Last name - not married or planning to be

[JLLWM]

Hey,

I saw another lady post about having her ex husbands last name and didn’t know what name to put down.

Now I have a question of, I’m more than happy to use my boyfriends name for bubba but we don’t plan on getting married (now due to unexpected bubba). I remember when my mum got remarried, she had to carry our birth certs around when going on holiday etc as we had our dads name. Is that still a thing?

We’ve got to the point of thinking about me changing my name by deed poll to his last name is it becomes a ball ache with baby (and its cheaper than a wedding aha). I was just wondering if anyone has been in the same position or not...

[Kyell2]

It’s a tough one isn’t it.

My partner and I also have no plans/interest in getting married. We gave our baby my surname as his middle name so it’s almost a double barrelled name but not (as I thought double barrelled surname was too long). I like that it’s got both of us in there.

I think the birth certificate thing is still needed if you are travelling with a child who doesn’t have your surname so if the baby and I travel without my partner I think we’ll need it.

Good luck with the baby 😊 x

[JLLWM in reply to Kyell2]

ahh okays, thanks!

it’s rubbish, i just don’t want to have to prove im babys mum all the time because we’ll have different names! x

[alohalu]

Hi!

I'm married, but I didn't take my husband surname, no plans to change that either. I'm planning to give my surname as middle name.

I suppose carrying with the birth certificate is not too bad, you can leave it inside the passport, and at least that way you will always know where it is.

[JLLWM in reply to alohalu]

see i have a double barrelled name already, my ‘maiden’ name isn’t even my dads proper last name, so im happy to throw the name away for baby, i just feel a little left out! x

[Solly-44]

Hi,

Same here - not married and no plans to. We just double barrelled our baby’s surname x

[JLLWM in reply to Solly-44]

ahh okays, thanks! x

[Seb9]

If you're not too attached to your surname, I would change it by deed poll, my mum went back to her first married name after her 2nd divorce so that our surnames were the same again. It wasn't very hard just a few forms to fill in.

[JLLWM in reply to Seb9]

i think im going to do this, going to ask my boyfriends family if they are happy for me to do it x

[Afrohair]

Just so you know all my family have different Sir names including my children now on my 4th child! we Have never had any problems on holiday And been abroad a few times.you can always photocopy documents which is always advised anyway for children if you look online the passport agency advice you to do it in case of emergency .I was once married I never changed my surname either .i think it's your choice only you know what's right for you .i wouldn't even want to take someone else's opinion for this matter because it's very personal.my mum has changed her name 3 times And called so many different things over years and it's caused a lot of issues to the point my brother can't even get a birth certificate anymore as the application always declines online Hope you can make the right choice for you and your family x

[JLLWM in reply to Afrohair]

yea my mum changed hers so many times, thats more than likely the reason im remembering the hassle she had, cause she got married twice, then went back to her dads name then her mums maiden name. i guess im craving that family unit without the bit of paper that costs too much money to say im married!

thanks, i think im going to ask his family if i can take their name x

[Hidden]

Urgh I’ve still got my married name to be the same as the kids but I’m engaged and pregnant no rush to be married again tho. So when your in hospital I’ve heard of you don’t have a name ready it’ll have on the baby’s tag baby then my surname which is my ex husband’s lol 😂 my fiancé isn’t that arsed about it but I think it’s wrong. Then once baby’s born I would like to change my surname sometime but then my other 2 kids will be different to us and will feel they want to be the same as me but they’re nearly 15&13 and can change their names from 16 by deed poll if they choose to their dad would be furious but they have very little contact wouldn’t really know. My friend took her kids birth certificate on holiday with me & kids but didn’t need to show them another reason I hadn’t changed my married name.

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

How many kids have you got?are you in U.K. ?its true they use mother's surname in hospital but I asked about this and they said it's because it's you who has given birth and is in hospital not the husband .my eldest has gone by my name all the way through life but his birth certificate shows different at 16 he can change it legally it his choice and wants to change it he's 15 now so just a year left I brought him up since he was born father never had contact By choice but gave Him his name goodness knows why I allowed it but I thought we were strong at the time and I was only a teenager when I had him

[Hidden in reply to Afrohair]

I’ve 2 kids yes in UK my eldest would change her name to be the same as me she hasn’t seen her dad for a yr but my youngest does go see her dad occasionally when they both can be bothered I’ve left it up to them now if they choose to be in contact with him they’re nearly 15&13 she would keep her surname and that’s fine.

[JLLWM in reply to Hidden]

yea my mum got remarried and my name never technically changed, i was then just known as my double barrelled name going forward. she however changed her name so many times, that is was a hassle to travel with her lol x

[Hidden in reply to JLLWM]

Yeah I would wait until my youngest was 16 to change my name I’m not in a major rush it’s only 3 years. They can choose to do whatever they want then.

[LunaLovegood11 in reply to Hidden]

Ah similar here!

I have my ex-husbands name, which did go on the baby tag at the hospital and in his red book 🤦🏻‍♀️ I never wanted to change my name back to my maiden name and have to explain to everyone at work that it was through a divorce, if then I would change it again if I get married again.

I didn’t actually consider the travel hassle, one to note though...! Xx

[copperkettle8]

Me and my partner aren't married or engaged but our baby was planned. We gave her my surname as he already has two older kids with his surname and I'm not having the rest of the family have their own surname and me have a different one, so we've embraced the different surnames. It's a complex thing though as he's gone with it but I reckon he'd love us all to have the same surname. His ex wife still has his surname though so as long as she still has that I'm not leaping to take it too as it feels like assuming her identity in a weird way. Even if we married I feel like I'd keep my own name!

[JLLWM in reply to copperkettle8]

i said to my boyfriend that if i changed by deed poll i would put in writing that if anything happened to us that i’d go back to my name and leave bubbas name as is. i don’t think anything will happen between us but hes only 22 (im 27) so i would rather do it so he wouldn’t have to worry in the future x

[Pagan707]

Hi, we’re twenty years together and 18 year old son has my surname (dad) we’ve never had any problems going abroad but have travelled together. My Uncles long standing partner changed her surname by deed poll to match the kids. Does it matter in this day and age? We don’t want the government/religious marriage thing, just a waste of money. We’re Celtic pagans and might do a hand fasting ceremony which is a legal marriage in Ireland and Scotland. Heard made legal in England this year too. Glastonbury here we come! Lol

[JLLWM in reply to Pagan707]

aha, i hope you get to have your ceremony! i really dont want to waste money on a bit of paper that will cost me more if it all goes pear shaped and a childs involved.

i honestly think im remembering the problems my mum had as she changed her at least 4 times by the time i was 16, when she got married to her now husband, she double barrelled our names which helped a little. shes the reason im worrying aha!

[Pagan707 in reply to JLLWM]

My son is 18 now and away at uni, it never phased him one bit we were a multi named household. Churchill famously said ‘ I have worried about many things in my life and some of them even came true!)

[ToniaB123]

My partner and I aren’t married. We gave my daughter his last name. I haven’t ever needed a birth certificate with her yet. I have a picture of it on my phone though and I think that would be sufficient. You have to pay for the certificates when you register the birth and I guess plenty of people must not buy them?xxx

[JLLWM in reply to ToniaB123]

ahh okays, i really do think its because my mum had so many last names when i was younger, i just remember the hassle and paperwork she always carried around! xx

[Amyables]

My partner and I plan to give the baby both names - luckily they’re both shortish! We’re not married, but have vague plans to get married after COVID and intend to have both our names too, so eventually we’ll all match!

[JLLWM in reply to Amyables]

awww thats cute!

im happy to get rid of my name and also not use it for baby, but i just dont want to be that girlfriend that is like ‘we need to get married’ when i can just change it by deed poll x

[Octoberbaby2019]

If you want to go on holiday with your child and they do not share your surname on the passport they will stop you to certify its really your child so either you must have a letter from the patent certifying you're allowed to take the child out of the country or their birth certificate verifying you're the parent.If I'd been unmarried I'd have given my son my name. You can change your surname, or you both can do a barrelled name or shocker your bf could change his surname!

I'd advise against having a different name to your child as its more likely you'd travel with your child alone than the other way round.

[JLLWM in reply to Octoberbaby2019]

thanks, i have memories of my mum carrying paperwork everywhere because our names were different.

im going to see his family are happy for me to change my name to theirs and basically say that if anything happens i will change it back but baby wont change x

[LB1234]

Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. I have no plans to marry my daughter's dad, she has his surname and I don't. Never had any issues with it and she is 2.5, I think it is more accepted these days that not everyone has the same surname. We also feel happy explaining to her that just because we have different names doesn't mean we are not a family if she ever questions it. But everyone feels differently about stuff like that, my sister in law changed her name for exactly that reason as that's what they felt was right for them so do whatever suits you both.

[Paganmilo]

My partner and I aren't married and due in July. I don't want my kids to have the same name as my partner as I'll feel less of a unit if I'm the only one not with the same surname. But I want to get married and he doesn't so who knows how it will end up.

I don't want to change my name by deed poll as it just feels a bit cold. Again it just comes down to personal preference. I'd rather he give me his name rather than me taking it from him. Sounds silly I know.

[Tanzanite2022]

my baby has my surname, I don’t like her fathers surname so we decided to give her mine. It’s all down to personal preference I guess