Me again always moaning. My LG is 3months old and I'm really struggling. Not just with her but with everything. We've just moved into our new home we can barely afford and all my partner does is moan about it. Yet I've had to set all the bills up and get things running. And if anything is wrong my Partney just tells me to call these people or call so and so and If I complain he tells me that he works and I should go to work every day and hell sit at home and do nothing. I don't get a break from my baby at all. I've fallen out with some family and my sister has 2kids herself and my mum lives 5hrs away so it's just me and him as his parents work and are about half an hour away. Today I asked him to have our child for a bit and he replied "why so you can go sit on your phone" I literally felt like screaming at him. As he doesn't understand that I deserve a break as well. It's just been a shit situation since moving in. Before all this my parents kicked me out at 32wks pregnant and i ended up living with my partner at his parents then our LG came 6wks early and since then I've struggled. All I want to do is eat and sleep, I feel really frumpy and my partner pesters for sex which I really have no care for. Our LG cries a lot and we don't know why, she's been to the drs who say she's fine. She's going through a growth spurt at the moment and is miserable all the time and is so demanding. I also have 1 friend who lives a distance and is always so busy. So yeah I feel like shit.
Struggling : Me again always moaning... - Pregnancy and Par...
Struggling
My lovely that really is a lot for you.
It seems being put out of your parents has forced the move in with your partner which you might not have done so everything will be new and stressful anyway. Add a new baby in and wow over drive.
you are entitled to expect your partner to help. It’s bloody hard work being mummy 24/7.
Can you go and stay at your mums for a few nights/week for a break. If you can get on a train and go. If your not ok that will reflect on baby which is maybe why she is crying. They are clever little things and you are her world.
If you can’t can his parents give you a break? If not is there support in your area. It’s really really important you get support.
After a baby we all feel frumpy. We see the clothes we used to wear and can’t fit into but remember it took nine months to grow baby we don’t fall back to how we were overnight. Just remember what a superwoman you have been growing and delivering her.
Does your partner work 7 days? If not ask him to take baby even for a short time. If he gets a day of so should you.
Remember you and baby are priority do whatever you have to to make you both happy and safe.
It’s probably not been a helpful reply as I’m sure you know what I have said anyway just was worried about you and didn’t want to skim past. Sending a big hug xxx
Thank you for your reply. It is hard having someone to look after 24/7. I try and explain to my partner that it's mentally draining. And no he works 5days a week and gets weekends off so theres no excuse, but i always have to ask him to look after her and its only w ery for 2hrs max. But he also moans if I suggest for someone to have her as he doesn't like the thought of her just being offloaded to someone else. He also has 2 other children we see every other weekend and he can't cope with all 3 on his own even tho there 6 and 9. I think I'm finding it hard as I feel really lonely like I said I have 1 friend who I hardly see and I'm stuck indoors all the time as we don't have the money to go out. And I don't live near anything close enough to walk to. So I've gone from being stuck in one bedroom to being stuck in a house which I thought would change things but it hasn't. But I'm hoping to start going to baby groups but I'm quite shy. We've just been really snappy at each other today there's always so much tension.
Please please try and talk to someone and get some local support. Maybe DianeArnold could give some recommendations.
ChrisWest1983 words about the weather are very good and remember a flower can’t blossom without some sunshine.
Remember you are amazing and deserve happiness for you and baby xxx
He sounds like a typical man. He's tired be wise if working 8-5 but you're not supposed to be tired working 24/7...
My partner never helped with our baby , but we did not have a financial struggle, so I would not need to worry about bills or food etc. But it was a hard job. My boy was unsettled most times too- he had reflux, for months he screamed few hours every evening.... I thought I'll go mad...
I have all sympathy for you.
I have been a nanny for so many years and being a nanny, even living with the families and being governesse and taking care of babies 24/7 was never as exhausting and mentally draining as looking after my own son. He's so demanding and so strong willed, like no other kid.
Some babies are so easy going and calm. Mine was not, and sounds like yours isn't or has some health issues that does not let baby settle therefore all my heart goes to you !
Be strong! Be there for your baby! And I know, I'll sound maybe stupid or something, but I hope either your man will change or you'll find a better one, as living a hell is no beneficial neither for you, neither for your baby! Hopefully, when baby will be bigger, he'll have sense of being more dad, more helpful!
You can do this!
Life is life. Just like weather : o e day sunny, then raining ... But if it's raining all year through and you hate the wet weather - then it's worth of thinking about moving the place where you live!
Hugs!
Just have to defend men here. I don’t think he sounds like a typical man!
He sounds incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. Having a newborn is hard work and it never stops. When he comes home from work he should totally hold the baby and let mummy have a shower, a rest, whatever. He gets to eat and poo by himself all day long.... and weekends off.
To be demanding sex just tops it all off! I’ve got a 13 week old, Baby No3, and my husband wouldn’t even dare ask for sex now as he knows I’d bite his head off 
Both my son and I have health issues and are still in hospital all lot, but still.
This isn’t just YOUR baby, it’s both of yours and he doesn’t seem to care much about either of you. Apart from the ‘I’m working, you’re just sat at home’, does he not want to get to know his new baby, snuggle of, create a relationship?
It seems you have a lack of support and I’d recommend talking to your health visitor or ask your GP for local support services, they do exist. None of the health care professionals will want to see you struggle, but they might not know how you feel, especially when you’ve just moved to a new area. There is no excuse for your partner to not help but it might be that it needs someone else to have a chat to him other than you.
Ps: also, even if there’s not much going on, try and just go out for a walk. A bit of fresh air and the feeling of being part of a world outside your own 4 walls can make a difference.
You say you live too far from places... but if there is a library nearby they may have rhyme time or story time, which is free.
Otherwise maybe also look on YouTube for ideas of baby massage. You just need some oil (household oil will do!) and create some lovey time with your little one. That can also help in dark days..!
Thank you. He can be a bit selfish, like this morning I went for a shower and did my makeup and he moaned because it took me 1.5hrs lol yet we're not going out until her next feed which is an hour later. He also complained that he missed out on her doing things yet doesn't spend long enough with her. There is a baby centre in town where I can get her weighed and they do a stay and play so next week I'm gonna be brave and go and if I talk to anyone that'll be a bonus. I still need to register us with the new drs and health visitor but once I do that I'll try and get an appointment with either and see what they can suggest. And I really want to do more with my child that her just screaming or just being held. With had a bath together which she loved so I was hoping to try swimming with her. We're just really stressed as the lack of money we're so worried about paying bills and waiting to see if we're entitled to anything from universal credit which is meant to be today but it's not saying anything so we've had to borrow money for rent. And if we're not entitled to anything then I don't know what we're meant to do as we can't go back to my partners parents house.
The children centres activities are usually around £2.50 but you can get them for free if you’re struggling financially, so definitely worth checking.
It can be hard joining local groups initially, especially if other mums already know each other. And because everyone is chatting away, sometimes they don’t even notice they’re excluding you! I’ve been at both ends Totally worth doing though!
And the Heath Visitors can be amazing. After I had No1 my son had terrible colic, my dad died, we had moved to a new house with full on renovations, and got married. I was a mess and just had to call and she used to come round mine to chat, hold him etc.
I think the centre here is a donation of £1.50 luckily. But we have foot and mouth going around so I won't be going anywhere for a while lol. But we finally got some good news with the money side so I can afford to do little bits with her now. Our current health visitor is lovely but once I get her registered in the new area I'm hoping the new one will be just as nice.
You're one lucky woman SilkeP! Most my friends are with the men with the mindset : "I work, but you sit at home. When I finish work I want to relax."
My partners friend has just come over and he has that mind set that we sit around doing nothing with the baby just watching TV. And we should be able to clean while holding the baby and get ear plugs! . And how he would never get up and do night feeds if he had to work. It ended up with an argument as my partner said that he'd happily stay at home and I go to work. it made me so angry. I don't know why men think it's so easy! I also explained that when my maternity is over I'll be going banc to work but doing evenings so I'll have her during the day. Work then start it all again the next day. To which he replied "well ill be having her when I get home" she sleeps in the evening as is really good so it'll be mega easy for him!
I don’t know dads like that, and think that’s an unbelievable attitudes, sorry 😐
Thank you for the reply. My baby suffers with reflux and cried a lot when trying to pass wind but that's getting better. I had a cry yesterday and he asked what was wrong so I told him that it's hard trying to care for her who is so demanding which he knows because as soon as you walk out the room she's screaming so you can't get much done. I explained that at the weekends I'd like him to have her for a couple of hours without complaining. And with our money and housing situation to not put it all on me to sort out. And about how I feel about myself. He just replied with "he'll try" so who knows. But I'm hoping to be able to get out with her and do much more with her and get her interested in other things than just being held by me lol.
That's very positive- I hope he'll make more effort for sake of all of you, as that's what most of us we want: a loving & happy & healthy family! ♥️
And yes, as they say : days are long but years are short! Not long and she'll be interested in many other things and will want more stimulation, than just cuddling and being held.
When I was pregnant, I thought that baby stage will be the one I'll love the most- marking all the milestones , but I was so wrong! It was hard for us. Now he just turned 2, kindling words together and making jokes , trying to sing - it's more enjoyable than just crying baby.
Fingers crossed that your financial situation will change soon and less stress will hopefully bring
Harmony & happiness again in your relationship!x
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
struggling to get baby to nap/sleep
Short Femur Length and falling more behind as weeks go on
Life with a 10 week old baby
I'm about to be a dad, advice on mental load.
Second baby and c-section tips please
Toddler making bad behaviour personal
Baby sleeping - advice please 
Potty training - when and how to start 
First baby in our lives
Toddler crying on waking 
