should I have a another baby ? : I know my husband would... - NCT

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should I have a another baby ?

Sammmmmmy profile image
11 Replies

I know my husband would love to have another baby and so do I but I am torn between should I or not and it seems like I need some advice and thoughts because I don’t think I can ever make up my mind and I do not want to regret something like this as we have our own clock which is ticking. I am loving our bond with my LO and I think it’s manageable at the moment and I love the fact that I am able to pour all my love care and attention towards my LO. My question is how many is too many and what’s the reasons we should have a second one incase I don’t miss on those things. Your thoughts would be very kind help !!

Many thanks in advance xxxx

11 Replies
Seb9 profile image
Seb9

From my own pretty selfish experience, I would say yes, have another. I'm a only child and I'd love to have a sibling in my life. I've got a half sister on my dad's side but we've never lived together). Sadly as my mum gets older and needs more care, weirdly I wish I had someone to support me and the burden wasn't all on me. My husband and his brother share the responsibility and have different roles with their parents. When I look at my two children now I absolutely love the bond and the friendship they have (As long as they're not tired or hungry or trying to play with the same toys 😂)

I don't think you'll ever regret having another even at the hardest times, but I definitely don't see anything wrong with sticking at one of that's what your heart and mind tell you to do. Good luck with your choice

Sammmmmmy profile image
Sammmmmmy in reply to Seb9

Hi Sub9,

Everyone says have another one but not really says more then they’ll have siblings to play with and I just needed to hear from other mammas too like coping wise health wise and financially..I truly appreciate your thoughts and you have a very good points to consider which no one ever mentioned these things. Thank you again 🙏xx

Jess1981 profile image
Jess1981

it is such a personal decision and only one you can make.

We had a struggle to have our daughter Francesca ( due to a delayed diagnosis of endometriosis) and decided to try when our daughter turned a year old. We suffered a late loss of our daughter Amelia then 2 miscarriages . After miscarriage investigations ( which revealed no cause) our next pregnancy resulted in our daughter Eliza who is now 10 months old. There is an age gap of 2 years and 8 months between the girls! I wanted the girls to be closer in age I have a grown up son already) Whist it was a shock going from 1-2 under 3 the bond they have is incredible. They are so close and adore each other. It is beautiful watching them play together. 🥰 there is plenty of love to give children 😍

Having said that from my situation I do know couples who opt out of choice to have only 1 child and are a very happy family unit.

All the best with whatever you decide to do Xx

Sammmmmmy profile image
Sammmmmmy in reply to Jess1981

Wow TWO GIRLS !! You’re very lucky..specially me being very close to my mum and she was my best friend and everything. I just think personally girls are very special. Happy to know that you’re girls are very close to each other’s and gets on very well… Thank you very much Jess for you thoughts, I will definitely discuss everything you said with my husband and will plan wisely. I will be forever grateful for your kindness and I wish you nothing but happiness and good health to u and your cute little family xxxx

Ks12 profile image
Ks12

I currently have a 2 year old and am pregnant with our second. We always wanted 2 so for us it was more of when to have the second. Financially I don’t see it being too much extra strain as we kept all the big stuff from our first knowing we would have another so my list of stuff to buy for this baby has like 4 things on it! Also helped by having a second girl and I kept all my daughters clothes from when she was a baby, just a case of going through then and getting a few different bits as they are opposite seasons! A part of me is worried about coping with 2 but then I did find that the newborn phase at least wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Pregnancy with a toddler running around has definitely felt harder but I kinda expected that.

At the end of the day it’s your decision, I would say there’s that saying that you are more likely to regret what you haven’t done in life than what you have done. But again its probably best to think of the experience you had first time round, did you find pregnancy difficult? Did you find the newborn phase difficult? Did you struggle with your physical or mental health through the process? And just weigh up the pros and cons of having another!

Sammmmmmy profile image
Sammmmmmy in reply to Ks12

Hi Ks12

Thank you for your kind advice.. We have kept everything of our LO’s too ( don’t think we can ever give away his stuff 🙈) . I just wanna re think everything and wanna know everything before I bring little one into this world and don’t want to regret by not having another one. I always wanted one but my husband wanted two and now that I have one I feel like my little one needs some one to play with . About my pregnancy, it was rough and complicated and me not having a good health I find it very scary thinking the worse in my head and have no helps around coz our family lives miles away at the same time I know it’s all temporary and it’ll soon pass but as being a mother we wanna do our best for our family and make it fair to everyone including myself (because we can’t love others when if we can’t look after ourselves) and most importantly not regret.

Emdog87 profile image
Emdog87

I was never sure about having a second, I loved our life with our little girl, just the 3 of us felt like our family was complete, but as she grew my husband talked a lot about having another child but I was never sure. What changed my mind was being on holiday and everywhere we went all the children had siblings, when my little girl would make friends they would ask her do you have any brother or sisters and she would always say yes. She suddenly started making these imaginary sisters and I thought she needs a brother or sister.

Even when I did fall pregnant with my second, my little girl was not happy about it at all and I spent many appointments crying to the midwife just so worried about how she would be when the baby arrived, I was worried that I’d ruined her life. But my baby is now 8 months and my eldest adores her, I love watching them together. I kept all of my first’s things so we didn’t have to buy the big expensive items again.

Probably doesn’t help you, no one can really make the decision but you. But what would you regret more, for me I felt like I’d regret it more if I didn’t try and left it too late.

Good luck x

Sammmmmmy profile image
Sammmmmmy in reply to Emdog87

Hi Em,

Thank you for taking your time to help me out with the decision. Seeing my baby playing alone makes my heart breaks too while everyone play with their siblings or cousins.. it’s definitely something that I have been experiencing…I’m very happy for you that your elder one is coping well..Thank you for kind help.. *Best Wishes*X

Emdog87 profile image
Emdog87 in reply to Sammmmmmy

Good luck in making your decision. Only you will know what to do. You’ve just got to imagine how would you feel if you found out you were pregnant. I know now if I fell pregnant I’d be devastated as I don’t want more.

And just because you have 1 doesn’t mean you need to have another one. I have friends who get so frustrated with being asked ‘when you having the next one’. They are happy with just the 1.

Good luck x

Minnie92 profile image
Minnie92

me and my husband are currently feeling like this but about a 3rd! We have a healthy daughter and son who are 23 months apart. Their bond is amazing and so lovely to see them playing together. We wanted a small gap so had ivf again when my daughter was just over 1. Don’t get me wrong some days are tough with 2 but I found that with 1, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer I think you just know deep down wether you want another or not! It’s not selfish to just want one child, and it’s also normal to want a sibling. We always said we would like 3 (husband is one of 3) but we’ve got a healthy boy and girl so feel incredibly lucky. Just go with your heart ❤️

Sammmmmmy profile image
Sammmmmmy in reply to Minnie92

Hi Minnie,

TYVM for taking ur time to help me out with my decision.I just shared with my husband too of what u just said and he like what u said to us there’s no right or wrong it’s about how we cope and our physical & mental heath, finance, “GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM” & priorities. Think it’ll be easy for us to make up our mind now with all the advices from all kindest people. Thank you very much once again. We wish u the world of happiness. Hope u all have a good Christmas and Happy New Year 🥳 xx

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