Im currently 15 weeks 2 days pregnant. I had my scan at 13 weeks and 4 days and everything seemed fine.
As a few may know my partner is in the army and after 17 days leave at home with me he went back to his training on Sunday.
Im having really negative feelings again, i dont feel very pregnant and my belly keeps fluxuating, one day i feel quite big the next there seems like theres nothing there yesterday i thought i felt movement but i think i was just hoping it was that and it wasnt that at all.
I returned to work yesterday after being signed off for over a month with anxiety and stress. I lost a family member suddenly, and my mum and dad have both been ill as well.
Basically everyone around me has started to get excited for me and my partner now they know, 2 of our friends are due to have babies, one anyday now and the other is about 7 weeks off, i also have a friend who is due the same day as me.
As much as i hate myself for it im really struggling to stop smoking, but someone told me if i do the baby will have withdrawals. I know people who smoked all the way through their pregnancy and their babies were fine but i want to stop and i hate myself for still doing it.
I want my little bean in my arms so much and im looking forward to being a mum but i just dont feel like im going to get there.
Im also very used to missing Pete as he has been in the Army since July 2012 since November he has been able to come home nearly every weekend but this time when he has gone back i feel like i cant be without him, i miss him so much and just writing this about my feelings for him is making me cry. I think about him constantly and i really dont want to let him down.
im sorry for going on,
x x x