Feeling very low today.

Hey guys,

Im currently 15 weeks 2 days pregnant. I had my scan at 13 weeks and 4 days and everything seemed fine.

As a few may know my partner is in the army and after 17 days leave at home with me he went back to his training on Sunday.

Im having really negative feelings again, i dont feel very pregnant and my belly keeps fluxuating, one day i feel quite big the next there seems like theres nothing there yesterday i thought i felt movement but i think i was just hoping it was that and it wasnt that at all.

I returned to work yesterday after being signed off for over a month with anxiety and stress. I lost a family member suddenly, and my mum and dad have both been ill as well.

Basically everyone around me has started to get excited for me and my partner now they know, 2 of our friends are due to have babies, one anyday now and the other is about 7 weeks off, i also have a friend who is due the same day as me.

As much as i hate myself for it im really struggling to stop smoking, but someone told me if i do the baby will have withdrawals. I know people who smoked all the way through their pregnancy and their babies were fine but i want to stop and i hate myself for still doing it.

I want my little bean in my arms so much and im looking forward to being a mum but i just dont feel like im going to get there.

Im also very used to missing Pete as he has been in the Army since July 2012 since November he has been able to come home nearly every weekend but this time when he has gone back i feel like i cant be without him, i miss him so much and just writing this about my feelings for him is making me cry. I think about him constantly and i really dont want to let him down.

im sorry for going on,

x x x

15 Replies

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  • Awww... sweety! It's ok to have all these feelings you know! Missing Pete is natural, you are carrying his baby and you love him so very much. With increased hormones emotions run higher than normal during pregnancy. I had low feelings throughout this pregnancy and actually sought some help by getting a counsellor. It was really good for me to have someone to talk to. I would recommend mentioning your mood and that you're having negative thoughts to either your GP or to your midwife and get some support sooner rather than later.

    As for the smoking, it is hard to give up and stop at the best of times. I gave up a good 20 years ago now and it was the best thing I ever did but it was certainly far from easy. I think most people know someone who smoked during pregnancy and had a healthy baby and some people don't have a healthy baby. I think speaking openly and honestly about your desire to stop smoking with your midwife will be a great step. There may even be some support there for you with that endeavour too. There is nothing that you are going through that has no remedy.

    You mention having lost a family member recently. It is awful to lose someone close, a real shock to the system and then to have your parents poorly too, it's a lot to take on. I had something similar occur to me before I left my ex long term partner. In fact the loss of both my grandmothers in the same year and both my parents having stints in hospital was the catalyst to some intense changes in my life. It didn't feel like it at the time but all those changes led me to the man I'm with now who I'm having a baby with. Take all the time in the world that you need to process this loss and perhaps it is something you could talk about with a counsellor if that proves an avenue you can explore.

    Pete is probably missing you a tonne too you know. Let those tears fall and know that having such emotion towards him is a good and healthy sign. I get teary thinking about my man, even when he's in the same room as me. I love him so very much, even if I have upset him or he has upset me I love him deeply. Can't help it! :)

    Thinking of you and well done for sharing how you feel, it's a healthy and mature thing to do and takes courage. Wishing you the best. xxx

  • Thankyou so much for your kind words they made me cry all over again.

    i see my midwife this week and i will most definately be talking to her, I do suffer from anxiety and have been on anti depressents for depression in the past and spent some time with a councellor which helped a lot but to be honest it hadnt crossed my mind to look into it again but that is most definately an option that i will speak to the midwife about.

    Its still very fresh my auntie dying so suddenly, she only lived 2 roads away and she was only 59 my mum found her unconsious and she never regained conciousness, Her and her late husband helped my mum to raise us when her and my dad split up, extremely close family. I find myself driving past her house and looking to see whether shes in like i have always done then it hits me that shes not coming back.

    As for my Pete, i cant even begin to describe how much i love him, after splitting from my ex who i thought was the love of my life, i hit rock bottom and then the lad who had lived at the end of my road for the last 14 years went from being the little boy (he's 5 years younger than me) to the man i have fallen in love with and couldnt be without

    Thankyou again

    x x x

  • Ahhh Hun, you poor love, it sooo obvious why you ate feeling low, I agree with kaleidoscope you should talk to your midwife gp about your anxiety and depression, they may put you back on tablets:)

    Smoking is a personal choice and we all know the dangers, having said this I don't think you will be able to give up whilst you feel so low, it hard enough to stop when you feel great and ready!

    Try not to be too hard on yourself, you have been through a lot, just concentrate on your healthy diet and trying to get out the house for a good long walk, fresh air and sunshine does my mood wonders :)

    It's great you have Pete, just think positive you are together forever xxxxxx

  • Thankyou lovely these posts of support are making me cry as well as my lunchtime chat with Pete and my friend (the one who is due anyday) sending me messages of moral support

    x x x

  • Oh bless you. .. u must be feeling so lonely. ..I lost my nan last year who helped bring me up from cancer but I found it hardest when the dr told me she was dying the pain I felt inside was unbearable but when she did pass I felt relieved for her that she was out of pain. .. For u it is different but the feeling of loss is so hard, grief affects u in so many different ways and ur partner not being there in the week must be hard. .. Do u do assenting to remember ur auntie. . Like eating her favourite food. . My nan was an amazing cook and her Apple pie was delicious. .. I'm not so great but when I buy the aunt bessies Apple pie it reminds me of my nan.. her pastry.. Are u making sure ur keeping in contact with ur friends and family seeing them in the week to break it up..With how ur feeling smoking is a bit of a release for u, couldn't u try and limit urself to an amount a daytry smoking the low cigarettes, I went thru a really bad time when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I did occasionally smoke when things got too much. .think u have taken the first steps by talking about it today and really hope u Stuart feeling better big hugs xxx

  • I have gone straight down to light cigarettes and i do my best to limit it,

    I know for a fact there are several friends i have sort of "pushed away" recently 2 of them being very good friends they didnt even know i was pregnant.

    My Auntie was a terrible cook but what we do do is spend a lot of time with her two amazing grand daughters who arnt too sure whats going on but miss her so much as she helped their mum (my cousin) out a lot as the older one is extremely poorly.

    My mum struggles a lot with her death as she was the youngest of 3 girls and she lost the oldest sister only 2 years ago to cancer aswell, she tries to rally herself to look after both of their children and grandchildren but felt bad the other day when my nephew called my mum Nanny and my aunties grand daughters asked to see thier Nanny. I worry about my mum alot

    x x x

  • I really feel for you; my husband is also in the army (23 years now) and he is currently in Afghan. Nice, he gets me up the duff and then off he goes for a nice summer holiday in the sun :P I'm only 7 weeks (9 weeks) and have my booking appointment tomorrow; I so just want to get to 12 weeks - these weeks are absolutely dragging. I'd do anything for him to be here with me for these appointments - I know he'd love nothing more but we can't do anything about that. Luckily my mum or sister will be able to attend with me but it's not the same. He won't be home on R&R until August at the earliest :(

    Can't wait till I can start telling people; I keep almost slipping up at work although I think a couple of them suspect!

  • It sounds like you've had a really awful time. Even without being pregnant and having all these extra hormones floating about, anyone that had lost someone close and had ill relatives to help and their partner being away would be finding it hard to cope, so don't think there is anything wrong in how you are reacting. Situational depression is pretty common, sometimes things just seem to keep sneaking up and pouncing on you! I'm sure the midwife and doctor will be able to help you with that, they see it all the time. They'll also be able to support you giving up smoking. See how good is that...you are in a positive enough frame of mind to really want to do that. And if you manage to give up that's fantastic, and if you manage to cut down - that's still a massive amount of good you are doing. Baby steps!

    I'm apart from my husband too - we were living in the south pacific, but due to medical complications with the pregnancy I had to hot foot it back to the UK, but he is still over there, until we can afford the flights, and get someone to babysit our dogs. I haven't seen him in about 2 and a half months now and miss him like crazy. It's also hard to get to talk to him with the time zones and also often no phone coverage where he is, so we rely a lot on emails. But I thought some of the things I do might help you to stay busy and positive. So...I spend a lot of time with a friend who just had a baby, I've never been around a baby before so it's a bit like going to school! And then I message him with what I've learnt. I send him pics of my bump, and little messages from the baby - I feel bad that he's missed out on the scans and things, and I send him updates on what bit of the baby is growing this week. He sends me pics of the dogs and updates on the gossip from there. I also have to make sure I stay really busy - I go for a walk every day no matter what the weather it seems to help me stay sane, and i spend as much time around people as i can, old friends, my family, talking to random old people on the street, who seem to be just as grateful to have someone to talk to! While you are with other people, you kind of have to hold it together and pretend like you feel just fine, and I find that helps a lot - it starts to become how you really are feeling if you spend enough time doing it. I'm also learning new things - I joined a group to learn to sew so I can make some baby toys and fabric books and things, and I'm learning baby sign language. So they keep me busy too. Busy is good!

    Take care, and I hope you are feeling happier soon, it will come right in the end, and all this will be worth it.

  • Hi

    I will not give u a ear full, I will encourage u to stay strong. I live in london my partner works in Bristol, yes its not far but we r never off the days which makes it difficult for us to c each other. I am 12 weeks and after lossing 1 baby late last year it had me stress. I too am a smoker and I am still struggling to give it up. But wat I do is cut down if I don't feel for I don't hve 1 or I wait till I can't bear it any more which has seen me reduced from 10-15 a day to 2-3. Take it in ur own stride and do what u r comfortable with. And on here u r allowed to go on and on as much as u want. That's y its here. But u do take care or yourself and baby and all will be well. xx

  • Hi Flossy

    So sorry to hear you are going through a tough time.

    Depression is an illness, and you taking care of it, that's the main thing.

    Guess what? everyone is going through a rough time. We all have stuff that is pretty sh*tty in life, honestly I dont know a single person that doesnt have a sad story to tell. I can tell you mine and we can compare sadness and cry about it. My mom died 5 years ago only at 58 after fighting cancer for 3 years. And she was my star, my rock. I am pregnant at 41 with my second baby (third pregnancy really, I lost my first) and I my carreer has been frozen for a while after going to 2 Universities and achieved 2 Degrees. I am far from my families and completely alone in England, My partner works 15 hours a day and is at home at weekends if Im lucky. Life is like that, for everysingle person in the planet.We have sad stories. But we also, have the chance to be happy. We can decide that.

    If you want to be happy, you can. You have to make the desition to stop those negative thoughts in your head once they pop. There are sad things in your life out of control, nothing you can do about them. BUT, you can decide to NOT LET THEM RULE YOUR MOOD. Especially if you are expecting a little one. Being happy is a desition you have to make for the people around you and for YOU. You deserve to be happy, just put the fag out , take a bus to anywhere and get some air. Your baby deserves a happy mom, and a healthy one.

    It worked for me , hope it does to you.

    KEEP STRONG , YOU CAN DO IT.

  • Arghh reading your words makes me want to cry. Not defending smoking but I have had friends who have had healthy babies and smoked. I don't smoke and have a son with asthma 12 now. I always thought that health is inherited and blaming eeeything on smoking is a common thing to do. I know it's not the same but do u and your partner get to Skype each other or anything. Well I think u r incredibly brave as so many woman feel depressed during pregnancy but fear discussing it so well done u for opening up helping others too. I was a nervous wreck with my first, panic attacks the whole way through. Thankfully he's fine, 14 now!!!! In fact a joy to have. It is normal. With the pregnancy feelings it is too soon as yet. I felt proper movements from about 22-23 weeks. Eventually they start to become uncomfortable so no rush for those darling.

    Good luck and def take up the advice of speaking to your doc to get some therapy earlier Xxxx

  • Hey Flossy, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling low. You have been offered many words of support so I will just just say a wee bit about the smoking as an ex smoker as you spoke about withdrawl and this is not a lecture, i promise you!

    Whilst smoking during pregnancy is a personal choice it is not without its risks which i am sure you are aware of, i had tried & failed on a number if occasions, I hated being a smoker and being pregnant gave me the motivation to really kick it and i have 110% With both of my pregnancy's in this last year I quit straight away putting our health above the cigarette. My partner did it too and feel that this was definatly a big help.

    My mum was a midwife auxiliary nurse and one thing always stuck in my mind, she used to say, babies born to smokers have low birth weight and also go through withdrawal after birth, crying for days and unable to settle as they are no longer getting that nicotine through you. It is food for thought as you worried about him/her going through withdrawal....this will happen anyway but you can choose when.

    Take care of yourself Hun, I used a book to help me kick the habit in past, if you want to know which book just let me know xx

  • Hey guys,

    wow thankyou all so much for the kind words, i went to see the midwife on Wednesday (didnt really help) i left in floods of tears. My appt was at 3.30pm she had someone due in after me and she finished at 4, i felt rushed asif she just wanted to get home started to discuss the smoking she told me ring my GP, have already done that and the only appts they can offer me are during my work hours. She said your urine is fine and so is your blood pressure and you saw for yourself everything was ok 2 weeks ago at the scan, i didnt have the heart to say "im worried something has gone wrong in the last 2 weeks"

    i visited my big cousin after the appt to drop something off for her little ones birthday, she could see i was upset so sat me down and having had 2 babies and unfortunately a mc gave me her best words of advice, she was so lovely to me, always been close she is the daughter of the Auntie i have just lost. I did leave feeling so much better

    cheekymonkey3791 that would be great if i could have the name of that book please.

    Pete has worked his wonderful magic as he wasnt planning on coming back till 3rd May as we just cant afford the fuel at the moment and jumped in the car with someone travelling this way and is on his way home for the weekend as we speak, should arrive home the same time as me from work, seriously couldnt ask for a better half he has told me if i want a additional private scan he will borrow so money from his savings (as we try and work to a certain budget each week) to pay for it, truely amazing <3

    Anyway guys hope you are all well and thankyou again for the words of support and comfort

    x x x

  • Flossy, only just seen this sweetie, its 'Allen Carr's - Easy way to stop Smoking' I was recommended it by a friend some time ago and I gave up for about 4 months, effortless it was and without withdrawl as I felt really positive about it! I am not sure why I started again but I did, however when I found out i was pregnant I gave up straight away and I believe that this is because I read this book twice before and I remember alot about it.

    I would say chick anything is worth a go if you want to do this. I got mine off Play.com, only like a Fiver or something. Go for it!! I will be here egging you on.

    Beat the Little Monster and The Big Monster (you will only know what i am talking about if you give it a go) :) XX

  • Hi sorry ive only just seen this, right book will be purchased this evening and shockingly My other half has suggested that he is going to do it with me, making it a lot easier.

    Heres to feeling quite positive today :)

    x x x

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