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Struggling with breastfeeding

Hi everyone, I just had my baby about 2 weeks ago and always wanted to breastfeed him. He's my first so I think that's part of the reason I am struggling so much as I don't have any practice at this.

So he was crying non stop one night and had to take him to urgent care and found out that nothings wrong he's just really hungry. So they gave him abit of formula. And that settled him. So after alot of thinking I decided to top up with bottle and mainly breastfeed. He's has got better at latching on but still not there and I am still learning. But it's all so hard and stressful. Is it normal not to have any sleep. And baby to fuss nearly every hour for breastfeed. I feel like I can't put him down for even a hour to get anything else done. My back also aches from the constant picking up and holding him at my boob. I give him formula twice in 24hrs so that I can get some sleep and so I know he's definitely got something in his tummy.

Has anyone else suffered from literally no sleep day or night during the newborn stage. Or is it something to do with him being hungry even after sucking at my breast for 20 mins or more at times. But can sleep mainly after I give him formula.

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At that age they feed loads, partly to help stimulate your boobs to make more milk. I feel for you when it’s 24/7! It should settle down by 6 weeks though. If he’s struggling to get enough during the breadtfeeds it may be worth seeing a BF counsellor or lactation consultant to check your latch and look for any physical problems like a tongue tie that is making it harder to feed. Xx

Also, if you haven’t already try playing around with positions that help your back. I really like laid back positions (I do it for his reflux but also my back) and mostly do cradle/cross-cradle but with my body at 30-45 degrees to horizontal so he is kind of lying across my chest while I also support him. Xx

I have tried the rugby hold that kind of works. I will try your method see if that helps. My baby doesn't open his mouth wide enough mainly. No tongue tie etc

It’s tricky when they do that-I had the same problem but his was due to tightness around his mouth/jaw secondary to tongue tie (which was missed by multiple midwives despite being quite pronounced 🙄). It’s definitely worth getting some in person advice on help with feeding if you want to continue breastfeeding xx

Yes I think I will do that. Thanks alot for your advice

Thanks. Yes alot of people have been helping me out. It's more that I dint have any family near me. Just me and my husband and we are both run down I need a break. And he latches well at times then not at times.

Yeah that’s hard-we’re the same, no one nearby to help. It feels like an eternity but it WILL get better soon 😊 xx

I really do hope so

Those first few weeks of breastfeeding are crazy! The tiredness is insane. I felt physically sick at times, but it passes.

Babies are learning and you're learning so it's all trial and error. I'm on baby number 2 and have pretty much exclusively breastfed until I went back to work and gave formula occasionally when I wanted an early night and sometimes those nights when you're totally touched out and you're boobs feel totally drained! Formula can be amazing for those might for sure. We're now combi feeding as I'm working part time.

The best advice I could give to you is to feed as much as you can and let baby feed and feed. The more they request, the more your body will make.

I heard it described that your flow of milk is more like a river than a lake, because its made from your blood, there's always milk there, but the flow gets slower when baby wants more than you've produced for that feed, so they have to work harder to get it. So that at the next feed you're body knows to send more milk. The way baby gives signals to your body is to fuss, pull back, cry, slap your boob, which all feel like you're not doing a good job, but it's all to build up your supply.

It's also all about the love hormones flowing too, so if your feeling stressed, take a moment to chill and get into the right frame of mind, I found a boxset on netflix and a pack of chocolate hobnobs always helped me.

If you've been topping up with formula, your body won't know how much milk to make for the next feed, so it can become a bit of a trap, you top up with formula because you think baby is still hungry and then your body only makes the same as before so you end up not making enough for the next feed and so on. I tend to switch out a whole feed for formula, so my body now doesn't make a lunchtime feed, as that's when I'm at work and we also give a formula feed at bedtime that dad does so I go to bed about 9/10ish. He does that last feed and brings her up to bed about 12, so I get a couple hours undisturbed sleep. Till about 2 when she's awake and I feed her.

If baby is gaining weight and having lots of wet dirty nappies, they're probably getting enough milk. Even if they're waking lots, some kids just don't sleep! Both mine were breastfed exclusively those first few months and the toddler still is a bad sleeper and her little sister is so much better at sleeping and just generally a completely different temperament.

Remember too there was a time and still even now with certain cultures, where new mums aren't even meant to leave the house with baby for about 3 months because your meant to be figuring this stuff out. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make out this is easy, but it's bloody hard.

Good luck with it, it really does get easier the longer you can continue. With my first I fed her till 16 months and I'm still going with the 8 month, it is a skill though and it takes time for you and baby to find your groove.

Thanks for your advice. That's the thing I worry about the most I give him formula so I can have a rest. But 2 hours later he's back on my breast so I'm hoping him not sleeping 4 hours after a formula feed will not affect my supply. I give him formula at 8pm and then again at 10am so I get to rest before he's up all night.

However I want to shift formula feeds to the daytime so I can some housework done and baby sleeps alittle.

Do you know what is the worst time to formula feed baby. I've heard morning time you have the most breast milk production and have noticed after 6am he sleeps longer after a breastfeed. So I'm thinking i should avoid formula feeding him those hours.

What's the difference between combi feed and topping up. Should I think about combining feeding instead of top ups?

Right now I make put him on my breast and next hour have a bottle of 2 or 3 ounces ready and he can go through it over 2 hour. Is that classed as combi feeding rather than a top up?

For example today I gave him formula at 7am and he slept but woke up at 10am and I gave him breast then again at 11.30am Then he slept the whole way till 1pm and I gave him some formula, he did vomit it out and took the breast again. So will give him formula early evening at say 8pm so I can have dinner and sleep abit before he's fussy all night and I have to breastfeed him. I stay awake all night till 6am as I find thats better for me rather than being cranky and trying to look after baby's needs all night. I sleep once he's settled early hours of the morning

Combi feeding is giving a feed instead of breastfeeding for that feed, top up is when you've breastfed for a feed and don't think baby is full so you give formula to top them up. The more feeds you replace with formula or top up the lesser milk your body is going to make.

I personally fed boob all day and into the evening, and only did one feed of formula at night so I could get to bed slightly earlier. My husband would give that feed and I would handover and leave him to it.

If I could get an hour or two before the #nightshift I would feel so much better about going the rest of the night without sleep. With my first baby we would all try and go to bed together and I would feel so cross and sad, when husband could go to sleep and I'd have to stay up feeding baby when my body was screaming for sleep.

It is very very normal for baby to want to be on you almost permanently for those first few weeks. You're all they know, and they think they're still a part of you, maybe read about the 4th trimester, x it made a lot of sense to me. So being close to you is very important for them. They're only very little for a very short time, so don't feel bad about ignoring everything else and just sitting and feeding baby, it relaxes you and give baby everything they need.

Thankyou for that. That actually makes sense. All he does is cling on to me even after I feed him formula. You're right I need to forget about housework for now. I do feel really guilty feeding him so much formula especially when he just vomits it all out again. I will read about 4th trimester

Don't ever feel guilty for feeding formula, it's amazing stuff and it can have a place in lots of feeding journeys. I see it as another tool in a box of as many coping mechanisms as I can find. Guilt be gone if it's helping nourish baby and give you a bit of a rest. Being a mum is hard enough without the added guilt and pressure we put on ourselves. Hope you have a lovely weekend xx

Never feel guilty for feeding a baby! Fed is best. You're doing great, seriously.

Try laid back feeding. It is actually easier for baby to get a good latch as their chins are positioned nicely. And give your health visitor a call. They can book you into a breastfeeding support clinic or come and watch you feed and offer advice.

Big hug. It's tough those first few weeks but you'll both get the hang of it. If it works out brilliant, if it doesn't it really doesn't matter. ❤ xx

Also if you really don't want to do formula could you pump and feed him that in a bottle?

As other people said, the first weeks are often crazy and your priority now are feeding baby and looking after yourself and leave the housework to others. Is baby actively suckling? Some just like to be attached to the boob but don't drink enough but rather fall asleep. We have one of those. He would also not always latch on well and did not sleep a lot. It took us about 2 months to get the hang of breastfeeding and it took me that long to be more confident and let go of breastfeeding "rules" like hold him this and that way. As long as the latch is fine, he can be held however is good for you and him. Mine wanted to chill on his back and not be held as closely. I found feeding on my side great, especially in the night as it allowes my body some rest. If your partner gives you a bit of a headstart with sleep, that is great. For establishing milk production properly, it is good to either let him suckle as much as possible or pump after he is done. Your body will make more milk then and he might be less hungry. It does get better at some point but those times when they feed all the time come back when they have growth spurts. You are doing everything right, this is normal. If at some point you get a bit more sleep and want to do stuff, a carrier or sling helps a lot. Baby liked vacuuming, I guess it was the noise. If baby spits up a lot, he could have reflux. This is something that can be helped by holding him upright after feeds or medication. Just have an eye on it. Also, get all the support you feel you need. The health visitors/lactation consultants have saved my sanity so many times. You've got this.

Hey thanks for that. Yes he tends to fall asleep while atvthe breast. Sometimes he will drink with eyes closed . I have been on touch with anyone I can find. And they all tell me I'm doing fine. I just want assurance that my milk is enough without topping up. Giving formula is so tempting as I can get some rest.

If he drinks it is fine. We had to stroke his chin all the time to not have him fall asleep on boob 😄

My nipple sometimes comes out as lipstick effect. I don't know how to fix that.

I don't know what you mean with lipstick effect. Baby needs to latch on far more than the nipple.

Lipstick effect is poor latch.., so unable to get much milk. Speak to your midwife about it. Xx

It was the same with my first. The first baby is hard. You worry so much. Try not to over think things. I found that laying down in bed and baby laying next to me is the most relaxing way to nurse. The more relaxed you are the more baby will be too. If you need to put baby down for a while to regain your sanity it's fine if they cry. My 4th baby cried 5 hours straight every evening for unknown reasons. I had to put him in his crib and walk away for a while, or lose my hearing and go crazy. It won't harm them to let them fuss or cry for a bit if you need to shower or whatever.

Do you have a pacifier or dummy you can give him? Many times they just want to suck but aren't hungry. He may want to suck because of a belly ache, so gas drops might help.

Good luck. I hope it gets better.

That could be it. Maybe I will try that. Thanks

if You are sitting in a chair to feed find a flat pillow to lay the baby across to raise him up to your breast to take some of the strain off your back. Likewise do the feeds laying on your bed on your side maybe using rugby ball hold and some pillows to raise baby closer to you. I found using the nipple cream was useful as it took a few weeks to get over any soreness and after that it didn’t hurt body got used to it. I bough a secondhand medela pump to express into some bottles for a top up and had some formula for emergencies. You will find it gets easier but I definitely needed a pillow or a support to raise baby as it hurt my back otherwise and sometimes it was uJust easier to feed laying on the bed.

I use an elvie curve (elvie.com/en-gb/shop/elvie-... to capture the let down from one breast while I’m feeding my baby from the other breast (it just uses suction and is really easy). If I do that at 2-3 feeds during the day, I get a bottle’s worth. Right after dinner, I go to bed, and my husband feeds him the bottle, giving me 4-6 hours of sleep. Then my husband sleeps all night and I get what I can! I found it an easy way to get a bottle without too much effort and to feed him breast milk instead of formula.

For some people it defo gets easier and you are in the ‘hard’ stage now. There should also be some local breast feeding support groups that could see you in person which I think is a lot more helpful than over zoom etc. The one thing I would add is to try to remember that there is absolutely no pressure on you to breast feed and adding formula or going completely formula is feeding your baby and ‘fed is best’. So there is no ‘failure’ or ‘second best’ in fact doing what’s best for you and your baby and making changes is completely ‘winning’ and doing exactly the right thing. I was in a similar position to you and I went fully formula after seeing him scoff a bottle when I needed a few hours sleep. I did try expressing and combo but even my midwife told me I would be expressing all day to feed my little grubber. Honestly it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, he went from the 20th percentile to the 91st percentile for weight within a few weeks and he is doing amazing and has slept through the night from around 3 months (which may or may not have have happened if I had breast fed we will never know). Our bond is amazing (sometimes I wish I could get some peace 🤣) which was something I really worried about. I absolutely don’t want to put you off breast feeding at all and I admire every single women for their feeding choices but someone said what I just said to you at the time I was struggling and I felt a big relief of pressure I didn’t know I had put on myself as a first time mum. You are doing brilliant 🤗 you got this 👌🏻💪🏼 Xx

Thanks. It's all very confusing I do want to breast feed him but would like a break. I give him bottle twice in 24hrs and I think that's working for me. That way I know he's definitely got something in his tummy. I also don't want to have to express either. I put him on the boob all day otherwise.

We were the same - sounds very much like our situation! Both me and our little one learnt so much to start with - latch was not great, but it did improve with time, practice and small adjustments (sometimes it was just moving baby a little bit more one way). I sought help from local La Leche League meetings and midwife/HV also helped and guided us every time they came at the start. I asked them to watch our latch and help me position him better. Our son clusterfed so much the first few weeks! I think I had no sleep the first 4days of his life as he was constantly attached to the breast! Then every 20min for ages after that! I think it started calming down a little after 6 weeks (but still be prepared for clusterfeeding phases every so often, all normal I learnt). But sleep has never been great 🤪😴 But it does improve a lot! But it is important to have a good latch, so you avoid getting sore and getting blocked ducts too (happened to us a few times).

I also had terrible back pain the first month.. combination I think of breastfeeding, but also all of a sudden losing that big bump at the front. I tried to do gentle stretches and started yoga once I got the all clear from GP at 6-8week check up.

Breastfeeding is so so hard!! It sounds as if it should be very natural, but it is difficult and something both you and little one need to learn! So you are doing great!! And if you need to, topping up with expressed milk or formula should be fine too! As long as baby is fed!

You are doing amazing!! It is such a challenge!! So well done!!

We are still breastfeeding now, little one is 9 months - but I found the first 8 weeks particularly challenging! It got better!

I have developed repetitive straining injury of both wrists though with breastfeeding and carrying little one - so I would advice to play around with different positions and try gentle stretching movement with your hands/wrists too to try avoid this as it is so so painful!

Seek help from HV/lactation consultant/local breastfeeding groups if you need! Helped us lots - the breastfeeding group in particular- as I got to meet other mums in the same situation too!

Wishing you all the best!! 🥰🧡 And congratulations on your little one!! Hope you manage to get some rest and it calms down a little soon!

Sorry to hear you are struggling to breastfeed. I'm a new mum to a 4 month old baby and I think I can write a book of all the challenges I had trying to breastfeed: latching, cracked and bleeding nipples, undersupply, oversupply, mastitis - the list goes on! And got Covid at the hospital when my baby was born. It can be very difficult. My baby wasn't opening her mouth wide enough to latch either, which made it difficult for her to get all the breastmilk she needed, so she needed feeding regularly. I had to use formula initially until I got support from a breastfeeding specialist (via the health visitor), who was fantastic. I also used the National Breastfeeding hepline and the NCT breastfeeding support helpline a few times.

We were told by the midwives and the health visitor that she doesn't have a tongue tie. We decided to get a tongue tie specialist (went privately), my daughter happened to have a posterior tongue tie. We got her in when our daughter was 2 months old and I really wish we had contacted her a lot sooner. My baby seems to be a lot better at latching now, probably a combination of tongue tie released and baby's mouth getting bigger.

I always wanted to breastfeed and although I had very tough few weeks, I am so glad I persevered. I did continuously use lanolin on the nipples as well as silver cups, both of which I found helped with the healing of the nipples. I now find breastfeeding time with my daughter very precious, she often looks at me and smiles (which breaks the latch ) but absolutely melts my heart.

I know it's very tough for you right now, but hang in there, it does get better and you will get to enjoy breastfeeding your baby.

I have a problem with him nor latching on properly. He was born at 38weeks because of low birth weight. Who would I contact to check for tongue tie?

There is a website called the Association of Tongue tie practitioners: tongue-tie.org.uk/

You can search for tongue tie practitioners in your area. Best of luck!

Thankyou so much I'll look into that

This was literally what happened to me-my son had a posterior tongue tie, which was massively restricting his tongue movement, and I was told repeatedly by different MWs he did not have a tongue tie. I wish they would just say they don’t know how to recognise it-even I could see his tongue wasn’t moving normally, which was confirmed by a private lactation consultant who then snipped it. He can now stick his tongue out at me 😂 xx

I know it's very frustrating as tye professionals are saying everything is fineTill they leave and your stuck with baby not sucking properly. I am going to ring up and hVe this checked on Monday. Did you used to get lipstick nipple aswell while he had the to tongue tie

I did, although the main thing for me was feeding was excruciatingly painful. He was unusual in that he was gaining weight well, which i think threw the MWs off. But, he was compensating by increased jaw movement and me with high milk supply. Hopefully you will get some helpful advice whatever the issue is xx

I hope so too. Same here he's gaining weight everytime they weigh him. Thanks alot for the advice x

Hi, I had exactly the same with my baby who is now 6 weeks old. I also supplemented with formula. The only thing that helped us is mam nipple shields. As soon as I put them on baby latched straight away and has never had any issues. I have been using them ever since and my baby has put on loads of weight.

Hey. I was just reading about them. How do I get hold of them. Also how often did you give formula and what hours of the day. I am worried about my supply drying up if I give too much formula or at the wrong times.

I get the shields from Amazon:

amazon.co.uk/MAM-Nipple-Shi...

You will need to measure your nipple to make sure you have the correct size. Re formula I just gave a bottle whenever I thought my baby wasn’t getting enough milk from the breast I.e if my baby was still crying after nursing for a long period of time - over an hour. I didn’t really take note of the times of day I supplemented. It was probably quite random! I had my partner give the bottles while I pumped so my supply didn’t dry up. I used this pump from Amazon:

amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B08F6W...

We didn’t end up needing to supplement for that long because the nipple shields were a miracle solution for us - without them, I would have never been able to continue breastfeeding 😊

Ok thankyou I will have a look at them. Sometimes he has a good latch sometimes not I think it might be to do with my positioning of him. But I am learning and trying to implement whatever I can. He can sleep for a hour after a feed so I guess that's better than nothing. I will see how we get on today with just breastfeeding and see how content he is after a feed. I fed him formula at 1pm yesterday and he vomited it all out. So I guess he doesn't always need the extra that I keep thinking he does.

❤️ I just want you to know you’re doing a great job! The early days are so incredibly tough!! The lack of sleep is torturous! It really does get better though, I promise.I had issues with feeding at the beginning, I just wish I’d had more support because I felt like such a failure, in reality the system had failed me and it had such a massive impact on my mental health.I’ve since seen a lactation specialist via my HV but my little one was 6 months when I went, we navigated our way without help but I suffered needlessly for that. When I eventually got round to seeing someone it was a really bittersweet feeling because she applauded how well we had done which felt great, but I know that if I had seen her in the early days I would’ve felt SO much more supported which would’ve had such a positive impact on me and baby. What I’m trying to say is that there is help out there, it’s sadly not as easy to find as it should be but it is there… So please don’t suffer needlessly like I did ❤️

I’ve also since found some amazing Instagram accounts that have helped to boost my confidence with their knowledgeable posts. My favourite for breastfeeding is @olivia_lactation_consultant , she posts really regularly and has loads of free advice on there. I’ve found some other great accounts through following her.

You’re doing great!!! Sending big big hugs xx

instagram.com/reel/CaeZ8b9g...

instagram.com/tv/CY4J4Kdp8O...

instagram.com/tv/CWNWjhuAIb...

Hope you find some of these helpful ❤️

Awh thanks will have a look at thdm

Thankyou. I do think I need more support than the odd midwife popping round every week. Thanks for the instagram accounts will look at them for sure.

I had my first baby last year and was adamant I was breastfeeding. It’s hard work and takes lots of practice. I breastfeed for over a year. Latching takes lots of practice for both you and baby. I sat and watched loads of videos to help me and told my midwife I was struggling and a breastfeeding support lady phoned me and sent me loads of useful links. I also bought a breasteasy cushion. Best thing ever. Just lie baby on it and concentrate on latching. Your baby will suck the nipple of the bottle different to your nipple so might get confused. If you still want to give your milk and can’t latch express in to a bottle. I do that now. It’s hard work and yes sleepless nights as the baby’s stomach is tiny so hungry all the time.

This sounds quite common to be honest. I breastfed my first and she would literally sit and feed on my boob all day. I think babies use the boob for comfort too. I found my daughter would always fall asleep on my boob so I’d have to wake her and put her back on to make sure she was feeding. I found it exhausting because every-time I put her down she wouldn’t settle and I just felt like a human dummy to her.My 2nd daughter is now 5 weeks and I am express breast feeding. In the first couple of days she did the same, would fall asleep on my breast and feeds would take a long time. But she wasn’t putting the weight on in the first week so I decided to express feed her so I know how much she’s taking in and also daddy can help too.

If he’s putting the weight on that is the main thing, but it is very common for babies to just want to feed / be at the boob most of the time. They do eventually grow out of it. If his weight isn’t increasing then continue with a formula bottle. The only thing to keep in mind if he is having a formula and not feeding on you then you need to express to keep your milk supply. That’s what I was always told anyway.

Hey. Yes they say his weight is picking up evertime he has been weighed. However yesterday in the afternoon. I was sat on the sofa for 3 hours straight. He would drink and with eyes open and wasn't getting off. When he did he would cry. He carried that for 3 hours. Some may say that is cluster feeding, but baby has to settle after even cluster feed. And my baby just didn't the only time he calmed down was after I gave him some formula. He had a bit of a cold a few days ago and his latch has gotten worse. I keep getting lipstick nipple and ghat what was going on yesterday afternoon. He clearly was suckling but nit getting enough milk. So I'm so unsure of what to do.

Hi - re the lipstick shaped nipples after feeding I think that’s a sign of a shallow latch and also means your baby may not be feeding efficiently and getting enough milk

I would suggest looking into improving latch or speaking to a lactation consultation, good luck!

Thanks yes I will be ringing places tomorrow. He was fine for a while and got a cold and then the lipstick nipple started happening. I don't know if it's just because he can't breathe through his nose properly he's suckling incorrectly.

Hi there!

Congratulations for the birth of your baby! The first few weeks are hard, they want to be mostly on you, breastfeeding. And it's normal.

Would you like to contact your local breastfeeding support group?

laleche.org.uk/find-lll-sup...

We have meetings online, as soon as tomorrow.

Meeting other mums can be very reassuring.

Please let me know if you would like more information.

Regards,

Gloria

Yes, i had that for about 8 weeks with my first. He was tiny and drank constantly. The most sleep i got was 2 hours at a time. Ended up like a zombie, but he got fat and is fine. My second was a bit stronger, she needed milk about every 2 hours from the start. Just remember to put nipple cream on after every feed. It will get easier.

I'm sorry you're struggling, those first few weeks are really hard but it will pass. You received a lot of great advice about the 4th trimester and baby working on your supply in the first 6-8 weeks. Since you have a latch problem try to get help ASAP. It will improve things massively. It may or may not be a tongue tie but likely it's positioning which should also help your back. IBCLC are best in assessing that, but most likely will have to go private. Also check for any La Leche League or Breastfeeding Network meetings that provide support for free. Lastly, make sure you pace feed any formula if you don't do that already. Good luck, you're doing great.

Thanks. Yes I've found some breastfeeding classes locally. I will be ringing my health visitor too she was very helpful the last time she came around. What do you mean by pace feeding formula?

That's great you found support. If you Google pace feeding a bottle, you should find explanation how to do it. It's so that you don't overfeed a baby and so they don't develop a bottle preference.