I am new to this site and hoping it will provide me with the supportive weight loss community that I desperately need.
I'm not new to weight loss unfortunately and last time I was big (17.5 stone) I lost 6 stone in around 5 months to get to a healthy weight (11.5 stone) for my height (5'9) which resulted in a size 12. However I did the weight loss in a far from healthy way while with a well known weight loss company, I starved myself, made myself sick and exercised to the point where my knees are damaged so that I cant run even today. I am an obsessive and competitive person and found that a weight loss group brought out the competitive streak and I became obsessed with exercise and not eating. This experience has scared me away from those kind of groups as no one pulled me up on the amount of weight I was loosing, I could have done with more support.
I was a healthy size 14 at Christmas 2011 but following a break up with a 'best' friend and a serious case of whooping cough I have ballooned to the size 22 (19.3 stone) I am today. I have denied to myself how big I am and hidden my loneliness, anxiety and poor moods by isolating myself and devouring pasta, large bags of pretzels/popcorn and caramel sauce (not all together!). I am still quite active as I love swimming and cycle to work daily when I'm in London but at the size I am there seems to be no muscles.
I look back at pictures of myself when I was thinner and realise how lovely I looked but I didn't appreciate it at the time. I want to move beyond where I am now to love myself enough to treat my poor body with the care it desperately needs, to get healthier, fitter and stronger. I want to be able to wear nice clothes and work past my need to hide away in embarrassment that I have managed to 'let go' of myself when I said it would never happen again.
I'm really hoping that talking about the ups and downs of how I am doing on here will help me on my journey!