Finding it hard to let everyone hold my newborn and te... - NCT


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Finding it hard to let everyone hold my newborn and tell me how to take care of him

Imo93 profile image

I don't know if this is normal but my beautiful baby boy is 3 weeks old already and my mother has came to visit me for the week and is driving me crazy telling me what to do with him or I'm doing something wrong and is constantly holding him all the time. I understand it is her grandson and she is only here for the week and won't see him again till April but I'm finding it difficult not to scream at her as she's driving me insane! Also with it being Christmas the little man was passed around to everyone like a doll and I'm feeling very protective of him and finding it difficult to not say anything or take him for myself. Is this normal? Anyone else experience this?

8 Replies

I had this with my first as was the first grandchild on each side i had to mention it but in a nice way i just had to say i need you to back off a little as i want to learn my own way and if i am struggling and looking for advice ill come and ask you for it. Makes it really difficult when its your close family and my mum wasnt best inpressed with it at first but was soon over it she did back off and let me get on with being a mummy and regarding the not wanting people to hold your little one i had a huge problem with his family holding my girls and i have no idea why i just wanted them to leave them as it was the same everyone wanted to hold and pass baby round and after a while it does get on your nerves its hard when i dont know your mum hiw do you think she would take you asking her ti back off n stop telling you how to do it? And to be honest things have changed so much from when your mum had children thing change all the tine i do feel for you its a tuff situation to be in x

We had this at christmas, (first baby, girl, a few weeks old on Christmas day) My mother was constantly telling my wife things and again the baby was passed around like a doll with my extended family all present.

We just grinned and took it, and left my mum's house by 6pm ( many family members were all staying the night) they were disappointed we were leaving, but its a balance that your family want to celebrate your first child, but you're still adjusting to having a child in the first place!

I'm sure next Christmas we'll be a lot more chilled out and stay the night, etc, she'll only be 12 months old, plus perhaps increase the times your mum sees the baby, if possible?, April is a long way off.

Yeah everyone does it you might get some helpful tips from experienced parents but you have to do things your way, and you decide when people hold him he’s not a toy.

I’m dreading this already and I’m not due till March. Passing the baby round from person to person doesn’t bother me, but people telling me what to do, is going to drive me mad. I know that they are probably only trying to help, but what they need too realise is that we will never learn or we may have our own ways of dealing with things. I remember when my SIL had her 1st and her mum was like do this, do that, it was making my blood boil just listening to that, so god knows how I’m going too fell when my little baby is here x

I think this is something that’s pretty normal but I imagine Christmas will just really intensify it, as it’s a time when there are loads of people around.

Looking back on when my little boy was just a few weeks old, it would’ve been so hard to find my feet and learn how to look after him whilst surrounded by people all the time so I think it’s really important to get some time to yourself with baby.

It probably feels hard to tell her without offending but might be worth a gentle chat from either yourself or your partner saying that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and could do with some space to get to know your little boy.

And I think it might need more than a gentle chat if she continues to tell you you’re doing things wrong. She probably just wants to help but it’s all new to you and you’re learning and don’t need putting down like that. She might have some really useful advice based on her experience but unless you were doing something really dangerous, there really isn’t ‘right or wrong’, just you getting to know your baby & what works best for him. I’m sure you’re doing great. Well done for managing a newborn at such a hectic time! x

I have had my mother in law & her sister over from Greece since my baby boy was 9 days old & I wish they would keep their opinions to theirselves! It's the same when his other relatives in Greece see photos of the baby too, they have to voice their opinions. Why does he have a dummy? Why on earth is he bottle fed? Oh he must be cold without 10 blankets on him & he is hungry every time he so much as whimpers! I was getting really annoyed with it so just said ( totally out of character for me ) that he is my baby & I decide how he is raised. This is meant to be such a special time so don't let people get you down! X

I didn't have problem with my daughter being passed around. She was the first. However do remember getting annoyed at the conflicting advice. My mom in particular would be constantly telling me how to look after baby whenever she visited did snap at times.

With baby number 2 I was mentally prepared for it so managed to hold my tongue. Still do getpeople tellung me how t9 do it although iv done once before lol it does grate you.

In terms passing baby around , take it as a compliment they care enough to fuss over your lil one. Think of this way , had baby been ignored u would felt worse.

I had this too. As a first time mum everyone expected me not to have a clue what I'm doing (even though have been a nanny for several years and have looked after many many babies)...your holding him wrong or for too long. Your not burping him right.... are you sure he shouldn't be wearing something a bit warmer ( heating on full blast but...ok) The worst was oh no look he likes it when I do it like this... this is what settles him...

I grinned and bared it for as long as I could but had to mention to my partner who thankfully told them back off I know what I'm doing. I think people forget that they too was a new mum once and had to learn on their own what's best for THEIR baby. All the excitement of a new baby seems to send people cookooo. They do back off though :) And congrats on your beautiful baby boy. Remember you guys know what's best for your baby. Xx

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