Evening possible reflux/pain and crying! Help 😫 - NCT

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Evening possible reflux/pain and crying! Help 😫

Cornish131 profile image

Hello 😊

I’m a FTM and my little girl is just coming up to 3 weeks old.

I first started her on normal SMA however that seemed to give her quick back reflux etc. So tried the SMA reflux milk and she didn’t like it. I also tried normal SMA with colief and didn’t help.

I’ve since gone on to SMA comfort and that seems to have helped her a hell of a lot, thank god!!

However we’ve noticed in the evenings she crys as if she’s in pain and is really hard to settle compared to her being an angel during the day.

I’ve tried the bicycle exercising, an evening bath etc. And nothing seems to help. She also cries and gets angry when she poops which tends to be one in the morning and one in the evening.

Is there anything else I can do or give her to help? I bought gripe water but then realised it recommends it from 1 month so can’t use it yet 😩

Thanks 😊

24 Replies

If you read up about purple crying and the witching hour and the fourth trimester, that made a lot of sense to me in regards to crying in the evening. I found putting baby in a sling and walking round in the evening the only thing that worked for us some nights. I watched a lot of Netflix series while wondering round my living room. Their tummies are still developing and aren't great at digestion so only time will really help so I wouldn't give anything that is not prescribed by your doctor or health visitor.

They are also more likely to be able to get over full on formula as they can gulp it down very quickly and not stop when they're full so this can often be an issue with wind and colic etc.

I would suggest looking up pace feeding of bottles so that baby gets the bottle more naturally so it's more like breastfeeding. If your baby is only three eeeks old you could also try to speak to a lactation consultant about getting baby on to breast this is easier for babies to digest and you're less likely to have digestion issues.

Good luck with it, these first few weeks are really really hard, I found myself repeating the mantra 'this too shall pass'. On those evening when I felt I'd completely failed and was just overwhelmed with it. Xx

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to Seb9

I have heard about the witching hour thing as well! 😂 was hoping it wasn’t true haha.

I do really need to get a sling as she seems to settle in my arms when I’m walking around doing stuff! There’s so many out there I have no idea what to pick 🤦🏼‍♀️

She’s currently taking about 4oz every 2/3 hours, is that a lot?

I did try breast feeding but she just wouldn’t latch and then I tried expressing but I was producing enough and having both formula and breast milk seemed to upset her. So midwife suggested letting my milk dry out, which I’ve done so there’s nothing there now 😔 I was quite sad I couldn’t do it!

I have had the odd evening where I’d just cry when she cried which made me feel better 😂 xx

Seb9 profile image
Seb9 in reply to Cornish131

Your midwife sounds like she should be struck off, she doesn't sound like she's given you very good advice. If she's not looked at whether baby has a tongue tie etc and hasn't referred to to the infant feeding team or lactation specialist she's not given you very good support. It's so frustrating that all through pregnancy they harp on about breastfeeding but as soon as baby is here they don't seem to be able to give that support mums need.

Women do not get anywhere near the right support or encouragement with breastfeeding and it's bloody awful and it's terrible that you feel sad about it, but try not to, bottle feeding is a perfectly good choice and your baby will still do amazing.

Crying when they're crying sounds so very familiar, it honestly does get better. We found what worked for us was husband taking over in the early evening bath time etc and I would go to bed for a few hours, he'd bring baby up when he went to bed and she'd either sleep with us for a bit or I'd get up with her, but those few hours in bed meant I felt way more equipped to deal with the night time and being away from the crying for a bit just made me feel a bit more sane.

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to Seb9

The whole thing has been a shit show to be honest 😂 I was booked in for an elective c-section but went into labour 2 weeks early! They made me sit at home for over 24 hours after my waters broke. Then went I finally went in they then said about possible infection etc. I then went into labour over night (I was staying in the hospital as I had to be monitored) and the midwives on overnight were awful!! They made me contract on only paracetamol, refused to let me see the dr about my c-section and basically left me the whole time. I was beside myself crying down to phone to my partner as I was there alone in the middle of the night and the midwives weren’t supporting me. They made me go to 5cm on paracetamol before they done my section.

They sent me home the next day with no advice no nothing! Nothing for breast feeding, nothing about recovery of my section.

I’m so nervous as my partner goes back to work soon so he’ll be sleeping at night and I’ll be alone during the day!

If she keeps up the way she is, I know I won’t be able to cope.

Could it be the bottles at all? We’re using the MAM bottles

Seb9 profile image
Seb9 in reply to Cornish131

Blimey! You've had a hell of a time. You definitely sound like you could do with maybe spreading to your hospital about making a complaint or at least speak to PALS about getting some advice.Mam bottles are meant to be really good, but you could try some others and see if they work better.

Do you have someone who can be on your support bubble who could come and give you a break during the day?

My husband used to come on the door at 6 and I'd hand baby over almost straight away. I found cooking dinner was like a mini holiday😂

I'd eat while baby feed on me and add soon as she was asleep I'd give her to dad and go to bed about 8/9ish and he's stay downstairs till she needed her next feed or give her a little bit of formula so I got a bit longer sleep.

I also co slept with her and found that to be a game changer, she woke less and I loved being so close to her. I still snuggle up in her bed now when she wakes up in the night.

Is there some groups in your area you can join? We started swimming lessons at 5 weeks and baby sensory, it really made a difference to me being out and about. I know you have to wait with a c section before you can drive but getting out of the house and talking to other mums was a big help for me and I'd recommend it to anyone.

Best of luck xx

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to Seb9

Someone did mention to me about complaining but that scares me 😂

Luckily I have a great support bubble that would come over at any time to help. It’s just when she’s screaming throughout the night I feel like asking for help then is a bit rude haha.

She is also sleeping in our bed at the moment! She seems to sleep better plus I like having her there 😂

There is a group yes! I messaged someone at 3am this morning asking about it, I plan to go to a meeting in January 😊

Sevy571 profile image
Sevy571 in reply to Cornish131

Please don't be scared, what you got seems like awful care and that staff should be told about it to better the care standards for all. I'm so sorry you went through this but perhaps making a complaint could make you feel better about it all? Maybe not right now as you're tired and have a lot on your hands but you did deserve proper care and support, which it seems you didn't have.

Seb9 profile image
Seb9 in reply to Cornish131

Complaining doesn't always work for some, but it might be good to chat to someone about your experience. You sound like you really went through a tough time and you might need to give yourself some time to get over that.Pregnancy and motherhood come with all these pressures and expectations that were meant to get everything right and we feel guilty over the smallest things, but it's really difficult when birth plans don't go to plan and breastfeeding isn't working, then baby cries all the time we can't get the housework done and so on and so on. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have this wonderful experience and it's not always wonderful, it's bloody difficult and stressful.

Having a baby has been the hardest thing I've ever done and as much as I adore my daughter and she brings a love and fun into my life I never knew I needed, it's tough, sometimes unrewarding work.

Joining some mother and baby groups is fantastic, you get to hear everyone else real stories, not their Instagram lives and you'll find other mums experiences and stories will echo your own and boost your confidence that you're doing ok. Hopefully you'll be able to have coffee and cake with them soon too and that also makes life better.

I love that this group is full of supportive ladies too and I hope soon you'll be sharing your experiences to new mums on here too, telling them all the ways you got through those tough early weeks xxx

Slings - I highly recommend a stretchy sling or Close Caboo for a newborn - you have to tie it tight like a t-shirt. If you really want buckles - Mamaruga Zensling is best for newborns because its like a stretchy and adjusts. If you have a sling library near you ask the consultant for help and hire rather than buy. If you're on Facebook Cara Holloway Sling Consultant helps St Neots and Bedford, although with most things being online due to COVID19 she will help you wherever you are in the country. Cara is lovely, I used to help at the sling meets she held as a babywearing peer supporter.

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to

Ordered a close caboo earlier! Fingers crossed it helps 🤞🏻

in reply to Cornish131

🥰 make sure you spread both pieces of the crossed material right across from baby’s knee to knee (do the one closest to baby’s body first) and always use the third layer tied over the top to ensure if baby throws herself backwards she won’t fall out. Get in touch with me again if you need any help, I’m happy to look at photos and try to help advise if you are worried at all. Enjoy babywearing, it’s wonderful for bonding, helps baby cope with being in the big wide world and allows you to be able to do other stuff hands free while holding baby. The Close Caboo will be comfortable up to about 6 months, then get in touch with a sling library consultant and try some different slings as they are all a bit different and it’s best to try before you buy.

I used a Manduca buckles, a Mei tai and a woven wrap from 6 months to 2 years, then a Toddler Tula from 2 years to 6 years. Having the right sling means you can safely carry your baby when they need snuggles, comfort and are tired enough that they want to be carried. You can do this. It’s really tough when they are small, I reread a diary entry the other day and it brought it all back to me, but in no time at all they are at school and it all becomes a bit easier in some ways, just different challenges - at least they can tell you what’s wrong once they can talk.

youtu.be/-n83-gF6318 for a great video how to tie a stretchy

Once you are 10 weeks post c-section and have been cleared to start exercise - this is a lovely class for you to do with your baby. Gentle exercise is good for your mental wellbeing, giving you happy hormones and wearing baby in a sling keeps baby happy especially during the fourth trimester as they get used to being outside your body. m.facebook.com/slingdancest... Debi is doing online classes at the moment, she is a trained babywearing peer supporter too, so can help if you have questions about slings.

Have you tried music ? It works for my little fella Mozart keeps him calm at bed time it’s like he just switches as soon as I put it on , I have been playing it since he could hear sounds though so it might remind him of being in the belly

We’ve tried the sounds on the snuzcloud and also baby foaming noises etc. And Spotify and YouTube! Doesn’t seem to overly work or not for very long anyway 😩

You can use infacol to help. We also had this issue and found that making smaller amounts of milk and feeding sitting up helped. I use MAM colic bottles to help with the air intake.

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to KatieSmit

I keep hearing about infacol but I’ve also heard it can cause constipation and she already suffers with that so don’t want to make it worse 😫 ah yes I am using MAM bottles!

Congratulations on the birth of your little one. It sounds to me as if baby is getting about the right amount of milk, but some babies will drink more and some less. We used tomme tippee bottles but babies can be fussy about bottles and others aren't bothered. The best piece of advice I was given when I had my first was to trust your instincts. It's a scary learning curve when you have your first baby but you really do know your baby better than anyone. The first few months are the hardest. You had a difficult birth experience and now you have to look after a newborn! But you will find your stride. I agree with the others that your little one sounds as if they have found their witching hour. With my first I used to have to stand next to the patio doors to soothe him, anywhere else and he just cried! My second I had to sing incy wincy spider constantly! Tried recording me singing it but that didn't work and it didn't work if anyone else sung it just me 😒

Cornish131 profile image
Cornish131 in reply to GemX81

Thank you 😊 I 100% agrees with instincts! My HV told me not to switch her formula but I went with my gut and put her on comfort food and it has helped. Everyone keeps telling me the first few months are the worst, I had no idea newborns were so difficult 😂😂 I thought they just slept haha. I’ve ordered a baby carrier to use around the house to see if that works as I can’t carry her 24/7!

Oh lord , this is number 9 for me and they all been really good apart from lil John he was a nightmare smashing the house up , I feel for you what’s the doctors said ????

In the evening is she laid on her back ?I'm just wondering if she might need more winding before you put her down .my first son had the issue with crying when pooing and only gripe water helped so hopefully you can give it to her in a week .i also breastfed so I don't think it's a bottle thing Unless she requires a different bottle .im on my 4th baby now and only my first seemed to suffer with this Immensely does baby always pull legs up when pooing aswell I found I had to pull legs down.you can also try colic bottles I had to change bottles with my 3rd baby as she was really colicky And also needed gripe water a lot

Hi hun. Sounds like you're going through a tough time with your little one. I want to quickly share my experience. Might help. This is an Indian solution to colic that my mummand mother-in-law recommended which really worked for me.

So my son is 3 months on 3rd of Jan. When he was about 2 months he started crying hysterically every evening from about 4 or 5 until whenever we got him to sleep which was sometimes until 12. It was horrible to watch and making me very worried, tired and frustrated.

So the women in my life suggested I used a home made gripe water. Basically I take about 1 and half teaspoons of fennel seeds a day put them in a cup of boiling water and leave them. You need about 250 ml of water. I do this at the start of the day. I usually cover the water and let it cool slowly on its own. When the water is cooled I use 1 oz to make his feed. For example, if I'm making a 4 oz bottle it would be 4oz of milk powder (I use aptimil) and 2 oz of hot water, 1 oz of cold water and 1 oz for the fennel water. Mix the bottle and give it to baby. Its worked a treat! He doesn't cry hysterically anymore. Still takes us a while to get him to sleep in the evenings but I don't mind as long as the crying stops. I use the fennel water throughout the day and make a new batch everyday so the water I use is never 24 hours old.

Fennel is long used as a digestive aid in India. If you go to Indian restaurants sometimes they give u fennel mixed with othe seeds to help digest your meal. Baby poop might look slightly darker but that's coz the fennel makes the water go a green colour which is completely normal. I understand your baby is younger than mine but I spoke to my friend who said she did the same with her son when he was only 3 weeks. She said she used a teaspoon or two of the fennel water in each feed. Obviously if the baby is younger use less fennel water.

Anyway, it worked for me. Its natural and gripe water also has fennel in it. This one is natural compared to the gripe water u buy.

Oh, it's a minefield. I had different feeding and digestion issues with my first and second babies and am looking forward to seeing what new challenges the third (due feb) will bring.

I think it is important to try to identify exactly what the problem is (as best as you can when they cant tell you!). If it's reflux she will be bringing up the milk, burping, coughing and spluttering etc. Silent reflux is the same but without actually bringing the milk back up- my second had this and infant gaviscon prescribed by the gp sorted her out. Gripe water and colief or infacol is for if baby is gassy - crying, bringing legs up to belly, clenched fists, red faced etc - my first had a lot of this as she was tongue tied so took in a lot of air when drinking. The infacol.wasnt great but the gripe water made a big difference. Remember you are counting from due date as well, not birth date, so if baby was premature you will need to wait longer (4 weeks from due date) to start on the gripe water.

In either case, colic or reflux, you're best off trying all the natural ways to help first, before medicating. Keep baby upright during feeding and for at least 20 minutes after, give baby a good burping, warm baths, tummy massage.

It's possible the thicker comfort formula, whilst helping with reflux, is a bit too difficult for her to digest and so causes colic instead?

Have you looked at baby massage? There are specific strokes on the tummy to help relieve gas and aid digestion, alongside the bicycle legs. It also generally helps with calming and relaxing an agitated baby. I did a free course at a local childrens centre with my first baby and took away sheets with all the moves on which I used to remind myself when baby no.2 came along. You should be able to find info online though if there are no courses in your area due to Covid.

Just try to remember, during the early hours when you ate sleep deprived and at your wits end, it is very unusual to not have this kind of trouble - people just dont warn you! Baby is getting used to using her digestive system, to drinking milk. Anything you try, formula or medication wise, have the patience for her body to get used to it and process it through the system before moving on to other ideas. There is no quick fix on a first time tummy.And remember, this is not a reflection on your parenting or your abilities... its bloody hard for all of us x

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