Serious relationship issues and I'm pregnant - NCT

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Serious relationship issues and I'm pregnant

Sheila8512
Sheila8512
18 Replies

I'm 38 years old and I'm 10 weeks pregnant. Have had no emotional support from my husband or his family whatsoever. Every time I get into an argument with my husband he says: "Get an abortion and then a divorce". He didn't really want to have a baby. He only did this because I wanted a baby. But now I feel he regrets it. He already has a kid from a previous marriage.

I don't believe that he really wants a divorce. I think he just says that to hurt me.

I feel so lonely in this. I'm not sure what do to. The last thing I wanna do is to go through the pregnancy alone. Plus I will have to stay in touch with him for the rest of my life anyway because of the baby. I need some advice please!

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KCLou

Sorry you’re going through this, it’s the last thing you need when you’re pregnant and emotional anyway.

No matter what’s happened, your husband should never say things like that to you and it’s 100% out of line. You need to have a proper sit down conversation so he can open up about his feelings. He might need some time to get used to the idea and may even feel differently once you have a scan/bump.

Please don’t put up with this if it doesn’t get any better- it’s not good for you or the baby. Good luck lovely xx

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Sheila8512
Sheila8512
in reply to KCLou

Thanks a lot for the support and the advice. It was very helpful to get a different perspective.

xx

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leighri

You are never alone God loves you x

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copperkettle8

KClou is right, he shouldn't be saying these things to you. and there's no excuse for them, but it could be a way of expressing some difficulties he's experiencing emotionally that aren't as black and white as that. For my partner, who has kids from a previous broken down relationship, I think having another baby has brought up lots of anxieties about what went wrong last time so during the pregnancy and since baby was born he has needed a lot of reassurance that our relationship is okay.

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fatimaziz

I’m soooo Sorry you are facing this choice especially at a precious time like this . I have seen many toxic relationships dragged on only for the sake of “children” . What you need to ask yourself is , is this fixable ? If yes try to communicate with him if nothing works next question to ask yourself is what’s better for me and my child? The child/children suffer more due to bad home environment . Their personalities face irreplaceable harm , nothing is worth that . Choose wisely and walk away in time to give yourself less stress in the future . Best of luck , lots of prayers

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JLew

Oh love, honestly I would have replied "Get a divorce and raise our child alone." I know pregnancy seems daunting alone? But if he can speak to you like that, then who knows how he will treat his child?

Is this your first child?

Give him an option. This isn't about you and him any longer as such. The child comes first and your job is to protect them from harm whether that be emotional warfare or emotional abuse which is what this is. Tell him you can have the divorce but the baby is staying.

"You either take the baby and I together or you can leave right now." A difficult decision but if you think he is bluffing call him out. Have you got the support of your family?

Presumably, he knows from his previous relationship that high levels stress have correlated with miscarriages. Ask yourself is he trying to stress you out? Sit down and talk. Ask him are you trying to intentionally hurt me with your words? X

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Sheila8512
Sheila8512
in reply to JLew

Yes this is my first child. I have no family here unfortunately. But he's got all his family members living within minutes of our home.

My guess is that he is trying intentionally to hurt me with his words.

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JLew
JLew
in reply to Sheila8512

Hi love, you really don't need that type of negativity. It will deprive you of a chance of having a beautiful child. That is a shame. Can you confide in anyone and let them know what's going on?

Honestly, he doesn't need to be a part of the babies life if he doesnt want to. He certainly should not be treating you this way normally never mind when you are pregnant.

These are indicators of future behaviour. Please, notice the red flags now before it's too late. Although, we say hurtful things when angry. This is in excusable as a child cannot defend their self and to/about his own child which I would never dream of saying nor my partner. My partner was scared about finding out I was pregnant but he accepted it. Be careful, I personally would be gone. These are red flags that I noticed from a previous relationship of my own that turned abusive both mentally and physically. I simply, ignored them and we have split but I have a beautiful child with my partner of nearly 5 years now and he treats me like a goddess bless him. There is light at the end of the tunnel even if it seems bleak if you do leave. Being a single mum is hard but worth it. Just think you would be doing the same amount of work if you were with him, you would just be unhappy. X

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Edith22

There’s no reason for him to be in your life forever . He don’t want the baby & that’s the end of that in my opinion.I know it’s hard because I went through something similar . What really helped me was to surround myself with positive people like family & friends . Everything will fall into place...slowly... you just need to be strong for you & your baby. Maybe things get better with time & it’s just a phase he’s going through & all he needs is time to let everything sink in. My Best wishes for you , positive thoughts only🙂

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SC22

This is absolutely awful that you are going through this and your husband is beyond way out of line. He sounds like a selfish person who doesn’t deserve both you or your baby. Please get yourself out of that situation, you and your baby deserve better. Can you move back to where your family and friends are? Being a single mum is far better than being in an emotional abusive and unloving marriage. I know it takes a lot of courage to stand up and leave...however let it be the first thing you do as a mum and for your child...this is not a partnership and a husband should never say anything like this to his wife. Please pack your things and never look back. He doesn’t want you or your baby...and whilst that is very sad and awful, it’s far worse to stay with a pour excuse of a man like that. He should be very ashamed of himself however people like him usually aren’t as they don’t have the insight. He sounds like a narcissist. Please run....be strong, love yourself and your baby enough to move on for a better life. It’ll be hard at first but much easier in the long run and you’ll find the happiness and love you deserve! I truly hope you have family and friends you can ask for help and get moving! A man like him will not change! Look at his past...I’m

Sure it’ll tell you a lot about him. All the best! Xx

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Sheila8512
Sheila8512
in reply to SC22

So aside from the difficulty of being a single mom, I'm also thinking that if I'm divorced, he will want to have visitation rights and I can't imagine him taking my baby away even if it's for a couple hours (knowing that he doesn't want this baby). I guess I will be connected with him for the rest of my life regardless of what I do.

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Lizzielizzielizzie

If he doesn’t want the baby why would he want visitation rights?

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Lauj
Lauj
in reply to Sheila8512

If he doesn't go on the birth certificate he won't have any parental rights. He might feel completely different once the baby arrives but you have to do what's best for you. As a single mum its the best thing I've ever done, I can't imagine my life without my son now. You've got this and sounds like you will better off without your husband x

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JLew
JLew
in reply to Sheila8512

If he doesn't go with you to register the birth then technically he isn't legally allowed visitation. X

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JLew
JLew
in reply to Sheila8512

Also, keep messages or texts of him saying it and show it to the court. If it ever came to that. Even print them if you have to or keep two copies x

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fluffypumpkin

Have you seen this teenage boy/idiot style of communication before in him or is it new with the pregnancy? If it’s new maybe sitting down and talking with him, or even to some of his female relatives might have an effect.

If it’s how he communicates every time you fight, then it’s different.

Pregnancy and having a baby is hard, even with a supportive partner; it’s much harder on your own. And it’s intolerable when it involves an extra big baby whose feelings have to be navigated every time you come across a pressure point.

Like the other posters, I really hope you can find some peace with this.

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Sheila8512

Yeah. His style of communication has always been this way. I guess it just hurts more these days.

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Jadieepoos

I would say sit down and talk to him about everything and what he’s making you feel like with it and not being funny this is it now your having a baby.

He also may be thinking of what happened in his last relationship and be worrying that may happen again now your having a baby as my sisters partner was the same at the beginning and now they are so happy!

Always here if you want a chat about anything x

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