Birth partner- do I have to have my ex partner there?

[brown782239]

Hello, I’ve been experiencing quite a distressing separation with my ex-partner for the last 4 months. Without going into too much detail, I do not feel comfortable with him being in the room with me while I give birth. I have tried very hard to put my feelings aside and do what’s right and have him there, but even the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious and worried about how he might behave. I’m wondering where I stand legally on this. Do I have a choice on whether he is present? Appreciate any thoughts x

[Cheekymonkey85]

Of course you have a choice, there's absolutely nothing in legal terms that says you have to allow him in. In fact, you can instruct midwives to refuse him entry if you wish. It's your right to have a birth partner you trust at your most vulnerable time x

[LauraJ85]

I didn't have my sons father with me, I didnt tell him I was in labour I just told him once he had born, he had no interest in being there anyway but its completely your choice on who you have with you. We had to stay in hospital for a week and I was asked if I wanted him to be refused entry if he tried to visit. All the midwives will be really understanding of your situation. You have to do what's right for you and have a birthing partner you trust. Good luck xxx

[Bluelady-sing]

If your unmarried he doesn't automatically have parental rights

Is that your discretion if you want him there or not

[Pook27]

He absolutely has 0 rights to be present even if he was your husband and if you feel uncomfortable saying no - tell your midwife team the situation and have them say he is not allowed in due to stress to you.

During birth your health and sanity come first after, you can deal with co-parenting rights.

You got this and try and find a close friend or family member who can be with you fir support or if you have the means perhaps even a doula x

[JojoWash]

No way! You’re completely in your right to not allow him in for birth. He has no right to be there. You’re at your most vulnerable times and you need calm and comfort not an ex!

So no don’t have him in there, if you feel ok after then maybe at that time. If not he’ll have To wait until you are home

[Hidden]

You’re the patient, you have the right to decide who is present for the birth. Just discuss it with your midwife so they’re aware and can come up with a plan with you. Also, assuming you don’t live together, if you don’t tell him you’ve gone into labour how would he know?

It’s so important to feel safe and relaxed when you’re in labour; for you and baby. Hope you get the birth you want x

[Octoberbaby2019]

He does not have to be there, you could go solo if you want to! It's your body, your hospital stay, you can even tell the nurses that nobody is allowed to give out information on you and also that nobody is allowed in the room other than xyz. You can ask anyone to be with you, someone you trust and know that they'll help you make decisions on pain meds when you're in pain or unsure x

Definitely do not have anyone with you you do not want x

Hope that's one worry of your mind. Good luck with the birth xx big hugs

[Bluelady-sing]

Was he there

[hulahoop786]

@Bluelady-sing: Yes he was there and in the end it was an awful decision. He made things twice as bad and I got even more stressed about the whole situation. His focus was just on the baby arriving and wanted to get it over with and stressed me out about why it took so long. In the end I had to get one of the nurses (at 2am) to throw him out of the room as it was simply too much stress. He hung about in the waiting area until 10am when baby was born and then wanted to come in to see/hold which I refused. Anyway to cut a long story short - he has not seen baby yet and I have hired a local assassin now to finish him once and for all, got a good price and will be well worth it. So problem solved and will deffo give me some welcome peace of mind once he's gone.

[cgraeme in reply to hulahoop786]

What did I just read??