Some people LIKE well covered ladies. How do you deal with a partner who likes you fat?

My husband's first wife had MS and was terribly thin. I don't know if he equates thinness with illness but if he knows I am trying to lose weight he buys expensive chocolates etc and almost force feeds them to me. He does say he likes me 'cuddly', I tell him it is not healthy for me but he ignores that. Just starting on the 5:2 method today is my first fast day so I'm hoping he won't realise because he's out for the day. I need to lose 15kg and I'm doing C25K too.

9 Replies

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  • When someone loves you it tends to be for you. You should be the one to take control of your life whatever. If he buys junk, put it in the bin with the rest of the rubbish; it's him that wasted the money buying rubbish in the first place.

  • You could say to him that if you become overweight it could cause other health problems that are really bad for you and tell him that u just want to be healthy because you want to spend every moment with him and the longer the better.

  • Tough one because he potentially has this thin = ill issue but it is his issue not your issue.

    Really tough but I think for long term you need to let him know that you will not allow him to manipulate YOUR health by emotional blackmail.

    In the meantime if he is not there when you do a fast day that smooth's things along.

    Perhaps also emphasising that you are healthy and want to be and remain healthy might allay his fears.

  • Hi Beek,

    My thoughts on this one is that perhaps he would just love finding out what a slimmer, fitter, lighter, more active and eneregetic, you might be like.

    And I rather suspect you'll love finding that out too.

  • I used to have enormous energy and could tackle anything. Now I am overweight ( no longer obese ) I no longer have that wonderful 'zest' for life. I am determined not to be overruled and get back to that!

  • That's very unsupportive unkind behaviour on his part. Finding it difficult to stop buying you stuff and making appreciative comments about loving you as you are is one thing but actively trying to undermine your efforts to lose weight like this is another.

    You may have to have a serious discussion backed up with things like giving away chocolates, leaving half a meal on your plate etc, and/or not do a 'diet' since this is what seems to set him off. The evidence seems to be that if you slowly change your habits this results in a more sustainable weight loss/healthy weight maintenance anyway so the NHS plan might be less threatening. If you are doing these very low calorie days, that may feel to him like you are withdrawing from him and make him worse (though I definitely understand the principle of making the most of not having a bad influence around!)

  • Just deleted my reply as it was unintelligible! I am really enjoying doing C25K and use the programme to help planning what I eat and when. That seems to work best. My doctor has offered to have a word and I will take him up on that. They can talk man to man and he'll get the message!

  • I do something a bit like 5:2 but I restrict cals during the day 200 to 300 - luckily I can walk to work to kick start my metabolism, I exercise, and then eat normally in the evening thinking that this must restrict me to 1400 cal or less healthyish. Weekends I still mostly stick to one meal but with alcohol ;) not sure what hubby's game plan is maybe he needs a heart to heart, tell him how unhappy he is making you by his actions, good luck!

  • Hi folks,

    I think actually it helps us all to remember that everyone's weight loss journeys are happening within social (families / relationships), emotional (different levels of self-esteem / differing moods), professional (retired / under-employed / run ragged) contexts - to mention just a few.

    And I guess that doing your best to manage / juggle all of those is part of the weight loss journey.

    Good luck with your weight loss journeys.

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