Single Mum Discrimination

I am a mum to a lovely 5 month old boy. I just wanted to post this to see if anyone else had experienced this and maybe why it happens. I am 40 years old and I had IVF and sperm donation. I was told after I had tests done it was unlikely I would be able conceive. I didnt have a partner so decided to just go solo. Everyone I knew said it was sensible and was positive about by reasons for doing so. However, when I told two individual midwives when I was receiving antenatal care (not my community midwive) they reacted really shocked and nasty towards to me. I wished I could have took a photo of the one when I told her about what I had done. They said things like was my mum going to moving in with, as I had earlier told them, by mum would be helping me and no I didn't need her moving in with me. Also, how was I going to cope without a partner. It seemed like they just thought I should be in any relationship going however bad than going it alone. The reaction was so nasty. I decided to change hospitals to give birth to my son. I never realised this before that single mums faced such discrimination especially from health professionals. I also know a lady whose daughter was pregnant and was then a single mum due to the fact her boyfriend left her. She told me that her midwive after she had given birth was visiting more so because she didn't have much support and this midwive trying to undermine her caring for her son. Then that that midwive left the job and another one took over who was not nasty like that. I know people can be narrow minded. I live in a small town where I was told that IVF is not common even for couples, so I don't know if that's got anything to do with it.

[Hidden]

I personally would file a complaint to the NMC about the conduct of both midwives. If it has happened to you it’s most likely to have happened to someone else

[Bakingcupcake]

You need to complain to PALS at the hospital if it was NHS too!terrible behaviour, lots of people are in different situations for different reasons its none of their business, but as ling as you are safe and baby is safe thats all that matters. Not being funny there are plenty of couples that don't look after their children so you definitely should not be judged!x

[Octoberbaby2019]

That is awful behaviour and I know it probably hurt you but just forget about it. I'm not a single mum but some health visitor also like to give crappy advise and make you feel like you're a bad mum. Just listen to your mummy instinct you know your baby and know best x

It is hard being the sole carer but tbh my husband works and when he comes home he's tired so I felt on many days that I was alone in raising my baby boy. The important thing is that you ask family and friends to come see you, bring you food, company, take you out for a meal, anything really just to break the isolation. To have a good support system is all that's needed. And from what you're saying you've got that as your mum will be helping you, so just forget those old school narrow minded ppl!

Congratulations on your baby boy! Xx enjoy mummyhood!

[Hidden]

some of them with or without panfemic situations,they cant just have a professional atitude,even if is a nurse or a midwife or a receptionist.

if you dare to demand respect,they will clasify you as rude and stick to your face the zero tolerance policy against NHS staff.

you have rights,but they have more...and if you want respect,they became little fragile flowers which you tried to broke them.

[LunaLovegood11]

Hmm sounds very unprofessional to me.

I too had IVF, I’m 37. I remember telling a nurse taking my blood and she told me she had her child at 18 and it was much better as she could enjoy life now, she wouldn’t want to be too old etc.

It does hit a nerve (it did for me, I felt they were telling me I was too old) but I don’t think they mean harm. But sometimes for feedback on how it made you feel can be helpful for them going forwards, even if not a ‘formal’ complaint but a comment on how they speak to people? X

[LunaLovegood11]

The one thing you can always tell your baby boy is that you really wanted him and fought so hard to have him, and he will feel more loved than most xx

[Hidden]

Thank you😘