This is going to sound ridiculous: I gave birth to a... - NCT

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This is going to sound ridiculous

Blue1986
Blue1986
28 Replies

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 6 weeks ago, who was conceived using IVF. He was born 5 weeks early and rather abruptly (I had a C-section and never really got to experience labour).

Naturally, he is the light of our lives and that missing piece which has made our world complete.

However, when I look at him he just doesn't seem to look like either my husband or myself. And I just can't stop thinking; what if our embryos were muddled up with somebody else's. What if one day somebody comes and tells me that he is not mine and takes him away from me. I clearly remember them checking before my transfer, they checked my name, the father's name and DOB. But still what if. I've probably watched far too many films and documentaries where things like that happen.

Have any other of you IVF mother felt this way? Any other mothers has children who doesn't resemble themselves or their partners?

Could somebody just tell me that I am being ridiculous!?!?!

28 Replies
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Amandaholland85

Hi blue

I am sorry to hear that your having some doubt about your little boy.

Firstly your hormone are all over the place and babys can change very hour when i had my little girl 15 weeks ago she looked like me but then she didn't and she would change all the time.

Second if you are ready wored then have his blood group check he will have to be the same as mum and dad and the will let you know and put ur mind a rest that no one is going to come and take him away. So you can injoy your little boy x all the best x

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Blue1986

Thank you for your reply. We received his blood group in the hospital, they said it's O- we both have A blood groups. But they reassured me that blood groups can be passed down from grandparents, both my mother and mother in law have 0- blood.

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Good1hannah

Hi blue, this sounds really upsetting for you. I can understand that you have wanted this baby for so long that it is natural that you will worry about him being taken away. I'm sure you are worrying over nothing but I think it is definitely worth going to talk to your gp as soon as possible.

Have you spoken to your other half about your concerns? I think you should. Early parenthood is really challenging and you should definitely confide in your partner if you're worried.

I hope you feel more settled soon.

Hannah

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Blue1986

Thank you for your reply.

I have tried to tell him about it since he was born but he keeps saying I'm being silly.

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MissSaoPaulo

I think this is a genuine concern after IVF. We joked about it before my little girl was born - what if she's not ours? What if they mixed up the embryos. Our Dr said mix ups don't happen, there are protocols in place blah blah blah - but then he would say that!

But after carrying him for 9 months, sharing your blood, building him up from your fat and protein, taking the calcium from your own bones and teeth to make his... he's your baby. You made him. Even if it wasn't your embryo - which it was! - would you really want to know if it was otherwise?

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Blue1986

Thank you! Of course I wouldn't want to know it's just this fear and anxiety ☹️

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MummyMel

I definitely think you should get this confirmed just so you can let it go. You dont want any doubt lingering in the back of your mind as this will affect your bonding. Yes, you probably are being ridiculous lol, but aren't we all after giving birth! Hahaa, good luck and congrats on your little bundle of joy xxx

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Blue1986
Blue1986
in reply to MummyMel

Thanks for your reply. I doubt I could bare to face the answer, but if it came to it of course I would check.

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SilkeP

I think your concerns are echoed by many. Not ‘is he/she mine’ but ‘I am going to lose him/her’. I haven’t gone through IVF so don’t have that potential doubt, but I lost a baby previously and even now that he’s 6 months old worry about losing him.

It’s similar for you, having gone through IVF you’ve obviously been on a tough journey getting your baby, and now fear that something might happen to take that happiness away from you.

Make sure to address your worries with your other half and/or health visitor. It might just be early days hormones etc, but you don’t want it to spiral out of control. Personally, I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on your worry that he might not be yours, but your worry of potentially losing him. Because I fear that even if you had tests done to confirm he IS yours, you’ll replace that fear (which is then no longer an option, so to speak) with another one...

On the note of looking like someone... he’s only 6 weeks. His features are going to change so so much! If I’m totally honest, when my much longed for first baby was born, I didn’t look at him and instantly thought he was the most beautiful baby... I thought he was incredibly odd looking! Obviously you don’t share that with others then... but their features change so much so quickly! I was born with very dark hair and within a year he was totally blonde! My second one was born with black hair and now has light brown hair. Similarly, her eyes (now age 4) remained blue - mine are green and my husband’s brown!

There is no question she is both ours but family genetics come into this as well. Wait until your boy is a bit older and you’ll probably notice similar features, or manners!

Worrying about various things, in particular a fear of losing him, can be normal at times but make sure it doesn’t get into the way of enjoying him. If that happens I’d really recommend talking to someone about it.

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Blue1986
Blue1986
in reply to SilkeP

Thank you for your answer and advice. As I mentioned somewhere above my husband just brushes it off and tells me I am being silly. But I will speak to somebody about my anxiety and these feelings, actually I am going to my doctor tomorrow do will see if she can point me in the right direction.

I am sorry about your previous loss. I can't even imagine what that is like :(

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Good1hannah

Glad your going to see your GP. Hope appointment goes well. PM me if you need to chat.x

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Tugsgirl

Firstly congratulations 🥳 I think part of your concern stems from the fact that he was conceived through ivf. My little girl was too. It’s hard to shake that feeling that it’s too good to be true, that at any minute the bubble could burst and that it could all be snatched away from you. It’s hard to believe that your dreams finally came true after such a battle to get there.

My little ivf baby is 11 weeks and 2 days. From the day she was born I could see she was a mini me, everyone else said so too, that she looked just like me. I didn’t see anything of her daddy in her and neither did he. He even joked that maybe they hadn’t used his sperm. However, now that she’s older she’s slowly beginning to look less like me and more like her daddy. Don’t worry. A baby’s appearance will change a lot as it grows. You’ll see.. xx

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Blue1986
Blue1986
in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you for putting me at ease. This journey is not an easy one and of course it is hard to shake the feeling that it's too good to be true.

Congratulations to you too. I hope you're loving motherhood just as much as I am.

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Tugsgirl
Tugsgirl
in reply to Blue1986

Hard work isn’t it? 😅 But worth every second of everything we’ve been through xx

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CAS2

I'm due in 6 weeks after IVF and this thought crosses my mind. Especially when the consultant came in on transfer day and called us 'Sarah and Dom' (these are not our names!). We often joke about having Sarah and Dom's child!

Am sure your little one is yours, as they have very strict regimes xx

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Blue1986
Blue1986
in reply to CAS2

O no :) Thank you for your message. Enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy and spending quality alone time with 'Dom'.

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CAS2
CAS2
in reply to Blue1986

Thank you. I'm hoping 'little Dom' bears some resemblance when he comes along. If you are worried you could speak to your doctor about your fears (even if its just your mind playing tricks it might help get it off your chest and they may be able to offer some help from a practical point of view) x

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Annakarissa

Hi Blue-

When you want something for so long and then get it and it seems too good to be true, your mind starts playing games on you - I’ve been there. But trust in the process , your baby boy is here, he is yours and he is lucky to have you as a mom.

Of course there is testing you can do to get the reassurance you may require but remember the chances of this type of mishap are very low. Also, even in the very rare occurrence that an embryo switch has occurred- they wouldn’t take the baby away from you.

Babies change in appearance all the time. Week after week and when they are that little it’s really hard to tell what they will look like when they are older. Eye colour doesn’t even become permanent until months after birth.

Do talk to your doctor about the worries if you catch yourself thinking about it daily.

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Elynn

Oh bless you, cant be a woman in the land that hasnt had the same thought.

If its not going away have a talk with your G.P.

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Kempton

I went through all these emotions and until I gave birth and saw my baby, I was terrified they'd mixed it all up. When the baby was born, he was the spitting image of my husband. It made us chuckle because wed both been scared that there might be a mix up and then this tiny human came along.

I mentioned this when we introduced our baby to one of our ivf nurses and I remember her saying there was no chance of a mix up as everything at our clinic was carefully barcoded. I'm sure your clinic have something like that in place so just don't worry... Enjoy your baby and don't let anything ruin this time. You'll look back on this and laugh.!

Congratulations!

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M1980

Oh my goodness!! I have exactly the same thoughts! During IVF my husband joked about getting a DNA test done after the baby was born to check he was ours! However when he arrived everyone commented on how much he was like his dad, in looks and in some of his little traits. Noone said he was anything like me which started to niggle away at me - what if it was not my egg! I know I over thought this and it is ridiculous but I started to look at DNA tests etc. I spoke to my husband who laughed it off as he is proud as punch if his wee boy that looks very like him etc! I eventually confided in my HV, who did her best to reassure me. After speaking to my HV and my amazing GP about this and a number of other thoughts and anxieties, they think I have a touch of postnatal depression. According to my GP, fertility issues are one of the risk factors of postnatal depression. I am not for one minute saying this is what you have! I xant believe i feel the way I do as I have wanted this baby for such a long time and cannot imagine not having him. This whole conception and motherhood journey can be tough but extremely rewarding!! Good luck with your little one x

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Scarlett13

Congratulations!!!!!! You’ve been on a tough ivf journey and your anxiety is bound to be high. Like all the ladies have said, your feelings and thoughts are normal and to be expected but the chances are that there’s been no mix up...but I do think you should mention these thoughts you’re having to your HV and GP because these type of thoughts can turn into post natal depression which you can get plenty of support for - I’m not saying you have this but just to be aware that it’s very common and you don’t want any doubts to be eating away at you and then affecting your bond xxx

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JojoWash

Do you know what, it doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. It’s happened before.

That’s why they have strict procedures and policies in regards to that. I think there’s no chance now days, especially in UK or USA.

My friend thought that to, with her daughter. When she grew she is definitely her dads daughter. I think it’s only natural x

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JojoWash

Oh and massive congratulations xx

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Sayusayme

They cannot make mistake dear if you feel they did a mistake ,you can always do DNA test after he grows up...

But wats the point a child will always be a child dearest to mother and no one will take him away from you.

Universe is not so bad....

Congrats once again

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Noobs

Hey, my little one was conceived naturally after 10 years of ttc. He didn’t look like either of us when he was born. If I hadn’t seen him lifted from my tummy I would have sworn he was someone else’s. It wasn’t until about 12 weeks that I started to see a bit of a resemblance of both my partner and me. He actually now looks a bit like one of his grandparents. Xx

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ChrisWest1983

I am more crazy than you 🙈 i conceived naturally, i have Mousie grey hair, my partner very dark but my little 2 m old girl has slightly ginger hair...

I plan to do a DNA test at some point, just to be sure. I still don't know my baby girls blood test results.

My son on other hand has blue eyes, though both his parents have green (25% chance if getting blue) .. then again : both my parents have blue eyes and we, 3 kids have green (1% of chance!) and 2 blue eyed kids ... There's always a possibility ...

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gcw104

Mine don’t look like me either I’m half Chinese/white dark hair brown eyes my ex husband is mousey with ginger in his family brown/hazel eyes. My eldest at birth/toddler blonde curls with bright blue eyes now mousey with green/blue eyes. My 2nd has chestnut hair brown eyes and freckles. Mine were natural conception too.

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