Anyone else having problems with their other halves ta... - NCT


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Anyone else having problems with their other halves taking time off work?

Clairew7 profile image

I'm 35 weeks and I know I'm emotional, but I just feel so low today. My husband has his own business and has been working so hard over the last few months, well since Christmas really, I've barely seen him. He's been getting new equipment installed to make things easier for his staff at work, preparing work plans for them and even putting a workshop for himself in the garden so he can work from home, he said so that he could take time off when bump arrives.

I may have to have a C-Section now and he's come home tonight and said I should speak to my mum about her being around as he'll only be taking two or three days.

I'm devastated. I was so looking forward to us being a family at least for a few weeks and he's previously told me and family he was going to try and take a month now all of a sudden it's only a few days.

Sorry to rant but I just feel so let down, just when I'll need him most he doesn't seem to realise or want to be around. I just don;t know how I'll cope, and much as I love my mum, I wanted us to bond as a family and learn things together.

Am I over reacting? Has anyone else had a similar experience? I just can't stop crying about it and he's gone back to work!

13 Replies

awww hon, I feel bad for you. But it kind of made me see that I am completely opposite.

my husband has his own company and he also works from home for someone (just started this month) and he is always busy programming. While I spent most of my day on my desk too, either in college or home trying to meet paper deadlines. We hardly see each other even when we are home, but we both have a habit of saying few good things every few hours or silently bringing a glass of water and a kiss. And we normally make dinner together. Even if that means me cooking and my husband just sitting their in the kitchen. That works good for both of us.

After the baby comes, infact much before it I am already asking my mom to be there, I think she knows more about baby than I do and I have started to insist for my mom-in-law to come as well. I just thought that would be more convenient for all three of us, as we really dont know much about babies and mom's normally do. Plus I do not want to completely be neglected or neglect my husband after the baby is there, therefore having one of the gran surely gives us some time off to go for a cosy walk or get a coffee together.

But yup all of us are different. And I have to admit that I do not really picture kids as part of family (maybe that would eventually change). But despite the fact that I am really excited about having a baby, I am also looking forward and talking often about the time when the baby goes to the college and we are again back to being normal :D

Clairew7 profile image
Clairew7 in reply to ritz21

Hi ritz21, thanks for the response, it sounds like you have it all planned, and that was very similar to what I'd envisaged, we'd already both arranged with my mum to pop in to help us, as we're the same and it will be a real learning curve for us, and she'd already said it would give us a break as a couple every now and then....

but now it seems we won't get chance for any of that now, no couple or family time at all as I'll likely be out of action for a number of weeks, I'm just so emotional about it all.

Hope your pregnancy goes well and I'll just try and pull myself together.

ritz21 profile image
ritz21 in reply to Clairew7

Hey hon, I completely forgot that you might have to go for a C-section. Which might again be something weighing you down. Probably talk your fears with your partner when he is home tonight - yup its always sad to see plans not falling as you thought of them first.

I wish you feel better as the day goes by !

Both me & my husband are self employed and work for ourselves. He only took a few days off and then for a week after started at 10.30 just so I could get myself together or have a shower if I had a late night with our little boy then after that he went back full time and I was on my own all day then. It is really nice to have some time together when they are first born and he may change his work habit once the baby has arrived as he will find it hard to leave you both. I think it is a bit different for you though especially as you are having a C-section and you will be totally dependent on him for a couple of weeks. It is a tough one but he should be abit more supportive of you really after the baby is born as at the end of the day it is yours & his baby. Your Mum might be a massive help though as they do more usful stuff to support you like doing your washing and making your tea (dont know how domesticated your husband is but mine is usless at those things) where as men just get in the way and you will probably be begging him to go back to work lol.

I reckon he will change his mind once the baby is born.

Clairew7 profile image
Clairew7 in reply to Megzey

Ah, thank you Megzy, I really hope he does. xxx

I understand you feeling & being emotional over the fact his time maybe limited when the baby arrives but i think you shouldnt think of this situation in a bad way. I believe your husband "maybe deep down" also feels a Lil upset but maybe he's also thinking of you & the baby by setting up the business "as much as he can" so together as a family can relax when the time is right & not need to worry about anything (well not too much anyway).

And within the 1st couple of months after baby arrives its good to have just your mom around because theres certain things a man would never understand about just delivering a child into the world & its very comforting just to have another woman around you in those early days. TRUST ME!

if it bothers you too much just sit him down 1 day or wait for him to come to bed or something and discuss your feelings.

It will be fine

Clairew7 profile image
Clairew7 in reply to

Thank Abenaa, I definitely will want my mum to help with certain things I'm sure, I just really wanted him to be a big part of it too, it going to be a lot of firsts and wanted so desperately to share them with him.

in reply to Clairew7

Yeah i understand "i really do" i think he will be able to share most of those firsts with you. Nowadays we've got these smart-phones & tablets you could probably try & record as much things as you can & send them to him (when he's not at home)

At this point in pregnancy emotions run high, it's all natural. You want your husband to share the experience fully with you. I'm not really sure how mean truly feel about impending fatherhood especially if it is their first child. He may well be just as frustrated as you are with having to change his stance on the time he can take off work. I can understand your tears and frustration. I would be sad too.

Like others have suggested speak to him about how you feel. Ask him how he really feels too. Is there anything he's nervous about? Is he scared? Is something going on with the business that requires him to have changed his original plan?

I know lots of first time mum's want their own mothers with them to help out. It is all new territory. I'm of the mind that I want to explore the new territory with my fiance. He works his self employed job and a temping job that seems to take his time. I've no idea if he will actually pause for a couple of weeks to adjust to the third person. I know that I do not want my mum coming to stay! Oh crikey no! I love her to bits and we have a great relationship but I prefer to relish this new chapter in the framework it will continue in, with my fiance and I learning to manage the new dynamic.

Obviously you will need extra help after a c-section so your circumstances are different and also having your mum there will provide you with someone who is experienced to guide you if you feel you need that guidance.

Let those boo hoo's out, tell your husband how it has made you feel knowing it is days rather than weeks that he is planning to take off.

Everything you feel is all normal and understandable. Good luck with resolving this and even more so good luck with the c-section and welcoming your child into the world. x

Alot of Men see things so differently and are so different they only see the physical side of things not the emotional that's left the woman! He is probably worried about the financial side of things and thinks if he covers that base then u can cover all the other. My other half was the same I was shocked he didnt want to spend more time with his child! It's a magical time and u just want them to share in it, it does sound like he is doing his best in the long run so he can spend more time at home, it will probably be different weekend little one arrives, def got to sit him down and have a chat with him he may not feel that he can take that month off that he thought he originally could now but if ur having a section u do need help, maybe he could do a week or 2 weeks instead? Oh bless u, sounds like u need a big hug and everything will be alright. ..It will work out xxxxx

My husband just cannot afford to take more than the minimum time off - nothing to do with what he wants or what support he wants to give me , we just simply cant afford it :0 (

It is worth trying to talk to your husband if you can about this - don't stew on it or it'll become a such a big issue you may not be able to be rational about it! If you can't wait all to hubby maybe mention to your midwife or a close trusted friend. Do your best to keep communication open with your hubby as the 2 of you need to be able to discuss things and support each other from what you want as a birth, to how you're feeling now and post birth (both of you), to how you want to do thing to raise your child.

I ended up with a c-sec (emergency) and immediately after thought I was so lucky that hubby is a teacher and it was the beginning of the summer holidays. I had 4 days in hospital (mainly due to their incompetencies of getting test results looked at by the consultants to confirm students thoughts)- drove me nuts, I insisted on leaving in the end and that they call with results and we'd go back in if necessary (highly unlikely given the diagnosis). After about 3 days at home though I was wishing hubby was back at work! I hated being so dependent on someone, I banned mother and mother-in-law from coming round for more than an hour a day as they just fussed too much (and tried telling me to do things in a way that has now changed after research - like they said baby should sleep on it's tummy not it's back...) I couldn't even get up to make a cup of tea or go to the bathroom without everyone jumping asking what I needed and wanting to do it for me - even though I had told them numerous times that I had to move to aid the healing, it's what the hospital had told me.

What I'm saying is don,'t despair because much as family time and help sounds lovely you may find in the end you want some time to you with baby without all the fussing people so it may be a blessing in disguise!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the birth xx

Men! Bloody Y chromosome..!

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