own way.

  • I agree with Renka, you might feel hungry the first time you try fasting but hunger passes and doesn't get worse. It can be allayed by having a drink and keeping busy. Watch this little video which explains it very well

  • Please don't despair. I think you need to relax and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. It's normal to lose weight and then put some on, then lose again. You know you can do it, maybe it was too hard a regime to stick to. Try and have a good day today and be nice to youself :) Good luck!

  • Hi there, I to know actually what you are going through, I weighed in at just over 15 stone and was so depressed. My hubby said to me, listen, why don't you stop torturing your and just try eating half of all the things you enjoy. I thought about and of course it made sense, so away I went. I can't say I was lacking for anything, I literally forced myself to eat half of all the yummy thing and with 4 months I was 12 kilos ( sorry, I'm an Ozzie gal) lighter. I am not back in the same boat after losing a son last. All emotionally eating, or comfort if you like. Today I am 126kg, go figure, I can hardly walk, but I do and I am determined to go back and do the "eat half of". Anyway, I hope this helps in some way. Btw, hubby is a Veterinary Surgeon, the reason for "half of"? This is what he recommends to all obese animals in his charge.

  • I agree with most of what others have written, but your husband's advice to 'eat half of' whatever you normally eat is pretty good. Many people have no idea of portion sizes and some would suggest using a smaller plate. He's right about obese animals, of course, because pet animals have no idea about what to eat and when to stop and their owners just keep feeding them things their bodies are just not designed to cope with. We are the same! We're animals, we evolved to eat in a certain way and certain types of food. Food is now far too easily available, no hunter-gathering needed, it's just everywhere and it smells tempting. TV ads late in the evening, you name it.

    For those who struggle between the pounds, stones and kilos, 126 kg is far, far too much for anyone. I weigh 72.7 kg and that's just over 11 stones which is too much for me. My husband weighs 100 kg and that's really too much for even a bloke. You are right, 126 kg is probably twice what you should ideally weigh and will impact on your health in all sorts of ways. Your poor pancreas will be struggling to cope, pushing out all that insulin and eventually getting tired and giving up. There is a lot of help on here but ultimately, we all have it in our own head and no one can do it for us.

  • PS: It can be done. My stepdaughter weighed about what you weigh now - she won't say exactly what - and she has lost approx half that weight. She lost the same amount that her sister-in-law actually weighs! She did it using SlimmingWorld and has so far kept it all off. She did no exercise at all at the time unless you count riding her big Kawasaki bike as exercise, now she does things like Boxercise. SW wouldn't work for me - she tried to explain it to me but I couldn't get my head around it. What works for me is having a good protein-based breakfast then a main meal very late, mid-afternoon, and nothing else except for a bit of fruit in the evening. Not 3 meals a day but 2, and it seems to work. Everyone finds what works for them.

  • I feel like you and knowing I'm not alone helped a little. I will be very interested in the replies you get and do hope you get some help that I can relate to as well. Papillon

  • have you thought about a few sessions of hypnotherapy to help with the motivation and avoid comfort eating. Ive heard its great for smoking and weight loss in some people. worth a try I guess

  • Hello my name is Joanne I also am over weight by a ridiculous amount and also I'm taking antidepressants as I also suffer with chronic back pain so between the both life can be pretty miserable. The only way I've ever lost any weight is reaching a point that u can't take it any more, the Weight is making u feel so bad that u have to turn it around I basically start looking at stories of people who have lost weight for inspiration, write everything down you eat even on bad days, it's shocking how much we can eat with out thinking about it try it for a few days, this week I also joined slimming world I'm still getting my head around that one it's been 4 days I'm reading everything I can about people whom have lost weight and kept it of you will never lose weight if your not truly ready to do so it's a lot of work but will be worth it I will keep you posted on how I get on but in the mean time give the things I said ago keep trying don't give in to it don't let it beat you if u need some help along the way do it with me, Think how great u will feel just a stone lighter, also how quickly a day goes by, or a week even TIME is flying by, just do it one day at a time don't think ahead or how long it would take to lose it it's of putting before you start. I hope u found this useful Joanne

  • I've found this very helpful thanks! At the moment i am fasting, due to religious reasons and ive tried dieting whilst fasting but it makes me even worse, so after my fasting month is over I will start then!! I have made a eating plan and about what to eat and cant eat and the exercise to do and home exercises!! And Yes i would love it for you to keep me posted about your progress! Hope it goes well for you, Good Luck!!

  • Hello,

    I did WW when I was 21, lost just over 2 stone in 2 months then hit the plateau, focussed on all the things I couldn't have and gave up. I gradually piled it all back and then some. I got to be 28, weighed over 18 stone (not sure of exact weight as made the error of the first few weighins being on carpet) and was faced with having to buy a size 26 top. I stopped going out, lost contact with most of my friends and basically hated myself. The motivation for me was when I got out of breath walking to the upstairs on the bus and had to hide how out of breath I was as I was so embarrassed.

    I found this forum and signed up to MyFitnessPal, in 100 days I have lost 22lbs, I'm happier and don't hate myself, I just bought some new tops in a size 22. I got this way by making small changes, it's a lifestyle change rather than a diet. I still allow myself treats, I have chinese at least once a week and often have chocolate and fizzy pop. The weight would come off a lot quicker if I stopped the treats but I know from experience that if I cut them out then I start craving them, then i'll have a bad day and binge then quit the diet. You need to identify your triggers and learn how to manage them. I can't manage all of mine but i'm getting better. You need a support network, this forum is mine. Also try and find exercise you enjoy, if you try something and don't like it then try something else, keep going until you're happy with what you're doing. I've just found the active channel on sky and have taped a few different workouts to try to get some variation in what I do. If you don't have sky there's all sorts on you tube.

    Don't despair. You've done it once so you know you can do it again. Get up and get active :)

  • Hi. I'm overweight and had an operation inFebruary. Pre-op i put on 2 stones! Having read up on the internet i saw people with similar issues to me saying its impossible to shift the weight gain let alone my original weight!. I was immobile for some months. Everything very gentle!! I can read ok but little movement allowed. Umm what can i do. I found a little book. Not a diet book but a weight loss book. See if you can borrow a copy from the libraty its called Allen Carr the easyweigh to lose weight. Isbn 978-0-718-19472-7 It worked for me! 1 Stone (14lbs) lost. I then returned to work becomming more mobile i upped my game. Stated with Alan Carrs book and intriducted 5/2 as well ! Im on a mission! 3 Swimming and treadmill and exercise bike!! Must want my head looking at. But i force myself if ain't easy at times! Today weighed myself and lost the 2 stones i put on pre-op!! 24lbs or 12 Bags of sugar i dont carry with me any more. My friend at work has lost 5 and half stones in the last year. Weight Watches. Shes done very well. Many ways to lose weight. Just finding one that suits you. Remember if only half a pound a week lost over a year your still a whopping 2 stones lighter!! Good luck

  • I think you need to look at the underlying cause, which seems to be the comfort eating for you. If that is something that is ongoing and unresolved then if will continue to affect your diet. And its a vicious circle, the more you feel low, the more you comfort eat, which makes you gain weight, feel crappy about yourself, turn to food for comfort. Maybe think about what it is thats causing you to comfort eat . . . stress, anxiety, depression, old habits from childhood. I think if you figure out and resolve whats causing you to comfort eat, and find new ways to deal with the cause, then it will be easier to focus on healthy eating

  • i went to weight watchers, someone weighing me in helped me back on met others in the same boat. couldn't afford to keep going but paved the way for me to make better choices. going back to the gym, aquafit and yoga keeps me busy now. our practice nurse will see me monthly to check weight. maybe your's would too, good luck anyway,

  • But, you know the answer! You lost the weight then went back to comfort eating. You've identified the problem. You don't need any more diets. You need to stop comfort eating! It would be a good idea to think seriously about why you feel the need to comfort eat, when you do it, what 'triggers' there are? Is it when you get bored, or unhappy, or lonely, or even the reverse - when you're happy! You know the problem and you know the cure.

  • My doctor provided me with Free weight watchers. Vouchers I am a lot heavier than you I have health issues which effect my mobility so it is important for me to shed the weight off I have been going to weight watchers for 3 weeks and lost a stone so my advice is try weight watchers good luck

  • If diets don't really work for you, there are some alternatives you could try. As an example, have you considered replacing your daily sugar intake with Yacon Syrup? I've been taking it myself and it works quite well - you lower the sugar intake with a natural sweetener replacement (similar taste to honey) that you can use on pretty much anything. On top of that you speed up your metabolism so it burns more fat and weight during your daily activities.

    I've wrote a little article about the best brands of Yacon Syrup you can buy in the UK here - if you are interested. :)

    Hope it helps and good luck losing the weight!

  • I was 14 stone about 5 years ago and have been told several times that I was obese . I got down to just under 12 stone last September but went back up to 12.9 after Christmas. since then I have yoyo'd up and down until 6 weeks ago when I joined weight watchers online and started losing a pound a week without a great deal of effort. I am not one for joining classes and going to the gym but I do have a dog and take her out more often and longer walks and find that helps. My daughter joined ww just before me and she helps a lot. I have just turned 65. You have to want to make a difference, do it for YOU Good Luck!!

  • Have you tried orlistat? A doctor will prescribe it of you need it which it sounds like you do.

  • The 5:2 Diet (thank you Renka) was the first one ever that worked for me and the weight has stayed off since April 2013 as I now just 'fast' one day a week. This little video explains it very well

    With every other diet I'd lose the weight, stop counting calories and pile it all back on again and more.

    I now weigh 130 pounds (5'7") and I'm a size 10. I've never been so slim or so fit and healthy!

  • There's a lot of good points here in this discussion. Yes you really need to want to lose weight because it's a lot easier to eat mindlessly and not exercise. But ... if you're realistic you can find ways to eat more healthily and exercise. To me that's the key - what exercise do you actually like? I hate the gym/running but I found that I love yoga. Try a few different classes or even youtube videos (I use them for yoga). Or go walking with a friend. Find a healthy lifestyle that you can maintain and that suits you or you won't maintain it.

    I'm reading all this about 500 calorie days and there's no way I could do that, it would be torture for me. I've started keeping a food diary online though and I've found big salads/veg portions to be magic - they're high in fibre so keep you full and full of nutrients. If you have one meal with lots of low calorie fibre in it during the day, it frees you up with your calorie intake at other times. Portion size! I've heard people talk about this but until you measure how much difference it can make in your calorie intake it doesn't make that much sense. I'd prefer though to have a big salad with some nuts and seeds than a tiny bit of chocolate cake at this stage.

    Find what motivates you - for me it's being healthy as well as losing weight. So when I eat I try to think of the nutrients I'm giving my body to keep it healthy. I still have the odd biscuit but I make most of my food - processed food has lots of hidden sugar/salt/fat that makes it more calorific.

    Use the internet to find low calorie recipes. Making your own food makes you really aware of your food choices.

    Good luck! It will be difficult but once you find a program that suits you and have the right mindset it will also be satisfying to know that you're on your way and taking control.

  • Losing weight and keeping it off is largely a head game. Therefore your frame of mind is crucial to success and its associated lifelong health benefits. The first thing is to remember that this is a life journey not a diet that you seek, and therefore feeling bad for a day of unhealthy eating can set you back by causing you to believe its not worth it, or you have failed, or another day of the same wont matter.

    My advice isnt concerned with the food or exercise component but the pdychological part.

    What works for some, doesn't work for all, but honesty is the only way. For me that means a full length mirror and look in it daily. Give yourself an honest appraisal. Measure yourself, weigh yourself, and write down your stats. Regulaly repeat the process. Try on clothes that are too small and do this frequently. Treat yourself to another outfit but in a few sizes smaller and gradually you will find As you lose weight, and your clothes begin to go on easier, you will feel good about yourself. Remember,mlooking in the mirror and doing measurements isn't about making you feel bad, but to get a baseline, to provide regular honest appraisal, and to be able to see the difference along your journey.

  • I am the same hated when I was 12.8 after having my baby but have tried every diet going and beat myself up about it for 2 years now and am now 15 stone don't know why I couldn't have just been happy as I was :(

  • It is in the head but I guess you know that already and stating the obvious isn't going to help...

    Lots of good recommendations on here already... but maybe also try to keep it simple, one day at a time. Maybe start by saying you know you aren't going to lose weight today but a walk isn't so bad after all. You don't need to motivate yourself for it just do something that isn't "so bad". Maybe if you just didn't eat that last slice of toast, it won't help you lose weight but it isn't that much to give up etc. The little things.

    Try the little things and then build up to a life style you can maintain.

    Hitting a target weight doesn't seem like it can be the end of the journey for you. you need to build into something you can sustain. For life.

  • I have been reading peoples posts and have come to the conclusion that we all beat ourselves up for being overweight. I do it myself all the time, mentally I am screwed up

    every time I look in a mirror i see a fat ugly person with very little self esteem.

    I look back at photographs taken in my slim life (twenties) when I was fit, healthy

    with no creaking joints, now I am in my 60's. I have type 2 diabetes with insulin dieting takes on a whole new ball game, things I used to do to shift weight don't seem to work any more and I have that much medication to

    I feel as tho I am keeping the chemist going get the picture. I would love to hear from people in the same stage of life who can help me get motivated


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