NCT

43,667 members • 15,012 posts

Baby bonds more with her daddy than me

Hi there,

I have a 4 month old baby who I love so much but she seems to bond more with my husband than me and it pains me every time. My husband doesn't have to do much to make her smile/laugh whereas I have to sing songs, read stories, constantly entertain her to get a smile. What am I doing wrong? I bf her thinking that's the closest way for us to bond but it seems I'm only useful in providing her milk and that's it. It hurts me so much.

20 Replies

•

Could it be because he’s at work all day? My hubby works 8-6.30 during the week and when he gets home she squeals and gets so excited whereas I don’t get that so much. Also my little girl is very clingy to me at the moment and it is lovely but very hard work so I’m sure it will change for you soon they just go through phases

He's a gas engineer so some days he'll be away for work but recently he's not had many jobs so he's been at home with us (very grateful for that).

Is your other half at work all day? My LG gets so excited when her daddy walks through the door after work, legs and arms kicking away and biggest smile. Where I could go away for a weekend, come home and I get like normal smile. X

That's exactly it, if I'm out with her all day and we come back home she instantly smiles at her dad.

Your her world and she loves you too bits. Daddy is like a treat who she misses when he’s not there so when he comes home, she’s like ooo daddy is home. Just remember you are doing an amazing job and your little girl loves you x

Thank you so much!! I feel better knowing this is all normal and getting the reassurance from all you lovely people!

Really don't worry about not having a bond with your baby. You have! You are her world. You are there for her every day, feeding and caring, keeping her alive. In her baby mind, she doesn't yet know that you are a separate being to herself.

Your husband is something exciting and new (I'm guessing he is back at work), who comes home after a day of mum. Her reaction to him doesn't mean she doesn't adore you.

Thank you so much for the reassurance, I really needed it. I kept wondering what else am I not doing and the more i thought about it the more upset I got. It's silly I know...

It's not silly at all. It's exhausting and sometimes you just need that little smile or laugh to reassure you you're doing a good job!

Exactly!!

Ah it's really not silly. I echo everything kempton said. It's quite normal to feel like you do I'm sure, I'm a bit ashamed to admit I would get jealous/resentful by DS would give the same beaming grin to my OH where I had been up with him all night, entertaining him all day, and my OH would drift in late in the evening (after work, hobbies and the pub!) when I was frazzled and my baby would BEAM the same smile I'd been working for all day. Thing is, like kempton said, I know that my baby and I have this immeasurable bond, so I then just became glad that my baby and his dad were bonding. Cause I bet the dad's do feel a bit left out when a baby is BF. Don't feel bad or silly, you're doing an amazing job! Keep being brilliant xx

Thank-you so much, so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling jealous when I don't get a smile or laugh in return!

You’re her constant he’s like a treat ❤️

Too young to know, but when she does you’ll feel it tenfold xxx

You're right, she really does see him like a treat! I'm expecting too much from a 4 month old aren't I...

That’s completely normal. Daddy is a new face when he strolls in and picks her up! She’s only 4 months so give her time. She’ll be a completely different baby when she gets to 9 months and really starts interacting with you. X

You're so right, only 4 months so I need to learn to be patient and give her time. Thanks so much for the advice!

Initially ( about the same time) my LO only smiles and laugh with daddy and his silly dance and jokes that does not make sense.

His 7 months old now and stick to me like a Velcro tape, or a little koala. Enjoy your time if LO prefer daddy that gives you some time to go do other things ie shower, bath, eat some deserts, etc.

That's good to know! You're right, before she gets attached I should really enjoy the time to do my own thing. Eating desserts is right up my street

I don't see many mums who this doesn't happen to. It seems so unfair doesn't it? You are the one who does absolutely everything for her and he gets the good bit. I resented my husband, didn't think it was fair until she wasn't well one time. She was surgically attached to me then. My husband tried to give me a break but she just screamed and held her arms out to me. I was her security and her everything. Then my husband felt unloved and unwanted. Babies are funny little things they allocate roles to their caregivers. You get used to it when you can understand better the way they tick.

So true, it does feel unfair and sometimes I hate myself for feeling jealous because I should be happy that she bonds with her daddy but you are so right, when we have to do everything from looking after the baby to laundry to just housework in general you think wow why can't I get a smile or a laugh lol.

The resentment is too real..again I feel bad for resenting my husband!

You're right about the comfort, when I think about it she comes to me when she's over tired or upset so it does give me some hope that I'm not useless!