Boyfriend didn't come to 12 week scan with me - NCT

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Boyfriend didn't come to 12 week scan with me

Mellow81 profile image
Mellow81

He was supposed to start a new job today (bricklayer) and I had said that I would rather him go to work as we need the money than come to the scan with me, however this morning he decided not to go in and stay at home saying that the job wasn't for him, I bit my tongue at this as I didn't want an argument before my scan. I said he was more than welcome to come to hospital but he said no, he wants to stay at home. This hurt big time but I didn't want to say anything. Scan went OK, heartbeat is a little slower than usual so I've gotta go back in 2 weeks for another scan hopefully baby will be fine but to find this out on my own wasn't nice and EVERYONE in the unit had a boyfriend or husband with them, I felt like an idiot! I sent him the scan picture when I got out the hospital and we spoke for awhile meanwhile I went and bought a few baby bits however I can't help but feel very alone. He said he's excited but I don't see it. I just asked him why he didn't come and tbh his excuse is lame, he thought we might have an argument so he stayed away for his own sake!!!! Really!

He's now twisted on me, and finished with me (this will be 3rd time in 11 weeks) whenver I confront him about something he finishes the relationship, he has also said some really nasty things to me (go and have a abortion you c.u.n.t and I wish you were dead)

I'm tempted to cut all contact with him now and focus on my baby, I don't think he deserves to be part of baby's life.......opinions please

21 Replies

Sorry to hear your boyfriend has been awful to you but I think you have just answered your own question. If it were me I wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour but to bring another little human into the mix it just sounds toxic. It's easy for people to say when they are outside looking in, but you deserve better than that, concentrate on you and your baby ❤

I would cut contact. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely right now but you are right to put the baby first and I'm so proud of you for thinking along those lines. I have experience of someone close to me with narcissistic personality disorder and I'm not saying it's that in his case but it may be. With some individuals the only thing you can do is cut contact for your own sanity. Stay strong ❤️ and congrats on your scan 😘😘 xx

I was in a similar situation to you and my sons father had no interest in him when I was pregnant (still doesnt now) he never came to any scans or appointments. No one can tell you what to do but looking back I wish I hadn't made so much effort to include him. I used to message him after every appointment and he would be so disinterested it would put a downer on what should have been a really happy time and made my pregnancy alot more stressful than it needed to be.

You deserve better than that and he may come round and put some effort in but if he doesn't I would just concentrate on you and the baby. Good luck with everything xxx

This ^

When I look back now at how much time I wished away and how many appointments were clouded by the disappointment of not having baby father around it’s saddening. I think doing it single makes you very sensitive to the fact that a lot of other people are there with their significant other but now I’m 41 weeks and I know of a lot more people rocking the journey just like me. It’s hard not to settle when you’re vulnerable but hang in there x

But do whatever it is you need to do to get through it because pregnancy is nooot easy x

I am so sorry you're experiencing this. This is such a precious time and you shouldn't be treated like this. No real advice because you have to do what's right for you but I am hoping you have the strength to do what's right for you and your baby. Its only you two that matter. ❤

Hi Mellow

If I were you I wouldn’t want to be associated with someone who says such nasty things to me. You know you deserve better and should focus on the baby. Look after yourself and don’t let anyone treat you with contempt and without respect. Sending you hugs c

Maybe it’s easy for me to say but I would get rid. You deserve a better man and baby deserves a better Dad xx

I’m sorry you are experiencing this and I hope your baby is well. Please cut off with your boyfriend, what a pathetic and sad person he is. I’m sorry for you but he does not want you or this baby. You don’t need anyone that treats you like that in your life. None. Especially in this delicate moment of pregnancy, you are carrying his baby and he should treat you like a queen. If you stay with him you will always be resentful towards him and be sure he will treat your baby the same way. Is that what you want for your baby? You both deserve a better person in your life (also for your safety).

Imagine a friend or relative was telling you this story. What would you advise them to do? I think you'd probably tell them to forget about this a***hole. Why should you put up with cr*p like this when you wouldn't want it for someone you care about? You and the baby deserve better. I hope everything's ok when you're back for the next scan xxx

Absolutely no other answer from me other than to get rid. Please understand you deserve more. This is ‘gaslighting’ behaviour and is a type of emotional abuse. For the sake of you and your baby please do not go back to him and find someone who will love, respect and support you. I know it’s hard but the stress of him not coming and not supporting you could have effected the baby’s heartbeat. I hope you can find away to stay strong and stay away because speaking to anyone like he spoke to you, let alone someone you supposedly love is never ok and is completely unacceptable xx

You don't need the stress of this first off...he sounds like a d**k! He doesnt sound mature enough to help you with a baby, im sorry your in this situation but when babys here you cant have him storming out and leaving you all the time! You know your bfriend better than anyone and it sounds like you may have already made your mind up, having a baby is hard you dont need to deal with two!!!x

No advice on what I think you should do:

But remember you are going through an amazing new journey right now, you are strong and this new little person is going to eventually become the centre of your universe making all these tough times a distant memory.

Please look after baby and you as number one and don’t every feel afraid that you are doing it by yourself. I know so many children/ even adults who all look at their mum as the best magical superhero mums for all that their body has gone through and all they have gone through raising them and this is both in married and single mum households. If your boyfriend is not ready, I hope you had individual always remember you are great and find the strength and be ready in every aspect that you need.

It can be tough but I want you to know you are never alone and you can cope with any situation! Things will always get better and try to take each day one by one and make yourself happy with little things that you love to put all the focus on you and your baby for now.

Wishing you all the love and strength, that you need at this time and when your little one comes

Xoxo

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so alone and aren’t being supported. He seems very immature, doesn’t appear to offer you any stability, is unreliable and unpleasant by the sounds of it. I think you can do better and would support your last paragraph. It might be difficult but I think you’d find your own routine and would become more settled emotionally without him. Good luck...x

Sorry to hear that you've had to go through that, especially at what should be an exciting time. It sounds like to have done the right thing to cut him off and concentrate on you and the baby. Do you have a close friend or family member who could go to the other scans with you so that you have someone to share it with and support you?

Remember we are not in control of other people and their words or behaviour, but you can control your response and actions. Clearly from his actions and words you can interpret that he is not emotionally or physically dependable for you or your baby. Unless he has a major epiphany moment or divine transformation he is likely to continue this pattern throughout your pregnancy and sorry to say things will get worst after the reality of the responsibility of looking after a baby kicks in. Do yourself a favour and start preparing yourself to be emotionally and physically independent from him, it won't happen overnight but it's a process that you must go through if you are to remain in peace. Find someone amongst your family/friends who is consistent, reliable and trustworthy, your mum/sisters/aunty etc. You need moral support during this time. You are safer in a community. You will get through this.

Oh darling, this is so horrible for you 😞 what a selfish man. I think all men take some adjusting but his behaviour is awful and abusive. You don’t need that, especially when you’re pregnant as we do get particularly sensitive. And moms need to be happy and healthy too.

I think he may have some rights to see the baby etc but you do too, as in he needs to financially support you both.

I think I’d tell him that although you’d love him to be involved you won’t tolerate this behaviour and especially not around the baby, and you’re going to see Citizen’s Advice etc - he can’t just say you’re over, unfortunately for him he needs to contribute to his child.

He may have a strop and feel out of control but hey, if he didn’t want a baby I’m sure he’s clever enough to know how to prevent them.

Best of luck. Be strong xx

Sounds like a immature man child, an awful boyfriend and likely a shite dad get rid now before your stuck with him.

You need to stay broken up and raise the baby alone- if he won’t work a job that he hasn’t even tried because it ‘doesn’t suit’ even though he knows he has a baby to provide for- he isn’t going to change. Plus he should have wanted to go to your 12 week scan I’ve never known a partner turn down seeing their baby for the first time with no valid reason

Wow sorry you are being treated like this, this behaviour is very toxic and I wouldn’t be putting up with the unnecessary stress especially during pregnancy.

As for him not going to the 12 week scan I think it is normal and actually a lot of males don’t go to it but rather go to the 20 week one.

My partner came to the 12 week only because this was our first successful pregnancy to reach 12 weeks after 3 losses but he never came to the early scans and any after 20 weeks.

For our next pregnancy I wouldn’t want him to take a day off for work for a scan unless it was the 20 weeks.

Also he didn’t show as much excitement until he could feel baby moving and my belly really started to show, I think this is because most of the things I was the one feeling it so he couldn’t relate. Again quite common and normal among men.

Get away from that , he needs to grow up or get away. Hugs to you 😘😘😘😘💐💐💐💐

Cut contact. It's his loss noone should speak to anyone like that!

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