Wish I could shift this anxiety!

[E_05]

I feel like I need somewhere to write my thoughts down so sorry If it seems like I’m always repeating myself.

I’m pretty sure most of you know how anxious I’ve been throughout this pregnancy, tomorrow is 4 weeks until I’m being induced and I feel like with every day that gets closer my anxiety’s rising , it’s like I’m so close now I don’t want this to be snatched away. For anyone who’s done IVF I feel like I’m back in the longest tww ever!

My husband is working long hours as he travels a distance to work now and I think having more time with my thoughts isn’t helping but then I’m to tired to keep being on the go all the time.

We’d originally agreed that we wouldn’t decorate the nursery until baby was safely here but now he wants to start decorating and it’s really thrown me, Im scared il have a decorated room and no baby to being home but I also don’t want to be a downer on his excitement. We still haven’t brought anything apart from a handful of baby grows but I’ve got in my head by the end of the month il order the next to me crib, car seat, etc.

Please don’t tell me it’s unlikely that anything bad will happen now as I’m not able to think like that, I still haven’t even been able to have a bath because of the fear of something bad happening - obviously I’ve had a shower.

If anyone has any coping techniques please pass them on to me, I’d be very grateful.

[Lou9]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. As you know I can totally relate to your feelings and know that nothing anyone says will take the worry away. The only thing that will stop these feelings are being handed your precious baby and that WILL be happening very soon. I’m sorry I don’t really have any coping strategies, I wish I did. I know this sounds silly but I did start a book a few weeks before I went in to be induced and that gave me a bit of escapism (it was Elenor Oliphant is Completely Fine in case you wanted any recommendations).

If you can, maybe allow your husband to start decorating the room... I know it’s hard. If you find it too stressful you could just watch from the sidelines, that’s what I did (we decorated about 4 weeks before) and it actually really helped. Just take things slowly, even start by cleaning the windows or painting the skirting boards (your husband, not you!)... you could set yourself a task to do every week until baby arrives. Thinking of you!!! Xx

[E_05 in reply to Lou9]

Thank you so much, that’s a good idea about a book I’ll have a look at that one. I’ve downloaded a hypno birthing course as I’ve read that might help my anxiety during being induced and labour so guess it’s worth a try.

We’ve currently got the room set up as a spare room so I was thinking of letting him move the stuff out this weekend and just taking it in small steps.

Hope you and your daughter are well? Xx

[Lou9 in reply to E_05]

Hypnobirthing is a great idea. I ended up doing something called BirthRocks to help with my anxiety, you’ve just reminded me! It was a lovely lady who was a positive birthing mentor and she came to our house two Sundays in a row, parts of it were similar to hypnobirthing. We loved it, can’t believe I forgot to mention it. I also listened to a hypnobirthing track every night in bed. Which book did you download? My friend read Your Baby Your Birth and said it helped her so much. My daughter and I are both really well thank you, loving every minute. There will be and end to your anxiety, I’m rooting for you!! Xx

[E_05 in reply to Lou9]

Ah glad you found hypnobirthing beneficial, hopefully I can get into that course and it might help with some of my anxiety now. My midwife lent me a book, let birth be born again. She said it’s an old book but really focuses on a positive birth and good positioning so il see how it goes, I might end up trying one you’ve suggested.

Thank you, so glad you’re both doing good xx

[NMP1026]

Hey lovely

You have been through so much. I'm not at all surprised you feel like this. We havent been through half as much as you but experienced extreme anxiety and couldn't relax until our little girl was safely in our arms. My partner was also terrified. We bought things very last minute. What helped us was an NCT class which helped us to realise that it was actually happening. Also your little one is doing amazing. It helped me to think of how she was beating the odds and how special she was to make it so far. We didnt get lots of things just thr basics. We couldn't cope with having everything and something going wrong. Once you start shopping you will hopefully be able to slowly move away from what has been to what is to come. Your little one needs you to be strong sweetheart. I do realise this is far easier said than done. I hope you dont think I'm being horrible. Sending you hugs xxx

[E_05 in reply to NMP1026]

Thank you, no of course I don’t I appreciate the advice. I’ve got a class next Friday and I think you’re right maybe that will help some days I still can’t believe there’s an actual baby growing inside of me. It’s like we spend so long on the infertility wheel we get caught up with treatment being the norm.

Hope you and your little girl are doing well xx

[NMP1026 in reply to E_05]

Aww bless you hun. I dont think it sinks in until they are actually here and then you wonder whether they are actually yours lol. Be kind to yourself lovely lady. You truly deserve this and everything will be fine. You have come so far and your little one will be in your loving arms before you know it. If you want to chat dont hesitate to get in touch. Sending you a big big hug xx

[Hidden]

I’ve got no advice but just know your not alone. I found getting closer to due date really difficult and then she was 12 days late too! I was terrified something would happen to her and we would have to deal with returning stuff etc.

All I did to pass the time to try and stop thinking about it was meet up with friends and family, lots of reading, sleeping and Netflix.

Big hugs. You’ll forget all about this when baby arrives ❤️ xx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I know I can’t wait to just know baby’s safely here and be able to enjoy life again. You did so well to go 12 days over, mentally I can’t even think about making it to 40 weeks. Think I’m going to try and get stuck into a good book, see if that helps.

Hope you and your little girl are well xx

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

I don’t know how I managed 12 days but my midwife did not give two hoots as to how I was feeling so I had no choice. My poor hubby bore the brunt of it. I really hope some of the other suggestions from people help a bit xx

[Binky1983]

I know how you feel to a point. Although not an ivf pregnancy it took us a while to get here and now pregnant with our rainbow. I don’t have any coping mechanisms,as such but I have found the more I let myself buy things and the more I focus on the end which is having our baby alive and well the less stressed I feel. I keep allowing the excitement in more and more. I still over anyalyse everything and panic and I worry about baby movement but I’m doing my best to focus on the excitement and not let my anxiety get in the way of enjoying it. I’ve got 9 weeks until I’m due, so it’s not long to go and 4 weeks is no time at all in the grand scheme of things and will be here before you know it even if it does feel like it’s dragging now. Xx

[E_05 in reply to Binky1983]

Thank you, the movements are definitely my biggest obsession and probably what causes most of my anxiety. I know you’re right that I do need to think positively and maybe on the better days I’ll be able to do that. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well x

[MrsH007]

I can totally relate to you and it’s weirdly comforting to know I’m not the only one who secretly worries while everyone else is asking about names and if I will come back to work. I just try and get through each day with the bouts of anxiety where I imagine all that could go wrong and I end up crying thinking of the pain others have been through. I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my life.

I too am going to be induced at 38 weeks (5 and half weeks to go) and I am also petrified. Going to start doing some hypno reading this weekend, please update as to how you get on with it and share any advice.

I prayer all is well for both 🙏🏻💓

[E_05 in reply to MrsH007]

Thank you, like you say it does help knowing others feel similarly it’s like I’m not totally crazy in how I feel. I hope the time passes quickly for us both and we’ll soon be holding our healthy baby’s. Message me anytime if you want a chat or to vent your worries xx

[Lovefood1984]

I can’t offer any advice I’m afraid as I felt better after the 24 week mark and was in denial I’d even have to give birth (as this bit scared me more 😂) I’m also organised so the thought of only buying stuff so late would have panicked me 😊 I just wanted to say I hope you can find something to help and get you through the next few weeks, it won’t be long until your miracle arrives and keep us all up to date x

[E_05 in reply to Lovefood1984]

Thank you, I will do x

[copperkettle4]

I've not reached your point - being at 26 weeks with my first myself, but I have struggled with anxiety lately which for me I think is largely down to the amount of stuff it feels like there is to do before baby arrives and the changes I know are coming in my life. I have signed up to the Headspace app and been doing these every day, plus a bit of swimming and thats helping me loads with my anxieties so that could be something to try. Also hypnobirthing sounds like a great plan - I'm just embarking on an online hypnobirthing course, hoping it makes the birth things seem less scary when the time comes!

[E_05 in reply to copperkettle4]

I’ve heard good things about head space so I might give that a go. Strangely I’m not worried about labour or giving birth just purely the build up to getting there. I hope your pregnancy continues to go well x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Give yourself permission to prepare for this baby but ask someone you trust to be on standby to come and clear your house if something goes wrong and baby never comes home. I did this and it meant I knew I had a plan. You really need to get prepared now or you’re going to make things hard for yourself when you have a newborn.

[E_05 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thank you, that’s a good idea about having someone on standby. I know what I want to buy and have told myself next weekend il order them.

Hope you and Phoebe are doing well x

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to E_05]

Good for you. Xx

[kt_11]

Are you seeing anyone about the anxiety? I can’t remember if you said you’ve had any counselling etc. If not, I’d definitely recommend considering this.

I would agree with the suggestions for hypnobirthing. I found it incredibly helpful during the labour and birth. As well as the breathing techniques there is an emphasis on positive affirmations, many of which are about trusting your body to safely give birth to your baby which may help to counteract the negative thoughts you might be having. Never thought it’d be for me but it really helped.

On the practical preparation side of things, I felt very much the same as you. I didn’t buy a lot of things until quite late as I had visions of not having a baby to bring home (no good reason for these thoughts, just my anxiety). We ended up getting a lot of the things delivered to my parents’ house to help with this issue. Not sure if that’s an option?

With regard to the nursery, if it really bothers you, could you just compromise and clear it out and paint it like a spare room but not decorate as a nursery? It’s recommended that baby sleeps in with you until 6 months so most of the beautiful nurseries that people prepare end up empty for ages anyway. My little boy’s bedroom didn’t get done until he was 7 months old and ready to move into it. By that time he had his own little personality and we decorated in a way that we felt suited him.

xx

[E_05 in reply to kt_11]

Yeah I’ve had CBT and have got really good support from a midwife who I really trust and am able to speak to about my worries.

It’s good to hear lots of positivity about hypnobirthing I was a bit anti it to begin with but thought anything’s worth trying especially if it helps relax me during induction.

I spoke to my mum yesterday and we’re going to get the pram delivered to hers and just keep the next to me crib and car seat at ours but in the spare room. That’s a good idea, I think il suggest to him he just paints it a neutral colour then he still feels like he’s doing what he needs to.

Hope you and your little boy are well xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to E_05]

Second this! Our nursery is magnolia and we added transfers and a kids blind so not too much work to transform a neutral room into something more baby friendly.