how to not lose motivation when success seems so far away

hi, so ive just found this forum through the nhs weight loss website. now im 5'6" and weigh 17st 3lb. I have never in my life been this big and i hate it. I really need some help with finding the motivation to lose it all some days i have it some days i dont. i suffer from manic depression and an anxiety dissorder, i have recently been able to half the amount of antidepressant that i take now down to 50mg so happy days. i am in a cognitive behavioural therapy once a week which i feel has helped me a lot. just really need some advice how not to feel as though there is no point to losing weight. thanks people

12 Replies

  • You should apply some of your cbt techniques to some of the thoughts you have about losing weight!

  • Hi bethkai, welcome to the forum! You've taken a big step forward in your weight loss journey by identifying your unhappiness with something and finding a solution. The solution isn't easy because there's no quick fix and us humans always want everything yesterday so we tend to give up way too easily. However, there are LOADS of people on here who have done incredibly well and loads of people on here that are on the weight loss journey with you so you're definately not alone.

    I'm really pleased to hear that CBT is working for you and that you've been able to reduce your meds. Please try to hold on to that sense of achievement and realise that you are working hard to make changes to your mental health - that is NEVER easy!

    I can't help but feel that the best way to motivate yourself would be to start liking yourself a little more. You sound like you can be really hard on yourself ("hate it") and that just breeds more negative emotion. Can you think of anything positive that comes from saying "you're fat", "you're overweight", "you're ugly" etc to yourself? Is that motivating? We all do it as negativity is how we stayed alive in the very early days. However, there is no place for this type of thinking in modern society. Rarely are we so in danger (i.e. facing a lion) that we have to have such natural negative thought processes. However, as they are so natural to us we have imposed them on modern day life and now thrash ourselves for not being the thinnest, prettiest, cleverest etc etc.

    I wonder if you can find a small bit of your body that is great? Your lips, your boobs, your ankles, your toes? Just something that you can start to appreciate and love, just as it is, not AFTER you lose weight. If you find loads of small bits then great! Now think about how you can show that bit off. Maybe you like your lips, so buy a new lipstick and wear it with confidence. Maybe you like your toes, so buy some sexy flip flops (and then wait for some sunshine!!).

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you love yourself more you will feel more motivated to achieve small goals, for yourself, not for anyone else. I struggle to lose weight, partly because it was previously such a negative experience so this time I set myself different goals. I signed myself up for a 5k run and felt fantastic when I completed it - in the process I lost a few pounds but I wasn't solely focussed on losing weight.

    If you need some help to lose weight the free app MyFitnessPal is really useful to help you count calories and monitor how much exercise you do. Someone on here recommended it to me and it has been invaluable. For example, I had a small handful of peanuts and thought nothing of my very tiny snack but then MyFitnessPal told me I'd eaten several hundred calories - I could have indulged in a piece of toast with butter and jam for les calories - and been fuller for longer! Maybe it will help you realise some easy changes you can make too without having to start on some punishing diet?

    Hope some of what I said makes sense and hopefully is helpful. Good luck with it all, don't forget we're all here doing the same thing and the more positive you can be about it the better. Keep posting!

  • hey blanket, thank you so much for the reply, i guess i do need to start liking myself even if like you said its only small parts. I do like my eyes as they're a bright green and my boobs, they're a nice size lol. i will have to start using my fitnesspal it sounds good. i am really proud of reducing my meds and i will try to hold onto that happiness. if you ever need any support also im here to listen to anyone, i find its a lot easier to give advice to someone else than it is to listen to yourself. again thank you for the great reply. speak soon

  • Hey, glad it was useful. Well done on finding such great assets about yourself! Be proud of them - and I realised that even after losing weight my boobs are still proportionatly big so don't worry about them disappearing! lol.

    I think we're all the same about giving advice! I try to think "would I say that to a friend?" Usually the answer is "No way! I'd be kind to them and say how great they were". It makes you stop and wonder why you are then so mean to yourself when actually you treat other people so well!

    I'm currently coming to the end of a massive piece of work that has been unbelievably emotional - I hand in in about a week. I'm prepared to be a bit more relaxed about what I eat during the next week as I will be working late and no doubt doing a bit of comfort eating too but I will definately be on here for support all the way. After I hand in I plan on joining a fitness class as a 'reward' for working so hard. Military fitness are currently offering 'all you can attend' classes for £35 for three months on an Amazon local offer! Hopefully that will help me enjoy myself whilst getting fit :o) Will definately speak soon with saga's I'm sure lol. Good luck!

  • we sound so alike lol and how many others on hear read and say that though on the boobs side mine have defo gone south :-( any hints on that one welcomed lol. ty blanket i read your reply and started to think again we forget to think positive of all the things we do when life takes over so harray for this site and the five min of me it has started to give me xx

  • Hi

    firstly remember how far you have come to be in a position to cut down on your anti depressants and to be doing cbt. Also remember that a lot of antidepressants make it easy to gain weight so don't beat yourself up over theweight gain, it's much more important to be mentally well than slim.

    Why not set yourself a small but significant target? Research shows that losing 10% of your body weight will havereal health benefits. So why not try to lose that and then maintain the loss for 6 weeks. At the end of that maybe you might want to lose another 10% and maintain the loss. I use the "my meal mate" app to calorie count. IIt's English and there is no psychobabble on it. I'm sure taking control over what you eat will make you feel positive about life generally. Some gentle exercise is good for the mind, even just a walk in fresh air or cycle ride. Don't forget if you lose over a stone to check if your dosages need changing, some doses are based on weight. Good luck

  • Hey there bethkai. I am also new on here actually just registered afew minutes ago. 1st thing i have to say is that thank you for posting this because as soon as i came on your comment was the 1st thing i saw and i could relate so much. I wount lie am terrified but i also hate the person i have turn into because of this weight gain. Am 16st and 5'7" i also have never been this heavy in my life. Bt now i have finally been able to admit to myself that i have a problem hopefully i can move on. So back to you question why shouldnt you quit? Because u will be able to inspire many pple in around u like ME to change for the better and u will HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT and think of all you have gain from it. I hope you stick it out. Thanx again.

  • hi kauther,

    im so happy that what ive said may inspire you and others alike. i find that when i get enthusiastic about losing weight and would love to be dedicated this time, that my depression gets in the way. im actually only on day two and ive screwed up a little already. part of my depresson and anxiety is nightmares and not being able to cope with the horrible things in the world. last night i had a pretty bad spell and so today was quite bad with my food. including a muffin for breakfast, some snack a jacks throughout the day and a burger chips and a slice of chocolate cake for dinner and pudding. im hoping to keep my head above water from now on and pick back up how fab i did on day one. keep at it and we'll all get there in the end.

  • Truth is i can never know exactly how you feel but i used to have some anxiety issues before but now i am better. It used to mess ever aspect of my life. One day i decided i wouldnt let it dominant my life. So everytime i my worries (mainly about the future) i would push it to the back of my mind and say i will think about it when the time comes. So i bought a white board and stuck it up on my room. So every sunday night i write all the things i need to do that week and group them in to the days of the week. So like on Mon i can only think about completing balh blah blah. At first i only did it for one day. Like sunday night i would write down only 5 things i need to do for mon. And go on like that for everyday of the week. I would live as if tomorrow doesnt exist. I found it rly helpful and am less stressed out all the time. Also i hated speaking infront of people. So i would practice on my little sisters each night my reading them bed time stories and i lead how to zone out and believe its just me up there. I wount say its completely gone but when i get down i look for any positive of the day how ever little e.g i am alive and healthy. I hope this helps.

    As for keeping on track wth the health program am also all over the place i hvent even done 1 day. I hate how easily i give up..

  • Hi Bethkai,

    Just want to say loosing the weight is worth it. I started loosing weight on 9th Feb and was 16 st 10. In week 7 I now weight 14 st 13. In 7 weeks I feel better amount myself and feel less strain on my joints. I whole heartly believe you should do it and if you haven't fully committed to it - do it today. Try and find your motivation in the small changes that occur - not just in the total pounds you loose but in every other day changes e.g. to your figure, your fitness levels and your mood.

    One of my victories was that in wk 4 I joined the gym - which for me was a big step as i'm shy, not too sociable and don't have many close friends. But now I feel I have something to do in the evenings/ weekends and therefore am less confined to the bubble so now feel my mood change for the better. So there are benefits to dedicating yourself to loosing weight.

    Wishing you every success with your weight loss journey! Nikki

  • hi nikki

    first of all well done for all your weight loss. thats fantastic. the lightest weight i got down to was 14st 2lb and i felt great, but with everything going on ive gained a lot. i also used to go to the gym but i lost all my confidence and also my job through depression. im really enjoying this site and talking to people in my position without feeling like the fat girl that everyone judges. the support is next to none on this site and we all need to keep each other going.

    keep motivated and losing weight. beth

  • Hi bethkai,

    As a general rule, if the end of the journey is a long way off, then focus on the points you'll pass 'en route'.

    So, yes, do have a 'fina'l target, but also set yourself some mini-targets or "milestones" to tick off as you go.

    If you're weighing in stones and pounds, even perhaps tick off some "round" kilogram figures (100 kg, 90kg) or "round" pounds only figures (220 lbs, 200 lbs), or some fractions such as 25%, 50% of the way to your target weight.

    [One person I know used to tick off other people's weight - "So that makes me now lighter than Doris and only half a stone heavier than Mabel"]

    Psychologically, break the task down in to easier to manage (get your head around) bits.

    Good luck with your weight loss journey.

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