Older Mothers

I am now 37 years old. I had my 2 boys as 20 and 23 years of age. After being a single parent for 14 years (I left the boys' father whilst pregnant with my youngest due to his violence) I have been in a relationship for nearly a year and a half. This man is younger than me and doesn't have any kids of his own. He puts no pressure on me to have more children yet for a while now it's all I want. Yet all I can think of is other people's reactions. I remember years ago my auntie made a comment about my child bearing years are over. With my boys being old I am concerned about the age difference between them and any other children. Yet I still feel as young as I did many years ago. Am I selfish for wanting more when there are people who can't conceive?

23 Replies

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  • I'm 38 years old, expecting my first baby. My dad thought I "better give up on that idea" when it came to having kids when I was 30!

    My partner is 11 years older than me, approaching 50 with two grown up children aged 24, 20 both with children of their own. Of course such a big age difference between siblings will be noticeable, but also the chance for a new baby to always have a family member to go to, someone to hang out with and get advice from who has experience of the world in addition to parents.

    I know I left it late but I'm very much alive and well and not planning on dying prematurely so potentially I could have at least another 35 years (all being well I hope), plenty of time to raise a child or children!

    If after more consideration you decide to have children then hopefully your age won't be too much of a factor. I do not think you are being selfish. I certainly don't consider myself to be selfish. There was no time until now for me to have had a baby and when I was younger I was a student and then I worked, did a post grad worked more, set up a business, met the right person to have kids with and here I am, my age of 38 pregnant during week 30 now and counting down to the due date!

    Good luck with making your decision! :)

  • I totally agree with the above! It's entirely your choice and being one of the people that have suffered fertility problems for years ( until now ) why do you think you are being selfish? It's certainly not your fault that people have problems conceiving! My husband is older than me and our children will be his first and age hasn't even come into it for us!! If its what you want then go for it this is your decision not other peoples, good luck xxx

  • I'm 33 having my first due to fertility problems lasting seven years! No way are your child bearing years over, go for it! Sod everyone else thinks, as long as your happy and confident and want another child so be it. Good luck xx

  • I'm 36 and having my first. Most of my friends having children are the same age, or at least in their thirties. The average age for a women to have her first baby in England and Wales is now 31. I think pregnancy is probably different each time, but age does play a factor. Older women have an average labour time that is longer than younger women. What's wrong if you want to go again? Many men do. I would want the full support of my partner though... if he's really up for being a dad and you want to then I think that's lucky. Oh, there are certain statistical risk changes after the age of 36, which you may want to look at too.

  • I'm 36 and having my first. I felt a bit old and silly until I went to ante natal clinic and was shocked to find I was a bit of a spring chicken!!! My obstetrician told me in the last 10 years there has been an 80% increase in women having their first baby between the age of 35-45 and a 50% increase in mums older than 45!

  • Thanks ladies. I will keep you updated but in the meantime good luck in your pregnancies xx

  • I'm 37 and having my first (mc last year), and I don't think this is a selfish age to be having kids at all. Although my dad's reaction was a bit awkward as he clearly thinks it's too old! I'm a bit more cautious and careful about my health, but that's all. I think the decision is between you and your partner. Also I have a good friend who is 19 and his mum and step dad just had a baby last year - he absolutely dotes on the new baby - they just adore each other, it's so cute.

  • age is not. Barrier, you should do what's going to make u happy cuz everyone deserves. Second chance. You boys will love to have a new born around as long as u keep them involved, and they will understand why you've left it so long. people will always talk no matter what u do so jus follow ur heart and ignore any hearsay. No one knows how u feel but u

  • My boyfriend is 30 and his baby sister is 5! She is doted on. My son is 3, he's the next to youngest nephew, she has 1 older than her, 1 the same age another another 3 yo and 6 mth old. She loves them all and they love her so although there is a big age gap in siblings she has more than enough young ones around.

    His mum was very young when she had my boyfriend, he's the oldest of 7! I'll try my best to go through the ages 30, 29, 26, 25, 18, 11, 5 all were wanted, no accidents and she would have more but feels she is now too old at 46 and she realises she doesn't have the energy she once did and admits its probably equal looking after a young 1 being older is egual to 4 under 5 as a younger mother.

    As the ladies on here say alot of them are 30+ and on there 1st babies, it's what's right for the individual, my friend was 18 when she had her son and is only small and looked younger, she used to get dirty looks and snide comments all the time! Like if the baby cried as they tend to do and she couldn't sooth him strait away, people would tut at her! And we come from an area of high teenage pregnancy .

    As long as ur prepared for a negative reaction you will get off some people and that doesn't bother you then there's nothing stopping u trying, b realistic in that is more likely to take longer to get caught but not necessarily, I'm 29 and it's took me nearly 2 years to get pregnant , I'm now 12+ 3.

    Speak to ur partner and get cracking.

  • I am 40! and expecting my first due to fertility probs with my previous long term partner whom i was with best part of my 30's when i would have liked to be starting a family and miscarriages more recently. My partner has children from previous marriage but he was keen to have children with me as he knew i always wanted a family, when I lost in September last year it cemented fact that he really wanted another child and removed any doubts he might have had. (My Grandma was 45 when she had her last child of 7!) x

  • Golly I was getting very worried when I read the first few replies.... I'm 46 and just pregnant in my 6th week, keeping everything crossed!! I'm fit have a partner who is by chance younger but very keen, so quite frankly I'm going for it! I've never been in the right relationship before but always quietly wanted a child. My partner admitted he would love to start our family within the first six months of our relationship and after a miscarage a year ago, here we are three yrs on. Folk are bound to raise an eyebrow behind my back but frankly we done give a monkeys!!

    Do what's right for you guys, take care.

  • jds123 all I can say is wow what a big family of in laws. My sons are the oldest in the family and haven't had any cousins the same age, my younger sister now has a boy and a girl aged 5 and 1. I have tho a half brother who is now just over 1 yr. He is my father and his 3rd wife's child. His wife is younger than me.

    LMW4 congratulations, I hope all goes well, not just for you but all you ladies commenting.

    Kazzacollie I worry about other people's reaction, a bad fault of mine. I guess the fact I already have children and want more might put people's nose out of joint. I know I need to worry less about what people think and do what makes me happy.

    Thank you again for all you comments

  • Brilliant to see all the positive responses and we're definitely not old!!

    I'm 39 and just about to get to week 23. Totally agree that it's about doing what's right for you and your partner and not worrying about everyone else - life is truly too short for that! (easy to say I know).

    Good luck everyone :-)

  • Hi, my dads turning 50 in a couple of days and he's just his 6th child! I'm 17 with my own child and I love having a younger brother. I also have older sisters (24 & 22) then younger siblings (16,14 and then the newborn) his partners 43 and her first child. We've all been happy with the idea whereas a few years ago all of us dreaded the idea of a younger sibling. If its something you both want I'd go for it, might sound silly from a 17 year old but I've learnt that people judge regardless of age and its best to just ignore them! :-)

  • Power to the older mum's. I'm 46 this year and have 2yr old twin boy's. I'm so glad I followed my heart and had them and not bowed to pressure of being that older mum. We had a helping handing having them but they r worth it and yes id do it again if I could afford it x x good luck x

  • I am 43 and have 2 sons 22 and 17 i am 6+1 weeks pregnant and so happy you shouldn't be worried about what others think its about what you think their not the does who got to bring the baby up.

  • All great comments, I've been heartened by all that I've read too. So glad I've found this site, for the support gained from all you can read info passed on!! Good luck everyone :-)

  • I'm 35 yrs old and 32 wks pregnant with no.3. I had my 2 boys the same age as you. 20 and 23. I don't think it matters what other people think only what you, your partner and your children think. If it something you can see yourself doing. People will always have something to say. Like you, I was a bit concerned about the age gap but my boys r so excited and it will be such a great learning experience for them. So my advice is to discuss with your partner and children. If all r happy, just go for it. My auntie had two children in her early 40s and they keep her so fit. Good luck what ever you decide.

  • Thanks preggers304 x

  • Back to your original comment pebster, one of my friends cannot have children. It has not been easy on our friendship me being pregnant. She is sad she cannot have children and we are sad for her too. But we have come through it, she would never wish us to not have children just because she can't - why would she? xx

  • I am 28 with my first child, but I have a sister who is 10 years younger to me - my mom was 36 when she had her, my sis is in college now and my mom is now 56 healthy and actively practicing as a lawyer.

    My husband on the other hand is 43 and its his first child too. The youngest cousin our kid would have from my husband's side is 10 years elder to our baby, and from my side of the family would be probably 10 years younger. We do not plan to have another biological baby as we both are keen on adopting another child and it is quite possible that the two kids may have 6-10 years of age gap between them or even more. Even in our friend circle all the kids from my husband's side are now atleast 10 years, while I never had a permanent group of life-long friends myself as I was always moving around.

    SO I think its just completely fine as long as you are confident about having a baby with your partner and thats what you two want good luck !

    PS: When I was 10 i was such a silly kid, that I had no clue why my mom was growing Big until one day she was taken to the hospital and she came back with my baby sister - I also thought that one can get babies across the counter in the hospital- you just have to go and choose your one! :P

    But than I got so excited that i decorated the whole house with buntings and also gave a name to my sister she is called 'Vidushi' which means 'the learned one' - My mom was surely pleased by that transformation :)

  • I'm 38 and heavily pregnant, and I don't damn well care what other people think, I didn't try at twenty odd I was to busy night clubbing working all hours and studying. I have done all of that stuff and am happy to stay in, I'm emotionally more prepeared, I eat better I will excersise like mad to make sure that I can physically keep up. I can give my 11 year old nephew a piggyback race against his uncle ( and win ) I'm fiscally stable. Us older mums could probably provide some really good support to very young mums, and vice versa. What I'd say get used to me as an older mum or get out of my way.

  • I'm 37 and pregnant with my first. I've not had anyone make anything but positive comments and my age has never been mentioned. I think it's more our own stigma that has us worrying. We'll be great mothers :-)

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