New: Pregnant and terrified despite it being planned?!

[Kestrel89]

The title sums it up really - totally new to all this, currently 6 weeks pregnant and definitely not feeling all the joy I should be feeling, given as it was planned. I'm 29, my partner and I have been together almost 10 years, and he is over the moon. We had made a decision that given as we both want a family and we are secure in our relationship, there was no longer any reason to wait, only more time to pass hoping we would magically feel 'ready', and increasingly higher chances of heartbreak the longer we left it. So we stopped contraception, and 4 months later I'm pregnant. Now, I knew it could happen straight away or take years, and I thought I was ok with that, but it turns out I'm now just in a blind panic. I suppose it could be the hormones making me feel wretched. I'm sorry if this post is insensitive to anyone who tried for a really long time, and I do know we have been lucky, so why don't I feel joy? I think perhaps I just feel so daunted by the prospect of pregnancy - getting huge and giving birth in July, and then having a newborn - that I'm struggling to look past that to the lovely bit that I had wanted, having a family with my partner. I'm also bizarrely feeling like I'm too young, and I worry about judgement, especially in my area and field where most of the parents I see around seem to be a lot older. Any advice on how to come to terms with this?

[Hidden]

Congratulations. I think these feelings are all normal. Even through I had IVF it didn’t stop me feeling terrified when I got a positive test. I think I had got it into my head I would never be pregnant. I was scared I would be a rubbish mum, would have no idea what to do, scared that when baby came I wouldn’t love them as much as I thought I would the list goes on. I was 28 when I got pregnant.

I think once you have your first scan all those fears will disappear. Seeing that little baby is amazing and the best feeling xx

[Kestrel89 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply, I'm sure you are right and whatever the journey you take to get to that positive test there's going to be an element of anxiety and fear - especially if you are an over-thinker like me!! I'm definitely having all the worries thinking how will this all pan out, will I love the baby, how will I give birth, do I actually possess any maternal instincts at all?! I even worry I'm ruining it for my partner by worrying so much when he just wants to get on with being happy and excited! Oh dear. I'm sure it will all settle...

[Hidden]

Having a kid is a scary thing especially first time, but honestly you just get on with it, I'm nervous about the birth of mine and it's my second lol. Also just because your pregnant it doesn't have to feel magical like you see in films, I've had a misscarriage and an ectopic and my baby was concieved through IVF so believe me my pregnancy so far hasn't been exciting, I've been a nervous wreck! Don't compare yourself to anyone else, it's obviously something you wanted with your partner so just relax and don't over think things, the baby will grow, you'll give birth and then taking care of a baby just comes natural, I don't think anyone knows how theyll be with a newborn until they have one xxxx

[Kestrel89 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply and I hope your pregnancy is going well! Yes i think there is an expectation based on popular culture that we have to be overjoyed and that's it... I think I might just be honest when I start telling people and they ask how I'm feeling, and just say 'terrified, actually!' But I'm sure you're right that it will just happen and it will be ok.

[destiny121]

Hi my lovely, firstly a massive congratulations, what wonderful news. My advice is take each day as it comes and soon you’ll be overwhelmed with excitement. You’re very early on into pregnancy so all what you feel is totally normal and expected...and don’t worry about what others may think... your 29 and that is a great age to be expecting a baby and just be thankful that you’re pregnant and you’ll soon have your little bundle of joy.... what a great Christmas it will be for you and your family... wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.....

Exciting 😊😘😘

[Kestrel89 in reply to destiny121]

Thankyou, it's nice to be reminded this is something to be really happy about!

[Hidden]

I think a lot of people feel abit panicky or not ready you really learn as you go and 29 is not young for babies 18 young. You’ll be fine I’m nearly 6 weeks I’m due 21 July well if we get that far hopefully.

[WeeMrsH]

I am terrified and we have tried for 6/7 years, 4 cycles of IVF and 3 miscarriages - I am overjoyed, but terrified at the same time! To be responsible for the care, safety and love of this little helpless life. But I know deep down we will be great parents, even if it won’t be easy. Just remember why you decided to have a family in the first place. Don’t think too much about it, heck I think if everyone did then no babies would be born 😳 . You’ll adjust and get used to being pregnant and once you see he or she on the scan, and feel them move in your tummy, I’m sure you will fall madly in love. Take care x

[Kestrel89 in reply to WeeMrsH]

Thankyou and I hope you are right! Glad I'm not the only one who is terrified... I do tend to over think things as well, maybe I need some mindfulness to help me through...

[MichelleGC1978]

Hi hun. Wow congratulations on your pregnancy 🙂 it's defo your hormones playing a big part in how your feeling. However don't build thing up, talk to family and friends plus professionals ie your doctors. Soon you will have a midwife to speak to, it can be very daunting having your first child, I'm 40 and I've got a 6 month old girl and a 14 year age gap between my other 4 boys (14,16,19,22) years old, I was alot younger than I hoped when I had my first and I remember how scary it was. But I surrounded myself with my family etc to help and talk to. Listen to your favourite music and relax. You WILL be fine. Talk to your partner and the best thing between the both of you will be communication. Please to not believe everything you read on the internet or in books. Keep taking to us on here and keep smiling xxx

[Kestrel89 in reply to MichelleGC1978]

Thankyou and yes, good reminder not to believe everything! I think growing up we are told getting pregnant will ruin your life, and actually its become ingrained in me even as an adult, which is a shame.

[JessRose]

This is completely normal...

Our baby was a lovely surprise, but at the time of the positive test, me and my partner were absolutely terrified of what was to come. It took us a few weeks to settle about it but even now we are still slightly worrying about how things are going to work when she arrives. We know we are so lucky to just of got pregnant now, I think we would of just kept holding out and working on the business and “not finding time” to start a family.

We also have a CF gene running through his side of the family, and I hadn’t had the test prior to the positive test (I would of been more prepared if Baby was planned, but things don’t always work out like what you had them in your head). It was always going to be get a house, get a dog, get married, have kids. However, marriage and kids have swapped places for us! And I’m still waiting for a ring! 😂

I was a nervous wreck up until my first scan (and I had even had good results back from our CF tests - I rushed them in as soon as we found out I was pregnant)! That first scan was absolutely magical and we’ve been overjoyed ever since! That’s when I started enjoying pregnancy. It will never stop the worry until your babies in your arms, and then I guess a different worry comes along for the rest of your parental life!

I’m just 26, we found out around my birthday and me and my partner have been together 3 years on babies due date. Despite all that I said above, we are so ready to meet our little girl next year and I love her with all my heart already. And Tom has turned to mush! 😂

Don’t worry that your not feeling the expected “norm” - not everybody does or will. Just give yourself time to adjust to the idea, we did and a couple of weeks later, it finally felt like it was actually us we were talking about!

[Kestrel89 in reply to JessRose]

Oh congratulations that's a lovely story! We're not married either, don't have permanent stable jobs, and currently live in an absolutely tiny rented thatched cottage in the middle of nowhere that is like a fairytale house but is falling apart at the seams!! So I keep having to remind myself that the baby won't care about any of that stuff...!!

[JessRose in reply to Kestrel89]

Our house is on the small side too and needs some work to make it feel a bit more homely, I keep saying we need to move, but that is now on the back burner at least another year or two. The baby will not care at all about where they are, so long as they are with you, your right!

Things will plan out how they are meant to, and everything will be ok. Your partner sounds really into this, so let him be the positive one whilst you adjust, you’ll get there. Look after yourself x

[emlou2906]

Congratulations on your pregnancy.... It can be scary at first and hormones don't help mine where all over the place when I found out I was pregnant with my some also like you we thought it may take a while especially after having a misscarige with our firs but very early on then I got pregnant 2 months after we where very lucky but all I kept thinking was am I ready and I too young (28) what if I'm not a good mum etc definitely was hormones we now have a Happy healthy 15 month old and have never looked back it took me a while to accept I was pregnant and things change (body lack of sleep etc) but If I could have I would have had my baby sooner can't imagine life without him he's such a blessing and tbh we just wing it Cz everyday is different and everyone has their own way of doing things you will. Find yours.. .. Just enjoy your pregnancy and in July your newborn and don't worry too much about the little things everything falls into place in its own ways but this feeling will pass good luck with you pregnancy x