12+1 weeks

[hspread]

me and my husband have decided to keep the baby, if im honest its still not what I want, I feel like such a crap mum right now, my husband is saying we will get by, I just keep asking how, I return to work in two months ( self employed ) can not take any more time off or we wont be able to afford are family, he says he will help out more, again how he works 6 days a week, I breastfeed my children so cant help with nights as my breasts don't respond to a pump, im exhausted all the time now so its only going to get worse, going to need a bigger car again, change the house round again putting me and husband on a sofa bed for years, he is saying he wont forgive me if I don't have the baby, baring in mind he wanted to abort the twins when we found out, and I was almost 18 weeks with them, all the precautions we took and this still happened he's like obviously its meant to be, I don't think so, I cant do it and I don't want to, sorry I needed to rant somewhere as apparently my feeling and what I want/ need is irrelevant

[Sisi14]

Aw fun it sounds like you have decided to keep baby but more for husband! Can’t you try combi feeding the twins now so you get a break and the husband can then feed them evening feeds so you get a break or go out for a bit just have a bit of you time. Xx

[hspread in reply to Sisi14]

neither of the twins will take a bottle, with have tried lots of different brands, even tried syringe and amelia just spat it out and aria refused by turning her head, we have tried everything to get them to feed its just not happening

[Sisi14 in reply to hspread]

How are you Hunni ? Xx

[hspread in reply to Sisi14]

i'm still a bit all over the place if im honest, so far no solutions to most of our problems but I do feel slightly reassured that we will figure it out, my husband is now looking for a higher paid job with less hours so he will earn the same but be home more, also I am just going to work fully from home until this baby arrives and then we will hire a nanny a few months later to look after the younger four when I need her to. I guess I am in a better head space now then I was a couple of weeks ago, I no longer hate the thought of another baby but I am still not excited, my husband has agreed to have a vasectomy so I am thrilled about that, this will definitely be the last baby

[Sisi14 in reply to hspread]

Oh bless you Hun , I suppose it feels like a rollercoaster with all the young ones and then an unexpected pregnancy too on top of going to work. Just take each day as it comes and I’m sure you will be fine hun ! Good news on your partner looking for different hours to help out at home and also on the vas operation too. I wish you and the family the very best . Xx

[jodr]

What an exhausting situation to be in i really feel for you. You are doing the best you can for your children. I remember breast feeding whilst pregnant and it takes every ounce of energy out of you..no wonder you aren't feeling like this is a good idea. The long and short of it is that it is your body. You are the one growing your baby you are the one feeding your other babies. It all sounds utterly exhausting! I guess you have to ask yourself whether you could live with the afterwards if you didn't keep this one... such a difficult situation to be in. Sit with the thought of not keeping it for a whole day quietly to ypurself you may feel that it's the right thing or you may decide that to get rid would be too much heart ache.

No body can judge you but you need to come to terms either way as they're getting bigger and it will be harder and more painful the longer you leave it/want to enjoy some of the pregnancy.

When my son was 4 months old and only been out of children's hospital 1.5 months I found out I was preggers again. Didn't know what to do felt I couldn't cope with another after trauma with LO and neither did my husband also meant new car new house new baby! But for me I couldn't live with myself for not keeping him and now I wouldn't change what we have for the world.

It is ultimately your decision you have to be happy as it is your body.

Take care of yourself

[hspread in reply to jodr]

and that is it exactly, I don't no if I could live with it, wondering the what ifs is what is killing me, I just worry so strongly about having 4 under 2.5, and all the worries that go with expanding a already large family, I don't no how we will cope

[roxannacar in reply to hspread]

Is adoption a plausible option?

[hspread in reply to roxannacar]

my husband would never allow it, I don't think its something I would be ok with either

[jodr in reply to hspread]

Yes 4 under 2.5 sounds insanely full on!!!!

However I think you are stronger than you realise look at what you are doing already! No matter how hard it is you Are Actually doing it!

Do you have a good support network around you that can allow you time to rest? I think you need that regardless. Could you afford childcare for the twins for a couple of mornings a week? Not trying to sway you either way but sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the thick of it.

Women are like tea bags you don't realise how strong we are until we're thrown in hot water

[hspread in reply to jodr]

my nursery don't take children until they are 2, my younger 3 will be with a childminder when I return to work apart from days I work from home, so will only be a couple days a week, my only real support right now is my husband and admittedly he is a fantastic father but he works a lot and cant take time off, my only other support is my mum but she is going through a lot right now dealing with cancer so I can not depend on her right now, I no will cope because I have to im just not looking forward to it, and that is what I hate because a baby is a gift, just wish I was excited and over joyed rather then wishing it wasn't happening

[jodr in reply to hspread]

Bless you...give yourself time. I agree a child is a gift.. even though it doesn't feel like it now when you are further on and can feel them wriggling around you may start to look forward to it more.

It sounds as though you have an awful lot on your plate with your mum as well so try and cut yourself some slack it sounds as if you are doing an amazing job already

[Georgina_D]

Please get some counselling urgently before deciding what to do. Legally in England it is a woman's choice whether to continue a pregnancy or not, regardless of boyfriend/husband x